Daughter Recently Frightend

We used a can of airfreshener that we labeled "Monster Repellent" and would spray the room before bed time (the scent tells the kids it is still working). I like the idea of the spray bottle with the water in it. That way the kids can spray it themselves when the get frightened. Maybe use the scent idea by adding a few drops of Lavendar Oil to the water. Smells nice and facilitates sleep.

One idea that I have used is to make a special "Moster Scaring Spray". I used a spray bottle and put a few drops of blue food coloring, because monster are afraid of the color blue, and so fine glitter (for magic sparkle) and before bed had my duaghter spray a few sprays where the monsters hide. I also recomend the book "Go away big green monster" it give the child the power to tell the monsters to go away. We also made a sign for my son (on blue paper) that said I am not scared of you Monster so go away!

My son hasn't had this happen, but has loved this book called "Leonardo, the terrible Monster" it is about a monster that just can't scare anyone! i also got him a Leonardo puppet and for a time he was scared of it. we just kept it in the living room out where it could be seen. now every once in a while he plays with Leonardo and wants the story read. sounds like keeping it positive helps. I have always been afraid of the dark and the bumps in the night and appriciated the lights on in the hallway as I went to sleep.

I would recommend getting a night light if you don't have one already. Also, before lights out at night, check for monsters with her (to show that they are not hiding anywhere) and do some kind of ritual to keep them away. I've heard of people waving a magic wand, sprinkle magic "dust" (AKA glitter - but I can't imagine having to clean that up), or the one I heard worked wonderfully was spraying "monster repellent spray" (AKA either your perfume or just water in a fancy little bottle). The only thing I heard about the perfume idea was that when mommy ran out, the kiddos wouldn't fall for water because it didn't smell the same. So, perfume could get pricey and personally, I wouldn't want to put scents in the air for my child to breathe while sleeping - so I would opt for water. Empowering her would help too - so once you do the ritual, leave the the wand or spray with her so she was ward off the monsters is she gets scared during the night.

Our little girl will be 3 in October and talks up a storm. She's constantly telling me about scary things and pretending to be monsters, ghosts, etc. (thanks big kids). ;-) She usually does better if we just play along and talk about them. Pointing out how they can be fun things to play and not make them so scary. Good luck, I know how frightened they get over things at this age. :-)

We are almost at this stage so I haven't decided whether to go the BS "monster spray" route. I'm not sure I want to indulge the idea that monsters are real, even though our fears are real, and set up superstitious rituals.

I agree with Marda P., though, about going for the nurturing response--go ahead and lie down with her. This is a really tiny person, venturing into the unknown (for her) areas of "what might be out there in the dark." Don't make her go there alone. Her feelings of fear are real, but so are you--a real, true source of comfort. That truth is more important than any worry about sleep habits. I doubt she'll get to 20, or even 10, and still be sleeping with you! ;-)

THE MOST creative thing I've ever heard of came from a friend of mine in Australia. Her daughter went through this. So one night her dad (grandpapa) came over with a garbage can lid, a big stick, and a big garbage bag. He told her to stand outside in the hallway and he was going to tend to all of this for her. He went into her room, made lots of noise, banged around a bit, told these monsters that they had to leave and not bother his granddaughter any more... and then he came out with the garbage bag full (pillow?) and tied up. He told her not to open the bag -- he'd be putting it in the rubbish bin. (It would be handy if the next day was garbage day...) She went to bed that night with no worries -- that monster was gone and all taken care of. :) We, personally, haven't had any monsters in our house yet... whew! (I sure did when I was a kid, though -- and I STILL like night lights!) Hope this helps!

When you show your child they can count on you when they're scared, they learn they can count on you. When you're more worried about the future than the right now, your kid learns your fears are more important than they are...

We had this same problem when my son was around 2 and heard about "Monsters", my sister gave me a littel advice that worked :). We took a spray botter and wrote "Monster Be Gone" on it (without him knowing). I told him we went to the store and got this that it was like bug spray and got rid of the monsters. We sprayed it all around the windows, doors, underbed each night and in the closet. He totally went for it. We had couple times he woke up after that but we explained he had a "bad dream" and that was his imagination and that no Monsters could get past the "Monster Be Gone". In about 3 weeks we didn't even need the spray.
We also made sure that after 5 pm there were no scary movies or books seen or read. We made sure he watched only shows like Dora or Blues Clues and we read him a book right before bed that was really funny or nice after spraying the room, so he went to bed thinking of good things.
Good Luck

Maybe the cousins who first acknowledged the monsters could be the ones to tell her that they're all gone. They could go into the bedroom with spray or a garbage bag or whatever and then declare that the room is monster free. Your daughter would maybe appreciate hearing from the source!

I wouldnt leave her crying scared either,
my ideas include a fun nightlight (christmas lights make for a brighter more uniform light to help dispell monsters without turning the light on), trying soft music or whitenoise (like a fan). My daughter started getting up in the middle of the night, not crying just up at the same time every night and I realised thats when one of the upstairs neihbors was going to work (they keep crazy hours) and she probubly heard them bumping around. The fan really helped because the constent noise blocks out the bumps in the night.

