Need Advice on the Teen Driveway Chat Sessions over Here!

Updated on May 28, 2010
D.S. asks from Chesterfield, MO
50 answers

My 16 year old daughter has a boyfriend now of 6 months. He gives her a ride home from school everyday. He is 16 as well and he is respectful and comes from a good family. Rules are in place, supervision is in place, and all the things that a parent can do regarding teenage dating is under our control. Here's my issue......when my daughter comes home from school, she and the boyfriend sit in his car in our driveway for like 30-40 minutes before she comes in and says hello to me. I work from home so I am always here when she gets home and even if I wasn't, no boys are allowed inside without parents home. The sitting in the driveway is kind of bothering me. Why do they do this? It's weird to me. I wondered what the deal was and I can see them out there. It looks like they sit and talk for most of the time with the occasional peck on the cheek or peck on the lips. My daughter tells me that they just hang out and chat and then she says good-bye and he leaves. Am I overreacting? I think it's weird and I don't see why they have to sit in his car in our driveway for 30-40 minutes and talk. Today, I got really mad because I texted my daughter when school ended and waited for her to reply back. No reply. I then look outside and see the boyfriend’s car and the two of them sitting in it and talking. This went on for 30 minutes and she never texted me back. When she came inside, I asked her why she did not reply to my text and her response was, “I didn’t see it.” My reply was, “Well, you saw fit to talk to your boyfriend in the driveway for 30 minutes so I guess that tells me where your priorities were at and I’m NOT happy.” What are your thoughts on the driveway chitty-chats after school? I’m right inside the house and they are on our property but for some reason, it’s weird to me.
I could be overreacting though so I want some feedback from other Moms of Teens please. Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thank you to all the Moms of Teens or even some teens themselves who helped answer my question and give me a great point of view to work off of. I am glad that the responses were consistent and that you all felt that I can allow the extended chat time to occur in my driveway as opposed to other more heinous things going on. You are RIGHT!! It could be way worse and I need to Chillax and just let it ride. I can definitely do that. I just wanted to be sure that I wasn't creating a monster for something else that may occur down the road such as parking at ANOTHER location or whatever....you know what I mean. Been there, done that, and I don't really want my teenage daughter doing it because she thinks I gave her "latitude" in the driveway. I am a good Mom and I thank you for pointing that out. Never in my life have I ever found myself second guessing the things I do as much as I do today. I never did that with newborns, toddlers, or grade-schollers but the teen years seem so much more difficult and I feel like one wrong move on my behalf can end up in disaster. I'm only human, though. I do and will make mistakes. Thank you for all the great input. You guys are the BEST!!

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

My first thought is that she's being really considerate. Instead of hanging around the school... or not being home all afternoon... she comes home where you can see she's safe to chat with her BF.

Her BF's parents on the otherhand... just have to wait and wait for him. Given the choice, I'd definitely prefer it was MY driveway to the other family's driveway.

7 moms found this helpful

K.B.

answers from Milwaukee on

If it is only 20-30 mins AND you can see that they are not doing anything inappropriate then let it be. Now if it is day where you/family has a lot going on so you are waiting on her to eat, leave, whatever that is a different situation. Just let her know you would appreciate that on those days she has to come right home from school to do homework, chores whatever so you guys can get to a game, event whatever. I think if you say she can not do it at all they will do is stop somewhere you can not see them to chat (parking lot, down the street), I would much rather be able to see the teens then not at all.

I did this ALL the time as a teenager and it was just chatting about school, friends, homework, movies, music and other things we were interested in. This is not going to be one to stress out about and if the talks get longer, just say you are glad that they have such great communication and a lot to talk about but if you can keep it down to 20 mins and then come in to join the family that would be great OR let her know to come in and talk. It might just be they want the privacy to talk, not that they are talking about inappropriate things, but teens just like that privacy and it gives the sense of freedom. At least you can see them :)

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R.G.

answers from Dallas on

I have to agree with everyone else. She's not doing anything that could harm herself or anyone else, you know where she is, what she's doing and who she's with. I think you should be grateful that you have a good kid. Congrats to you for a job well done. =)

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

From a mom's point of view, I would feel sad that my little girl is growing up and needing me less. I would be hoping she's using good judgement and not keeping uncomfortable secrets from me. I would be extremely grateful that she seems to understand and obey my rules. And I would so much rather have her sitting in our driveway than someplace that's perhaps too private.

