Not SAHM Material

Hi, I think that you will be a better mom if you are happy and fulfilled. Go back to work,it seems like you have the best working opportunity anyway with the flexibility and being able to bring the babe with you.

Relax, enjoy the month off and then get back to what makes you happy, no matter what it is!

Good luck, N.

You're NOT insane! Staying at a job you enjoy is a great decision. So many of my friends are professionals and they work as well as have kids. I have a lot of stay at home mom friends too. I used to work half time and I thought that was perfect! Since moving I have not found a half time job so I am a SAHM at the moment. But I'm keeping my eye out for something. I love staying home with my daughter but I also miss working and feel like I'm wasting my biology graduate degree. You sound to me that you have a perfect situation...a great part time job with people that appreciate you and are willing to work with you. Hold on to that!!! It's golden! Don't worry about what others think is what I say.

You are a woman, with hopes and dreams and desires. Yes, you are a mom but that's not the whole of who you are! It's just one part of it.

Ignore those who'd make you feel bad! Perhaps they are trying to justify their decision? Sometimes when you choose a different path others who have chosen the other way will make you feel wrong. Just know the fault is on their end!

Good luck! And enjoy motherhood AND going back to work!

You definitely sound like you need to keep your job to keep your sanity. Don't let anyone make you think you are less of a mom by doing what you feel you need to do in order to be a happy mom. Sitting at home in resentment would not do your child a lick of good. congrats on knowing that. And it's very cool that you can take babe to work with ya too!

This is pretty crass, but what's between your ears is just as important as what's between...well, you get it.

Just remember, if no one is looking at your husband like _he's_ crazy for going back to work, they shouldn't look at _you_ that way either.

Good luck with the new little one.

Honestly, with what you describe, it's the best of both worlds. If your schedule is flexible, your husband and co-workers are supportive and you can take your child WITH you? WOW! That's a really neat situation. I hope it works out as well as it sounds like it could.

Women advocated and demonstrated and struggled for years just so each woman could make this choice! Do what is right for you - which is clearly going back to work. It's wonderful that you have a flexible schedule and a job you enjoy. Who cares what others think? You've been down this road before so you know you can handle being at work, and you have listed all your reasons very clearly. No one can make you feel guilty without your permission. Ignore them, do what is best for you (and therefore for your child), and be confident that a happy and fulfilled mama is just what your child needs!

mothers are not cookie-cutters (pun strongly intended.) we are individuals with a vast spectrum of needs, desires, circumstances and talents. i love that you have a career that you groove on, lots of support and encouragement to make it work, flexibility and....er....talent.
go forth and kick butt! and smile serenely at anyone who disagrees with your decision and tell them sweetly they are free to do whatever works for them.
khairete
S.

I chose to stay home for the first year then go back to work right away. I was working when he was about 13 months old. Daddy wanted me to stay home because he did not like the idea of someone else raising him but I showed him and explained to him that he would be in a great place and that we would still be raising him. I worked until he was 2.5 when I got laid off and we began to realize that he needed to be home with me for a little while, he is now 4 and I am going crazy!!! I am as well not cut out to be a SAHM and there is NOTHING wrong with it at all. You are not crazy, you are not a bad person, it is what it is. If you are going to take baby to work with you I will suggest you get something like the mobi wrap where baby can sleep on you while you "hold" him it is great! I did find a job in a baby boutique from 6months to 13 months where I did get to take him but it was only a few hrs a week, I had a mobi style and a hot sling could not live with out them.

You have to do what makes YOU happy, because you can't be the best mom if you're unhappy. Lots of women are happier with a career and there's nothing wrong with that, especially when you can take the baby with you.

You should not feel pressured at all. It is your decision! I'm sorry people are making you feel this way.

I loved Diane B's response!

Listen - just because you have a baby doesn't mean that you abandon your sense of identity. Yes, you have new roles and responsibilities but you don't have to give up who you are and *just* become *Mom*. And, I don't mean in any way to slight those who are SAHMs as "that's all they do" because I know being a SAHM is a hard job (I did it with both of my kids for their first 8 months and went crazy...literally!).

One of the healthiest things you can do is continue to participate in the things that make you happy and fulfilled, and it sounds like you job does that. You'll learn how to balance both and in doing so you will teach your child important skills like independence, balance, resiliency, and adaptability.

