Neighbors Taking Advantage?

Like you said, you guys have two totally different parenting styles...my advice is to speak up to the kids. Your house, your yard, your rules!

"Hey guys! Get out of my garage. I do not want you guys going in there pulling stuff out OK? Got it? Thanks".

"Kids! No riding your bikes around our cars. Take it to the street. Thanks".

Easy!

~You are allowed to speak up and set boundaries for your personal space...do not be afraid to speak to the kids directly. Just be nice and be firm and very matter of fact to ensure they understand what you are saying. If and only if they do not listen should you bring it up to the parents themselves, otherwise just speak to the kids and let them know what is and what is not allowed on your property. **Just be nice about it and you should have NO problems!

Good Luck Woman! Happy (almost) Summer!!

Just FYI: No, I do not think you are being petty and your neighbors probably have no clue they are over stepping boundaries...we are all NOT the same and all have different ideas about 'personal space'!

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No I don't think they are taking advantage of you. They just have a different parenting style. When I was a kid we played with everyone in the neighborhood. It was like a roaming pack of kids after school, weekends and summer.

Since it's your house and your rules you need to speak up. When they go into the garage tell them nicely that they aren't allowed in there to get out toys. When they come over riding bikes around your cars ask them to please stay on the sidewalk.

Please don't punish the kids for wanting to play with yours. Instead set down a time when they are welcome to come over. Don't store up all these little things and get frustrated by their different parenting style. You'll end up blowing up and throwing back stupid stuff with could make it difficult to live with your neighbors.

Well, going off ONLY what you have mentioned here (and your post makes me think there may be more going on than was written), I think it is unrealistic to think that if four children are already outside playing tag that a 3 and 5 year old aren't going to want to play too. I think that anytime kids are outside playing, it's unrealistic to think that other kids aren't going to want to play too. I actually think it's a little rude to say 'Sorry, even though my kids are playing tag and having fun outside, YOU can't play too'. That makes me sad, although I DO realize in certain instances (a planned BBQ or party they are not invited to) it is acceptable to not want to be infringed upon.

I must admit though, that this is a sensitive issue for me. A couple of days ago, my son's best friend got in trouble and wasn't allowed to play with my son for a few days (the boy's dad's consequence for his son, the boy hit my son with a bat, so they needed the break). The boy was outside the next day, though, and had started a neighborhood soccer game in the front yard. My son went over to watch (not play-he knew they weren't supposed to 'play' together) but the neighbor dad told him he couldn't even sit on the sidewalk (not on their property) and watch! So, instead of his own child being punished and kept in the house, MY son was punished by not being allowed to play with ANY of the other neighborhood kids and being sent home. So wrong.

That said, they don't need to be riding around your cars or taking toys out of the garage without asking and you need to let them know or just send them home.

I don't think the parents are taking advantage. After all, they ARE outside, just not up in your face. It's not like they are inside watching TV. Annoying? Maybe. Taking advantage? No.

And as for the lawn? Boundry issues? I don't think so, what point would he be making by purposely doing that? Maybe the actual property lines are blurred for him and he doesn't realize he is infringing on your property. If it bothers you, just nicely explain that you would appreciate it if he didn't mow those two swipes on your lawn.

I would say yes and no to the petty part. You haven't communicated to your neighbors at all that you don't like this so how would they know. They probably feel that you're ok with it cause you've never said any different. I think you're totally justified in feeling like there are boundary issue here with the kids going in your garage, helping themselves to the toys, playing around your cars, etc. But if you don't say anything, how is anyone to know there's a problem?

Does it really matter that he's mowing a little bit of your lawn? When I first met my husband he and his neighbor would do these kinds of things for each other all the time. The yards were small (especially the front yards) and my husband would mow up to the neighbors driveway. If the neighbor mowed and my husband was a little behind on the mowing the neighbor would mow quickly the front yard.

I don't think they seem to have the boundary issue as much as you do. You're the one with the problem, they don't know about it...yet.

