No Cy Sleep Solution??

She is old enough to have more than simple confusion of being alone in a dark room without the loving and safe presence of Mommy... now fears come into play. Co-sleeping seemed to have been working for you both... why change it now just because you have an extra room? Use it as her playroom and put a toddler or twin bed in there for when she will be VERY ready to move into her own private space... usually between 3-6 years old for most children. It is such a short span on of time she will need you like this - you should enjoy it as you can because once she passes into another stage - it is gone forever.

As for the sex issue... since when does sex HAVE to be in the master bedroom's bed? There are couches, floors, counter tops, showers, etc all over the house!

I did not do CIO but there was some crying involved. I did not leave my baby alone to cry in his room for 5,10, 15 minutes but after he was a about a year, I was beyond exhausted too (he did not sleep consistently through the night until 19 months old). What I did and what eventually worked was when he woke in the middle of night and I knew he did not need anything (did not want to nurse, diaper was clean etc) I would sit outside of his crib and "shhhhh" and pat is butt or rub his back etc. He was crying because he wanted me to pick him up. I learned this because I always picked him up when he cried, he would fall back to sleep within seconds and the second he was placed on a mattress he would wake again and start to cry. He wanted me to hold him/sleep in the chair all night. Anyway, after sitting beside him and trying to soothe him without picking him up for a few minutes he would stop crying. I continued rubbing his back etc until he fell back to sleep. After several weeks of this, he eventually just stopped waking me in the middle of the night. I assume he would wake a few minutes here and there, but he got used to going back to sleep while in his crib, not my arms so he became ok with it and did not cry for me to come for him. I know several mothers who did CIO and it worked well (and a lot faster than my method) but I just could never put my guy through that. Many will tell you that is the only way your child will learn to sleep on their own. I disagree. Granted their children were probably sleeping through the night a year before mine, but even without doing CIO, my son did eventually learn to fall asleep on his own and stay asleep through the night. Good luck.

Check out the book by the same title "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I transitioned my son a little older, about 15 months. He did sleep for 3-4 hours in his crib but would wake up and I would bring him to bed with me and we would cosleep and he would nurse when he wanted. I gradually changed that by only letting him nurse for very short periods of time...ie five minutes, then if he fussed, 4 minutes, repeat. She gives lots of different options in there based on what your feeding and sleeping patterns and night routines are like. It takes a little bit of staying awake/aware at night when you are exhausted but for us it only took a little over a week and he stopped waking at night cause he knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted. CIO is not always the answer and you know in your heart whether it is the right answer for you and your child but I know it is easy to think that is the only way when you are at your wit's end and that is what everyone is telling you. Both my boys would scream and cry for hours when I tried it and there was no way it was right for us. They are 3 and 7 now and great sleepers, so you can get there!

What used to work sometimes for my daughter was to put a warm fuzzy blanket down in the crib first, and lay her on top of that--it seemed to not wake her up again as often as when I would put her on the colder sheet. (Didn't work everytime, but sometimes.) You might also consider putting a real bed in her room, too, so at least when she needs you there, you can lie down to sleep with her.

It is not too late. I have friends who look at me like WHAT your kids dont sleep with you?!! My fav book is Baby wise, then child wise. He teaches you that your marriage comes first. Because that is the one you need to modle for your children who are only with you for a while, while your mate is with your hopefully forever. All of my children slept in our room in a bassinet for 4 months. I then moved them to their crib in their own room. I had to listen and know their cries, but I knew it was time. The first and second night they cried. The 3rd day they whimpered a bit and now my 7 month old..at the time 4 months has been sleeping through the night like all my other children. I also am aware of the 45 min intruder around 5 to 7 months, and I get up and feed. I also do not put my child to bed in their crib while they are asleep or in a simi sleep. By the time of the first yawn, it might be too late. Look for signs and then put them to bed, or nap. I place mine in bed, cover them up and walk out. No, aaawww I know I know validation of some kind. I just do it because that is sleep or nap time and that is it. Baby wise also believes in a schedual and I am not that kind of person, but WOW It really does make baby and mommy life SO easy. WHY is it easy? All of my babies were happy(sleep) easy(sleep) it is all about schedual for them, it helps them feel safe and their bodies relax and they are not uptight and stressed or hard babies. As for your 3.5 year old. YIKES! 3's for me were the worst. Best advice I can give is that YOU are the parent and you say when why how and how much!! You are the leader, not the follower. Be strong, start them at the same time. Tell your 3 year old NOT to get out of bed. First few nights sit by the door and say GO BACK TO BED, then he or she should finally stay in there. BE strong!! All kids think at one time or another their parents are mean.....but it is what is best for them.

Also babies scream in 2's or 3's First cry you pick up, while holding they may calm and then start up again and once more after calming.....it's a chain reaction they can not control.

