No Football

Sounds like a solid thought process. I wonder if he wants the time with grandfather rather than on the field or if he's wanting more time with new girlfriend rather than practice time.

My son was all about sports. Specifically, would only consider a school that had a wrestling team. Applied and got accepted. Half way threw first season, he told me quit the team. I know he missed some time of practice when his dad's mom passed away and then he was sick and had a concussion and missed more time. But I also KNOW there is more to this story (and I do have a suspicion on what some of it was) but he hasn't shared it.

The fact that YOU regret dropping sports doesn't mean that HE will.
It's his decision, and you're doing the right thing by letting him make it.

My father passed last year and my daughter was between her freshman/sophmore year and she made some major changes. She told us that it wasn't that she didn't enjoy the activities anymore, she just realized that they weren't that important in HER big picture of life. She reconnected with old friends and set her goals to what SHE wanted.

Your son has been thinking of this for awhile and has made his choice - just support him and don't question him anymore about it.

This does sound like you need to move past your own regrets and not put them on him.

I thought this was going to be a post about a mom not wanting to let a son play football, because of the incredibly high incidence of traumatic brain injuries to football players (including HS kids).

Anyway, he's given you some sound reasons. All you can do is tell him what you've told us (about your own regret), let him think it over, and then respect whatever decision he makes.

Kudos on raising such a great kid.

That's a tough one... You do have to go with his thought and he sounds fine. Only thing I'd mention is whether he will have other activities. Colleges want it all nowadays and extra curriculars are important. So I hope he doens't actually hurt his chances at some colleges by dropping football. Something to discuss if you haven't already...

Chill.
Unless his grades drop, or he starts hanging with bad kids, you don't have a leg to stand on.
That is a very difficult schedule to keep with those hard classes and the demands of football. It's not that he can't do it ALL but that he can make choices to spend his time where he wants to. You and I could be incredibly busy all the time, but who the heck wants to? Let him live!

Is your self esteem tied up in his football? Let it go.

It's a wonderful thing when our kids are able to come to us with a plan which says "Hey, this is what's going to work most successfully for me."

What a considerate kid to want to push himself to get a scholarship on grades. It sounds like he knows how much he wants to handle. And it sounds like he's being mature enough in his choice that this is a great time to let go and let him develop into being a man who makes conscientious decisions.

You know what else? He may have regrets, too. But we can't protect our kids from that; it's not fair to them. Just in the same way we have made our way through life, still, even in adulthood, learning that some decisions have rewards and some have regrets... I think it's great that you are choosing to support him. Your confidence in his making a solid decision is the best part of this for him, whether he would know it or not. Seeing you be comfortable that he can make a good choice will be of future value to him.

Sounds like your son has an amazing grasp of his priorities. Instead of worrying about him, I'd rejoice that he's able to make such a mature decision about his future.

I quit playing volleyball my junior year, even though I had played since 4th grade (not for grades, but because I wanted to try soccer.) No regrets!

M.:

Your son has told you his priorities - academics - over sports....and you are complaining about it?! :)

Your dreams are YOURS, NOT his...find out what his dreams are. If it's not football - then support him and tell him you are proud of him for making such adult decisions!!

Good luck!

Good for your son!
I worked with someone who played football up through college and he would NOT let his son play AT ALL.
He said it's just not a healthy sport.
Your son's getting out hopefully before he has any brain injuries/concussions.
I've seen some of the guys in my son's middle school who play - some of them are over 300 lbs - they don't get any lighter in high school.
Any sport where you've got multiple 300+ lbs guys jumping on top of you at the same time is going to be inherently dangerous.

He's not you. Keep that in the forefront of your mind. I don't know why you dropped out, but if you had to and didn't want to, that means something. It sounds like he doesn't HAVE to, but he wants to.

To me, Grades, Grandpa and Girlfriend - all people and future related, trump playing football.

If he's good at it, that's fine. But for it to be a lifetime thing, he has to be GREAT at it, and it has to be his focus. It sounds like he has chosen other things to focus on. If you feel like you need to ask him, because of how you regret it, ask how you said - that you want to make sure that he's really done and has re-prioritized, or that there's not something more going on - because you're a mom and you worry. Then accept his answer.

Sorry you have regrets about your past. Perhaps you should finally let that go. If you would still like to play yourself why not get involved in a community basketball team?

It sounds as though your son is making a decision based on solid reasoning. You seem to be more focused on the fact that he is switching gears than he is. If your son isn't being scouted by colleges for football, drop it. The likelihood your son playing professionally is not high. What if your son is focusing more on his academics because he realizes that's what is ultimately going to get him further in life?

A child who is putting academics first over a sport?

Please don't discourage that!

He sounds mature. He sounds like he knows his limits and has weighed his priorities. He is old enough to make this choice. He has already played football and knows exactly what it involves. He was good at it but that does not mean he must never stop doing it. Maybe he has changed as a person but you are not ready for him to change. You are looking to see if "there's something he's not telling me" when the something may just be, "Mom, I like the sport, but I don't want to be Joe the Football Player any more. I want to be Joe the Academic Guy. I'm redefining myself and you need to let me do that."

