Pacifier at 5

Hey P. Bear! First don't be so h*** o* yourself, you didn't fail at anything...second, is easier than you think, but it takes courage to do it. My first to sons hung on to it until 3 (the first) and the second until he was 4. With both I used the Paci Fairy, I chosed one day (like an important one) I explanined the Fairy deal, "leave the paci, she will leave a toy" ( a little one), the day came and I had to do it like ripping a band aid, fast. The paci desapeared and he found a little toy instaed, now the excitment lasted only until the next nap, then he didn't want the car anymore! That's when you just have to be brave, confort them, lots of hugs and bear with a little crying for about 2 to 3 days....then is ALL over...they forget all about it. If I were you I'd choose Valentines, I'll explain to her that she is a big girl now, that the Dentist said that the paci had to go because her theet are going to be all crooked ( this helped with my second son) and that she is a pretty girl and so on...tell her that on Valentines the paci is going by by and then just make it desapear that day.Bake cookies, a cake CELEBRATE WITH HER and make her to feel proud of what she did...then when the tears came later at night remind her of the wonderful day she had and then just bear with her for a few days...she will be over it after 2 to 3 days. Maybe you can buy her a little stuffed animal or a doll she can sleep with now...
I hope it helps!
Best of luck!!!
A.

My daughter was almost 6 before we finally got rid of the pacifiers. She was the same way, happy, very outgoing, not insecure. We kept caving for various reasons. Finally I read her a story out of Parents magazine about about a child that left her pacifiers on the window sill for the paci fairy to take to new babies. We talked about it for a week or two, picked a date and just stuck with it. The paci fairy left her a big princess balloon instead with a thank you note. I won't lie to you, we had a few rough spots but we got through it. It was definitely a security thing. We cut all the pacifiers up and threw them out so there was no going back. Our pediatrician kept telling us not to worry about it, "she won't walk down the aisle with a pacifier" so we just kept waiting for the opportunity to take it away but it never arose. Do you know of any families with an infant? Maybe you can talk to her about wrapping hers up in a box to give to the baby? Good luck.

Here's a trick that worked for our 4 year old. We told her about the "Pacifier Fairy!!" If she left her pacifier under her pillow, she'd get a toy in return. We talked about it for a few weeks, asking her if she was ready and what toy would she want most. At first she didn't like the idea of giving up the pacifier. But the more we talked, the more enthusiastic she became. She wanted a particular doll, and finally decided she was ready. That night we all said goodbye to her pacifier, put it in a little bag, and put it under her pillow. She woke to her new doll, and only got weepy for her pacifier twice the next day. She hugged the doll and played with it whenever she missed her pacifier. It worked!!!

A friend of mine did something creative with her 4 year old. She told her daughter that they were going to go to the toy store and buy a toy with the paci. She talked to the employees ahead of time, so they would be aware and supportive. The little girl walked into the toy store, picked out a toy, and handed her paci to the cashier to "pay" for her toy. The store employees cheered and made a fuss about her being a big girl and paying for her own toy. She was so proud of herself and her new toy. It worked for them!

Yikes!!! A five-year-old can be reasoned with (but she can try to reason back) so I would just tell her like it is. I'm not in your shoes so I can only say what I think I would do but the dentist is right -- you don't want to have orthodontic problems later. (BTW -- in Europe it's much more common for kids to hang on to pacifiers longer than they do in the US. I don't know if it's better or worse but it is a fact.)

Weaning will probably be the easiest. So, explain to her that the dentist says the pacifier needs to go (maybe even have the dentist tell her him/herself) and make a chart. For one week, she gets to use it as she chooses preparing herself for the inevitable. The next week, it's nighttime only. The next, it's bedtime only and you go get it when you go to bed (so she doesn't have it all night.) The next week, it's gone but she gets some kind of big girl reward (toy, "date" to Medieval Times, etc.) That way, she knows it's coming but she has something to look forward to also.

I have friends whose kids held on to passys for a long time. What seemed to work for them was to pick a day on a calender (give several days notice)and then let her throw it away in the trashcan.
make a big deal of it, do something she loves to do, cook a special meal, get a cake, etc.
Good luck!!

