Older Children Who Don't Appreciate Anything

It's time to cut the cord mom and show them the door. You have made it so easy for them that they take you for granted. Let them get out on their own and support themseves and then they will begin to appreciate you! I know this one from experience!

I'd say they are old enough to be on their own! Set up a time line for her to get out of the house. Unless she's in school full time and trying to save money there's no reason for a 23-year-old to live at home. Give her 6 months to get her stuff together and get on her own feet or start charging her rent.

They're old enough to be on their own. Either make them pay rent or tell them to go live somewhere else. Good luck.

It's time for YOU, Mom. For 23 years you have been your childrens' maid-servant, cook, butler, nurse, chauffeur, therapist, and bank account. And you've done a good job. Maybe too good. ;) Being everything for everybody all the time for more than two decades is going to be a hard habit to break!

The very first thing that struck me about your question is not about what your kids are doing to you. I was concerned because it sounds like you don't have the support from your husband that you need in handling the kids. Your kids will model whatever behavior Mom and Dad - together - will allow. If Dad is disrespectful to you, that sends a strong message to the kids that it is allowable to treat you as a doormat.

I hope you can sort out your marital challenges first, and focus on those primarily at first. Put yourself and your marriage in the place it ought to be - at the helm of the family ship. Together, you and your husband need to unite against the kids and help them develop a plan ansd a timeline to get out on their own. If you and your husband are not of one mind, your home will be divided in chaos. And the kids will play on that. You will likely be unsuccessful in getting the kids out on their own if you do not have whole-hearted support, encouragment and partnership from your husband.

The years ahead will be about you and your husband, so I hope you will see it fit to invest deeply in your relationship with him, so your marriage will be there for you when the kids no longer are.

As long as you continue to focus on the kids, they will not learn how to focus on building their own lives.

Here's the tough part - if you are using your kids as an excuse not to focus on your marriage, or if you fear they will leave you and you will have no more purpose in your life, I pray you'll search through all that and find your own sense of worth outside your relationship to your children.

There is hard work ahead for you, and my heart and prayers go out to you!

Your husband needs an attitude adjustment, and so do your kids. But you can only start with YOU. What will you do today to treat yourself well?

Happy Valentine's Day - I hope you do something nice for yourself today - something symbolic - that sets you up for the positive new changes ahead!

by 23 I had my college degree (paid for school myself) and was working. Does she work? Time to cut the purse strings-old enough to be on her own. I hope she realizes what sacrifices you have made to raise her and the 2 boys. I worked 2 jobs to move into my first apt and worked close to 70 hrs a week to make it work. She needs to grow up and face responsibility. I would tell her play by my rules or move out. Make her help you financially sounds like you need some help right now being on disability. Good luck.

Hello A.,

I really feel for you! I am a mother of 4, 22, 20, 17 and 15.
They are all still with me, and my 22 yr old daughter has a 2 year old son too. I went through this and I still am with the 20 yr old son. In fact, he started with my husband just yesterday. My husband called him to the front door, opened it, and point blank said NO ONE is keeping you here! If you do not like how things are done here, there is the door (pointing at it) go find whatever your looking for out there. My son shut up REAL quick! As someone else suggested to you here. I have given my daughter 6 months, which is up April 1st.
It is really hard to do considering she has a little one, but we have told her that by April 1st if she still hasn't worked things out, we would keep the little one for her until she does. But she WILL go. I feel as if forcing her and my son from the nest is the only option I have left. I can honestly say I did TOO much for them growing up and I am paying for it now. Besides that, all I can say is QUIT doing things for your daughter, if she is not going to appreciate it and is disrespectful.. stop doing anything for her, til she learns.

Out in the big bad world, someone will NOT do something for her if she acts that way, and by doing it, she is being taught that by whining and stuff she will get what she wants in the world.. And we all know that will NOT happen.

It is time for you and your husband now, Let them go! I'd have a serious talk with him too. He has to stand by your side in this decision.. A UNITED FRONT!

Good Luck A.

T.