I would follow your mothering instinct and stay with her, that way she will learn to feel secure and safe. Don't worrry about "indulging the behavior" - she needs your reassurance!

my daughter did the same thing and we got a nightlight and had her watch Monsters Inc. telling her the whole movie that monsters were funny and that it was ok she did not need to be scared of them and it worked, that night she went to bed and I sang her a song of funny monsters and she had no problems that night or since. Good luck! its very hard when our children wake up scared, hope the cousins have learned their lesson and wont tell her scary stories anymore.

I have a great idea that worked with my son when he was about the same age....I hope this works for you. I told him about "Monster spray" and how monsters do not like the smell of pretty flowers. I took a can of air freshener and when it was time to go to bed I would spray his room with it and over and under his bed and in the closet if I had to. Just little spritzes. Then I sat it on his dresser and told him if he thinks there is a monster around he could spray it and go right back to bed, or come get mommy and I would do it for him. (Now I knew he wouldn't touch it so I didn't worry about leaving it in his room, but if you think she might mess with it then maybe put it on your night stand so she knows it is readily available for you to grab). I got a can that was decorated with flowers and also told him they don't even like to look at flowers so they probably wont even come around if they see the can. I only had to do it for about 3 nights and each time he slept through the night with out any problems. You can pick a cheap can up at the dollar store. Maybe even get a vase with some fake flowers in it and keep it on her dresser or night stand. If you try this I would love to know how well it worked for you. Good luck and sleep tight :-)

When we went through this we did a few things . The combination and perseverance won the day:
1) We told her that the monsters were afraid of love and laughter. We did not tell her that the monster not real, but that it is made from and powered by fear. This came in handy later when she became aware of fears that are larger than monsters under the bed.
2)We had a grand old time in her room and told the monsters to get out with lots of laughter and loud tickling and giggling (during the day), and that only loving friendly monsters had permission to be here. We discussed that no one is allowed in our home without our permission.
3) We walked around the outside of the house and created a 'boundary' that the monsters were not allowed to cross.
4) We assigned our household's most vicious looking stuffed animal (Fluffy, the 3 headed dog from Harry Potter) with the role of protector.
It took a bit for it all sink in and it took a few reminders over the years, but it lost the sharp edge almost immediately.
Good luck!

In addition to monster spray (which didn't really work for my daughter) and a night light (which worked for a long time), we use a CD. My daughter's' mind races at night and she has troube "turning it off". She worried about death, monsters, getting lost, earthquakes, etc. You name it, she's afraid of it and she can't blank out her mind enough to fall asleep. We tried CDs of stories being told but it didn't work very well. So finally we recorded our own voices reading her stories from our own collection, about 45 min worth and put it onto CD. When we walk out of her room, we push play and let it run. She's rarely ever stayed awake through the entire thing. She doesn't need it every night, but she does a lot. It helps keep her mind off of scary thoughts and allows her to relax and fall asleep. Might be worth a try. Good luck!

This may sound a little silly, but I heard a rhyme somewhere: "monsters monsters go away, monsters don't like monster spray". And spray air freshener in her room. Could be worth a try, can't hurt. Sorry I can't be more help.

Hi K.,
My daughter did the same thing... we had a night light and when that was not enough we let her sleep with her light on and the door open. We tried the monster spray and she did not fall for it.
At bed time I would tuck her in and we would talk about how there are no monsters here and that Mommy did not allow them in our house. I would come and check on her every 15 minutes or so until she was asleep. We also have a CD player in her room and that has helped. It lets her focus on someting other than the dark and the shadows.
She has now on the other side of this phase and is sleeping with the light off (door still open).
Best of luck to you....
MJ

This may seem a little far from main stream, but might try showing her somethign like Monsters Inc. She may be less likely to be afraid of the monsters if she sees nice ones. I'm not suggesting to tell her that monsters are real, but seeing them in a positive way may help her. Also, things like Seseme Street and other childrens shows talk about monsters and explain that they are only pretend and can't hurt her. I just know that sometimes reasoning with a toddler doesn't work too well.

I use the monster be gone spray but I ad Lavender oil in the spray. This helps with relaxing.
You go in with her, and have her watch you spray in the closet, under the bed, on the bed, any of the corners, toys... all over the room.
I have also used prayer with my kids. Carmon has a song out from around 1996 and it was about God is bigger than the Boogie man. I taught this to my kids to sing, or I would play it at bed time.
Good luck

I told my children when they had bad dreams that their favorite stuffed animals could drive off the monsters, actually that is what their favorite animals were there for. One of the animals was a lion and there is no animal more fierce than a lion. A lion could drive off any monster or bad dream. (of course I really dramatized it, even reading stories about fierce lions).

In essence fighting story with story. You could try that. W.

While your daughter is genuinely frightened and you've tried other ways of helping her that didn't help,I think that sleeping with her is the nurturing thing to do. Yes, she might have a difficult time sleeping on her own even tho she's no longer frightened. You can deal with that if it does happen. I believe that helping her feel safe is the highest priority.

