Nights and Days Mixed Up! How Do I Get Her to Sleep at Night?

The old saying is crying makes the lungs grow is true. If you give her everything she needs and let her cry herself to sleep after a few nights she will adjust. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. trust me I have been there. But in the long run it is bets for both you and her.

Give her a bath, put on PJ's, feed her, sing to her, and then put her in her bed in the dark.
Do this between 8 and 9pm every night.
If she wants a pacifier, so be it.
Perhaps a lullaby CD would help her sleep.
If you feel up to letting her cry, do so.
If you do this every night she should get the idea.
You should lay down at the same time too.
Rest or sleep until she gets up to eat.
Babies often change their sleep habits without warning, so never think that any "routine" will last forever.
Good luck.

It sounds like you are keeping her up too late and she's over stimulated and can't fall asleep. Try putting her down 15 minutes earlier each night and see if she falls in to a better routine. You don't say how old she is...if she's a new born, there's really not much you can do until she gets used to the "outside world". One thing you can do for the bassinet is fill a sock with rice and microwave it for a couple minutes. Put it in the bassinet to warm up the place you will lay her down so it's not such a shock to go from your warm arms to the cold sheets.

Check out the book "Healthy Sleeping Habits, Happy Child" for ideas on scheduling and recognizing sleep cues. You may just be missing her cues that she's tired much earlier than you think. Most children do best when put to bed between 6:30 and 8:00 until the age of 5! Also, there's nothing wrong with nursing a baby to sleep.

It sounds to me like your baby is still very young. If that is the case, do not just let her cry it out. Most people don't recommend that option until at least 6 months of age - and some never at all. I have a two year old & I remember some suggestions that I was given when I brought my newborn home - and also some things that just came from intuition.

Here are my suggestions.

1) Choose your night & day schedule (ie: Nighttime is from 10p-7a, Daytime is 7a-10p - whatever.)

During the daytime hours, keep the house well lit & full of life (music, toys, housework...activity). *Even when she naps! Throughout the daytime hours, wake her for feedings(every 3-4 hours).

As nightime approaches, start to quiet the house, calm the activity & dim the lighting. If you want a bedtime routine, then start doing it every evening at the same time...bath, books, rocking - whatever works for you. Try to set her final bedtime for right after a feeding. Do not wake her to eat during the night. If she wakes in the night for feedings, keep the lights off or dim, speak very quietly, keep things very quiet & calm. (During the transition, it would be great to use a crib soother or some soft music & a toy or something to occupy her if she gets too alert.)

The basic idea is to make day & night dramatically different.

2) Infants do need lots of sleep (3-4 naps during the day). Watch for her natural sleep rythyms. Pretty early on I could see my son falling into his own routine...falling asleep the same time every day, etc. Keep track of what happens when & then try to commit it to your routine. My son had a 3 hour cycle during the day...whenever he woke up, I knew he would be back down to sleep approx. 3 hours later...so that was my target & I built a routine around it. By 6 weeks old, he would sleep 6 hours for the 1st half of the night (8p-2a) and another 4-5 hours the 2nd half (2a-6ish) - so up once for one feeding. As he got older, the time asleep got longer...for both of us!

3) Give yourself a lot of credit. Motherhood isn't easy for any of us. But, you can do this - I promise. Just get your gameplan together & then realize that it may not work out exactly like you plan...if you approach it calmly & with your daughter's best interest & your sanity in mind - it will all work out!

This is one of my favorite topics. I think a baby's sleep routine is one of the most important parts of this child raising process. I'd be happy to share more with you, if you're interested. Good luck!

Babies feed off your emotions so first thing to do is not get instantly irritated with her when you sit down and the eyes shoot open like there's tooth-picks holding them up. Be calm. I got my Emily on schedule like this: About 10:00 I'd change her diaper & get her in her jammies. Then I'd feed her. I would not swaddle her. I know I would not like to sleep wrapped up like a sausage so I didn't do it to her. Pat her butt. In a way that makes her bob up & down. Not too hard, obviously. Just to give a little extra rock. Emi would be out within 20 minutes. Let us know what you do & how it goes! :)

I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but this should help...If you have not read the book Babywise, I would look into it today! I did the schedule they suggest in that book with both of my kids (3 yrs, and 8 months) and it has worked. Both girls were sleeping through the night and putting themselves to sleep around 8 weeks old. The book even has a chapter about starting late and how to get her into the routine now even though you didn't start out with it from day one. It is an easy routine once you get into it. The book is by Ezzo and Bucknam. It was a lifesaver for me! I would have been lost and sleep-deprived without it! Good luck!