If I were in your shoes, I would first talk to the kids about it the next time they go in your garage, then ask if they can go with you back to their house. Talk to the mom and/or dad and say that you feel uncomfortable with the kids helping themselves to your kids toys, and you feel the best way to prevent issues with your kids is for them to not go in the garage without permission. Then you will have to be the one to help enforce this new rule at your house. If they're riding their bikes around your cars, simply ask them to ride on the sidewalk/street.

I think your neighbors sounds unaware, not so much inconsiderate or trying to take advantage.

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Honestly, I dont see a problem with the kids playing in your yard. Maybe bc I grew up on a street with a bunch of kids and we basically roamed the nieghborhood from yard to yard. But if its more about he garage and stuff, just tell them "no going in the garage." Simple.

What an awesome neighbor to mow part of your yard!

And I'm sure they would be glad to watch your kids if they ran over there. That's there style it seems like. Nothing wrong with that. I guess I don't see the big deal. I don't mind kids at our house playing. Just tell them they are not allowed to enter your garage without permission.

If God wanted us to live w/o neighbors, He wouldn't have made them in the 1st place! But He has, so I think its just something we all have to accept.

But I totally understand that you want to be outside and spend it w/just your own kids and noone else's. There are days when its busy, hectic and stressful and I just want to sit outside w/a glass of tea and watch my kid play happily and not have to think about anything! But lo and behold, the driveway ends up crawling w/other kids. I guess I see it this way...I'd rather these kids play where my kid is so I can keep an eye on my kid. Or better yet, I'm just glad other kids want to play w/my kid, that my kid isn't the weird kid everyone avoids!

GL

Then you should talk to them. I don't think you're being petty, you're setting boundaries. Tell the kids that they aren't allowed to go into your garage without your permission - same goes for toys. Also, send them home or to their own yards to play if you want them too. All the kids in our neighborhood play together, but there are times when my kids invite another kid over and not others. They just want to play with X by themselves, which is fine. Everyone understands and is okay with it.

I really don't see what the problem is - you set the rules for your yard. If your kids don't mind playing with these kids, then they can invite them over. If not, then send them home. But I would talk to the parents about talking to their kids about going on other people's property and taking toys - very rude and a big no no.

If you're nice about it, there shouldn't be a problem. Good luck.

I agree with the post saying that you have to set rules and boundaries. I had a similar issue. The kids crossed the line when they started letting themselves inside my house and raiding the fridge and or asking what's for dinner. It only took them around a week to cross the line! I firmly, but nicely set rules for the kids inside my home and outside. Also let them know the time frame where they could come and play in the yard with my son. They couldn't just barge in the yard, but had to knock on the front door and ask if he could come out and play. I also talked with their parents. Told them that I didn't mind them coming over, and talked about when we eat dinner and times my son would be out in the yard. I brought up the time the kids let themselves in my home. The mom was soo embarrassed! She apologized and agreed with rules. She even came over herself and would hang out. Sometime we would have cookouts together. I think them main problem was that neighbors were used to letting kids run around. They had rules for their kids and automatically thought that the kids would be on their best behavior while visiting other neighbors. After the talk, the kids were polite and the parents kept a closer eye on them. They would even call my house to check up on them and ask if the kids were overwelcoming thier stay. Hope this helps.

I have had so many times when I wished that more kids lived on our street . . . then I read posts like yours and realize I should be thankful! :P

Yes, that would highly annoy me too.

And I would guess that your kids are not constantly running over there - that's because you actually PAY ATTENTION TO THEM (what a concept). Your neighbor's kids can't resist a situation where adults are actually focused on the kids. :P

Nevertheless, I would not allow them to take over my life. I would walk them back home and say "we're having some family time and can't play with your kids right now." I would get freakish about the words "family time." LOL

No, you are not being petty imho.

Good luck.

Dawn B. has some really good advice. Especially this part:

"The point is that you can call all the shots as far as your "stuff" is concerned when it's your yard. You can act as a parent too, establishing limits, when to go home, what to play with, etc. Being part of the neighbor kids' "village" will actually reap you benefits in the long run, though I know it's a pain in the butt now."

