New Working Mom Needs Advice on Balance of Chores

No, it has to be fair.
NOT 'spontaneous.'
That will not be effective.

On a board, list down what he is to do, DAILY.
And what you are to do.
Simple.
Straight forward.
That's it.
Then hang it up on a wall.

Then, instead of 'nagging' him to help, simply POINT to the "To Do List" on the wall.
If you have to, for him, even put down the 'times' he has to do it, by.
Men, they don't think that far in advance sometimes.
(ie: after all these years, I STILL have to remind my Hubby when trash day is).

BOTH parents, even if working or not, HAS TO pitch in. EVERY darn day.
Bottom line.
They both live in the house, they both have to help.
The both have kids, they both have to help.

Keep in mind, these chores does NOT have to be gender related.
A man can do anything that is expected of a Woman/Wife/Mom.
Except breastfeed.

A man can cook/dust/vacuum/go grocery shopping too and pick up diapers.

S.H.'s answer is exactly what I would have put.

I don't have a husband, so everything falls on me.

But to make it easier on me, I have a house cleaner that comes every 2 weeks. Even being married, a house cleaner every 2 weeks or so (if you can afford it) would take a lot of stress off of you.

Cook meals in a bigger quantity, and freeze them for later in the week or 2 dinner.

With me working 2nd shift, I only have to worry about breakfast and lunch, which isn't really a big deal. Those are the easy ones.

If both of you are overwhelmed and tired, put something off for a day or two. Just don't let it get totally behind. After I had my daughter and things got hectic (before I had a house cleaner), I would let things go for awhile. My house wasn't a disaster, but it wasn't a Martha Stewart home.

A lot of things just don't get done in our house, then it becomes so overwhelming that I have to hire someone to help me dig myself out of the hole. there just isn't enough time in the day to keep up and I am always playing catch up. My husband always promises but then "forgets." Hope you get some good advice.

We both do housework catch as catch can.
Right now, he's working part time, I'm workng full time, he's in rehearsal for a show, and I'm in rehearsal for a different show. So when he's home, he does what housework he can fit in before going to work. Sometimes he'll wash all our laundry, but mine may sit for a few days before it gets put away. When I get home, I'll run the broom over the kitchen and den floors and clean the cat box, but the floor may not get mopped until the weekend.
The house isn't spotless, but it's livable.

I have a 4 yo and a 7 mo old. Both my husband and I work F/T. We have assigned chores and a routine each day. We take turns cooking, and my husband always does the dishes (including bottle cleaning) while I get the baby to bath and bed. Then we both tag team our son and get him ready for bed. Our evening routine is always the same.
As for chores, I always do the laundry and grocery shopping, and he does the trash, litter box, yard work. We straighten the house each day, but full on cleaning is reserved for the weekends, as is laundry. Each Sat, we discuss what needs to be done- vacuuming, mopping, etc, and then we decide who does what. It works out great.

A good balance is important for everyone. Even though my kids are teens now, here's what my husband and I did...

*Whoever cooked, the other cleaned the kitchen.
*My husband managed bath and story time while I made lunches for the next day.
*I would start laundry. My husband hung to dry/put away colors; I would fold and put away whites.
*Our sons went to bed around 7-7:30pm. My husband handled any wake ups from 9pm-1am (he was usually awake). I would handle from *1am-5am. If the boys were sick, whoever was staying home the next day handled all night time duties. But, our boys slept through the night at 6 weeks and rarely fussed at night. (We were very lucky! <g>)
*I tended to do more housework on weekends because my husband worked weekends. But, if he was home, he pitched in.
*He was primary caretaker of the yard, but if he got busy and the neighbors complained, I would step up and mow the lawns.
*When we had one baby, he and the baby would grocery shop on Saturdays and let me sleep in (I would get up on Sundays). When we had two kids, I would grocery shop alone and he would watch the boys at home.
*If either of us needed/wanted time with "the guys" or "the girls," our rule was to say yes unless there was a scheduling conflict that required a no. In other words, my husband couldn't say no just because he didn't want to deal with babysitting. Similarly, I couldn't say no, just because I was tired.