Hi, I would just try to keep her up as much as possible during the day. I have a 3 month old boy and when he around a month or so I'd keep him awake after his feedigs for an hour to an hour and a half. By then he would act really tired so I would try to lay him down in his bed right before he was asleep to get him used to falling asleep on his own. However that always didn't work because he would cry and I might have to hold him a little longer, give him a pacifer and try again. Also, she could be going through a growth spurt. I know that my son had one and for a week or so would not be sleeping good.

Well good luck with it.

W.

A.,

I had the same issue with my son. ( he is now 19 but I remeber it like it was yesterday). The way I handled this with him is when he would wake up in the morning after his first bottle I would get him dressed ( in clothes Not A Sleeper or any other thing that he would wear to bed ) I would put him in a little pair of pants and a shirt as if we were going out for the day !!! The other thing I did was to keep him in this all day , even when he napped , I also would put him in a room that was still well lite even at nap time!! I also gave him a Bath at the same time every night , I would then go to his room where it was dark and quiet and rock him to sleep with some soft music playing. I also had a special blanket for him that I would only use at night!!! I kept this routine up for about a week and it worked !!! I hope this might help give you some ideas. I also have a daughter that is now 15 and did the same routine with her as a baby and never had a bit of trouble!! I hope this helps. Take care and good luck. K. N

I don't allow my son, 14 weeks old to cry himself. I didn't with my other two either. I will tell you what we do at home, and you can decide it you think it would work. I start early bedtime. Since, he is tired during the "day" so 6 pm. I play for a while, then get a bath ready, (nighttime baby wash), go in where he sleeps, only a mobile lit up, then put lotion (nighttime) and dress for bed. I then talk to him, hold him for a while, and read a book or just sing something to calm him and then nurse him to sleep. My other kids I use the night time stuff, 3 and 7 and we do the same routine, but with a book and tuck in and they are in bed, fall asleep in about 10 minutes.
Now, I am not perfect, that took me about 1 week or 2 to master and get them in that routine to know that it was bed time and that it had to be quiet time and the same routine each night.

I hope that helps. I am a single mom too, my husband is in Iraq, and so I typically have to find what works or I am in trouble myself.

Good luck!

Some kids are night owls. I would suggest not letting her sleep too long at nap time during the day. When she starts to fall asleep put her in her bassinette. Should she wake up do not run to her and pick her up let her cry for a while. Kids will usually cry themselves back to sleep. If she is still crying after 20 min. then pick her up talk to her then lay her back down again. Sometimes it takes a while but they will eventually fall asleep. I don't really recommend schedules for babies because they can be too easily broken then you have to get them used to it all over again.
D.

I am a 31 yr. old married mom of almost 12 yrs. and have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

Wow, sounds like the nightmare I went through with my granddaughter. Her mom was at her wits end, trying to work and stay up all night, when she ask for my help. I just did what I thought was the obvious...I kept her awake more during the day and only let her take a couple cat naps- I'm stressing the cat naps. Not over an hour, then then next day 45 minutes. You'll notice a difference and can tweak it from there. Yes, you'll have to wake her up. It will be a rough few days. You cannot give in or you'll be wasting your time and creating a bigger monster. It took about a week of, you can imagine, but it was so worth it. She was back on days. Now I am the greatest thing ever to my daugher-in-law.

A.,
You need to get the book entitled, How to Solve your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Richard Ferber. It is wonderful and easy to read. You can actually go to the appropriate chapter for your situation and read the suggestions. I would also suggest reading the introductory chapters. Beware, you do have to follow his directions to the letter and be consistent. Otherwise, you will not get much relief.
You may first want to consult your pediatrician, however, to be sure there are not potential medical reasons for why your child is staying up. Aso, you haven't given us much information as to how you are consoling her and for how long. If you talk to your pediatrician and give them more detailed information, he or she should also be able to help you. You did not say how old she is, but I am guessing she is weeks old since you are returning to work in 4 weeks. Remember, it is going to take time for her to get a routine down. Good Luck.

My dd had the same problem with having days and nights mixed up. I just tried to keep her from sleeping so much during the day. I left her in a onesie most of the time and didn't bundle her up in blankets. I figured if she wasn't warm and snuggly she would be more apt to stay awake and then when she was swaddled up at night it would help to cue her in that it was time to sleep. It seemed to work... Good luck!

I am a mother (and grandmother) of three. It is very hard to get a baby that young to stay awake, but if she is not sleeping at night, try keeping her awake more in the daytime. I always found that a bath made my babies sleepy, but some babies find a bath stimulating. You have to get your sleep, so try to put her down and let her cry 10-15 minutes. Crying can wear a baby out also. Try taking her outside in the daytime and just walking around with her. She may just need a little more stimulation in the daytime to make her sleepy at night.

You didn't mention your daughters age. My son, 7 months old has always been this way. The best sleep we get is when he is in bed with me. I'm a breastfeeding mother and it's very convenient for me to nurse him in my bed. I put him in his crib beside my bed and he may sleep for a few hours, but only if he is already deep asleep after nursing and laying with me. Then I put him back in his crib after the "3 AM" feeding and he sleeps another 3 or 4 hours...now. But for the longest time he'd sleep fine in our arms or in our bed but wake up the minute his little body touched his own crib.