From a teen's point of view, I would want to spend as much time with my boyfriend as possible. Young romance is so delicious. I would sure not want to chat with my boyfriend right in front of my mom – how weird would that be? And I would expect that my mom and "regular family life" would be around all evening, but my boyfriend would be leaving for the night. And I would probably be annoyed if my mom were trying to manage every aspect of my social life (this one I know well, because my mom did exactly that).

I'm so glad you don't go out and interrupt your daughter and her friend – that would be so intrusive and embarrassing. Have you ever invited her to bring him in for a snack or to share homework or TV time? Is this boy welcome in your home? (Your request doesnt' make that clear.) Do you expect to have instant access to your daughter at all times? If this is your intention in giving her a cell phone, then you may have to make that one of your rules, but I would advise against it. She's 16, verging on adulthood, and needs some privacy and independence.

Hang in there, mom. It sounds like you are providing your daughter with reasonable guidelines, and she is appreciating and respecting them. But don't try to hang on too tightly. The cords of mutual respect are resilient, and become stronger when allowed to flex, like a young tree. The chains of control are abrasive and brittle. Kids often rebel when they become too uncomfortable.

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D.K.

answers from Washington DC on

I don't have teenagers yet, but I've been one and my little brother is still one. Feel free to disregard my advice though since I don't have teenagers.

I am a very protective mother. I homeschool, don't allow my son to fly unaccompanied, monitor his activities/relationships/influences etc... but I don't really see anything wrong with this. Does she have something else that she's supposed to be doing and she's blowing it off to chat with her BF? If not, then I don't see the problem. They are being respectful and following the rules, they're not groping or snogging or anything. They are in view, they aren't doing anything wrong. It all sounds pretty chaste which I think you can thank your lucky stars for. And please remember that they're in school all day, so they're not necessarily spending much time together during the school day. My impression is that they just honestly want to talk. Be grateful that they're getting to know each other so well and not out there just necking or something.

My best advice is to let her develop this relationship with him during this quiet, supervised time of day. Maybe suggest that they come inside and have a soda on the couch or something where they can be more comfortable. She may not go for it though, especially if she feels really strongly about him and they talk mostly about feelings. She might be embarassed for you to overhear that kind of thing and that's ok too. They both sound like great kids so I would just be happy that she's happy and that she's being safe with this relationship physically and emotionally.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Ditto Riley.

Next, its not "weird." Kids/teens do that. I did too.
They just like to hang out and talk. Even if in the car. She IS home... and respected that, and she is not inviting him IN the house, and they are not making-out and getting physical. Just talking. They are not doing anything illegal or sexual. Just talking.
Teens love to hang out and just talk.... but at least she is doing it in your driveway. And you can see her.

Instead of texting her... why don't you just call from the front door? Tell her "10 minutes honey..." or something. Not invasive, just a head's up kind of thing.

And remind her calmly, that her phone is for you/she needing to get in touch with each other, so to try and be alert about that. What if it were an emergency? Her phone can be set to "alert" her to messages etc. or put the ringer on louder...

Don't be punitive... she isn't really doing anything "wrong." She is home. And she is not doing anything "slutty" or un-ladylike. Just talking in the driveway in the car. Its not weird. Its teen behavior.

I would be glad, if that were my girl... because she is not acting trashy with that boy. Just talking. And doing it at home. Nothing wrong with that.

If you continue to denigrate her for doing that particular thing... she may start to "hide" things from you or not do it so openly, nor not trust you... because she won't want to get yelled at/scolded for every little thing. THAT is worse. You WANT your girl, to be OPEN with you, she is a Teen, and they need that from their Mom. And so you can keep aware of her life and what she does. Otherwise, she and her boyfriend may just go and hang out in the car somewhere else... where you CANNOT see her...

