My 3Yr Old Daughter Is Now Picking on Her 18Month Old Sister What Should I Do

you may want to consider that it has little or nothing to do with your husbands son. I imagine that right around this time it becomes apparent to an older child that "hey wait a second this little thing isn't going anywhere! It may be here forever!" At this time I think it is natural for them to react in such a way as they are only just learning to communicate themselves. I would not take it as she is trying to get rid of her younger sister, but that she knows if she does these things she gets a much larger reaction from mom than she would doing something else. I had similar issues with my sons. when my youngest was about a year old my older son at the time 4 began to try to hurt him, I was really scared, I felt like it was defining who he would be as an adult. My older son took a dog leash and wrapped it around the babies neck, and began tugging on him. I was appalled! I was near hysterical with anger. I sat him down and tried to talk with him about it. I would also like to say he did get in big trouble . there were other events that went on and each time he would get in trouble and have a talking to. Now he is 6 and he is still ornery but a good kid. I just keep trying to put the ball in his court and tell him that it is his job as the big brother to protect his little brother (who by the way has medical issues and gets a lot of attention due to it) I try to stress what an important job he has, and encourage the protective behavior. I try really hard to get the boys to bond. I don't know if this helps or not, if its wrong or right, but I can tell you that it will get better with time. Its normal, don't be afraid to try to talk with your oldest, and be sure to make sure she knows its wrong, reward her when she takes care of her little sister, and I mean really go out of your way to search for good behaviors you can complement her on. I would say I like how you did (activity) and I like it because.... for instance to my son I might say 'son I like how you held your brothers hand walking down the stairs today, by doing that you showed what a great big brother you are becoming and you really took on the responsibility of making sure your little brother was safe and did not fall down! thank you, I am very proud" I hope that helps some, I am sure you are doing all these things already. good luck!

DAER J. B. HI TRY SPENDING SOME ONE ON ONE TIME WITH YOUR 3YR OLD.I KNOW BY EXPIRIENCE THAT SOMETIMES IT COULD BE HARD,BUT IT WILL BE REWARDING.I AM A MOM OF 6 AND I HAD TOO PRACTICE BEING WITH MY KIDS ON A ONE ON ONE BASIS.I HOPE IT WORKS FOR YOU LOVE R.

Make sure you are always monitoring all the kids together. I would be worried that the son is hitting your 3 year old and she is learning the behaviour and doing the same to the youngest. While a little sibling rivelry is normal, you don't want the kids to be hurting each other. Put your 3 year old in time out and make sure she understands why she is there. If you can talk to her about where she learned how to hit her sisters and you might learn something.

It is also possible she is just acting up because she needs more attention. If the son is a new development, she might feel like she is competing and she has discovered if she is bad, she will have you attention. Try spending some time with just her. Take her grocery shopping with you and leave the others behind or find something else special you can do together.

This SHOULD help answer your question, I hope!

Ask Dr. Sears: Promoting Sibling Harmony By Dr. William Sears

Q My almost-4-year-old daughter has always been sensitive, polite, and loving. Since her baby brother was born almost a year ago, she has become very aggressive. Now she is hitting, pushing, kicking, and even biting her brother. What can I do?

A Put yourself behind the eyes of your 4-year-old. She was the center of attention for three years, until all of a sudden, a new baby comes into the home and gets lots of attention and presents. Her baby brother is always in mom's arms, and when friends and relatives come to visit, even they may pay more attention to the baby than to her. While some children welcome a brother or sister into the home as a playmate, it's very common for children to regard the new baby as an intruder. Try these siblings-without-rivalry tricks:

Timeshare. While it's normal for the younger baby to get more time and attention, try to reserve some time alone for just you and your 4-year-old. Set up daddy-daughter dates and mommy-daughter shopping trips. Make this your own "special time." And when there isn't time for just the two of you, remember to maintain the bond you have with your daughter. While you're sitting and feeding your baby, you might talk to or read stories to your older child. Or you could wear your baby in a carrier, so you'll have a hand free for your 4-year-old.

Give her a job. Make her feel important by giving her a role to play in the family organization. Offer her a snazzy job title, such as "mommy's helper" or "super sister." Throughout the day let her help you in the care of the baby, by feeding and dressing baby for instance. When you shop for the baby, ask for her help and input: "Help me pick out a nice outfit for your baby brother. What do you think he would like?"

Promote sibling sensitivity. It's hard to hit a person who you feel loves you. Talk about what it means to be a big sister. Tell her that because she's so big her baby brother looks up to her as someone very important. At four years old, you daughter is just beginning to grasp the concept of life-long sibling relationships. If you have an older brother or sister yourself (and you get along well), point out what a good friend her aunt and uncle is to you.

Here are some tricks we used to promote a caring attitude among siblings:

� Sib as comforter. When one of our younger children was hurt, we would have an older sibling act as "doctor." You might say, "Dr. Erin, would you hold baby Matthew's leg while I put a bandage on it?" Or, "Erin, would you put the bandage on Matthew's cut?" Praise her doctor-like compassion by offering, "See, he feels so much better when you hold him and talk nice to him."

� Sib as minister. If one of the younger children was sick, we would try what we called "laying on of hands." The older sib would put her hand on the head of the younger child and pray for him and say comforting words.

� Sib as teacher. "Since you're so big and know how to hit a ball (or furnish your dollhouse, or stack blocks, or whatever her favorite activity is), would you show your baby brother how to do it?" Take all these opportunities to give her frequent, uplifting comments, such as: "Because you're so big..." or "Because you're so smart...."

� Sib in charge. Put her "in charge" of the baby while you do tasks around the house. Simply say, "Would you watch your baby brother carefully while mommy finishes my work?" In this way, you convey to her that you trust her to act like a caring sister. Of course, always keep a watchful eye on them.

Know when to step in. There will be times when you are tired of playing parent-psychologist and you simply need to be the referee. Your 4-year-old needs to know the behavior you expect. Let her know how you expect her to act toward her baby brother and list the consequences of aggressive behavior.

It's good that you are concerned about this now, because the 1- to 2-year-old stage that your baby is entering can be difficult for older children to accept. Yet, time is on your side. You will find as both of your children grow, the more they will grow into a compatible relationship. Eventually they will realize what it truly means to be a brother and sister. I remember watching our first two children, Jimmy and Bobby, as squabbling siblings during this age. Now, Dr. Jim and Dr. Bob are best of friends and partners in pediatric practice.

My daughter is now 5 and when her twin brother and sister were born she was almost 3 and let me tell you she was not happy what we had to do is make her feel special and let her know that we loved her just as much as them. What me and my husband would do is take her once a week either me or him on a special day all to herself for a couple of hours it really did work. Good luck

B.