Nervous About 2Nd Labor

Ok, so having coached MANY women over the years in natural childbirth and having had 3 unassisted waterbirths at home - and currently planning a 4th - I have some ideas. Don't worry, I'm not even close to talking you into a homebirth, let alone an unassisted. I always tell moms to labor and deliver where you feel comfortable. Me? I am comfy at home, but I never put that on anyone.

In fact, one of my friends decided to do a an unassisted homebirth at about 30 weeks. I told her I would be there, if my schedule allowed it. Turns out, I was out of state and she was 12 days "late". I told her labor would start go fast, when you are "late." Well, it did. She ended up delivering a 12 pound baby boy, no tearing, AND he's only 5'1". Her first birth at a birth center was a nightmere and had major complications. I can't tell you how thrilled she was for listening to her body - since she would have been a c-section for a baby that big at the hosptial.

Ok, so....

1) Don't go to the hospital too early. Once the contractions are about 5 minutes apart for 30-60 minutes, you may want to consider going to the hospital. The less time you are there, the less interventions they can start. If the hospital is close, I tell mom to wait until she feels a little pressure in the perineum before going to the hospital.

2.) Make sure you like your nurses. People don't realize that the nurses are the ones who can make or break your labor and delivery. Praise your nurses. When you get there, tell them, in a nutshell, what you'd like to acheive and ask them to support you in those decisions as much as they can. Be prepared for 2-4 nurses and bring a box of candy for each. The nurses are the unrecognized heros of labor and delivery.

3.) Drink plenty of water and pee often. Make sure you eat something, if you are hungry. Non per os, is outdated. Modern anaesthetic is not like it use to be. if you end up in surgery, they are still going to do it. The example I give is: if you are coming back from lunch and get into an auto accident, they medic team is not going to deny you surgery due to your full stomach. Same goes with c-section, if necessary.

4.) Listen to your body. Lying on your back is the WORST position for mom to labor AND deliver in. Look at a pelvis sometime and see that the sacrum HAS to move out of the way to make delivery easier. If you are lying on it, it can't move. Many women break their tailbone (coccyx) because it needs to move, but it can't....so it breaks. Delivering on your side or hand and knees, even in a squatting position, holding on to the head of the bed can be really great. The best position for the doctor is on your back, but this isn't about him/her.

5.) Push to the point of comfort. If the pushing gets too intense, then stop pushing, allow the tissue to stretch and then push again when it feels right. Stop watching the damn monitor and listening to a doc tell YOU when to push. (I delivered a 10+ pound baby with a nuchal hand - and when I felt too much pressure on the clitoris, you bet your butt I stopped pushing....and waited. I delivered him alone without ANY tearing...because I could feel everything and no one was telling me what to do...except me.)

6.) The contractions may start off like menstrual cramps and then increase in pressure. You should be feeling most of the contractions in the lower uterus. If you start feeling them in your back, then labor on your hands and knees and have someone/doula push on the top of your sacrum during contractions. Also having your husband squeeze the top of your hips together can be really helpful. Whatever you do, STAY OFF YOUR BACK.

7.) Once you hear yourself say, "I can't do this anymore," realize you are in transition and are about to push that baby out....don't ask for the drugs....you are almost there.

8.) Take one contraction at a time. Don't think about 85 hours ahead...think about this one and breathe. When making noise, chin to chest and make LOW sounds. High sounds cause your body to tense up AND it will give you a sore throat.

9.) Better to tear than have an episiotomy. Just like in sewing, you can get piece of fabric and you make a little cut, then you can tear the entire thing from stem to stern. If you tear without the cut, then it usually salvages some of the nerves and it's usually not as bad. Consider doing perineal massage every other night starting now until teh birth. It only takes 2-3 minutes. Some people say it does nothing, but what if it does? It can't hurt. Use something nourishing like vitamin E, rather than Astroglide. If you tear, a lot of the healing has to do with how the OB stitches you up - and I have seen some pretty horrible jobs.