I'm only 25, but I have the same types of issues with my sister. We are working on planning a family vacation and a party for my mom for her 50th birthday and all I hear from her and her husband are "We this....I that....My family can't...." They go as far as being so selfish they almost ignore their daughters health! This past friday she was diagnosised with double ear infections and slight case of pneumonia. She was running a high fever. They still took her out to dinner that night because they already had the plans and she's "just a baby" (1 on Sunday). Then they had 50+ people over Sunday for her party. The poor girl looked like she felt horrible. And was worse on Monday for it! She just doesn't see that what she does affects people around her. I've so far done everything for vacation, finding a place to stay and the car rental at the best price available for a group of 9. She turns around and says "I do get the room with the queen size bed right? I don't want to have to share a room with anyone." My mom says just let it go, they'll grow up. It's another stage of life.
Sorry, it's been a long week and half:) Best of luck to you and your daughter!

Are these kids in college? Is that why they are still living at home? If it were me, I would either charge them rent or kick them out of the nest. I'm not saying quit being mom, but as a mom, sometimes we have to make them stretch their wings and fly. If your generosity is not enough, maybe they should see what it's like in the real world where they have to do everything and work for anything they want/need. I know my mother in law babied her sons too long and even went so far as to pay their bills, buy their groceries, and even support one of their X's by paying all her bills and rent and everything because she had the kids. If you let them take advantage, they will not be self sufficient when they need to be. Good luck!

Tough love. If your children are not in college (& that's why they live with you), tell them to get jobs & buy their own stuff. Regardless, they need to be working at least part-time & contributing partially on groceries, rent, or on something. Not a huge amount, but something to make them responsible/accountible. If you're uncomfortable with the idea, secretly put what they contribute into a savings account for each of them & give it to them when they leave the nest. Quit worrying about pleasing them so much. You've done your job - they're over 18 & still breathing, so it's time for them to take over responsibility for their own lives (with a little support & encouragement from their loving mom). Just don't let them 'play' you anymore.

This response if more for younger children, because these behaviors are molded in the early years, but I have the same problem here with my 5 year old! I finally got so irritated with his sense of entitlment and lack of appreciation for everything he has that I started calmly taking things away. Each time he makes comments that he "never" gets any new or fun toys, I started taking a toy away to make him see that he needs to appreciate what he has, or it will be gone (could work the same for your adult children in regards to taking away privileges or money you might be giving). I also make him earn money to pay for half of what he wants. This way, it takes a week or two to get the new thing, rather than running out and buying it immediately. We periodically go through his toys and things, while discussing that there are other families and kids that don't have much. We donate toys and clothing in exchange for new things. He seems to respond well to this technique because he is a very empathetic child. Appreciation and respect are learned behaviors, as I am finally coming to realize. It is our responsibility to do whatever it takes to instill these behaviors, or they will grow to be even more unappreciative and disrespectful (as you are now experiencing). I have an issue with trying to do what I can to assure that he never gets sad or upset, this is my downfall. I am learning, with the aid of books and tv programs, that sometimes they will cry and feel hurt (just as we did when we were children, but we don't remember...just as our children won't). They play us and they play into our "guilt". I have also learned to say things to him when he speaks disrespectfully to me, things such as "are you sure you want to speak to me that way?" For some reason, this has been working (rather than me getting upset and speaking equally as disrespectul to him). When he gets rude or whiney, we also started a new technique where we go sit on the couch, face to face, and say 5 nice things to one another (at my mother's suggestion). It instantly makes him smile and takes him out the funk he was in. I am also careful that I make sure to display respectful and appreciative behaviors for my little one to mimmick. Set consequences and/or rewards for poor or good behaviors. Eventually, they will learn. Mine is getting better, but it's a process, one that takes committment. Just remember that the behaviors they are displaying now are also the behaviors they will display as they are older....there's nothing worse than a teenager or adult who is unappreciative and disrespectful. I wish you (and me:)) success in altering these behaviors. Be steadfast and consistant with correcting the poor behaviors and set an example.:)

I have the same challenge i have a 20 year old that makes me crazy. Actually I am trying to pray him srtaight. Nothing has helped...he has adhd and a lot of times it is hard to deal with he will not take medication. I have learned talking in a nice manner has helped but when I told him he would not be inheriting any thing he changed a whole lot more. I am hoping it is his age but I think it is our world.