AND remember, she is being HONEST with you. THAT is a good thing.
You don't want her to start having to withhold things from you...

all the best,
Susan

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S.B.

answers from Gainesville on

Yeah, you are probably over reacting. There are things couples don't like to talk about in front of people, especially their parents. There are things even you wouldnt talk to your SO about in front of your own parents. It's just that they have no other alone time together, so they take that time to talk and/or build on their relationship. Let her spread her wings a bit and give her the privacy. She's obviously got a good head on her shoulders.

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

Don't you remember being 16 and your first boyfriend? They like each other, they want to be alone together, they want to share their lives and their feelings a little. I think it's very sweet and cannot think of a more safe way for a teenager get to know someone of the opposite sex a have a little bit of privacy. Congratulations, sounds like you're raising a smart responsible girl and best of all you know exactly where she is after school!

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K.H.

answers from Washington DC on

I'm not a mom of teens but I do think you are over reacting , from your post it sounds like you have rules and she sticks to them , so what's the problem? Do you think it's because you can't hear what they are saying that bothers you? So you don't feel in control of this? I would let this go , your lucky that you have a teen that respects your rules , if you push too much you will aggrevate and cause her to no longer respect your wishes.

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C.J.

answers from Danville on

I just had to respond to this question. I had to LOL!! simply because I just did this the other night. Not with a guy, it was with one of my good friends. She had picked me and my daughter up for church that night. When we got back home, we all sat in the car talking for about 15 minutes. Finally my daughter got out the car and my friend and I continued to talk and laugh. By the time I got in the house my daughter (teen ager) had taken her bath and gotten herself ready for bed.

I just wanted you to see that this is something that I think everyone does. Whether you are dating or not. LOL!!

As long as your daughter isn't neglecting chores, homework, etc. I really don't see an issue with it. It's good that she feels comfortable enough to sit and talk with her boyfriend, knowing that you can see them.

Parenting teen agers can be difficult at times. Keep doing what you're doing. Be blessed!

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T.G.

answers from St. Louis on

As long as it is after school and not at night, it shouldn't be a big deal. If you prefer that sheinvite him in and they talk on the sofa over a soda, then just explain that to her. Since you can see them and they appear to be talking, I don't see it as a big deal. You trust him enough to let him drive your daughter home from school. If they were going to do something, I would think it would be BEFORE she gets home from school. Now, if this trunsinto a makeout session, I would not hesitate to meet her at the car when he drives up.

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K.B.

answers from Houston on

My best friend (a girl) used to drive me home from school and we would sit and chat likes this for a while before saying goodbye. During school there really isn't any time to just talk so it's nice to just sit and connect.

If after the 30 minute chat session your daughter is coming in and getting on the phone with him or going online to chat with him further, then yes I'd say it's too much and her time with him (both in person and on the phone etc.) should be limited but if this 30 minutes plus the drive time home is really just about all the time they have to talk to each other alone during the day, I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Good luck,
K.

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L.A.

answers from Chicago on

I used to do this when I was dating my now husband many years ago. We could talk for hours. Sometimes I wish I could go back to that time when we had so much to learn about each other, and lots to talk about.

She is doing this in your driveway, during the day and you are close by. I would say 30 mins is ok, they could probably talk longer on the phone.

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T.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Why not just establish a time she needs to be home? If school gets out at 3, she needs to be home by 3:30 or whatever. No need to argue about the driveway thing (because she's 16 and is going to decide anything you disagree with her about is because your stupid/unfair/don't understand her), just establish a rule that has nothing to do with the boyfriend.

HTH
T.

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

There's no problem I find with this at all. Teenagers have a lot to talk about, and this way they can talk w/o having to worry about who's listening, etc..

I would be very grateful if I were you that they are spending this time in your driveway as opposed to anywhere else. Sounds like she is being considerate by doing that. Don't tighten the reins too much-or she will lose her trust in you.

