Please Make Me Feel Better....

Well I can tell you as a mama of a 3 yr old and 1 yr old that sometimes one of them isn't getting what they need at the exact moment they need it cuz there's only one of me, and I am the mom! I mean who cares more than me, other than my husband, you know? It is hard when you have more than one child to look after and 4, well that's a handful! But children that are one are learning machines. Yesterday my one yr old was in the pots and pans cabinet and was matching up shapes and see which pots could fit inside other pots. That is learning at that age. If he is there and playing with children and toys, he's learning. When she smiles at him and talks to him, he's learning the world is a happy welcoming place. As long as he is safe and well taken care of, he's ok. Try not to worry unless you see something unsafe. The fact he is not clingy is a blessing, you would only feel worse if you knew he was crying for 2hrs!! Hang in there mama, it will be ok :D

I hear ya! All of my kids are in daycare...But since I know and trust the teacher and her assistant I know that they will give my kids the attention they need when it is appropriate...You would not be a good mother if you did not have these feelings...Completely normal....Ask yourself this, Does he seem happy when you pick him up? No injuries!, Well fed, Well rested from a nap? Does he get comforted when he cries? If the answer is yes, you can feel relief in knowing you made the best possible choice you could. Hang in there...I get to work before the kids wake up in the morning...!! Hugs!

Be thankful that your child is well adjusted and not needing that extra attention, I'm sure it's not bothering him as much as its bothering you. My guess is that he does get some one on one during the day... and the adults probably all love that he's got the personality he does.

It's really rude that you are just ASSuming that your son isn't getting any attention. How in the heck do you know he never gets any? While she's trying to calm the other child, do you think she never speaks to your son? Also, do you really think she's going to sit and rock the cryer for 2 hours? That's not likely at all. After awhile, life goes on and the cryer is the one that's being left to figure things out or put to bed or distracted with food etc.

I'm sorry you don't feel good about things. But I'm getting more than a little tired of people making assumptions about the day their child is having. Have you ASKED her what learning goes on all day? He's 1. How much learning do you think is going to happen that isn't happening naturally through play and exploration? I could sit here and explain to you all kinds of ways a 1 year old learns. But most of it isn't going to be organized like flash cards, your baby can read, etc.

It may not make you "FEEL" better by telling you that your assumptions are probably wrong. But I honestly believe you aren't giving your provider any credit at all and you certainly aren't communicating very well if you are feeling this way.

Well it is a balancing act in any child care situation. No your child will not be held all the time in any group setting, but I find it odd she doesn't pick him up and give him some cuddles when you drop off to help ease the transition.
I have only had my children in centers and there are usually two teachers in the room and they are able to have one entertain the kids who are already there playing/eating and one who is able to come and welcome the child and the parent and ease them into their day.
Now, during the day there is opportunity for books, play centers, play doug, painting, etc that give the teacher one-on-one opportunities with each of the kids. If she is not making that effort time to find a different arrangement because the ammount of learning that can be acheived (about the world around them, behavior, sensory, etc) is pretty amazing even at age 2!
give your local resource and referral service a call to see what other centers/in-home options are available in your price range. to find them google NACCRRA (national association of child care resource & referral agencies). They were a huge help to me for after school care, but the cover the gambit. good luck!

Poor mama, I understand how you feel. Your feelings are normal of a caring mom, I am glad your son seems happy and no signs of he being upset there.
I would talk to the sitter and tell her how you feel, not in a accusing way but as a mom, if she is also a mom she would understand.
You could also look in to another day care with less kids or more sitters.
If your little one is looking happy, and he doesn't have diaper rash, he is not loosing weight, he start bumbling, I would think he is doing good, I think other way he would don't want to go at all and you would notice something is going on.
Enjoy the time you have with your kid when you are not working, time goes so fast and soon he will be going to Pre-K and would have lots of fun.

My kids were always home with me, and even with the oldest I didn't hold or play with her every minute. Sitting and playing alone is a great skill for any kid to have. He's probably in the high chair for during that time so she knows he's safe. A playpen might be better, but if he's happy, he's fine. There's far worse things to do, like have a TV on all day long. If he's happy and well cared for, don't worry.