Well for one thing they are old enough to manage on thier own. I have 2 that are 20 soon 21 and 23 soon 24 and this is what I tell them if they dont like MY house then get your own. If What I have isnt good enough then get a job and buy your own. We as parents can only help so much and it comes a time when we have to step back and let them manage on thier own. It is hard to do but we have to do it. Good luck I shed a lot of tears but it does get better. Put your self first.

It's time for them to do it on their own!!! They are in their 20's! That means get a job and do your own laundry, clean up after yourself!!! Sounds like you need to get tough mom! They will never be able to survive on their own if you always do it for them! And to be a little tough on you mom you will have failed to do your job of preparing your children for life. Don't be sad and upset! Get mad and tough! You can do it! And then maybe you will find that other people will respect you as well.

Do you think maybe you spoiled your children when they were younger? Because by now they should appreciate you more than they ever have. As far as your husbands attitude....as women we have much power....try reading the book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" you will be amazed at what YOU can do to change the situation you are in.

I think you need to try tough love. Cut her off. If she can't see the value of anything you give her then don't give her anything anymore. Does she live with you? Start charging her rent. Does she eat your food? Make her pay for a portion of the food bill. Does she use your utilities? Make her pay a portion of that as well. I lived at home until I got married at 24, but I still needed to abide by my parents wants and wishes because I lived in their home. My father loves me very much -- and he would tell me so, right before he would politely show me the door whenever I got a little too big for my britches. I don't know what your husband's attitude is, you say you are depressed from it. This is a huge problem if you and he are not jointly commited to straightening this girl out. You need to have a heart to heart with him and get him on board first, or it will never work. She will just play you against each other causing more trouble. Seek counseling and strength from your church, pray for your daughter, and hopefully you can find some solutions. Best of luck...

My husband and I had the same problem with our son now 21. We stopped being so willing to offer help in the form of money or doing things for him that he could do for himself. We have noticed incredible growth in him during this time. It isn't easy to not help them or 'rescue' them as we were doing for him but worth it in the long run. He has become much more responsible, self-sufficient and most of all appreciate of what we do help him with. Good luck. Be strong and let her know you still love her as before but you aren't willing to keep babying her. Don't beat her over the head with it just let nature take its course. She is an adult and needs to be treated as one.

I am assuming that your children are still living at home & are at least on some level dependent on you & your husband. No matter the age, all children (ALL family members) should have responsibilities to the family unit, as well as be respectful & supportive to all family members. I am sure it is even harder if your husband as well isn't showing respect &/or is not being supportive of you & your needs.
First, have a heart-to-heart talk with you hubby. He has got to know how you feel and you two need to come to an agreement on expectations. Then have a family meeting (this is necessary even if the children are no longer in the home) to inform everyone of what is going on, how you feel & what you BOTH expect.
You must set rules and boundaries & stick with them, even for your 20-somethings... after all they are living under your roof, right? If they can not adhere to the rules, take things away, just like you do with teens & preteens. Do you pay for internet services, game/video/music site memberships, cell phones, car payments & insurance, etc? I would stop paying... take those things away! Those things are LUXURIES not NECESSITIES. Don't allow the kids to have them until they are paying for them.
If the children aren't in your home still, if they truly are on their own, I would not give them further financial support, minimal free babysitting services, etc. Adult children STILL need to be respectful to their parents.
At the very least, you deserve to be treated respectfully by your family.
Good luck!