A good friend used the dentist to help her daughter. The dentist told her when she got home to throw the pacis in the trash. And that now she was old enough to get rid of them. The dentist was kind and didn't belittle her. The young girl did exactly as she was told and didn't ask for them again. There is something about a white smock that gets kids to act. Maybe offer a substitute at the same time?

5 is to old for a pacifier!!! In my opinion 2 is to old for one!! I hate seeing children walking around with a pacifier in their mouths. Once they start walking that pacifier should be gone, if not before. yes my children (3) had pacifiers but I weaned them from them early. Give her something else to hold on and comfort her with. I thought pacifier are also bad for the teeth. You will have to gradually take it from her so she has it less and less and then just throw it away and let her see you throw it away. She will be able to comfort herself with something else.

cut the tip off of the pacifier.

My 3yr old just stopped having her pacifier also. She was the same as your daughter, it was like her security. She always wanted it when she was upset, just got home from daycare and at bedtime. We kept telling her she was a big girl now and big girls do not have pacis. Our savior was a puppy next door. We were outside one day and she carried it out with her. Next thing we knew, the puppy found it and chewed it up. That was the end of the paci for her. This seemed to be the only thing that worked for her. Now she did ask for it a few times but we just reminded her that the puppy took it. Maybe in your situation you can throw them away when she is not around and then tell you that the garbage man took them all. It was easier for me to put the blame on someone else because I was the one that gave into letting her have it. Good luck.

Well, I had a baby that wanted a bottle until he was 3, I told him a story about a baby that had no bottles and that baby had parents that had no money to buy and and we needed to give ours to that baby so it could eat. He bought it tossed all his bottles with me in a plastic bag we made a card. He never asked for a bottle again. Her asked once did the baby like my bottles? I said yes and it's mommy and daddy said you saved the day, you are brave and kind. Ok it's was a lie yes, however it got him off bottles without alot of fights and bad feelings. So maybe that same baby could need a paci from your house??? and your daughter could give her's up pack it in a plastic bag draw a card and be over it?? It was what worked for me you can try it ot not. Best wishes.

The nice thing about pacifier sucking compared to thumb sucking is that you can get rid of the pacifier. Throw it away! (...in the outside garbage so you can't rescue it if you start caving.) The sooner the better. She will likely get over it more quickly than you expect. My fifth child (8 months old) uses a pacifier, but I plan to throw it away before he reaches 18 months old. I will also give away the bottles by then as well. I am actually quite a softy (can't stand to let the baby cry at night), but sometimes cold turkey is the best way to go. A lot of this has to do with the fortitude of the parents. If you are willing to have a few difficult days, this will pass. If you waver, she will never give it up. Good luck.

I have 2 boys ages 4 and 2. At around 2 years old I told my son (the 4 year old) that he was a big boy and he had to give up the pacifier. For a few weeks I really limited it only to bed time. The doctor told me that if they give it up themselves it works a little better. After those few weeks he threw it in the garbage can and said he was a big boy. That worked until night time that evening. He was a little upset but my husband and I conforted him until he feel asleep and he was fine. He was honestly fine after like 2 days. He completely forgot about it. He asked for it occasionally, but most times we got him busy and he forgot about it. Now I just have to work on my 2 year old!!!!! Good Luck!
* I also want to add that there is new research that says pacifiers are fine up to the age of 2 because it reduces the risk of SIDS. Since she is older than 2 I would just tell her she is too old and keep her occupied and she will be fine.

