Parents Sold My Childhood Home- Coping

Please go or you may regret it. Take photos and video. You may not want to see them right away, but at some point you will. :) Best wishes.

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That is very sad. I know there's a lot of people (esp. in this day and age) who see a house as just that....a house, but when it's one that is full of memories....it's a whole other story. Totally normal to grieve!

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yes go! And take pictures. Be sure to get some of the yard. Not just facing the house (front and back) but also from the front/back porch facing out, and from the window of your old bedroom facing out. :)

Go!

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My sister hired an artist (a student from the art college) to come and do a sketch of the house. It came out really nice. She made professional copies for all us sisters and I framed it. It's a nice remembrance of where I grew up.

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I would go back, and take a picture of yourself in the house for final closure.

5 moms found this helpful

Go down there. It's kind of like going to a funeral - you go to help yourself say goodbye. So say goodbye to the house.

If I were you, I'd make a photo album of pictures that have the house in it. That will give you a touchstone of sorts.

I have lived in many places. I remember 6 houses growing up in before going to college. As an adult (not counting dorm rooms), I've lived in 9 different apartments or houses. That's a lot of moves!! I've often wondered what it would be like to have one house as a touchstone. But my memories as a child are kind of based on which house I was in (therefore I know what grades I was in). That tells me that "home" is a really important memory catcher and has deep feelings associated. So I know how much you equate childhood and home together - I do, but just with a lot more places to live.

I'm sure your parents will be happy to see you. It's hard for them too.

D.

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If the kids would sit in the car well enough for all of the driving, I would go. Final closure. I know it's not the same, but 2 of my grandma's passed away last yr and one a few yrs before and I never got to say goodbye to two of those houses and even though I did not live there, I spent time at both places every single week of my life. Don't have any regrets!

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Thanks for posting this. We are thinking of moving since our youngest is going off to college in August.
We moved so much when I was a kid, I had not really thought about how this would effect our boys.

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My parents sold my childhood home when I was 20. I'm now 43 and still mourn its loss. It was such a magical place -- a 100 year old farm house with 17 acres with woods, fields, lots of nooks and hiding places. Most of my dreams occur in that home. I went back to visit after the new people had lived there several years -- they knew me right away and gave me a tour. It was bittersweet. No advice on how to get over it -- just know you're not alone. Sorry you're going through this.

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Nothing stays the same and life moves on. You have your parents. Enjoy
them wherever they live

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My childhood home is a small rambler, got run down quite a bit when I was a kid due to a weird custody/divorce decree about it being sold when the youngest child turned 18 (that would be me), and no one being willing or able to put money into it.

18 came and went, parties returned to court a few years prior, and in the end my Mom and Brother continued to live there together after the other 3 of us kids moved out and onward. Brother is a whiz re modeler and fixed the whole place up and they took care of each other (mom had minor mobility issues so he took care of the place, mowed, shoveled and repaired, while she cooked and shopped and went to her job each day until retirement, etc).

He dated, then married a gal. Before their married my Mom and the now wife traded domiciles. She was subletting a nice little condo perfect for my mom (elevator, nice quiet building and neighbors, etc). My Mom bought the unit from the owner, fixed it up and had many happy years there.

My brother still lives in the house we grew up in, raising his own family there. He just turned 44 and has never lived anywhere else or had a different home phone number!

We all have keys to the house (not that he ever locks anything!), but I always feel odd just walking in as it IS my SILS house now for many years!!

There is a certain comfort in knowing he is still there in our childhood home, small and pokey as it is. I too will mourn the loss of it when he decides to leave it. I get it.

Mourn the loss of this piece of your past. You deserve to. But you will get past it soon enough and enjoy your happy memories!

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A friend of mine went through this a little while ago.
She was floored that her father sold 'her' house in NY when he and step mom moved into a retirement community in FL.
Never mind that she hadn't lived there for 30 years.
You are mourning your youth.
You really can't go home again - home (where you grew up) changes while you are away.
Old stores close, new ones open, trees die and get cut down, new ones are planted, the empty lot where you use to play baseball has a house or shopping center on it now, the old neighbors move away, new ones with noisy dogs and rude kids move in, etc.
You can visit one last time, but seeing things moved and the house emptied out might really stress you out - it's the end of an era.
When you get back to your place, plant a tree or bush or roses to celebrate your own home.
Make some happy memories for your kids where they are growing up.