Sounds like you don't get any respect in your home at all. I admit to being shocked when reading your children's ages. They need to get off it! Your children are old enough to either follow the house rules or get out. Tough love may be the order of the day. Take back your power, A.. Stop reacting to what they all say and do. Focus on what there is to love and honor about them and speak to that only. If they want to show you the ego self, don't engage. If they aren't respecting what you do for them, stop doing it. Let them see what it is like to fend for themselves. Doormat NO MORE! I know you are a strong, loving mother and wife. Show them that and not the victim. Many blessings and sending strength and love, Carol. Go to www.landmarkeducation.com for an eye opener and to learn to live life powerfully and live a life you love!

i have five grown children, all are diffierent. one daughter was the same way. we laid down ground rules for her. if she continued to live in our house, rent would be paid($25.00) wkly. she would help with groceries and housework. she had to be taught discipline and responsibility which she didn't want to accept. after she moved out, she would ask for help dollar wise. like you the amount wasn't enough. we cut off all support financially and only gave moral support and prayers. she has accepted this kind of love and matured herself greatly. now all she has is respect & praises about her upbringing. our relationship has also grown with her.
she needed to acknowledge, parenting was more than having everything handed over to her on a silver platter and we did sacrifice enough for her.

We have an adult son with Multiple sclorosis.. He's always lived with us on and off over the years. When he was about 31 he was diagnosed with MS so being the parents that we are we helped him along. He now lives with us we are very accommadating in almost every way but he does not appreciate anything we do for him he has been kicked out of 2 convalscent homes for bad behavior so we keep bringing him home he is now 40 years old never says Thank you when I take care of him which now he is total care and still doesn't appreciate what we do for him.
Caring parents that only wants a nice Thank you and a kiss on the cheek every now and again.

It is a little late now, but you could try ignoring them and let them come to you...be very calm and not get excited or demanding, just develope an uninteresting attitude ....just read, go to school ....that is get into yourself.They will wonder "wwwhat's going on"...see the error of their ways.You will be proud of yourself in improving your self worth and your calm demeanor.....be cool..ok?

I know where your coming from A., Sorry! I don't have the answers. Just letting you know your not the only one here that is or has had the same problems. Guess we need to continue trying to lovingly explain that it is rude to be disrespectful and just keep telling them that we don't except this behavior. I gave or give it to Gods hands to deal with to help me to say the right things to them. Another thing is to try to ignore them they don't like this, and to say to them "you ignore me then i'll ignore you also" Stick to it too. Maybe she'll get a message from that.
T.

She's an adult, you don't have to do anything for her. If she's not appreciative of what you do do then stop. I know it might sound harsh, but she's not a child any more.

Good luck.

this would have to be done very delicately and respectfully, but you might consider suggesting she see a councillor. perhaps she is dealing with self-esteem/image or self-worth issues and thinks that if everyone's not focused on her, then it means she's not good enough or loved enough. all of her actions that you've described are designed to get attention and reassurance. it just put up a huge red flag for me because i deal a lot with these issues in myself (which, thank god, i've been able to work through so far!!).
honestly, when someone thinks they're queen or that they should be placated, this inflated ego is a coping mechanism to cover up problems they don't want to admit even to themselves.
i'd be very careful when speaking to her about this. many people automatically think you're telling them they're crazy if you suggest seeing a councillor. it's a pride issue.

First off, I'm hoping it's not the 20yr old that's acting that way. That's old enough to be out on their own, not whining about things that they're not happy about in your home. Next, I would be livid if my child acting that way. Mine are 4 1/2,almost 3, and 14mos. I can not imagine one of them acting that way with me someday. Are there even any chores done by this unappreciative child? Or some form of contribution to the way the house runs, like buying groceries or RENT? I say if they act like that, and they are that old - GET A JOB AND PAY FOR IT Y_O_U_R_S_E_L_F!
Sorry to be so voiceful. Being appeciative is a big one in my book.

if they don't appreciate anything, don't give them anything unless they do. They will eventually learn. My mom used to have a phrase "sometimes you have to learn the hard way!"

