No "Me Time"

I'm surprised you've gotten along as well as you have for as long as you have! Being a mother is work. Don't short change yourself there. You are not selfish at all (or I'm incredibly selfish, LOL) I wouldn't have my sanity if I didn't get some "me time" on a regular basis. The better you take care of yourself, the more you'll have to give to your family. Your son is definitely old enough to stay with a sitter or your husband or day care at the gym. Enjoy!

Hi, funny I've been saying the same thing to my husband for the past few weeks or so now. As much as I love being a SAHM and grateful to have this option, I feel like I'm going out of my mind. But what's worse is that I'm starting to feel resentful and lose my patience. So tonight I've decided that I want equal "me" time on the weekends. For example, he went to the gym for 1.5 hours this morning. So at some point during the day, I get to have 1.5 hours to spend however I like without the baby. The point isn't to keep track down to the second, but it makes it more concrete this way instead of just saying to him "I need a break", which gets me only a few minutes before he comes looking for me "Let's go see what mommy is doing".

There was actually an article on cnn.com yesterday - "Moms, don't leave out the 'me' time", talks about how we can't take care of others if we don't take care of ourselves and how "me" time allows us to be better moms. So it's not selfish at all, we just want to be the best mommies that we can be!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/05/02/hfh.moms/index.html

I work full time and my husband stays home. He will get a sitter to watch the kids to go golfing, the driving range, or something like that, for "him time." Also, at night he will take a bike ride for about 20 minutes just to get out of the house and clear his head. As a generalization, men are able to do that. I feel guilty taking "me time" because I work and have very little time with my boys as it is. I had my annual with my Doc and she asked how things were going. I broke down into tears and after talking, she basically prescribed "me time." She said it is vital for moms(working out of the house or staying at home) to take time for themselves ans rejuvinate. They need to be refreshed mentally in order to properly take care of themselves and their families. I made sure to communicate this to my spouse who was very supportive. However, it has been 9 months since the Doc told me this, and I have probably gone out a handful of times. I guess it is better than none at all! Take care of yourself. YOu are worth it and you will feel great once you do!

You absolutely deserve breaks. Being a stay at home mom IS work. Everytime my husband seems to think i'm the one who has it easy I have to quickly remind him that what I do is work. If I were a working professional then I would have to pay someone else to take care of my kids. So just because us stay at home moms aren't making money by raising our own kids I think sometimes husbands take for granted what it is that we do.

I enrolled my son who is almost 3 into an in home preschool when he turned 2 to help give me a break. Partly started at an early age because I had a newborn at that time as well. My son loves going to school and it gives me a break from my toddler who is in his terrible 2's (even though I still have my baby to take care of while he's at school) and it gives my son the socialization that he needs.

Just remember, making some time for yourself and being away from your child is absolutely okay. You will come back recharged.

I had no me time for 3years you deserve it talk to your husband and if he does not understand than there is a BIG problem. for me i lost my self people and my self only knew and saw me as a mom not me for who i am take the TIME please you need it

I think most of us SAHM go through this.

I mean I wouldn't want my DH's job but I wouldn't mind the quiet alone time he gets in the car once in a while..

Shopping without kids? Going to the bathroom with out help??

but I tell myself in a few years they won't want to spend time with me..

When my first child was 3 months old I was very jealous that my husband could eat lunch with both his hands, be in the car by himself and use the bathroom w/out anyone staring. I used to tell him that I needed a break, but he didn't know what to do for me. Once I started scheduling things for myself I didn't have to worry about waiting for him to give me time...I just made the time.

Some men are really good about making sure their wives have had enough of a break and others....well, not so much. It's so important for you to get a little time for yourself and the best way for that to happen is for you to just make the time. Plan lunch or dinner out with some girlfriends, join a bunko group, take a class, etc. I usually send an e-mail to my husband (I know, we're so personal) for the upcoming month with all of the things that I'd like to attend and the things we will be attending together, so we can make sure it works for both of us he can put it on his calandar.

Remember, when you drive to and from your planned time away, drive slowly and listen to anything that isn't B-I-N-G-O!!

Ok, I haven't read through all the other responses, but I want you to know that I know exactly how you feel! My son just turned 3 in April, and I have been staying home with him since he was born. When he turned 2.5 I was having a really hard time because I was never able to do anything on my own! My husband and I decided to put him in preschool 2 mornings a week (Tues and Fri from 8-11:30), and it has been the best thing for everyone! My son LOVES his teachers and his new friends. I love the time I get to do things for myself. I have been able to make all my doctor's appointments while he's in school, I can do the shopping, clean the house, or just relax. Sometimes I drop him off at school and then come back and take a nice long shower and actually wash my hair!Obviously it is not free to send him to preschool, but it's not that expensive. The benefits are definitely worth it! That might be something to think about.

I'm so glad that other moms feel this way. I was starting to feel so bad about hating my fiance lol.. but I decided I'm going to join the local Y. They have a daycare and a suana even if i'm not working out I can go relax for an hour. Moms need a break and I really dont think men understand that. My fiance works swing shifts and is at work most of the time I start to resent him so much. He doesnt get it. I dont think he will ever. Good luck and yes take some me time..
C.