My stepdaughter loved her pacifier too. I think she wanted to stay a baby. We decided to make a big deal about being a "big girl" and throw a party. We had cake and small decorations, so to her it was a very big deal. After her "graduation" from little to big girl we all walked hand in hand out to the garbage. SHE had to throw her binky in to show she was indeed a big girl. We went back into the house and she got her present for fulfilling her end of the deal. A bike with no training wheels. She was five years as well.
She was a little fussy the first night, until we actually parked the bike in her room for a few days. (we are crazy I know) She'd wake up, see it and go back to bed. After a week, we outfitted the bike with basket, streamers etc to let her know how proud we were of her.
We talked about our party for about a month before we actually had it, sort of a prep and that way she looked forward to it. We were hoping the anticipation of such a milestone for her would override the need for her binky, thank goodness it did. Best of luck to you. These kinds of things are so hard to do. Stand your ground with ones who interefere and gently remind hubby of the cost of braces. That ought to get some support!

At 3 my dentist also said enough was enough for our 3rd born, he compunds a "goop" called suckcess for ending thumb sucking, but it is a nasty tasting clear ointment you can run on the paci. WE did this and it only took one try, the taste was memorable and we just told her that paci's turn yucky when you get to big to have them. if needed I will use the same goop for our 2 year old. Good luck, I have also tried loosing the paci and cutting the end off, both work also, you may resort to trial and error for a while, I am sure your daughter is smart. Good luck.

I also used the Pacifier Fairy for my daughter. I let it be HER decision. We talked about it for a while and I asked her every night if she wanted to leave it for the Fairy. I kept the toy on hand, just in case. Finally after a month, she said "yes" and it was done. She had regrets the next day, but I told her a little baby had it now and was happy. She is sympathetic, so the more details about the baby the better.

My son did not go for the fairy bit. He kept saying "no." One night, we could not find his pacifier at bedtime. It really was lost (but you could fake it). He went to sleep and I searched the house for it. I told him I would keep looking and that kept him calm. A few hours later, I found it, but he was asleep. They were lost for good! I rewarded him by letting him pick out a toy at the store (since the Fairy did not bring him one). That made it final, no more pacifier!

Make a decision and stick with it. It will be hard to see her sad or hear her cry, but you can do it. I have seen the Nanny shows, where they just take it away and the child cries it out for a few nights. Once you decide which method you are going to use, stick to you guns!!! Good luck!!!

P.,

I took my son's pacifier away over a weekend. Said it was going to help another little boy. We boxed it up and sent it off (not really!). He cried for it but that's when you don't cave in, your husband or anyone else, and go buy another one. You will all have to endure a little annoyance with the whining for the pacifier for a couple of days. But it will be done and over with before you know it.

Also, since you have a 2 year old too, you can use her as an example to her younger sibling. Say big girls don't use pacifiers. And believe me, what ever the older child does, the younger one will do too.

Hope that helps.

Good luck and stay strong! You can do this!

L. R.

"loose" the pacifier. Don't buy a replacement. Pacifiers are meant for babies up to 3 months old only. After 3 months, babies don't have the sucking reflex anymore and they should be tossed then.

Good luck!

Hi P.,

I think you and your husband have to be the strong ones here. Kids are so resilient, and they will only do what we allow. If I were you I would just throw the paci away and when she ask for it tell her you threw it away because she was to big for it. I'm sure she will be upset, but don't cave in and don't act like it's such a big deal..it's a normal part of life. :) We have to teach our children that there is a time for everything.

You are totally right about it being a security object and though she is attached to it, she really does need to stop if for nothing else than to prevent dental problems. Allowing her to only have it in her room is a great start to getting rid of it. I would suggest cutting the tip of it off. Just a little at first, see if she notices. If she persits in wanting it, continue cutting it down. Don't tell her you're doing it/have done it. Just play it cool and say "oh, wow it sure does have a hole in it." Hopefully she will tire of the "broken" binky and give it up. This tactic worked great for me when taking the binky away from my 2 1/2 year old. Since you're daughter is older you might tell her about the "binky fairy" and how she comes to take binky's from big kids to give them to babies who really need them. Tell her the binky fairy will bring her something in return for the binky. You "give" the binky to the "binky fairy" aka the trash can and she gets a present..something she's really been wanting or maybe a baby doll or stuffed animal that she can hold at night in place of the binky. Good luck!!