I have to agree with the majority. It does sound like she needs a little 'tough love'. I moved out at 18, then came home at 19. My mom told me if I were to move home, I had to pay my own way. I paid her rent ($50/week), did my own laundry, paid my own bills (car, insurance, cell) and had to help with the groceries. And I had to live by her house rules. If I was going to be out all night, I had to call and let her know. It was kinda rough at first, b/c I had an attitude that I was too old to be treated like that, but actually, in the end, it was best. I wasn't un-appreciative, I just didn't realize how good I had it. Once I was actually out on my own, I would have given anything to go back to my Mom's! (some days, I still do wish) Maybe setting those rules, paying rent, paying her own way, living by your rules, will help. She will get mad, she will probably stay mad. But she will get over it. I've learned, the older I get, that the more appreciative I am of my parents, the more they are willing to help me out if I really need them. I'm the only girl, which has it's advantages, but I never forget to let them know that I appreciate it. And I make sure I pay them back!
Good Luck!

If your child is out of school she needs to be pushed out of the nest. She'll appreciate you more. O don't understand why more parents are afraid to put their foot down. SHort term she may be mad at you, but long tern she will respect you. You also need to get into counseling. I am sure you are depressed about more than your kids. It sounds like a lot is going on in your home. By seeking counseling you are getting someone to support you and also getting a mediator to help through your relationship with your daughter. It takes some of the blame off your shoulders and may make your daughter more accountable. If she is still dependent on you, take her with you to counseling. Can your husband back you up? You need to be on the same page too. It isa always tough when you have one daughter with all those boys. ( I have 3 boys, 1 girl).

Look at Ali M's response. She said what I was thinking, go on strike, no more laundry service, no more cooking everynight, ect.. I have a 23yr. old son who believes the the world revolves around him.. I started making myself disappear right before dinner hour say around 4:30pm I would go to the mall and walk around go get a hair cut or whatever, the point is let them fend for themselves for a change. It's almost funny to walk in and see they have had a bowl of cereal for dinner..lol

Ever think about yourself? They are old enough to support themselves and this should be YOUR time. Time to teach them tough love. It sounds like they dont appreciate you and it is time to stand up for yourself and then (maybe then) they will start showing some respect for you. If it were me, I would give them 2 months to find a job and get their own place and let them figure out how life really is. I dont know if they were spoiled as youngsters or what, but it is time to give them a dose of reality. Life is not a free ride. As far as your husbands attitude, give him an ultimatum. Clean up the attitude and start showing some respect or he can leave. Show some backbone and i can guarantee that their tune will change.

My heart goes out to you. You didn't specify if your children, or at least daughter, still live at home, but I am assuming they do. At their ages, they should be out on their own or AT LEAST contributing financially to the household. It is not your responsibility to take care of your daughter anymore, she is an adult. Again, I don't know the curcumstances, but I wonder how much of her attitude might be because of your enabling.
It will be difficult to "lay down the rules" and stick with them, but if you cave, she will never change her responses to you. The change in her has to start with you. There is always the possibility too, that she may not change, especially if this behavior is a 'life long habit'. In that case, you must decide what you will tolerate and what you won't. You need to do what is best for you, not her at that point.

If this is your 23 year old daughter, kick her out of the house. She will quickly learn to appreciate you and all you've done for her in the past. My mother went through this with me. She kicked me out of the house and I quickly learned my lesson. I was 20. Now I am a 26 year old mother of three. It will do her good, it may be a hard thing to do, but it will be better in the long run.

H. W.

Sorry to say but maybe it's time for some tough love. She's old enough- make her find her own place. If she doesn't appreciate yours, she can go it alone and maybe she'll find a new appreciation for you.
L.

A.,
It sounds as though your family has been using you up. If I were you I would just plain go on strike. Perhaps if you quit doing anything for them, they will appreciate all you have done. Your kids are all old enough that they should be repaying you for all you have done for them over the years, not expecting more.
Are they working? , if so , they should be contributing financially to the household, if not, they need to start looking for a job, plus take over all the work mom has always done for them.
Stand up for yourself...you are of great worth and your family needs to learn to respect and appreciate you.
L.