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K.J.

answers from Chicago on

While it may be awkward for you, since you know they are out there and can see them, try to realize that they could be going other places alone in the car so that they won't be seen, but they are not. That should be reassuring for you. They just got out of school where I'm pretty sure they don't have any opportunities to talk in a quiet setting, so the 30 min chat seems to be kinda necessary.

I would just suck it up at this point, as if you say something to her about it, they might decide to go "park" somewhere secluded next time. (As I type this I am thinking about the teenagers I saw parked near the park by my house last week, doing some pretty grown-up things.) I think the chances that they'd ever do something like that is pretty much nil if they remain in your driveway.

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B.A.

answers from Tampa on

As a former teen, I have to say this is normal. I always did this with my boyfriend as a teen. We truly enjoyed each other's company so much that we didn't want our time together to end just yet. And we still had a billion things to talk about back then. Ignoring your text was inappropriate and I can see getting upset about that. But the sitting in the car doesn't seem like a big deal as long as all they do is talk. Maybe you need to look inside yourself and examine why this bothers you so much? Is it out of concern for your daughter or for more selfish reasons?

If you can't find a way to get over it; try walking out there and inviting them in the house for a snack. Either they will do it and like it and maybe do this everyday or this will make them both horribly uncomfortable and they won't sit in the driveway anymore for fear of being asked to do it again. Either way; you win!
I

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N.F.

answers from Seattle on

I would say you are overreacting. I remember being that age and doing just about the same thing. They only get to see each other for so long during the school day and I'm sure aren't in every class together either. It's their special time to just hang out and talk without anyone to interupt them. She's out in your driveway for pete's sake, my mom would have killed for that lol and she sounds like she is a great kid. If it REALLY bother's you that much just talk to her about it. The last thing you want to do is push her away and have her start to rebel because mom doesn't like her talking to her boyfriend out on the driveway. Start overreacting when she doesn't come home after school, stays out late, grades drop or stops respecting you or anybody else for that matter. You've got a great thing going... it could be MUCH worse ;)

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M.M.

answers from Orlando on

I think that you might want to let this go since you are lucky enough to be able to see them. They could be stopping off in a parking lot on the way home from school each day where you would have no idea what they were doing, so at least you know they aren't doing anything irresponsible. I think that teenagers just like to be alone like that because they want to talk freely without their parents listening in/judging/etc. It sounds like you have her under a pretty watchful eye aside of being able to hear the conversation. Perhaps if you have a porch you could kindly suggest that they have sit there instead, otherwise...I would just be thankful they're in your line of sight.

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S.W.

answers from Miami on

They are getting to know each other. Support them in the effort to have a mutually respectful relationship. Be honest about your feelings and allow your daughter to express hers. They are hormonal and your guidance is needed right now. No more freaking out!

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L.C.

answers from Boca Raton on

I think that they stay in the car instead of coming inside because they just got out of school and they want some alone time where they can have a private conversation. After being in school all day where they have no privacy, they just want some alone time.. but they don't want anyone to worry, so they just park in the driveway, where you know they aren't doing anything bad.. but they know you wont bother them. I'm sure its harmless, and she's not trying to ignore you or put you second. Hope this helps.

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J.A.

answers from Jacksonville on

OMG!!! Yes, you are wayyyy over reacting. Do you know how many mothers would be thrilled if this was their issue? Your daughter and her boyfriend just want a little private time. The fact that they get it on your property, and in your sight is something to be greatful for.

If you continue to be possesive and pushy your daughter will soon rebel and it will not be in a good way. She is currently respecting your wishes, imagine if she chose to ignore them. As a parent you are in charge, but not in control, especially at this age. Your daughter is old enough to make her own choices, she currently chooses to abide by your rules, be happy.

Why does her talking to her boyfriend of 6 months for 30 minutes or an hour bother you?

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A.C.

answers from Houston on

I don't have a teenager of my own yet, but have had several step-kids in that age range...and can certainly remember how strained my own relationship with my mom was during these years. Maybe you just missed something in writing your post...but it really sounds like you jumped down her throat for nothing.

