Here is a link for you, to give you ideas:
Instead of renting an "apartment", he can rent a "room" in a house... these are often cheaper.
Next, wean him off of getting money from you/Husband. It will only benefit him, by growing up.
At 19 years old, and being in college... (is he going full-time or part-time?), I would think he can get a better paying job. What KIND of job does he have now? He must have more skills, and can make more than just $8.75/hour???
At this age, well, he's sort of being a "moocher"/slacker, because he does nothing to "contribute" to living with you or for even appreciating it. He is NOT acting like an "adult." He is acting like a child, and being treated like one.
Perhaps, he is feeling apathy.... for many reasons: his low paying job, his desire to move out but can't, his being treated like a "child" while he is actually a 19 year old "man", his not knowing what to do in life, etc. Are his friends the same way, or are some of them goal oriented and achieving types?
HOW are his grades? Or is he just going to college as an "excuse" so that you keep paying for it and then meanwhile he can live in your home and pay nothing, while you pay for EVERYTHING (ie: his car/insurance, telephone bills, food and shelter). WOW, what a deal he has... and all for no effort on his part. SO, he can probably put up with all the "nagging" he gets... because meanwhile, he is living like a king, all expenses paid.
What does your Husband do about it? A 19 year old "man" needs a "Leader", to guide him. ie: your Husband.
I know, parents are busy... and you have a toddler... but there comes a point, where it has to be dealt with.
At a certain age... a "boy" usually has a Father & Son talk, or, a son to Parents talk .... about LIFE, and expectations, and meeting responsibility, and GOALS. DID you all have this "talk" with your son, yet???? If anything, to set him straight about his attitude and lack of responsibility AND his ungratitude....and how to be a "man?"
There comes a point, when a "child" gets older and becomes his own "man." AND, when the parents can't keep bailing him out or treating him like a child.
Then, your son puts on a "long face..." and is rude, selfish, and does not talk or make conversation. Much like a child's reaction... but the thing is, your son is 19 years old!!! He should NOT still be treated like a 16 year old.
Do you want him to have arrested-development and forever be "stuck" in this level of development....or do you want him to progress and blossom and GROW and MATURE? It seems, he has not matured yet... he is playing the 'role' of poor lil' me- I have nothing and still going to school and only make $8.75/hour so my parents 'have to' support me. Golly gee, gee whiz, gosh darn, poor me.
Poor guy... wouldn't we all like to have someone PAYING us to stay home?
You can as an alternative... pay a PORTION of his rent to start him off... AND send him out to find a place... and he HAS to pay the other half of rent. OR, you help him find a room and board place he can afford. THEN, he needs to find a better job... that pays more than a high schooler would make. He CAN do that, you know.
My Husband, before we got married... was going to school, working at night full time till 2:00am in the morning, then he would come home and study... then go to class in the morning... and he did it all, just fine. AND, he was living on his own in a rented apartment, WITHOUT any "Parental" help. AND he was maintaining a 3.8 GPA.
So, it can be done.
MAYBE your son would also benefit by a job assistance service... or, perhaps a "Mentor" who will guide him, or hey- what about the School Counselor??? There's a thought..they can help him find a job, and pick a career and all of that. THAT is what college does... those are the services they provide. Right? Well, tell your son to do that. Show some gumption on his part... instead of being inert.
Take away his computer...
AND send him to a Financial Planner or someone at the bank... to make sure he SAVES his money instead of wasting it away & work out a plan... or since he goes to the internet cafe/computer playing place....tell him to give YOU the money instead of spending it there... and that is his "rent" to you.
Next: is your son depressed? WHY the long face and frowning and silence from him? THEN, talk to him and ask him WHY he acts like that??? AND why is he still acting like he is in High School? Is he able to mature and learn? Are his friends the same as him? Do they have any goals? What is your son majoring in? Does he have any problems? Is he feeling pushed aside because now he has a toddler sibling?
What are his "problems"? Do you all sit down regularly and TALK like a family and see how he is and how he is doing? Or is he just talked at? Or, does he do drugs? Anything?
Instead of nagging him... have him meet requirements: paying you the money he spends on the computer place & on computer games, going to a Financial Planner, SAVING his money for "rent", looking for a room to rent, looking for a job that pays better, making a resume... SHOWING you his grades (to prove he is actually going to college and not just taking the money for tuition for himself)- some kids do that; MAKE a LIST of everything... and check it off. THAT is his requirements to meet... since he is not contributing in any other way.
And on your/your Husband's part... you NEED to sit down with him and have an ADULT conversation about where his life is headed... and what his requirements for living there are. (as I listed above)....then he needs to PROVE it, and talk with him about being a "man." Some boys really need this kind of talk because they can't steer themselves very well. They need someone to light a fire under their rear end... to SHOW them "how." HELP him to be PROUD of being a "man", a young man who can be something and someone.... and most of all, make SURE he knows that you are both PROUD of him for growing up and no matter what.
All the best,