My husband and I have a 4 children, 11, 7, 3 year old twins. We have decided that children need to be taught to appreciate things that you buy and do for them. So during the appropriate times, we explain that mommy and daddy had to work hard for the money to pay for things and such. The result over the years is that our children actually thank us often for anything that we buy for them, and are frequently found thanking us for the dinner that we made, or ice cream that we stopped for. I know when I was a child I didn't ever thank my parents for the things that they did for me. Now looking back I think that as a child I didn't really realize the time, money and sacrifices that they had to make for me. I wish they would have explained it to me.

Go on strike! Don't do anything for them and then see how quickly they appreciate you!

Dear A.,
My heart goes out to you. It is difficult to stop mothering our adult children and "let them go". Their lack of appreciation is their way of shouting to you "back off"! They may not understand the value of what you are offering, but until they do, stop trying to give it.
Being disabled from work may be giving you too much time to think about "how to help" them. Turn your energies toward helping someone who will appreciate your efforts and respect you; i.e. helping tutor youngsters or visiting elderly people, or anyone else who has a need and would thank you for your help. Or you might develop a skill, talent, or interest of your own: crotchet, paint, musical instrument, indie films? Take a course, join a club? How about organizations screaming for volunteers? There are MANY places to give of yourself where you WILL be appreciated and respected. Respect yourself by not squandering your efforts on ungrateful recipients, even if they are of your own blood. Teach them how to respect you by separating from their disrespectful behavior. Then let them come to you......the hardest part, but IT WILL HAPPEN IF you are patient enough. Get busy with something ELSE.
You can still teach your children....BY YOUR ACTIONS.
Good success and stay happy.
Dear A.,
In case any of these adult children STILL LIVE with you, look at some of the other advice about getting them to become CONTRIBUTING VOLUNTARY MEMBERS of the household. Once they reach 18 it is a MUTUALLY agreed upon arrangement for them to stay under your roof and it MUST WORK FOR YOU as much as for them....or out the door until they appreciate home sweet home and especially MOTHER. I'm the mother of 6 kids and all mine have learned to be financially INDEPENDENT once they hit 18 (have their own jobs and apartments, even if in college). I have 4 older ones, 25, 23, 20, 18, all out of the house and in good relationship with me....because I wouldn't enable them to disrespect me. IF you have any adult children at home with YOU, YOU will need outside counseling to keep you from falling back into the same pattern. This could be professional counseling, as well as counsel from others who've been through it.

A hard lesson to learn is that you can't change others, you can just change yourself and your focus. My concern is that you may not respect yourself enough so your family is responding to you in kind. My recommendation is if they aren't appreciateive of you find something worthwhile where you can give and be appreciated. Look at what you can do and what you have to offer. I don't know the level of your disability, but I would recommend working in a food pantry, or visiting a nursing home and reading to the elderly or volunteering at a school with children in a classroom. Give back and focus on giving to others. I wouldn't go out of your way to help your children and your husband. Be kind and loving in your words, but don't sacrifice yourself for them. The best way you can teach is to model the behavior you want from them within yourself to yourself....Also - get the little book Instant Karma by Barbara A. Kipfer and do at least one new thing from the book every day. You'd be amazed at the difference!Good luck!

If you have older children (over the age of 18) who are treating you in a disrespectful manner and being unappreciative, I would kindly suggest they move out.

If they are already living out of the house, then I would stop buying them or helping them buy non-necessity items. Sometimes a good dose of the "real world" helps people see the error of their ways.

Good luck!

My first questions to you would be: why is this 23 year old daughter living at home? Does she work? Is she paying rent to live at home? Does she do her own laundry? Does she buy or contribute to the food bill? If she drives who owns her car? Pay for insurance? Put gas in the car? These are all things that an adult does because they are adults. By allowing your grown children to behave like kids they will continue to do if you let them. Give them or her a deadline. Tell her she has until March 1st to A) get a job, B) open a bank account, C) show you a plan for her to start making arrangements to move out of the house. Let her know that she no longer will be coddled and that she is old enough to stand on her own two feet. You are not her friend, you are her mother. You are the parent she is the child. That is the way it will always be. Now stand up for yourself and say NO to her and mean it. You are hurting her by giving into her. You are making her a weak, dependant person who will live off of you or society if you don't push her into a grouwnup by demanding that she learn to take care of herself. Stop giving in to her NOW. Insist that she make decisions on her own and insist that she quit coming to you for the answers, money or whatever. Your Husband also needs to stand by you. Your children are only treating you and your husband the way you let them treat you. Stop allowing disrespect in your own home.