10.) Breathe. Ask questions....even if someone makes you feel stupid. You can always get a second opinion from another doc. There are no do-overs...so make informed choices and trust your instincts. Realize that this birth will not be the same as your last. Write in a journal, type up something on your computer. Do whatever you need to do to release the fear, so you are not bringing that into this birth.

Keep us posted! Just remember to breathe and trust your instincts.

I'd say you have no where to go but UP after your last labor/delivery!
It will be fine. Just pray there are no snow storms this time. My question would be why did you have another winter baby, lol?

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Can be totally different. First time, my epidural was really strong and I had 100 percent relief. Felt nada and it was bliss. Second child, not as strong with a face-first baby, so I felt quite a bit (although thank goodness I had one because they said it would have been excruciating otherwise). Just speak up if you don't like the level it's at because often it can be adjusted. I was able to adjust the epidural level myself second time, which was good because I needed to increase it as I progressed.

First child, I had an episiotomy and healed wonderfully. Second child, they let me tear and it took forever to heal and it was far more painful to recover from. You just can't predict. Can go good or bad either way.

My best advice is to go into things with an open mind. Know what you want, but understand circumstances will dictate how things go. However, be sure to speak up when you need to -- if you're not happy with anything, say something or have DH say something. I had an insensitive nurse first time around who thought I was whining when I was actually having painful complications post-partum. DH went and got the doctor and he immediately knew something was wrong. Having an advocate can really make such a difference.

You never know what to expect, but you do know the end result is worth it all. :) You've had the bad experience already, so this time things can only get better.

To quote my husband, "you tell me exactly what you want. it's my job to be an a**hole".

You get to make the decisions around what happens (barring an emergency condition). Be very clear with whomever is in the delivery room with you as to what you want. And put that person in charge not to vary from your plan.

And to echo another, no two are alike. My first came on his own labor progressed slowly but steadily, and I pushed him out in 13 minutes.

My second we induced because labor wasn't coming and I got impatient. Induction went extremely well, but it turned out that she was face up and stuck in my pelvis. Wound up with a c-section to get her out after 2 hours of pushing.
So make a plan and stick with it unles dire circumstances exist.

It sounds like you've taken every precaution to make this a better experience! My first labor was long and intense, but my 2nd was SO easy! My water broke with my first and there was no dilation or contractions -nothing else going on, so I was also put on pitocin. The epidural didn't really take either -although it stopped my horrendous back labor -so I was amazed at how fabulously the 2nd one went. I did have an epidural and I did have to be induced, but the epidural "took" (and I finally understood why people think they're so amazing), and I slept through most of it -woke up -pushed twice and had a baby!

Everyone is so different -but every labor and delivery is different too. If I were you, I would go in with an open mind. You have a doula (and this is not an option I ever wanted -HATE to be touched and talked to when in pain) -but SO many people love them and have great experiences with them. If you've chosen this -then obviously it's for you. So that's going to really help. Not being on pitocin will really help, but don't freak out if something happens and you receive it -it still doesn't mean things will be like they were the last time. Also, if you get to a point where you really can't stand it anymore, don't feel like you're a failure or that you're ruining things by getting an epidural. Most likely this labor will be faster and easier and you won't have to have an epidural or an episiotomy, but it will be okay if you do. Remember -no one is going to hand you a medal for suffering! Perhaps you can talk to your OB and your doula about the possibilities of a "walking epidural" in case things get to the point that you want something, but don't want complete numbness. That may really help you with pushing! Good luck -it will all be just fine!