Updated

I loved Diane B's response!

Listen - just because you have a baby doesn't mean that you abandon your sense of identity. Yes, you have new roles and responsibilities but you don't have to give up who you are and *just* become *Mom*. And, I don't mean in any way to slight those who are SAHMs as "that's all they do" because I know being a SAHM is a hard job (I did it with both of my kids for their first 8 months and went crazy...literally!).

One of the healthiest things you can do is continue to participate in the things that make you happy and fulfilled, and it sounds like you job does that. You'll learn how to balance both and in doing so you will teach your child important skills like independence, balance, resiliency, and adaptability.

People who haven't done it don't understand. Only you know what is best for your family. I never thought I would be a fulltime working outside the home mom. I was not good at being a SAHM. Things are better now that I am working full time. Kids are doing great in daycare. You are very lucky to get to bring the baby with you....win/win!!!! Try not to let other people get to you. Once you see how much better things are for you, you will be able to let it slide.
Not saying anything wrong with being SAHM. If I was better at it, and if it made my DH happy I would be one too. Every person, couple, family, mom is different and you just have to ignore what others say.

The situation sounds very good and flexible... for you/baby.... per your work and co-workers. You are LUCKY in that sense. Not many employers/companies... would be that flexible.
So... you have a good set up.
Plus you like your job and they all seem willing... to accommodate you/baby after you take 1 month off.
And you have worked yourself up the food chain at this job... already.

Do what you feel is best for you... and your Husband sounds very willing and supportive... that is all you need. You AND Hubby.... deciding together.

If you have time, read the book The Feminine Mistake. It's a great exploration of the risks etc that women take by staying home. I'm not at all saying that staying home is a bad choice and I'll likely do it soon but people who are so adamant about it should read this book. It's just a different perspective with some good facts to back it up. So many moms would love to have your job that many naysayers are probably just jealous!

No matter WHAT you choose... some people will be horrified/ outraged/ act smug/ whatever. So do what makes you happy.

People like different things and have different experiences. Our lives don't necessarily relate to each others... but nearly all of us fall into the trap of assuming they do from time to time.

People who did school the "normal" way, said I could never be a college student with a baby/toddler. Ummmm.... best of both worlds for ME. I only had to be gone 10 hours a week max. I got to do my work while he slept. I got "paid" better than if I were working 40 hours (tuition + about 12k left over to live off of + childcare costs up to about 1k per month). All told, that was well over what I'd make per year working. I couldn't join a sorority/party every night, but that's not what college is about for me. Many people either couldn't wrap their heads around it, or chose not to. Because I was choosing to do things totally different from what "they" did, it was completely baffling to them.

"They" say lots of things. "They" don't live my life. :)

Get used to it, however. Because "They" all have kids (or worse, know someone with kids), and as you do things differently from "Them" "They" will disapprove more often than not.

I think it's because, as parents, we agonize over our decisions and work so hard to do what's "best", that people making different decisions is seen as challenging what THEY view as best. Because even though best changes for each family, some people see it as threatening/ dismissing/ their best... or just plain old choosing wrong not to follow in their choices.

Do what's best for you. Not everyone is cut out for staying home. I think 1 month is soon, but if you get to take the baby, that's awesome.

Who cares what people think!! If your husband is supportive, that's all that matters. Sounds like you're really valued at your job, and you love what you do. I wouldn't give it up just because some people give you grief.

I didn't get pressure to stay home, but I WANTED to and was looking FORWARD to it... but I STILL thought I would lose my sanity after about a month at home alone with a baby. lol
Eventually (years) I got over some of that... my kids grew up into little people that I can talk to now, instead of little lumps that don't communicate, lol. But I totally GET what you are saying.

If you have a place where you can continue to do what you love, want to do it, are getting concessions that work for you and your family, and your husband supports you in it... who cares what anybody else has to say???
Go for it. The rest are probably jealous that you get a choice. I wouldn't have minded doing SOMETHING part-time in the past years, but I have been out of the market so long now that it would end up some crummy minimum wage job that wouldn't challenge me like I wanted anyway...

Good for you! And congrats on your pending addition!

I wish!! I had to go back to work but am lucky that between my schedule and my husbands no day care! I think if you can bring the baby to work with you that you actually have best of both worlds! Who cares what any one else thinks. As long as your happy - you will be a better mom.