cold turkey is the way to go. Maybe help her pick out another comfort object... an animal or a blanket or something and then get rid of it and don't give in. I tried to wean my three year old from it, tried to reason her out of it... none of that worked but when I went cold turkey it was actually not much of a problem for her at all. She's old enough to understand that it's not good for her teeth. She's maybe not old enough to make the jump to giving it up on her own... just take it away but offer something in it's place. good luck. I know it 's hard to take something from a child that brings her comfort, but it's really time. I wish I'd done it sooner.

o.k. I will have to say it is very hard to take the pacifier away from your kids! I had a struggle with my oldest (who is now 4) at around 2 almost 3. He only needed it when he went to bed. So I explained to him that big boys don't need pacifiers and we actually made him throw it away himself. He seemed to understand it and the first week he did ask for it but we stood firm and after that week he totally forgot about it. I now have taken it away from my 19mmth old and only give it to him at bedtime. He doesn't seem to attached to it though. So I am going to have to do it all over again here soon! Good Luck!

You need to help her find something else she will love just as much!! A favoirte stuffed animal she can cuddle. She is old enough to understand that she isn't a baby any more and doesn't need it for the same reasons a baby does. When my daughter was 5 and the last night before she started PreK she got to sleep with her blankie for the last time. We prepared her for it by talking to her about it, how she was a big girl for getting to go to school all day, etc. And we talked about it every day a week before the big night and counted down with her. She never had a fit after that night and has never asked for it and she's 7yrs old now. We didn't get rid of it, I just put it in a special place in her closet. One thought though is if your 2yr old still has one too, you need to take her off of it as well. It wouldn't be fair to your oldest if she got to keep hers.

Good Luck!!
S.

Pacifiers are good for babies to have according to my childrens doctor.And my first was a huge paci fan...couldnt leave the house without one and he constantly had it in his mouth.We tried and tried to get rid of it...some suggested to us to cut it slowly but that poses a choking hazzard. And he was too attactched and to young to understand us talking to him.When he got almost 3 we decided it was time to ditch the paci once and for all. We tried throwing it away but that only led to crying and buying another and we tried telling him he's to big and saying things like ewwww paci's are soo nasty but to no avail. Then one day he got mad at daddy and threw it on the ground,daddy picked it up and told our son we couldnt find it. We were waiting on the whining but it never came, when night time came which was the hardest time he never said a word about it and when he finally did we told him the trash man got it..same thing my mother in law used on my husband lol.But I would only tell you to use those tactics if your child was 3 or younger but she is 5! Throw the thing away, buy her a favorite toy to replace it and be done. I dont think its as much a security thing as it is her wanting to hold on to babyhood.She has a yonger sister and just like any older sibling who see's the younger one getting the attention that they use to get,they become desperate for that attention again. I explain to my 4 yr old that mommy use to do the same things to him as she's doing for the baby. I show him pictures of me giving him a bath or feeding him and I let him know that I have to help his little brother grow to be a big boy like him. And I tell him how many more things he can do and how much I love him being such a big boy.But the longer you drag it on the worse it will be. At 5 she is well over old enough to understand she's outgrew it. I know it's hard but Im sure you'd much rather be the mommy and save her little teeth rather than be her buddy and let all her teeth and possibly the new ones become ruined just to keep from hearing a little bit of crying. Your just gonna have to toughen up,have a little talk with her before you get rid of it and then do away with it then and there. You can even help her do something special with it like take it to build a bear and have it put in a teddy bear.But if she cries know that she's well over the age to be able to mourn and bounce right back. Once gone she'll forget about it in a week.

To Susan: Paci's actually can be used up until the age of 3 with no harm done.When mine was on his and reaching 2 yrs I asked my doctor if I should try and break him...dispite my M.I.L advice my doctor said no!He said that it helps with alot of things...such as security and until ages past late 3's and 4's is it a problem for their teeth. I know that personally b/c my son had his till almost 3 and he has the most straightest teeth I've ever seen.I just wanted to let you know that the paci just isnt for the sucking motion...it helps with alot of other things and aren't all bad.