If you had something urgent, maybe a call would be better than a text. If it is just about knowing where she is, I think you should lighten up a bit until she gives you some reason not to trust her.

I really don't understand what you find so weird??? Two teenagers sitting in relative privacy talking and smooching for a few minutes before saying good-bye for the day? Is it the kissing that bothers you? Do you want to get to know him better? You got some good suggestions about nice ways to invite them in the house.

When I was a teenager, ENTIRE DATES were about parking our cars at the park and sitting and talking and turning up our radios and dancing. We had some privacy, but any one of our parents could drive by and check on us.

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T.F.

answers from San Diego on

I think you are way over reacting...remember pick your battles. It sounds like to me she is just having fun talking with her boyfriend. Everyone deserves to have some relaxing time after along day at school or work this is her time to relax and spend time with her BF. I think that you should be relieved that she is in the drive way having these conversations and not parked somewhere else.

When I was a teenager I did the same thing. Sometimes it was with just a group of girls and some times with my boyfriend. Parents couldn't imagine why we would want to sit in the car and talk since we were together all day at school but really you have very little time to talk at school. Let her have her time on this issue.

If you need her in the house for something just go out and ask her to come in because you need...fill in the blank.

Sounds to me like you have raised her to be a smart responsible girl. Trust her..pushing her on this issue may make her not come to you on more important things.

Good Luck!

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

i think you are way overreacing... it almost sounds like you are jealous of her relationship with her boyfriend. if you want some more meaningful/quality time with her, i'd try a different approach than chewing her out for virtually nothing - just tell her that you know she's growing up, and friends and boyfriends are going to begin gaining importance in her life, but that you don't want to lose the closeness - you sound like a really caring, plugged in mom - but on this issue, yes, you are overreacting!

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B.B.

answers from Orlando on

Yes you are overreacting. You can see for yourself that she is not doing anything wrong. Give your daughter a break. She is 16, not 6. If you try to control her every waking moment you will only succeed in pushing her away.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

At school they probably do not get a chance to visit very much uninterrupted.Could be since you have your business from home they do not want to interupt you.

If you wanted to speak with her, just walk out to the car and ask the question.

Also you could let your daughter know, they are welcome to come into the house, have a snack and visit whenever they want.. Or let her know, "hey I baked a cake today, you guys wanna come in and a have a slice?".. "Gee if its hot out there come inside to the air conditioning".

It sounds very innocent and sweet. I remember doing this in high school.Good Times..

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R.W.

answers from Tampa on

CHILL OUT!!!! Be glad they are sitting in the driveway talking. They could be sneaking out doing drugs, drinking, having sex....I see no problem with what she is doing...Relax and let her be a teenager. As far as the text's go I can have my phone right on me and not always hear a text come in. Let her be a teenager. Sounds to me like she has a good head on her shoulders. She's sitting in the driveway where she knows you can see her. Would you rather she be out parking somewhere else????

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S.S.

answers from Miami on

My daughter will be 16 next month. This is NORMAL!!!! This is what teens do. They hang out and talk. They like to be in each other's company. They can't talk at school so they have to find time and this is the perfect spot! Do not see this as weird. Kids at this age really couldn't care less if they have parents, they just want their friends. Be thankful she has social relationships because so many are suicidal because they don't. My 21 yr old went through the same thing too as did all my friend's kids. Leave her alone and stop worrying so much about her. At 16 I ran my own life with going to school, boyfriend and working. Calm down and focus on other things instead of her social life.

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M..

answers from Ocala on

Oh my goodness, what's the problem?

They are talking and hanging out. They are talking to get to know each other and grow together as boyfriend and girlfriend.

TRUST ME ON THIS, if you make a big deal about this then they will find
somewhere else to talk ALONE. They are teens. If you get mad at her and act mad because of a text you are going to push her away.

Be open and happy for them that they both are good kids, trying to do good.