You have to do what's right for you and your family. If working a couple of days a week makes you a better Mommy during the other time, then that's what you should do. Your happiness is important too.

My one recommendation is don't forget to listen to your body as well and don't overdo it. Childbirth can take a lot out of you, and sometimes you recover more quickly than other times.

Please don't worry about what others say about your decisions. You and your partner have the best idea of what will work for you and your family. And the great thing about decisions is that they can always be *changed*! It does sound like a wonderful opportunity and not to be passed up. And if it doesn't work out you get to change your mind about what will work for you and yours. Yea for freedom to choose!

That's great that your baby can come with you! I decided to be a SAHM, and had the opposite problem - everyone thought I was nuts to not keep my job. Someone will judge you whatever you decide, so you just have to do what is best for you and your family.

First, you need to get the book Milk Memos. On its surface, its a book about pumping breast milk at work, but it's really about being a working mom. They talk about that whole "feeling guilty about not feeling guilty" thing, which I found so helpful.

In fact, for anyone who says something about me not being home, I tell them about this book, something along the lines of "I'm reading this funny book called Milk Memos, and it talks about how all sorts of moms feel differently about going back to work, and everyone tries to do what they need to do for their family and feel comfortable with themselves." I agree with the other commenters who pointed out that sometimes when people say something to make you feel bad about going back to work, it is because they see it as an indictment of their decision to stay home, or their wife's decision, so if you can subtly say something about how all women are different, then you seem open minded. My friend has a theory that many people find career-minded women to be judgmental. I don't think we are, but I suppose its good to remind people.

So that's my suggested response if you are one of those people who wants to be all Miss Manners and make people comfortable, which I find I am in the workplace. But the workplace is not your issue; its other people in your life. So I am here to tell you that you may find that you have the challenge (er - "opportunity") to be a pioneer.

I was so worried before I had kids because I knew that I was not SAHM material, and I was worried about how I would explain it to people, and frustrated by the fact that my husband would never have to deal with this.

Then I met the wife of one of my guy friends, right after she had kid 2. She told me about dealing with this when she went back to work, part time. She was so happy to get out of the house and go back to the profession that she had worked so hard in. Colleagues made dramatic statements like "Do you feel guilty, Do you feel terrible? Do you hate being here?" And she told me she cheerfully responded "No, actually, I'm happy to be out of the house!" I admired her chutzpah. I optimistically believe that by being perhaps the first working mom to say that to these people, she made it easier for the next working mom that comes into contact with these people.

So my Miss Manners approach is one way, but I have to admit, sometimes to change the culture, individual women have to take the Pioneer approach and be a little bit direct.

I would go for it. You say your coworkers are on board and this way you won't be starting at the bottom again. I know how you feel about staying home it is not for everyone. Besides it's part time and flexible.

Good luck in your decision.

The other S.

I'm sure a lot of people feel that. But the fact is that you have a good job, flexible schedule and accommodating co-workers and supervisor. It seems like a no-brainer to me. Go back to work O. or two days per week!
I'm in much the same situation and now my son is older & in 2nd grade. I can work as little or as much as I choose and after 20 years with the company--the PT pay is WAY too good to pass up.

I was a stay at home mom - by choice - but if I had a job like yours, with that much flexibility, I might have reconsidered. Do what's right for you and your family.

I understand where you are coming from. I am not stay at home material, but I love my kids. I went back to work and also have a flexible schedule too. I did feel pressured to stay at home, but I have alot of friends who feel they way you do and gave me support. If working fufills you, your baby will benefit from that as well. Best of luck

I had the opposite problem. Everyone thought I was insane because I wanted to stay at home.LOL Just about every mom I know who is married with a family does work and could not imagine how I would stay home and give up my "independance" and my income.
Even husband did not want me home because he felt that the benefit of two full-time incomes gave us better security for your future. Even though he could have easily paid the bills with me at home or working full-time. Now that my kids are in school all day I'm glad that I did keep my job.
However, I think both options are difficult. I was home for about 6 months when both of my sons were born. By the time my second son was born I was more than ready to return to work at the end of six months. At least there I got a lunch hour to myself! I think working makes me a better mom.
It just depends on what you can live with, or in the case of not having employment, without.