Hi M.. First of all, "not having to really work" is a false statement. Raising kids is the hardest job there is. My husband took early retirement to help me with our clan (6 special needs kids) and after being home for 6 months has decided he has never done anything so hard in his life.

I think the best thing is talk with your husband about the fact you would like a break once in awhile. Good marriages are based on good communication. Look at both of your schedules and see when it would work in best for you to take a few hours to yourself each week. Take it from experience, if it's not scheduled, it won't happen. Write it on your calendar and remind him the day before and the morning of your outing so there are no excuses.

Can you get a gym membership where he works out? Do they have day care where you can workout together?

L.

I think all SAHMs go through this. I have 4 boys and 1 on the way. I feel pulled in every direction some times. I started just telling my husband when he's home that I'm going to the store. Then give him the rundown of where the kids are and what they are doing (not quite as long of a chore in your case), say goodbye and leave.
He takes for granted the fact that he can leave and I will stay with the boys, I had started to resent that. Then I decided to act the same way, and it worked! He wasn't trying to be selfish, he just expected me to do whatever I need to do.
If you want to join a gym, talk to your husband and explain that it would mean he would stay with your son for a couple of hours each day off he had. I'm sure he won't have an issue with it.

Be blessed.

Does your husband ask? Like, "Hey, tomorrow do you mind if I go to the shooting range?" "can I leave the baby with you while I go to the gym"

Or does he just make his plans and assumes it is okay, then leaves?

Basically, you need to say "No", set limits and boundaries like he gets his solo things to do, then you switch off and you get your EQUAL amount of solo time. If you don't say anything, how is he to know.

OR, don't wonder about it, just do like he does and once he's awake and up and around (like on a Saturday), grab your keys and announce YOUR plans, and then leave. (if that's how he does it)

Or just sit down and make the ground rules and agree to amount of times of "me" times you each get.??? Hope that helps!

Heck yeah, you definitely deserve some "me" time! One thing you can do is to simply schedule something for yourself. Doesn't matter what - haircut, scrapbooking club, drinks with friends, whatever. But let him know a few days in advance that you have this appointment. If he says he can't do it (doesn't want to, etc.) say, "Oh! Well, I guess I'll call around and find a sitter." My husband will usually step up when he realizes that any lack of involvement with the kids is going to cost him money! =) Maybe you could even get another SAHM to trade babysitting with you - then you can get out more regularly and don't have to rely on your husband to help out, even!

Good luck, I hope you can find a way to get some time for yourself!

I toldly understand what you are saying. I have been a stay at home mom for 8 months and it is really hard. I don't think that men understand. You are right aboutthem getting as much time as they need. You need to tell him. He can not read your mind. My husband does the same thing. i have to tell him i am going to do xyz and he is going to take of James for a few hours. I tell him it well be good for there relationship. How is our son ever going to be comftorable with being without mom if we don't show him it is ok. That really did the trick. Even if all you do is go into another room to take a bath or read a book you need to show you child that it is ok to be without you and that mom deserves to have alone time.
A.

No your not selfish. I'm in the same boat too. I found a website, mommy & me and it helped me find mommy & me support groups in my local area. I really like Moms In Motion & MOPS. Google them both and see what you find in your area. It may be just what you need.

T.

I so sympathize with you. Somethimes I get jealous of my husband that even though he has a hard job, at least he gets a lunch break and he can drive home alone--I can't even be alone when I drive somewhere! But it's getting better as my children are getting older.

I'm not sure if you've already tried this.... Have you told your husband that you could use some "me time"?" Many men need to have things told to them--they aren't real good at guessing what we need or reading our minds. So your husband might not realize on his own that you need this. For me, all it took was telling my husband that I needed a break and asking him to help us work out some way for me to get a little alone time during the week. Now he's more likely to offer me some time to go to the store on my own, but often it's me saying, "I need a break. Do you mind if I go do a little shopping this evening?" And he'll say something like, "oh? Oh, yes! Sure!"

Don't take it personally if he doesn't think of these things on his own, it's just a guy thing. (For example, my husband rarely thinks to take out the trash, but instead of getting irritated, I just say, "Honey, can you please take out the trash?" and he's happy to do it.)
Best wishes!

Another luxury I miss is being alone in the house. Not once you have kids! Ha ha

I had the same problem. Sometimes you just need to get away. I started by leaving to go to the store when my husband was home but the kids were already asleep. (Target is open late!) Every once in awhile I scheduled a hair appt or whatever when they were awake. As he became more comfortable doing it alone he started sensing when I needed a break and told me to get out for awhile by myself when he got home from work.

One thing that I used to do was when my husband said he had "x" and "y" planned for the day I would say "Okay and after you get home I would like to run out and do this. Since he got some time alone he was happy to help me out too.

I also have my mom near by which helps. She takes my girls all the time. Do you have family or friends that you can trust to help you?

You are not selfish. Work out a way to get some me time. I never got any and in hindsight if I had it to do over I would make sure I got it. I didn't get to enjoy the kids as much as I wish I had because I never got away from them. You've gotta fill your cup or you'll have none to give.