Come on mom, look back to when you was 16 and getting ready to turn 17 - don't you remember this time.
This time for her is priceless and when she is older she will miss this time and she will wish she could have this back but she won't be able to.
It sounds to me that your baby is growing up and she sounds like a good girl.

By the way I used to sit in the drive way for hours with my boyfriend when I was 16! And guess what we are still together today married with three beautiful children and one more on the way. We have been married for 14 years. And we are happy. -- We spent hours talking about our likes and dislikes, silly stuff and important stuff.
By the way I got good grades and had a part time job. I was and still am a good girl and all I wanted to do was spend time with my boyfriend.

So mom, this is going to be harder on you to watch her turn into a young and beautiful butterfly and grow wings and fly.

I wish you the best and remember that this is a part of growing up.

= )

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S.K.

answers from Miami on

I do this with my gf all the time. We go to the track and walk a few miles, then she drives me home and we often sit in her car and continue to talk for at least another half hour or so. We just really enjoy our chat time. I then hustle inside and enjoy my time with my family as well. She also often comes over and have coffee inside, but when we are dropping each other off, we continue to chat in each others driveways. I think this is REALLY normal, especially for a teenage. I have a 16 year old who drives now and he takes friends home once in awhile and he always chats with them. Never rushes off. Have you invited them to both come in for snack after school? If you do, then maybe they will turn their outside half hour to an inside one, but don't be surprised if they don't. Teens like their privacy too.

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V.M.

answers from Erie on

Can you offer her a compromise? Would you want her to invite him in? Sit on your porch? Vist for a shorter length of time???
I get where you are coming from but i think she sounds like a great kid with a great mom, and this doesn't sound like it's too harmful to me.

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K.M.

answers from Tampa on

Over reacting.

Thank goodness she isn't one of those kids always looking at her phone while having a conversation.
Driveway chit chat is normal- they are getting to know each other- and they aren't doing anything- they are up front and right is your driveway- not hiding- they are right in your driveway.
I concern you very lucky- and your carrying- on could force them to be sneeky- go somewhere to talk where you cannot see them.
I got 2 daughters thro teen ager years. This is hard won experience.

Don't put yourself in competition with the boyfriend for her time.
Be happy when she walks thro the door, and perhaps she'll do it sooner. You are now laying the ground work for your relationship with your daughter as an adult. Please don't make it one of nagging her for her time.

And having said that this is a tough time,letting go of our kids, and it sounds as if you have done SO much right- 'cause there she is in your driveway!
Very well done, really, k

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S.C.

answers from Orlando on

Seems to me that you are over reacting a bit. If all they are doing is sitting in the driveway talking and you can see them. Just be happy because that is so minor compared to what some teenage couples are getting up to these days. I think they just want some time alone and private and are being considerate enough to do it where you can observe them and know they are safe. As far as the text goes, I have had my own husband tell me he didn't see or hear my texts so it does happen. In future, if you really want to get ahold of her just assume she missed the first one and text again. It sounds like you have a good kid there. Relax and enjoy her.

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A.P.

answers from Jacksonville on

I think you are over reacting! It sounds like normal teenage stuff. You can see them and what they are doing, maybe they just want a little private time. I think you need to just chill. Be happy they are there in the driveway and not somewhere else! Also at this age kids will choose friends/boyfriends over parents so don't make it an issue!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

When I was a teen, we did this ALOT! Girls, guys, we were just too lazy to get out of the car when we knew that the car was leaving soon. Or sometimes we would just hang out there and listen to music or such that my mom didn't like.

If the sitting in the car is bothering you, ask her to at least get out of the car and sit on the driveway or lawn. She shouldn't have a problem with that, unless its raining.

M.

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M.F.

answers from Tallahassee on

Rosemary said exactly what I was going to write. I HOPE mine are in my driveway and not at some other unsupervised locale.
M. F

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J.K.

answers from Gainesville on

Heck, I'm an adult and sometimes I sit in the car to finish a radio story or something. She just wants more time with her boyfriend, which is normal. She isn't doing it to snub you, and the fact that she is comfortable enough to hang out in the car in the driveway is pretty cool. You can see what is going on and you know that they are safe. I say let it go. Or you can wait until you are calm, tell her it's driving you crazy even though you know it shouldn't, and if she texts you when she gets there you'll leave her alone. If you ask her to make a small concession in exchange for not overreacting, she might be willing to do it. She sounds like a nice girl, he sounds like a nice guy, they are just talking with the occasional kiss, very normal behavior, I'd say let this go and don't push too hard because she might react by doing something you REALLY wouldn't like.