I agree that openly talking about monsters as something that will not hurt us may also help. So might seeing the movie, Monsters, Inc. It was one of my granddaughter's favorite movies for a couple of years around that age. Many of the monsters have friendly personalities and seem almost human. And they are frightened by people. The movie puts a good face to monsters and reassured kids that since the monsters know how to deal with their fear they will soon know how to.

Spending more time with her during the day may make her fears less intense at night. It's important to not make the older kids "bad guys who need to be punished or with whom you're angry. Letting her know that you are unhappy with the boys adds to her tension and belief that the stories they told her are more likely to be true. Otherwise why would Mom be so upset. Treat the stories as stories. Find books about monsters that are written for toddlers and read them to her. Anything that you can do to show her that these monsters are no big deal will help her learn that they truly are nothing to worry about.

Did the older kids laugh at her reaction to the stories and perhaps tell her she is a "scardy cat?" Her fear may be related to the way the kids stories were told and their teasing, bullying reactions to her. This may cause her to not feel powerful or capable to knowing what is true and what is not. This increases her anxiety and takes away her confidence. (power)

Is it possible that she is having night terrors rather than night mares? Night terrors are common at this age. Medical science doesn't know what causes them but believe that terrors are different than nightmares. If they're night terrors it's possible that being exposed to scary monsters is not the cause of her waking up screaming.

A toddler does not actually wake up during a night terror episode. They look awake but cannot be reasoned with. The often don't want anyone to touch them because they are extremely frightened but still asleep and don't recognize the parents. The toddler usually cannot be calmed down by the parent. Many professionals recommend staying in the room with them but wait until the toddler has actually woken up and is aware before doing anything. The toddler who'se had a night terror rarely remembers why they were terrified. They can't describe a dream.

YOu commented that you may be making it worse in the long run by indulging the behavior. Before that you said that she needs you so that she can fall fall asleep. An important role for parents is to take care of the needs of a child. She is frightened of monsters in the night. She does need you. In the long run she will feel safer because she knows that she can rely on you to meet her needs.

If doing this creates a habit then she needs you to help her feel safe while sleeping alone. At the time you need to break the habit she won't also be dealing with the monsters. Then you can use a reasonable approach, explaining why you need her to sleep alone while also reassuring her that you love her and are in the next room. Explain that sleeping together has been pleasant and was necessary for awhile. She's a big girl and it's important for her to have her own bed so that she can continue to grow. Emotional maturation but I think that she's too young to understand the reasons. As a toddler she will accept only what she understands. Giving too much information is confusing.

In order for us to feel safe as adults we have to feel safe in those first 5 years. Once the child has completed the developmental task of feeling safe they are then ready to move on developmentally to other tasks such as learning independence. The only way that a child will grow up feeling safe is when their world as been consistently made to feel safe by their parents.

My daughter isn't scared of "monsters" after watching Monsters, Inc. And seeing that they're just pretend and scared of humans too!

I also saw a "moster lock" in a magazine the other day, it's a stuffed padlock with a picture of a monster on it that she can put on her bedroom doorknob to "lock" them out of her room, thought that was cute.

Good luck!

K.,

Get a spray bottle, fill it with water, and tell her it's "monster spray". Put it some where within reach of her bed and tell her that she can spray the monsters with this spray and they will go away.

My son had that same fear around the age your daughter is now. It worked wonders until he figured out how to unscrew the top and dump the water all over his room. Or he'd just spray it all over his room for who knows what reason.

Another thought is to put a night light in her room so she can see what all the scary shadows are in her room.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

Leave her door open a crack. Tell her nothing bad can happen because I (or you and Daddy) am here and we will keep you safe.
Other people's suggestions of monster spray and night lights can work too.
You can explain all day that they are not real, but kid's fears are very real to them.

You are right to suspect you are setting up a pattern you don't want to continue. I wouldn't sleep in her bed with her. That is something that is going to have to stop because she would let it continue indefinitely.
The hardest part of being a mom, I think, is feeling what your child is feeling, but having to step back and be the mom and do what is best for her. You'll probably have to struggle with it for a few nights, but keep putting her in her bed and telling her she is safe. Be strong for her.

Hi K.,
We went through the monster scare also and I made the same mistake of sleeping with my daughter until she fell asleep...it's turned into a battle now getting her to fall aslee alone.
Eventually, we took an empty squirt bottle and filled it with a little bit of lightly colored water and told her that it was her "Monster Spray". I wish I had done that first, because as she became scared, all she had to do was squirt once in the direction of the monster and it vanished! (Monster spray is magic you know haha) This would have eliminated her need for mommy at bedtime from the start. I do realize that water is slippery on hardwoods or other types of floor, so use caution. But this did the trick for us! Now, just sleeping with the monster spray on her nightstand helps. Good luck!

I wouldn't let her sleep with me, but I would get her a night light, and make a point to look in the scary places before going to bed (where ever the monsters are supposed to be). If they are under the bed, you can try putting her mattress on the floor so that there is no "under" any more. If they are in the closet, maybe put a little lock on it or something so she feels safer? Any way, good luck and I hope she finds her peace.

Blessed Be.