There are times kids show up at our house--especially if we're outside--and it's a pain...not in my plans...cramps my style. But I follow my son's lead. If he wants to play & have them here then usually...so do I.

Your yard, your rules. You need to lay down ground rules with the children, and that would not be overstepping. Tell them that they're welcome to play with your children when they ask for your permission and you then say yes. Tell them that they must be already be playing with your children to play with the toys in your yard and garage. Let them know that the reason for these rules is because it's polite, and sometimes because of certain situations you'll have to say "no."

The kids on my street flock to my house in good weather. I'm always outside with my girls. The kids on the street are welcome to come over and I'm happy to watch them, but their mothers taught them good manners because I've never had to remind them to ask me, "Miss J., can we play with J, G, and A?" Most of the time I say yes but sometimes it's "no, but maybe tomorrow" because we're headed out or expecting company and the kids always understand.

I don't think there's anything wrong with just saying, "Now's not a good time to play, we can play later/tomorrow." to the kids. And, there's nothing wrong with enforcing the rules at your house when other kids are over, just say to them, "we don't take toys out of the garage without asking." You can also nicely say something to the parents when the kids come over like, "sorry, now's not a good time...", I think they'll get the message that you don't want the kids just dropping over all the time.

To be honest, I'm jealous because I live in a rural neighborhood, I would LOVE to be in a neighborhood where kids could just come over and play/vice versa...it's fun for the kids to all just get to play together, brings back childhood memories.

I'd nicely tell the kids we're not playing in the garage or with anything in the garage. Then nicely tell those kids we're walking back to their house. I'd walk them home and politely tell the parent(s) the kids ended up in my garage and just try to calmly let them know its not okay. I'd keep returning the kids to their house with polite regrets.

I'd also look into building a fence w/ locked gate around my yard.

I don't think you are being petty about the neighbor children pulling toys out of your garage, etc. BUT, you need to set boundaries for/with the neighbor kids. Tell them they are not allowed in the garage and not allowed to drag toys out. Tell them whatever you want the rules to be. If you do not lay out boundaries with them, then they think their behavior is okay and keep doing it. If they show up to play and it is a not a good time for them to be there then send them home.

I have a rule - if kids on at my house and on my property then they follow my rules. It works once I teach them all the rules :)

The neighbor parents probably don't even realize it is an issue if you never send the kids home and have never spoken to them about it. They see there kids come to your house, they see their kids playing at your house, you don't say anything so they think it is okay. And no, this is not the way I parent either - but I have had neighbors like yours. I set boundaries with the kids and it all worked out.

As for the lawn - I have about a mower's width on one the side of my driveway that runs into my neighbors lawn - my neighbor has mowed that strip for me since I bought this house. I don't mind, and since from the street, it looks like part of his lawn, I just think he wants to ensure he keeps the front of his house looking nice. I would not worry about the lawn. :)

Good Luck and God Bless

The coming into your yard while your kids are out is one thing, helping themselves to your garage is another. There is nothing wrong with making boundaries about that OR asking them not to ride their bikes all around your cars. It's dangerous for them and your cars! If you feel uncomfortable saying something to the kids or the parents, you could keep your cars in the garage and shut the door. If I were you, I would talk with the kids first. If they don't get it, talk to the parents.

I would simply make sure the kids know that they are not allowed in the garage, that only your kids are (we had to make this rule in our neighborhood), and let the rest go. As for the grass, I wonder if they think the property line is in a different place than you do? You may need to get a surveyor to know for sure where the property lines are. but I really do not see the issue with having a few lines of your yard mowed by them either. I do not think there is anything wrong with these kids coming over to see if the other kids outside will play with them, that is what kids do, and unless your goal is to hurt the feelings of these other children I would let it be, but if they are misbehaving, are in your garage after being told it is off limits, or are in your trash ect, get the parents involved in setting them straight.