3 moms found this helpful

My husband is one of 10 kids. When his parents sold their childhood home someone had an artist sketch the outside of the house. It is framed and hanging is in their townhouse now. The kids all got together, before the move, and hung out, telling stories, looking at photo albums. He had a great time that night.

For me, my childhood home had to be sold. My mom became sick with ALS, moved in with my sister, and the house was sold after she passed away. My dad had already passed away. I had many memories of my house, but I also didn't want to buy it and move into it. The memories are always in your heart and in your mind. No worries.

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Yes, it can be hard, but it is also an exciting time for your parents! A fresh new start.. they will be close by, lots more chances to be with all of you more often.. You have the memories of the best times in that house.. Without you and your siblings, there, it probably seemed really different..

I help a lot of clients that downsize when their children are grown..

It is a lot of work to maintain a large home. It costs a lot, repairs add up..
Many of these clients are now able to travel a lot more and a smaller home or a condo, townhouse is way easier to leave on trips, than a house with a yard.. etc to be watched.

Take a last trip, but remember home is where the heart is. Your heart is with your parents and your family.. and obviously their is with you.. they want to be closer..

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Awwww . . . I think I would go one more time too. This must be hard for you. <<hugs>>

I would just try to stay focused on the next wonderful chapter of life which contains the GP's living closer! Wahoo!!

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Definatley go back and take pictures. Try to remember everything you can. It can be hard. I grew up in one house my whole childhood and my patents still live there. I couldn't imagine them moving but if they ever did I would go to see it one final time.

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I SOOOO know what you mean. My dad got cancer and lost my childhood home right before he passed away when I was 25. Me and my siblings loved that house and neighborhood. I live about 40 min. from there and to this day if I am in the area I drive by the house and point out my old bedroom to my kids and husband. They joke about it alot. Now when we drive by my husband or kids will point before I do and say "There's the bedroom mommy grew up in" lol.

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I think you should just remember the house the way it was. Seeing it empty may leave a memory that you can do without.

By the way, you can still visit your hometown. Just because the house is sold and mom and dad have moved doesn't mean the town doesn't exit anymore.

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Is there anything you can bring from the yard of the old place and plant it at your current home or where your parents are currently moving too?
Out with the old, in with the new.
That place was an investment for your parent's future, don't make them feel bad for their decision.
When husband and I got our divorce, we had to get rid of the house my boys grew up in for 18 years too.
That neighborhood went downhill, so it's no love lost.

1 mom found this helpful

oh, that's so hard. i'm so sorry.
if you've already said goodbye to it, don't go back. you will at some point in the future and that will make you sad too. now is too soon.
you're exactly right, it IS like someone dying. and that's how coping with it will be. you'll be so sad for a while that nothing will console you much. and then it will start to ease. the sadness will always be there when you think about it, but it will get to where it's bearable.
a couple of years ago we had a family reunion back home, and we all convoy-ed on our mopeds to our beloved family home in bermuda. the people living there now were outside and were incredibly gracious. they let all 9 of us come in and see the house. i got a picture of me in my old bedroom. it was magic and wonderful, and also unsettling and weird.
let it go, and let yourself grieve for it.
{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}
khairete
S.

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My parents did the same 3 years ago. That was their first house and my home for 20 years.I was upset about it, but the thing that made it okay was that they were moving an hour and a half away from me and mine instead of being 12 hours away. Instead of seeing them a few times a year, we can now spend weekends and more holidays together, which we do most of the time. I was VERY close with my grandparents and it is nice for my kids to have that bond and the many memories that they are making. LOVE it!

I still have some "pangs" when we talk about the old house, but I wouldn't trade our closeness for anything. "Home" is family, not a building, and I've learned that through this experience.

Also agree with others that have said that you can always visit your neighborhood and take the kids to your old stomping ground every now and then. :)

Take care.

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