You, yourself, admit that you gave up a sport and regretted it. It's great that you are able to step back and see that about yourself and even greater that you realize your own experience may be affecting how you are feeling about his choice.

Please do not let your own dreams from your past get tangled up in his choices for his own present and future. Let him quit if that is his choice. He KNOWS what football requires and is choosing good grades over football. That is wise of him.

By the way, someone else posted that colleges look at extracurriculars so he might regret not having football as an extracurricular to list when he applies for college -- Uh, there are many forms of extracurriculars other than sports! He might do far better taking up academic-related activities if he's now focused that way. There are science competitions, math clubs, debate teams, engineering clubs that build stuff, volunteer opportunities -- a whole host of extracurricular activities that will be very appealing to colleges, probably more appealing than football. I would not let any notion of "he needs a sport to get into college" affect him, or you, in ANY way.

I do agree that while he seems to be confident in his decision and has thought it through, I would reasses the college part of it. Extracurriculars are important and should not be dismissed of their value. Even if he doesn't want to play for school, maybe something recreational that is less high pressure? Even when looking for a job they like to see a person who is well rounded.

Has your son started going to practice yet? Sometimes when we get away from something the thought of going back doesn't sound good, but once you get there you remember why you liked it in the first place.

Talk with the school and coaches and see if he can at least keep status quo for a couple of weeks into practice (doesn't it start this Monday?) If he's a good player and kid, I'm sure that the coaches especially would like to make it work. If he is really ready to let it go, he will know at the end of this time.

Like you, I was in athletics until I was a freshman, but quit so that I could spend more time with my boyfriend/friends. I'm 46 and still regret it.

P.S. Is he into other sports? I would suggest that if he is not going to play sports that you require him to replace it with something else (part time job, volunteering, other activities, etc). This will both keep him out of trouble and look better on college applications than just dropping football.

Good luck!

As our children mature, so do their priorities.

His grandfather dying is a huge change in your lives. Maybe he is afraid he will be distracted while practicing and playing.. Maybe he wants the freedom to be able to see grandfather whenever he wants and not feel tied to football training, practice and games. I know Football in Plano is a really, really big deal. My nephew was the Quarterback for his HS team for 2 years.. It was all consuming.. Then he went into Baseball season as the pitcher.. again all consuming while trying to have a part time job and take all of his classes.. Lots of his energy and focus was needed.

If you do not have your head in the game during training the team will not appreciate that.

Could also be he is outgrown football. His priorities are more about being really serious about taking a lot more classes he has not had time or the energy to take. Maybe he want to be a more typical student with more social opportunities,

He needs to speak with the coach. Many times coaches can get to the bottom of what is going on in a young mans head and heart.

Whatever the final decision. He will need to be willing to take ownership of his choices.. and you will need to honor it. This is his life. You can express your feelings, your concerns, your regrets, but always let him know, in the end you will support him in his decisions and not harp on it.

This sounds like a TV movie (I don't mean that offensively, it's a beautiful story...and I love TV movies).

Congratulations on your great son. Let him be!

Very smart boy. He knows what he wants and what he has to do. He is old enough to make his own decisions. Let him discuss with his coach. Don't try to live your dream through your kids.

Don't push him. It seems to me he's recognizing his limits. Yes, he's good at football. But he doesn't want to do it anymore. Why push him to play when it doesn't "do it" for him. Just because you had regrets doesn't mean he will. Good luck!

I would sit down and have a serious talk with him. If he's good and have had any scouts looking at him he might consider that a full sports scholarship to college would be a free ride for him.

You wouldn't have to pay anything for him to get a higher education. That's what I tell the kids when they start wanting to drop a class or activity. If they suck at it I tell them they're playing for fun so if they want to quit they can.

If your son is any good at all he needs to think of football as his paycheck to college.

If he's looking at a college that doesn't have a football team then it doesn't matter.

He does need to be honest, perhaps something happened to him that he's uncomfortable speaking to you about. It could be that he was approached by a team mate in a not so nice manner, they could have been rude, made a pass at him, asked him out on a date, told him he sucks, anything. It could also be that playing football in the heat in August is torture...

I think getting to the deepest reason he wants out is important. But focusing on the scholarship he could be in line for is a big pull to stay in the game.

Hopefully he'll decide to stay with it and get some good scouts looking at him.

Our eldest played high school football and baseball and college baseball. He gave up a full ride at a smaller University for a chance to play baseball at a Nationally ranked school for baseball. I know that my husband would never have let him quit. He was regional player of the year, etc.

Fast forward three years: our eldest is starting law school and our youngest, non-athletic son, is starting at a University. The youngest is on an academic full ride. Sadly, our eldest says that he will never let his kids play sports. He knows many kids that are now playing professional ball. All but one of them used steroids along the way. He says that he refuses to cheat and the whole situation makes him mad because of the uneven playing field. Your son may be feeling that pressure. Most steroid use is in the summer before the season and testing officially starts.