I don't think the parents realize that their kids are being intrusive- in fact, had your kids done the same thing, it probably wouldn't bother them at all- but that is just their style and not yours. So, go over and talk to them- nicely- and let them know you are uncomfortable with their kids in your yard/garage without being invited. Then invite their kids over to play sometime. And don't be shy about telling the kids what is off limits at your house.
We had some kids constantly over at our house when we were first married with a baby(the kids were 6&7) and I felt bad about telling them they had to go home and not play in our yard when we were outside, but after a while it was just too much- they were into everything. So, we let them know that they were not welcome unless we were outside with them. We had to keep reminding them for about a month or so, then it got better.
Good luck!
~C.

Relax. I think you might be taking it more petty than you should. From your post the only annoyance I see is their kid coming into YOUR garage and pulling out YOUR kids's toys. That you should curb and enforce as a rule if you do not want them there.

On the other side, you are neighbors, they are not doing anything other than letting their same age kids play with yours. If they do not watch them, you don't have to feel obligated to watch them. It is THEIR responsibility. If you do not want to have their kids play with yours, then it seems like you do not want to be their friends or neighbors.

I really don't see anything wrong with that. Monitor your kids and courtesy watch theirs. If you are sitting there watching your kids and one of theirs run out into the street, I am sure you would run and get them or tell them not to do so. Obviously, the neighbor is more relaxed and depend on how many years they have been there, nothing has happened to their kids yet. I think you should respect their way of letting their kids play and if it is that annoying to you, don't let your kids go outside and play either, because it would only attract your neighbors kids, right! - Take them to the park or stay inside. Kids will be kids - or honestly tell them you don't want their kids over your house!

I think it's kind of petty sounding...I would be uncomfortable with them going in the garage so I would let my kids get something out and then close it. All the kids in the neighborhood play together. It's just natural and expected. Sometimes they'll play in my yard other times in the other kids yards.

If you truly don't want to have them playing with your kids then figure out where your backyard is and play in it. If it has a fence then put a lock on the gate and don't let them in.

I agree, you need to tactfully talk to them (parents..3 and 5 are just , IMO, not quite old enough to totally get it on their own, but certainly keep telling them over and over). We always had race cars and show quality cars..plus our own well cared for (important to us anyways) cars (not high end but to us they were new and important) daily drivers. And always parked in the driveway as the race/show cars and snowmobiles were in the garage. We would always get freaky inside when kids wanted to ride bikes randomly in our big driveway, whether they were here to see our daughter or not.

I also have done home daycare since my child was 3. Big fenced in backyard..huge playground set..lots of colorful little tikes climbers, ride ons, etc. Not sure why, but this seemed to invite kids (not even our block!) to just pop into my fenced in backyard! I finally had to start putting locks on the gates..seemed ridiculous to me that a 5 year old would think its just OK to go into someones yard...even had "words" with a few that age and a few years older. They protested they wanted to play at the "park" and they could "if they wanted to" (add a 5 yr old sneer here..LOL)...I also started letting my 160 pound Newfoundland stay in the yard, rather than his kenel..and laze around the front yard (with underground fencing...not that he would go anywhere the big horse sized baby!)...but it was totally sad I had to do all that to scare away kids and even adults who had NO RIGHT t be on my property.

The immediate neighbors were mostly great...it was some from the next few streets. We ahd great playing relationships with the families on our street..they played together, etc..but to go into someones yard or garage without permission?? I know many teens and young adults with similar boundary and entitlement issues....maybe I just have had too many negative experiences to outweigh my many good ones? As a kid we ran wild in the 70's, but never would I have dreamed to insinuate myself like that without asking permission. I was taught better. CRAZY!

Set your boundaries or you will be miserable all summer. Tell the kids "you need to leave those things alone right now" and "Its time for you to play at home, etc"...and walk over to the parents if need be and tell them if a general discussion to lay the rules down does not net the results you want..if they "forget" and things quickly slack.....

Like you said it is a different style...the only way to change this is to tell them. They need to know that this is not how you function. You can beat around the bush all you want or you can go over with your pop in hand and make small talk!