Need Encouragement - Muncie,IN

I don't think you need to be careful about talking about this with your husband. Just tell him what's been going on. Like you've said this guy has not done anything wrong he just goes a little far. I think that's easy for anyone (MIL, friends, siblings) to do if they are around you a lot. This guy probably thinks he's helping you out and probably feels like he knows your parenting style since he's there all the time. Just tell your hubby what you told us. Tell him you really like the guy and respect him but don't want him to have to take on the responsibility of parenting. Right now this is an easy situation to fix, just don't let it go on any more.

Don't be concerned about hurting your husbands and his friends relationship. I really don't think this guy will take any offense if your husband talks to him.

I'd be uncomfortable with an open ended agreement for how long the guy is going to live with your family. It's been a year already. When will he be ready for a place (and family) of his own? Another year? Five? Will he still be living with you when your daughter graduates from high school? What happens if you decide you want a bigger family and have a few more children? There's no reason your husband and he shouldn't be friends, but people need their own space/their own place to call home. Friend or no, I'd have a problem with anyone spanking my child. If my child needs discipline, I'll decide what for and when and what the punishment will be.

Hi D. - maybe this isnt as big of a deal as you think, especially if you handle it gently. The longer time goes on that you dont say anything, the worse it will get. Also, my kids love to wrestle too and it's pretty common to get a bumped head or a squished finger - I often just treat my husband and boys as all one kid and toss out - "Hey! It's getting too wild in there! Take it down a notch or someone's gonna get hurt!" You know, the mom chant.

About the discipline, just keep it simple and reassuring. Maybe something like - You're becoming like family and we enjoy having you here with us. Can I ask you to do something for me? Could you hold back and allow me some time to be able to act first when my daughter is getting out of line? I know you're just trying to help me. We also want to reserve spanking to just mom and dad. She getting older and it's important for her to start learning about boundaries between her and other kids and her and adults. We just want to reinforce the best bahavior.

i totally understand. my husband is in same situation. many friends have drifted away, and he had one that he was close to, but a loose cannon. i was in a situation with this friend that i thought he was not respecting my house and my kids' schedule. i waited for my husband to handle it. he didn't want to. then i handled it. was not good for a few months but they're back on track.
that said, no one should be disciplining your child except you and your husband.

It might be easier for you to just bypass your husband and talk to this friend all by yourself. It shouldn't be that hard. Just be honest. "Yo! Joe! I've been thinking...it made me uncomfortable last time you spanked lil' Lilly...I have decided I do not wish for you to do that again. EVER. Next time you see/hear something you think warrants a spanking. Tell me and I'll do it. Got it? Thanks buddy"!.....if you feel he might get upset by this you can always throw in a compliment at the end..."You have been so good w/her, we really appreciate how much attention you show her...she loves you... and I guess I think you are pretty alright too"!...you know, something like that to break the tension.

I understand your reasoning about him being your husband's friend, husband should talk to him.....but she is your kid, you shouldn't feel weird about standing up for her/you...especially in your own home!

Just a thought.

Hi D.,
It looks like you have already received some good advice, but I just wanted to toss in my two cents.
Could you address your husband's friend directly, either the next time you see him playing with your daughter, or just sometime when you are together in the house? It just seems to me that it would be less of an issue if you just dealt with it head on, rather than you talking your your hubby, hubby talking to friend, hubby reporting back to you what was said, etc. My advice would just be to be direct with him, explain that you would prefer if he didn't discipline your daughter, that you don't agree with spanking and ask that he respect your position.
In regard to the roughhousing, same thing, when you see it happening just ask them to take it down a notch. No big deal, no friendships ruined, just mom taking care of her kiddo.
good luck!

i thnk ou should talk to your husband if he i not doing nothig the you talk because that is your house and your daughter.i learn to talk to people my husband don'tdo it is hard bu you have to do it.