The bottom line was that we tried to work to our strengths and we both tried to remember we're in this together. We always felt if our marriage could survive child-raising, we'd have a damn good time as empty-nesters! Consequently, we tried to stay on the same page, which included taking advantage of grandma's offers of weekends away, date nights and lots of NOT keeping score (well, I did this, so you need to do that type talk). We just celebrated 20 years of marriage and our sons are 17 and 13. I guess we did something right!

Good luck!

It is important that you both come to an agreement of what "needs" to be done on a regular basis, and what is a job that can be done at greater intervals.
People's expectations can be VERY different of e.g. how often the floors need to be mopped and the carpets vacuumed.

Sit down together, and together come up with a list of things that needs to be done daily, weekly, monthly.
Be prepared to let some things go and to not have them happen as frequently as maybe you would like to have them done.

After you have agreed on what items need to be done (and do include feeding the baby, changing diapers, etc, but also mowing the lawn) and how often, then assign names to them.
Somethings may always be "yours" and "his", others you may take turns on a weekly or monthly basis, some things you may decide to do together and pull a joint effort at the same time, as a team, for example the weekly deep cleaning of the bathrooms, or vacuuming/mopping/dusting of the house. Or folding and putting away the laundry - that can easily be done together while chatting and catching up with each other, listening to music or talk radio or even watching TV...

Picking up the baby to change a diaper can be more easily done on a pitching in basis, whoever has their hands free at the time or can more easily interrupt hat they are doing, or who needs some 1:1 time with the baby. Cooking dinner is another matter, it's better to have an understanding of he will do it and when.

Good luck. It is all about communication, and about sharing expectations, even the ones that seem "totally obvious" to you, as they may be very obvious to him, as well, just in a very different way. And then about negotiating and compromising, and then every so often checking in with each other and evaluating how it is working for each of you, and what may need to be tweaked.

Never assume that the other person should know what you are thinking or feeling, he won't. Just as you cannot mind read either, and what your perception of his attitude or thoughts is can be far from the truth. We always see it through our own eyes, colored by our own experiences and history. If nothing else, that is something I have learned in my 20+ years of marriage. Not an easy lesson to learn, but a very valuable one! :-)

Best wishes for you all, and be sure you BOTH take time to just enjoy the baby - this time passes so quickly, but those memories and shared experiences are worth much more than a spotless floor in the long run.

I really like SH's answer too. I would add to that: remove anything that does not need to be done....at this point you don't need to earn an A+ here on housekeeping. A passing grade is sufficient. So try to cut the chores back if possible and outsource too if you can afford it or if you have any friends/family close enough to help. One more thing....strike while the iron is hot with hubby! Get that list done by this weekend so he commits to it. Good luck!

About 6 months after our first child was born, I was feeling much like you. I hired a house cleaner...it's the BEST thing I could have done. She now cleans our main floor once a week and the entire house every other week. I walk in the door with a house that is clean and I love it.....we both do actually.

I work full time, have 2 kids, my husband works 60 hours a week. My weekends are stuffed with grocery shopping, trips to Target for all the other stuff, laundry, lunches and so on. I want to have time to just sit down with my kids every now and again and TRY to be a good mom. Having the toliets scrubbed and tubs cleaned REALLY helps. Soooooo worth the $180 a month we pay.

My husband and I have an unspoken routine. I do laundry, he folds, we put away together. I sweep, he mops. We take turns making dinner every other night, whoever cooks gets dish duty off. I maintain the home during the day, but he helps when he gets home on our 'nightly pick-up'. I usually clean bathrooms, but he will too if I ask. We take turns doing baths/story time night time routine.. .like he brushes kids teeth while I tuck them in. It's pretty fair around here. Just work something out based on what you all are best at doing and work together, rotate until you have a good plan.

Things will get much better and easier as your child gets older. TAking care of yourself is first right now, in front of chores. Get sleep and just know it will get better and better.

im a stay at home mom and my hubby works. however the work load around here is normally 50/50. Im sure some moms will throw a fit over that but i have a great husband that realizes his job is cake compared to mine! with that being said. if he sees toys downstairs he normally grabs them and takes them up to the play room. hes normally the one that does the dishes and attempts to do counters lol. im in charge of laundry not b/c he makes me but if i dont do it things dont get cleaned well and its just all bad lol. ask him what chores he doesnt mind doing maybe you will get lucky and it will be ones you really hate!