I have 2 kids, 5 1/2 and almost 3. They were/are both pacifier kids. My 5 year old had to give up the poppy as we call it when he turned 3. He had to give it to our pediatrician at his 3 yr old check up. It was traumatic but worked very well, authority figure, etc. We weaned it back at 2 to only in the bed, naps and bed time or when hurt and gone at 3. On the other hand, my almost 3 year old would have the poppy all day 24/7 if I would let her. I know it is going to be difficult to wean her compared to my son. We have been talking about the doctor gets her poppy when she turns 3, but not sure she really understands. I know other who give it to Santa or the Easter Bunny, but that does not sit well with me. Trust me, you need to get your 5 yr old to stop. I have a friend whose 7 yr old sucks her middle and ring fingers and it is gross, let alone what it is doing to her teeth. At least you can take the pacifier away! You might want to try the doctor, it worked for us. He still wanted it when he was upset or hurt, but you have to just make the break and be consistent. I am dreading doing it come April when my daughter turns 3, but we have to or she will be going off to college with it! I feel guilty and think we let her have it a lot more because she is SO verbal that it acts like a cork! I know that sounds bad but she talks/sings ALL DAY LONG. So I think there are times we let her have it just for a few minutes of not hearing jingle bells or the ABC song. She also chews through them and I hate replacing them. It is a security thing I would guess with your daughter. Try finding a suitable replacement, be it a webkin for a big girl and play with it on the computer with her, some transition item that will help with the loss but also signifies her being a big girl. Both my kids respond really well to sticker charts. A big boy chart for my 5 year old and a Princess Poop chart for the 2 yr old. My son dealt with not wanting to be a big boy when going off to Kindergarten this year, the little one did not want to poop, so sticker charts for both. You can use your 5 year old when she goes a day or night without she gets a sticker, 5 stickers get a prize (dollar store or target, whatever) It has really worked well for us. I also take away stickers on my 5 year olds for negative behavior. They love them. Best of luck and if you have any questions or want to chat, let me know. You are doing the right thing to end the pacifier now, it gets harder the older they get.
C. in Alpharetta, SAHM to two kids

Try putting a pin hole in them and see if that decreases the satisfaction she is getting from sucking on it.

My son was very attached to his pacifer. I thought it was going to be very tramatic to get rid of it. I spoke to his doctor. As she has told me many times, it is usually a bigger deal to us than it is to our children. We just told our son that he was old enough now not to have a pacifer. We found them all and got rid of them. He cried a little going to sleep the first couple of nights. After that, it was over.

My pediatrician suggested this method of getting rid of the pacifier. I was sceptical but it worked wonderfully. Make sure that there are no other pacifiers left out, then cut a v in the tip of the pacifier. Each day cut straight across the tip. In under a week the main part of the pacifier is gone. My son still held on to his for about a month, then was done with it. My daughter did not want hers but for another week. I was amazed at the results.

I think you are right that the paci has become her source of security and comfort. You will need to think about what can replace this.

She is old enough for you to sit down with her when she is calm and happy and explain to her that it is time for her to not use the paci any more. That she is a big girl and that like diapers, paci's are only used for a short amount of time.

I think I would tell her that you notice she wants to use the paci when she is tired, hurt or upset. Tell her that instead of going for the paci, she can come to you and her Dad and y'all will give her hugs and loves. I would also ask her what she thinks will help her to get through without the paci as she is old enough to begin to problem solve on her own.

Find things she loves to do to help her learn to self-soothe. Try to help her find things that will not ultimately be destructive like eating.

You might also give her something to look forward to. When my daughter (now 18!!!) was potty training, I told her that when she learned to use the potty on her own, we would go and get her some big girl underwear - any kind she liked. When I told her that, she immediately said - ok mommie, I am ready to go potty right now and let's go get the underwear. And she wasn't kidding! She started going to the potty that day and soon after she was so over those pull-ups! Your daughter might just be looking for the right incentive to give up the paci, you never know. :-)

Stop beating yourself up! You are certainly not a failure in this department and many moms have found themselves in this same situation. You are a great mother and you know your child and you and your dh will find ways to help her stop.