Out of Control Grandparents

Oh my goodness, I feel so bad for you!! You have EVERY right to be angry with your in-laws. They over-stepped their boundaries BIG TIME. Yes, I do think this warrants a phone call or a letter. (you don't want to harbor resentment, it will only make it worse) They really need to understand your boundaries and realize that YOU and your husband are the parents and will handle it! (which you did very well, by the way) If they prove they cannot respect your boundaries then maybe you'll have to carefully choose what information you share with them. On the other hand, I am touched by how protective your father-in-law is, but he definitely needs to be reigned in. I actually have the opposite problem with my children's grandparents not being very involved at all. Take some time to cool down and then choose your words carefully, but firmly! Good luck!

If it's one thing I've learned in the 8 years I've been married is I must be the one to take care of any issues with DH family (mainly his sister) because he's completely incapable of doing so.

I would call them (get them both on the phone if possible) and let them know you 'appreciate' their concern for your son but they were out of line. It is NOT their place to make ANY calls to the school. You can, will, and did take care of the issue and will continue to take care of any other issues that may arise.

C.-WAHM ~5 y.o virtual twins
Owner: http://www.BeHappierAtHome.com
No MIL but the SIL from heck to deal with.

I am a grandmother and an ex kindergarten teacher so I see it from both sides. I would tell the teacher and the principal that all communication come through you or your husband. Then, say only good things to your in-laws. It is tough to monitor your self, but sometime you have to. Work hard to establish a good working relationship with each teacher your child has. Become involved with the class by volunteering time in class activities. If you are concerned about the bus ride, you can do what I did when my daughter took her first bus ride. Follow the bus to school. It made us both more secure.

Grandparents can be hard to deal with some times. You asked your Husband to talk to them and he did, so I don't think you should call them (even if you think he didn't make the point). If something like this happens again you may want to call yourself to make sure your point is clear to them. As for the principal and teachers, they deal with all kinds of "Adults" giving thier point of views. I don't think there is any thing to apologize for. But if you feel like you do a simple "I am sorry my In-Laws called, I did not ask them to" would work.
Next time you talk to your Mother -in-Law regarding something to do with your son and school. You might add that you don't mind if she tells her husband but would appreciate if he didn't call the school, that you have it handled.

The school will take care of any concerns they have about grandparents. I wouldn't worry about what the teacher or school feels like about this. They are use to responses like this one. Keep communication open with the school and don't worry about the in-law so much. Now you know what you can and can't tell the in-laws. I wouldn't say anything to the in laws though, it won't do any good. They probably feel justified to call with their concerns. In any case, you shouldn't need to appologize either. Their actions are no reflection on you.

The grandparents weren't out control, they were being grandparents who were totally taken back over what had transpired for their grandson, one who is smaller than the average kid on the bus, one who has a speech problem, one they totally adore and want to protect, at any cost. The problem was something got lost in translation. Between what you told your mother-in-law and what she understood, and then what she actually said to your father-in-law and what he understood, and then what was said to the principal..... Apologies can be accepted at school, the principal and the teacher involved have had much worse experiences, but they are probably more than delighted to know that this child has such a support system. Obviously, something got lost in translation between the bus driver and the teacher to have called you and to have told you that your son was misbehaving to the extent that they thought he was. This is an unfortunate, but not insurmountable, lack of communication and understanding on the parts of my many well intended adults. I strongly suggest that you get the principal, the teacher and the bus driver in a conference room and discuss the episode that started this mess. Get an understanding of all the pieces, and go forward. Instead of getting mad at your in-laws or your husband, thank them profusely for their well-intended support. Explain that somehow things were 'lost in translation' but that things have been corrected and everyone is singing from the same page in the hymnal. My advise to you is, don't tell any of the grandparents things that you don't want them to take action on. It's a parent's or grandparent's natural instinct to want to protect or correct. You may be embarrassed, but on the other hand, you were very upset about what was said about your son and you still don't have all the answers as to why you were told something different than what the driver told you. It will be all right. Thank you in-laws, and be careful what you tell them. Better to say something after the complete resolution of a situation than in the midst of it.

I totally agree with Cynthia T, almost verbatim.

In the past when my DH and I have agreed on something and that he should confront his parents about it, he does, but he just doesn't express just how upset we are or any of the details surrounding the situation. If he had his way, he wouldn't have said anything at all, preferring to just separate himself from the family altogether. Since I do want my son, and my imminent baby, to know their grandparents, I do what I can to let them know how I feel, sometimes even with the result of hurt feelings. But guess what? Nobody is wondering how I feel, and NOBODY walks all over me or my family. They are paramount to me.

Be as nice or not as you want, but they need to be put in their place! I am right there with you on the "How dare they?!" Would their parents have had the nerve to call across the country and humiliate them that way? No matter how the school folks feel about it, whether they'll think it's funny or just ignore it, does not take away from the fact that you feel the way you feel! No one can change your feelings but you. Do what makes you feel better.

After all, if it's happening when your son is so young, who's to say it won't continue, perhaps leading to a bully finding out about the call somehow and then taking THAT out on your son? Yeah, yeah, I know bullying is illegal, but someone has to do it first before anyone deals with it. Fact is, it exists.

At the very least, Mary L is right: You'll have to severely monitor what information gets to them if they can't be trusted to control themselves.

Your in-laws, both of them, should be ashamed of themselves! Good luck!