I remember that feeling all too well. When my son was little and going to a new sitter for the first time I remember sitting in the car after dropping him off crying. I had to pull myself together. You just need to pull yourself together. Your baby is fine. It is great for your baby to be independent and not clingy. If other kids are crying and being tended too. It is good for your child to not feel jealous that he is not getting attention. You may decide to have other children. He is going to be a great big brother because of his temperment.

Try to be more upbeat when you drop him off so this way he knows it is okay for him to be okay and not crying and weepy. I hope this encourages you.

Updated

I remember that feeling all too well. When my son was little and going to a new sitter for the first time I remember sitting in the car after dropping him off crying. I had to pull myself together. You just need to pull yourself together. Your baby is fine. It is great for your baby to be independent and not clingy. If other kids are crying and being tended too. It is good for your child to not feel jealous that he is not getting attention. You may decide to have other children. He is going to be a great big brother because of his temperment.

Try to be more upbeat when you drop him off so this way he knows it is okay for him to be okay and not crying and weepy. I hope this encourages you.

My kids always stayed at an in home daycare when they were younger (not that long ago ;) ) but I always choose a 1.5 or higher star daycare, where they have set their standards to say they will at least read to the kids everyday. Also, even if your son is not clingy he deserves to be held and have some love. I think if he seems happy she is probably doing that when you are not there. Does she give you any kind of report about how his day was? If not maybe find one on line that has information about what he did and see if she will fill it out for you. Just so you can know what he is doing all day. I honestly think he is fine and must getting what he needs or he would let you know, by crying or misbehaving by hitting or other things little ones do at that age.

Maybe you should consider another place for him if you don't feel he is getting the attention he needs. I wouldn't be ok with my child being in a highchair the whole time another child is held---he should be playing and interacting with others while the sitter attends to another but she should be playing and interacting with him just as much. Also, sounds to me like 2 hours is way too much for the other child to cry for mom---is this sitter competent???

I think you need to find a better daycare person for your child. He isn't getting what he needs or deserves at this place. Good luck!

M

I work at a preschool and our 4 kids are 1 yr olds We have a child that is easy going and barely cries. We have two kids that are more needy and one that would rather be left alone. We do go to the needy ones first. We are very fair in terms of feeding at the same time, changing diapers one after the other or when needed in between, etc We don't sit down and play with them much but they play so well together. Sometimes kids need to play with their peers instead of relying on an adult to play with them. My kids both play well alone and are not clingy and I love that. I was never the mom that got on the floor to play with them. The one child that is easy going does get left to sit there while we hold the ones that cry but he does not get any less care. We hold him when it is time for his bottle or time for his to lie down on for his nap. He gets plenty of love too, sometimes more b/c he is such a good boy! I can't talk for your situation b/c I don't know about this particular daycare but I know in ours, none are neglected but the quiet one gets last attn b/c he is quiet. :o) Also, at one yrs old they seem to start getting anxiety when their mom leaves, they are usually ok after a few minutes. As long as you know he is being well taken care of, I would not worry about the rest.

Hi, A.:

Check the web at:

www.care.com/babysitter

See if there are any other babysitters in your area that you can get the care you need for your baby.
Hope this helps.
D.

My oldest was in day care for almost one year and I cried all the time. He let me leave no problem. It was rough. I don't think he got too much one on one attention though. There are more than four kids in daycare rooms usually. Your son is probably fine. The sitter probably plays with him but I have a one year old and I don't play with him constantly and I am a SAHM he just loves to crawl around and get into everything he can or play with some of his favorite toys..We do play just not every secound. It's hard to leave your baby I know I called 3 times a day. When I got to work at lunch and about an hour before I got off I am sure I got on their nerves but I just wanted to know how my baby was. Ask her what the best time to call is to see how he. Hang in there I am sure it gets easier!

That would upset me as well. You also have to consider the stress level when a child is crying-your child is not immune to that on-edge feeling that you get when someone is crying continuosly. I would talk to this sitter and tell her how unhappy you are about this. Never ever feel bad or be shy to stick up for your child. YOU are their only voice. Tell her point blank that if she cannot do something about this you will be forced to find somewhere else. What she SHOULD do, and this would be what I would push for, is to ask the other mother to either do something about it or take her child out. He has obviously not adapted and is not a good fit.