I waited 22 years for this miracle and I refuse to let him cry it out. It may work for other people, but not for me. We tried the "No Cry Sleep Solution" but haven't been as successful because we are of the school of thought to feed on demand as a breastfeeding family. You could check out the book at the library. I can tell you that they want your bedtime to be a lot earlier than 10 pm. We don't work that way in our home though. We don't get a true bed time until the hours of 10 pm through midnight at times.

Best wishes to you!
Jacq

Perhaps, you could try to keep her awake more during the day...I know it's hard when they're sleepy and you are too! Taking off socks ... sometimes even onesies keeps them uncomfortable enough for an hour here or there ... that they'll be more exhausted at night. I had trouble with this with my first child! It was so hard, and I nursed, so even moreso, I was concerned that maybe he was hungry or I wasn't meeting his needs.

I had a c-section at 10:30pm, so he and I were, hmmm, a bit dopey and confused for several days. I came home with my own days and nights not feeling constant.

Anywhoo, I did my best to not run around during the day, as it seemed like although he enjoyed shopping or whatever and was very good through that, the stimulation of the day kept him going at night.

Needless to say, after even my first EIGHT weeks, I didn't have him on a great day-to-night routine, but it was improving...I knew if I just had a bit more time, we could at least get to "functional."

My dear pediatrician was kind enough and supportive enough of my longing to do my very best for my baby and continue nursing ... that she wrote a prescription/recommendation type letter to my company/insurers, perhaps? My short-term medical leave of absence was extended. My job was saved, and I was spared a bit!

Praying for you to get the rest you need and that Phoebe's nights become more settled!

Is she fussy during the night? Is she crying? Or is she just looking around and studying her surroundings? If she isn't distressed you might want to try a musical nightlight. The kind that the light beam is directed to the ceiling( with shadow pictures), and rotates like a crib mobile. With the movement of the shadows and the music, this might distract her enough for her to fall asleep.

T. P.

Hi!! I was given a book called Baby wise by my aunt she has 8 kids no twins home schooled all and is just the best mom with a great balance with church family every thing. The summery daytime after feeding work to wake baby, stimulate after the feeding, change diaper, play change outfits anything to keep them awake. at night keep it dark try not to make noise i would change the diaper before they feed and put them down fast so they start to understand the quit dark is not when they will be held or played with. I did have a good sleeper with this but my son eat at 3 am until six months but he went to sleep after! you will do the right thing for your baby!

Hello -

From the time my son was about 6 weeks old until the present (he is 3) I have been referring to the same book - I swear by it! It's called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Families by Marc Weissbluth (he's a pediatrician). It's easy to pick up and put down, and easy to search for age-specific advice or problem-specific advice.

Good Luck!

It worked for my son to have lots of noise and very bright during the day then closer to evening when you want her to go to sleep turn down all the lights and have very little to no noise....keep things consistent and with time she'll figure it out.

The key question is how are you putting her to sleep? I have two and it was so easy to let them go to sleep in the easiest way possible at first. You will need to set up a routine that she can count on to happen every time you lay her down. The way she initially falls to sleep at night is how she will get herself back to sleep when she stirs in the middle of the night. We all stir in the night but if everything is the same we will settle back down.

You need to start by making sure she if very tired and very full. Make sure she is sleepy. Put her down in bed and walk away. I know it is hard. It is very important that she learn how to put herself to sleep but that doesn’t involve letting her just cry until the end of time. Crying is not bad in that it allows her to use up extra energy. Lay her down and leave the room. After 5 minutes, if she is still crying hard, go in and without turning the lights on speak to her and possibly pat her just a little. Tell her you love her and it is time to go to sleep. Leave the room again. Continue this every 5-10 minutes. She won’t last long and she will be sound asleep. Do this every time you lay her down for naps as well as nighttime. It is okay to rock her but lay her down when she is awake.

I just helped our close friends to do this and sometimes she would call me to talk while they waited the crying out. Find something to do, don’t just stand by the door. The benefits will be that she will be able to go to sleep soon and will be happier when she wakes up. My friends were amazed how their little guy would wake up cooing and would just fall asleep playing with toys on the floor.

Good luck.

Do you have her on a schedule? My daughter now 14months old was put on a schedule the forst day she was brought home. I would feed her every three hours weather she was awake or asleep. During the days feedings I would keep her awake for about 10 to 15 minutes then let her go to sleep. At night I would feed her then put her back to bed. She has never had her days and nights mixed up and her bed time is between 7:30 and 8:30. It took about three weeks to get into the swing of things.
I hope this helps,
C.