Parent Teacher Conferences

They're not trying to be unfriendly. From my own personal days as a teacher, they're trying to hit what they see as being the high points: the things that most parents want to discuss (after all, you only have 10 min!). When they say "Oh she's wonderful" and it sounds dismissive to you, what they're really saying is that she's not doing anything out of the ordinary that you need to be concerned about. They don't keep tabs on every little drama that happens every day. WHEN it happens, yes, they deal with it if they need to, but they don't file it away in their minds unless something stood out as needing to be watched.

Again, I promise they're not trying to dismiss you or be cold. They're just trying to give you a 10 min highlight reel of approximately 9 weeks worth of school. It's hard to do!

To discuss other things, you'd need to make another appointment with the Teacher.
The school as a whole, each Teacher only gets a few minutes with each parent. Beyond that, you need to schedule another time to sit down with Teacher. They have to keep up the conferences times, for the other parents too.

At my kids' school we have 15 minutes.

Not all Teachers are unfriendly. But given the circumstances of them only having a few minutes with each parent, they need to be efficient and yet, convey all the information they are supposed to, within that short time frame.

At my kids' school, the Teachers are always reached by e-mail or by leaving a phone call message. And the teachers, do respond back.
And sure, you can ask the Teacher about social issues or AR tests etc.
AR tests are something that kids don't jump up for joy, over.
Its a "test." For reading comprehension etc.

IF there is classmate drama or problems that have to do with your daughter, ask the teacher. But not at the parent/teacher conference time. But let the Teacher know, you have other things you want to ask her about. Later. That is what I do. And my kids are in 1st and 5th grade.

In that short time of the parent/teacher conference, I DO convey to the teacher I support her efforts and my kid(s) is happy in class. That only takes like 3 seconds. And I shake the Teachers hand, smile, and say thank you... and I'll e-mail you the other things I want to speak to her about. No problem.

Teachers are given a planned format to follow during conferences. Their primary focus is on how the child is doing academically. Social issues to affect academic issues and can be talked about but it sounds like your interest is in things that are purely social. I also suggest that the teacher does not know why your daughter doesn't like AR Reading tests, tho it might be helpful for you to discuss it with her. Could you be asking questions that the teacher is unable to answer or for which there is no time given the focus on academic achievement? I suggest that you make an appointment at a later or earlier time to discuss these additional issues

I wonder if you may getting this reaction because of the way you're wording the questions. Or could you be too friendly? Friendliness is something that usually increases over time and if you haven't spoken with the teacher before the conference she may be uncomfortable with all your smiles and compliments. Just an idea to mull over. I don't know at all what your personality is like.

As S.H. said, it is now easy to talk with teachers at most schools. My daughter always gets a call back when she leaves a message for a teacher to call her. She also does a fair amount of communication thru e-mail, tho some teachers do not use e-mail. At the conference, tell the teacher would like to spend more time talking with her and ask to make an appointment.

Send a thank you note (before the conference) to express your gratitude and be as specific as you can.. She will LOVE it and have the time to read it and think about it and save it. Then let her talk about academics for the beginning of the conference BEFORE you bring up social issues. If needed schedule another conference for more issues.
Cheryl B. -so sorry your kids have had such crappy teachers. Most teachers go into the career because they LIKE kids.

My child is only in 1st grade, but - I found that the best way to get a handle on the types of information that you want is to be a classroom volunteer. When I volunteer to run a game at the holiday parties or to be the parent reader in the classroom or help with field day, I can see the classroom dynamics myself, first hand. Yes, I know it's hard to find the time. I work full-time and I have to take a day off of work to do it - but really, this ends up to be a total of 4 days off per year, and it's really worth it to me (if your work it really tough on vacation days, even one day off as a volunteer would give you insight, you don't have to do all of them).

You can try to bring up social issues at the conference, but, as others say, teachers are trying to hit all the high points in terms of academics at that meeting, and there isn't much time for anything else.

We get 20 minutes and always have (daughter is now in 6th grade). Why are your conferences so brief? Ten minutes is not sufficient to have anything like a dialogue. No wonder it turns into the teacher issuing some academic feedback and then you're out the door. I would talk to the school administration (not the teacher, it's out of her hands) about why the conferences are this short and if they get longer in the higher grades, because by the end of elementary you NEED more than 10 minutes to discuss a child's academics.

Be sure to go in with your specific questions written out so you stay on track and are ready with them the instant there's an opening to ask. Tell the teacher outright: "I know the focus here is academics but my child's social world is school, and I need to ask you about that as well because I have a concern there." And ASK.

If all conferences with all teachers have been chilly in your estimation, it may because the teachers are being held responsible for churning parents through the classroom so quickly. But it also may be that your expectations of these conferences are a bit too high--possibly? Do you get any opportunities at all to talk with or e-mail the teacher throughout the year? Maintaining some level of more frequent contact is very important, though you must gauge carefully to be sure you're never "that parent" who is always e-mailing or always dropping by the classroom unannounced right after school.

But foremost, I'd ask why these conferences are only 10 minutes long.

My d has all A's and HATES AR even though she gets 100s. In fact, every year the teachers realize she only took a few tests. The reasons?
The questions are too easy, there is always a line for the computer, and it is just boring. She reads for enjoyment, not the test.

I was a teacher and have had teachers talk to me about how they "wean the parents" though 2nd grade seems young. They want to keep it professional and for the parents to let go. Could this be happening?

The girl drama started at age 4 with a couple of girls. It escalated in 3rd so it could be true. I was told constantly to role play with her using puppets and such, but I needed to hear exactly what the issues were.
Only preK and 4 were much help. The others said not to worry and it was not a problem.

In most schools you can schedule a conference at any time. Is the 10 minutes you're referring to during a parent/teacher conference night? If 10 minutes isn't enough, then schedule one on a different day.

If there were issues you'd hear. No news is good news. You can also befriend the teacher by bringing treats to the Holiday classroom party, giving her a Christmas gift and a Teacher Appreciation gift. She will definitely find time for a lengthy chat in that case...

I don't really understand your question.

Is your daughter happy in school and doing reasonably well? Then don't worry about the rest of it.

You have the right for a longer conference with the teacher, may be not at this time, but you can ask for another conference if you need to give your input, suggestions, comments or just make this relationship parent-teacher more comfortable.

You are probably going to get the same academic feedback. And I feel the same way about that - I am very involved in homework so I know what she can do and what she's struggling with. I don't need the teacher to tell me just like I don't need that stupid annual test to tell me!

The teachers usually don't get involved in discussions regarding girl drama. It's just that - drama.

You are just now beginning to realize what I've known for many years. The teachers are there to do a job - most don't really care about your individual child EXCEPT where that test is concerned. That's the ONLY thing they worry about. Knowing and enjoying your child? Not required. And nothing that isn't required, is done. Period.