Hello, A.
I understand just how you are feeling.I have been in the same situation before I am also a mother of four I have three boys and one daughter.Age are son 23,son 19,son 11 daughter 25.My older son act as if I old him something he is also very disrespectful to me.But he no longer lives with me either because I have done my job risen him he is a grown man now and it time for him to do things on his own without my help so he can see that it's not that easy out here.You must let her go so that she can grow up if you keep giving her everything she want she want ever know how do to things on her own,you must step back and show some real tuff love to her.And you really must stand your ground and mean what you say when you say it make her respect you because she old that to you for giving her life,for keeping a roof over her head,and making sure that she eat everyday damand what is rightfully yours and that is respect.And your husband probably wouldn't have such attitude if you would stop letting your kid disrespect you he is probably tried of hearing about the fight that you and your daughter is always having.You must talk with your husband on what he think is best for you as his wife and what is best for your child.And am not sure if you believe in God but if you do I advise you to stay in pray with God and trust Him to work out everything with your family.I pray this help you along the way.

I say 'Amen" to everyone else - the only other thing I would add is there would be a very short timeline that she would be required to get her own place and be living on her own (no longer than 3 mo.). The free ride is over.

Like some other laides have said, by the time I was 23 I had a college degree, an apartment, a full-time job, and another job on Saturdays so I could get crazy and buy things like a FULL cart of groceries. :) I think your daughter doesn't realize what all you've done/do for her and it's time for her to move out and take responsibility for her self. She may be upset about it now, but in the long run she'll appreciate being on her own (and knowing she can take of herself) and also "hopefully" appreciate you.

God Bless, and best wishes!

I remember being 23, it wasn't so long ago really and i think it's normal to a degree at that age, and she si the only girl so she probally got spoiled a little growing up, and shew as the oldest so while the boys may have had to share thier things or their room or get hand me downs she didn't have that problem, it's time you sit her down and cut her off, she is an adult whatever help you give she should thank you for a lot of parents aren't much help once a child is grown and if she still has yours she is a lucky girl. but if it's that bad you need to just put your foot down, let her struggle, let her deal with wanting things and not getting them and the harsh reality that you work for what you want. she'll fight you and she'll fail at first but ppl will do what they HAVE to do to survive, it's human nature. sounds to me that like a lot of kids today she just needs a good kick in her adult butt to remind her that she is indeed an adult and responsible for herself. I know i did, i just got mine a whole lot younger than 23, lol.

Many children have a belief they are entitled to so much and deserve more... that the world resolves around them. Some are worse than others. I believe there are two ways to address this.

I believe that everyone needs to earn their own way in life. Children have no idea how hard you worked to get to this point in your life and how hard it is to maintain. Children need to work... for the neighbors doing yard work, for you doing housework, etc.

If they like animals, they could volunteer at the animal shelter to groom pets, take them on walks, play with animals, and clean up after them. They learn responsibility and to key into others needs.

Another way to learn about caring for others is volunteering to help others who are worse off than ourselves. We often do not realize how good we have it or how much we can help others until we try. Have them volunteer at a senior's community, at a mentally disabled home, at a foster home for displaced children, at the soup kitchen, at MDA, etc. Get them involved in the community.

I personally worked very hard for everything I have. I bought my own car, paid for my own insurance, had a crappy restaurant job, sales jobs, telemarketing, etc. I've worked for management that was rude and disrespectful all the time no matter how hard I worked or what hoops I jumped through. Until a person has been through "stuff" they can't really appreciate what it is to be content with whatever it is that you have.

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