It sounds like you are as prepared as you could possibly be. it is great that you have a doula there for you. I am sure the birth will be completely different. try not to stress. all you can really want is a healthy baby and a healthy you. don't worry how that happens. trust you body.
I had a bad tear and bad stitches with my first. took for ever to heal! I was so worried about that happening again. I had a different doctor and she did amazing stitches and I healed so fast!
good luck

First of all, it is not silly to want your labor to go well! Every labor is different - there is no reason to think this one won't go smoothly. With my first child I was given pitocin but no epidural - at the time I was dead set against having an epidural. The experience with pitocin was pretty miserable. Fast forward 4 years to my second labor, where I was all set to have the epidural, but due to a crummy anesthesiologist and rapid labor (4 hours start to finish) I was unable to have it done and gave birth without drugs of any kind. My point is that despite our best laid plans, sometimes things happen during a labor and delivery that are out of our hands and we have to be flexible enough to go with the flow and not beat ourselves up about it. The outcome - healthy baby - is so much more important than following the birth plan to the letter. Relax, stay optimistic - it sounds like your current doctor is much more in sync with you than your previous one anyway. Good Luck with everything and congrats on the upcoming arrival :)

I actually had a reverse problem. I wanted an epidural, but waited until I was already in extreme pain to ask for it because I was afraid it would wear off, but then it didn't take, and so I had to endure labor when I didn't want to, and I couldn't walk because even though the epidural didn't take, it was forbidden, then I tore horribly (3rd degree) and I felt it happen, and it took a lot longer than 2 months to heal. But although we're very different, I think our fears were the same. I was terrified of the second labor because I knew what I was getting into this time and I was afraid of having a similar experience. I was so nervous I was shaking as I entered my 41st week!

But every birth is very different. I didn't really believe this when I heard it, but it is so true! This one was completely different! Of course, things can still go wrong, but this time, you're more prepared, and as always, you roll with the punches. My new OB is awesome, and my second labor was wonderful! It went a closely to the way I wanted it as I could manage! The epidural worked perfectly - no labor pains, but I could feel the pressure and knew when to push, the baby came out easily, and I hardly tore at all. Your first labor is no indication of your second, so please don't spend this time worrying! Good luck!

The experience with a doula is totally different. First step, don't induce. :) Then, make sure you have a birth plan and that your doula knows what it is. If you are going natural, make sure you have everything you need. (My ipod and iHome were soooo helpful.) Then, kick back and enjoy your experience. Let the doula help and filter things through to you, you can zone out and just let her know that you are relying on her and your husband to bring anything to you that you need to know.

You can't know that this one will go perfectly to plan, but not having an induction can help a repeat. Things can always change and you need to be comfortable that you can change with it.

Just so you know my experience, I did a natural labor to an emergency c-section, and then a scheduled c-section, so I don't know exactly where you are coming from. But I did use a doula with the first, and found that HypnoBabies meditation helped with the second. Good luck.

call your doula and talk to her about your concerns-- that's what she's there for. doulas are awesome!

plan something fun to do when labor starts. a little project to keep your mind busy for the first stage of labor... paint something or bake cookies or scrapbooking or whatever your hobby is. if you focus on "being in labor" you might go batty! :) when you find that you can't really focus on your little project then you know it's time to get ready to go. but seriously, take your time getting to the hospital because being there in early labor can be really frustrating. it's like everyone is expecting you to perform, and your body may take it's own sweet time. which is fine... but not easy when you're sitting at the hospital with everyone watching you do nothing. ;) your doula will know when you need to go. stay home and relax-- that is the best way for labor to progress naturally, and to avoid unnecessary interventions.

talk to your doctor about episiotomies. some do them routinely even when unneccessary. make sure he knows how you feel about it.

best of luck, we'd love to hear your birth story in a few weeks!

Tell both your doctor and your doula EXACTLY how you feel. Talk it out. And read "Ina May's Guid to Childbirth" by Ina May Gaskin or "Adventures in Natural Childbirth". Immersing yourself in good natural birth stories will give you more confidence:)
As long as you refuse the induction again (at least until 42 weeks) you have a really good chance of it going as you hope:) The PIT was what made everything bad last time.
Good Luck!!! You can do it:)