Parenting Advice Needed Please

I just read "Easy to love, difficult to disipline". It's a great book about common sense parenting techniques that most people don't use because they are hard wired from their own parents.
It really opened our eyes as to how to handle anything that my kids throw my way.
Good luck! 3 is a hard age! I went through it with my now 8 year old and I am not looking forward to it with my now 2 year old! lol!

Check out Love and Logic - it's a parenting style that encourages decision making - choices where appropriate. Obviously, dangerous stuff = no choices. You give choices when it doesn't matter to you to give them as much opportunity to learn to make decisions; you give them a choice of the behaviour you want/behaviour you want to stop and the timeout/punishment. That way, it is THEIR DECISION/Behaviour that got them the punishment. In the real world, she WILL get choices: do drugs, dont; dring, don't; have sex, don't, etc. THe earlier she can make decisions, the better off she'll be - that's the L&L parenting theory. There are books and also classes. Check your library, half price books, etc. Good luck!

I think that all of these things sound very normal, my 3.5 year old has gone though a lot of these phases.

First, with the attachment issues I think your daughter may need more attention. With the 5 days of school and then packing stuff in on the weekends like dance she may just want some Mommy/Daddy Daughter time. I think choosing to cling to one parent over the other is just a phase, I don't think at this age that she is going to pick one of you and discard the other. But I am a firm believer (and I know many will disagree) in mom's staying home, not going to school 5 days may help with this issue.

Fits are totally normal for a 3 year old it is all in the way that you respond. I do give my daughter choices and that seems to work really well with her. The choices are not always one's that work in her favor though. For instance if she is throwing a fit about getting a piece of candy at the store I tell her that she has two choices she can stop crying and get a piece of Halloween candy after dinner, or she can continue at not get any candy after dinner. I always end it in "it's your choice, what do you want to do" that way she thinks that she has some control over the situation. If she throws a fit in the store I tell her that she can stop crying right now and walk along side the cart, if she want's to continue I will put her in the cart and put on her seat belt. I don't think that the choices have to be ones that you guys can just live with, I think they can be choices that are more like consequences. This will teach her the consequences of her actions while still making it sound like she has a choice (hope that makes sense).

As for the dark, my daughter went through this stage kind of she was afraid of monsters. She has a night light and when the monster thing came about we gave her a flash light that seemed to work wonders. The pedi also recommended giving her an old remote control and pretending it was a monster zapper. Just put batteries in it so the little red light comes on, when she gets scared she can just push the button and it scared all of the monsters away. The flash light seems to work the best for us!

My daughter used to call us instead of getting out of bed but I put a stop to that when she started needing to go potty. I did not want her to think that she could not get out of bed to go potty. When she wakes up in the morning she comes downstairs and wakes us up. I would rather who do that then start playing by herself, I seriously doubt she would get into anything but it seems a little dangerous. Instead if my husband and I are still relaxing in bed we will get her some chocolate milk and turn on PBS for a little while for her so we can continue to snuggle or whatever. If it is really early (like 5:30 and we don't wake up until 7-8:30) then I will send her back to her room and tell her it is to early to get. Then she can go up and read a book or something.

I hope some of this helps, good luck!

First, it is rare that parents ever agree on parenting 100%. If they do, it is because one gave in and just figures the other will handle the responcibility.

EX1: Kids will always pick their favorites. It is usually the one that will let them get away with more. They go through phases. At one point, they side and love the one that will let them do as they choose. Then another point, it is the one that disciplines them. That love comes from the respect they are giving you from being their parent. Since the child is 5, they are at an age where they will size up the parents. If the parents do not work as a team, for the most part, they will break you down. This has to stop at an early age, or teen-age years are going to be absolute hell for you. Sit down with your husband, calmly and respectfully with out judgement or agruement, come up with a list of rules that should be taught to all of your children. Agree on a set rule for each catagory. Ex: Bedtime, dinner time, play time and such. This is a difficult thing to do, but well worth it.

EX2: Totally normal. My youngest is two and has been throwing fits since she was in my stomach. Some kids are easy and rarely throw fits like my 7 year old. Some are outrageous, and require more attention. When the fits start, get down at eye level and calmly tell them to stop. They won't the first time, so get down at eye level again and give them the gritting your teeth "stop it" tone. Let them know you're more serious that time. It might stop, but I doubt it. Third time, hold their hand, get down at eye level again, and say, this is the third and final time I am going to ask you, I wont be nice if I have to say it again. So stop it, and act like a good little lady/boy, and let's finish what we are doing here so we can go home and you can play with your toys. By doing this, they 1. know that they get three trys at your patience. 2.know that you are respecting them enough to warm them. 3. know that if they follow your rule, they will be rewarded. It will take some time to enstill this in them, but it is well worth it. My 7 year old doesn't go past two times. She sits patiently and is polite.

EX3: Every child goes through being afraid of the dark. And until she reaches and age where ghosts stories are no longer cool to tell, she probably will still be somewhat scared. I'm still a little scared of cetain dark places and I am 28. Get her a cool little night light that she picks out. Let her be the one to turn it on. HAve her read a book to calm her mind down before bed. This should work after a few weeks of repeting.

EX:4 Get her a cheap little step stool from walmat. Preferbly a white one she can decorate. Give her markers, glitter, what ever floats her boat. Have her decorate it with all her own ideas. Call them big girl designs. Put it next to her bed, and tell her that when she wakes up to hop on the big girl/pricess platform and say good morning! With another baby on the way she is going to do anything to stay your little baby. So let her be that from time to time, but make it more exciting to be mommy and daddies big girl helper with small chores.

Sorry for the long ramble, but I hope this helps out.

She sounds like a very typical 3 year old:) Giving choices is a great way to let her feel independent, but also set limits. Only give her a choice of two things and make sure each choice is possible. For example, let her pick out her outfit in the morning, but only give her the option between two shirts, pants, shoes, etc. Too many choices confuses children and giving a choice that you have no intention of following though on leads to mistrust from your child. As for the bed issue, I would be happy she stays in it. The opposite is she gets out all the time and you are constantly putting her back in it. If she is scared of the dark, let her go pick out a night light from the store or let her keep a little night lamp on until she falls asleep. My best advice for 3 year olds is to keep them busy! They get into trouble and start to whine when they are bored, so keeping them busy keeps their minds occupied. It also guarantees they will work up an appetite, so eating won't be an issue, and they will burn enough energy to go down for a nap a lot easier! Good luck!