I have an 8,7,5 and 7 month old they all go to bed EVERY night at 7pm and wake at 7am. It gives me time with my husband to watch a dvd and have a quite dinner. Also my kids are very happy kids. My 8 and 7 are on the honor roll, I think it is because they get the recommended 12 hours of sleep at night.

Be strong and you will do this!! Get your life back!!

((hugs))

I could give you specific tips on co-sleeping but from your post it sounds like you're ready to give something else a try. Check out the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution". It has lots of practical information and options to explore.

Sleep arrangement at our house are always changing. We've done it all. When our oldest was born she slept in a crib in our room. She's also sleep in her own room, co-sleep in our bed, sleep on a mattress on the floor in our room, in a room with DH, and at some point I assume she'll be co-sleeping with her little sis or maybe she'll be in her own room.

Our youngest is a completely different sleeper and we've adjusted accordingly.

It's whatever works to ensure that everyone gets the sleep they need.

Also, my DH and I have found that it's important to have a space available outside of the bedroom for us. And with 2 kids sometimes you have to make arrangements in advance since parents seem to be short on time and energy.

Do what you need to do to make it work for *right now*. When it stops working, try something else.

Also keep in mind that this isn't forever. Whatever the situation is now, it won't be that way in the near future. Kids change so fast.

I second the recommendation of the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It has lots of great advice. However, nothing worked for my daughter until we did Ferber. Let me say that I did NOT want to do CIO - she was 10 1/2 months before we even considered this. However, Ferber is progressive crying (not extinction) and quite compassionate. It is actually quite similar to what Michelle C described. It is teaching them how to soothe themselves back to sleep without you picking them up, but you always respond to them and do not let them cry for hours. The book is Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. Good luck. I know how hard it is. My husband and I used to have to sleep in shifts. For your sanity, at least consider it.

ler her cry it out. I know you don't want to hear that, but that's what works.

Here are some tips on sleep that may help and more info at the link below:

The following article by Kyle Pruett, M.D., provides excellent insight on this topic.
Children’s sleep issues are among the more challenging developmental stages for parents to master.  But biology is on the parents’ side in this one, because sleep patterns mature over time just like other developmental skills.

Polls tell us that one-third of American children and their parents sleep together some or most of the time before children start school. Co-sleeping varies hugely by culture and ethnicity. So think about what you want to do, and discuss the pros and cons with your pediatrician.
Make sure your crib is safe (locking rails), that your older child’s ‘big bed’ has side rails, and if you are co-sleeping, that there is plenty of room.

http://blogs.goddardsystems.com/Cedar-Park-TX/2010/01/09/...

I was one of those moms that was not going to let my son cio. I was going to breast feed, co-sleep but for fear of rolling over my kid i would his smaller bed in our room. but what ended up happening was after a yr the doctor said it was time that he no longer needed a bottle (a bottle because my breasts would NOT make milk..i was not aware that could even happen) durring the night. so it took about three nights and then our son was fine. and slept through the nights. with my second she was not getting much sleep and trying to rock her to sleep like my first was pointless. i FINALLY figured out that she was not getting sleep and poor thing was tired. so to be fair to her i ended up just putting her in her crib and waiting 10 mins. of course after less than five mins she was sound asleep! so this is my suggestion to you becaus this dose not have to "suck". put your three yr old to naps in her room and at bed time. when she asks to go to bed with you tell her this is where she sleeps. cold turkey is easier for kids to understand than sometimes its ok to sleep in mom and dads bed and sometimes not. the first night our son slept in our toddler bed he got up and i was in the kitchen. i heard him behind me and in a stern voice said "you better get back in bed right now" then closed my eyes and prayed it worked. it did! he dose not get out of bed anymore and is also 3 1/2. if your feeling guilty about not having them after they have had this comfort all this time,dont. you are only getting about five hrs and that means those kids are only getting five hrs or so. your doing them a favor by removing this behavior and allowing them to get a full nights sleep. good luck.

I did the co sleeping thing with the first and did not repeat the mistake with my other two. They were put in their own bed as soon as we got home from the hospital and they were my happiest most secure kids. Not teaching kids that they are their own person and can do fine is a big mistake but can be fixed. My oldest we did not do it until she was 5 so it was very dramatic, but it is hard no matter when you do it but must be done.
I read a book that said to explain to them that mommy needs her sleep and so do they and that they are to stay in their bed and if they get up you will not be responding. We locked our bedroom door. It was hard but it only took one night of drama and there was drama but the next night we did the bedtime routine and read the books and got the drinks of water and left the light on in the bathroom and all the things they need and they did fine. The key is you can not respond. If you even talk to them it encourages it.
Parenting takes some strength to make difficult decisions that will ultimately benefit your entire family. One to three nights of drama for a lifetime of sleep and marital intimacy is worth it.