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N.K.

answers from Miami on

They want their privacy, something they probably cannot have inside your home. This way, you can watch them from the window for any inappropriate behavior but they can talk about private things without whispering. It's also embarrassing to kiss or make out in front of your parents, another reason why they're doing it in the car. Considering all the time spent in school, with interruptions of other classmates as well as classes, they probably don't have enough time to talk face to face. It's hard letting go and saying goodbye to someone you're in love with, I know my goodbyes would take about 1 hour, with neither of us wanting to leave, so maybe they have some separation anxiety going on. It's better than having her sneak out at night to see and talk to her boyfriend or coming home late and you not knowing where they want nor what they did during that time!

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T.O.

answers from Jacksonville on

Let her have the driveway time. It makes her feel like its just her time with her boyfriend that is in a safe place cause you are nearby. It feels like a few minutes to the teens, just a the 30-40mins. You know teens love to talk. She just wants a little bit of freedom or maybe the boyfriend is too shy to met you.
Invite them inside if your nervous or if its really bothers you. Tell your daughter it would make you feel better if they come inside and you will be in another room if she needs you.

She sounds like a good kid, dont worry too much

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G.M.

answers from Tampa on

I think you are way overreacting. I don't even understand why you think its so weird. did you not do this as a teenager? are you jealous? I can't understand for the life of me why this bothers you at all. If anything I think that is weird.... strange... abnormal....at first I thought you were going to say that they are parked there and you can't get in your driveway, but that isn't even the case! what would you prefer - that they come in and talk? don't you think they want some privacy at that age? I sure hope you let off of this subject or you are going to have worse issues!!

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K.L.

answers from Miami on

let them come inside the house to chat. maybe offer them a snack. if you allow the dating, why is he not allowed in the house? I understand that it bothers you for them to stay in the driveway. That makes sense to me. Good luck.

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K.B.

answers from Tampa on

I think it's wonderful that your daughter and her boyfriend can have such good conversations that it makes it hard to get out of the car. It's much better than the bulk of their conversation happening through texting.

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V.H.

answers from Boca Raton on

hi D.!
as a former teenager myself, also from a good home with great parents and values in place, i say what your daughter is doing is perfectly normal! i remember plenty of times just sitting in a car or on a front porch with my boyfriends just talking with a kiss thrown in here and there.

please relax, and know that your daughter could be doing plenty of other things - out of the sight of your driveway - that could give you deep heartache. she's a normal teenage girl who seems very respectful to herself and others, so i say let her be who she is. and maybe you don't have to text her just as school lets out, since you know this is the time she likes to spend with her borfriend before she comes in the house and most likely does what she's supposed to do, like homework and chores.

i commend you for doing such a great job in her upbringing. i know of horror stories about what teenage girls are doing these days and will be grateful when my girls grow up if the worst they do is sit in our driveway and talk with a respectable boyfriend.
i wish you all the best!
regards,
vanessa

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J.W.

answers from Boston on

Geez mom, back off a bit. :) I think it's weird that you think it's weird. I always did that with boyfriend, you just don't want to leave each other yet! Nothing mysterious about it. It's similar to talking on the phone for hours. And as far as your text to her, if her phone was in her bag and the ringer was still off (from being in school I'm thinking?) maybe she didn't hear it.

Definitely need to pick your battles and this one just isn't worthy of being one.

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T.B.

answers from Miami on

You are over reacting. When I was a teenager, I sat in my boyfriend's car, sitting out front outside of my house in plain view where my parents could see. We talked, kissed, talked some more. Would you rather your daughter be out of sight where nobody can see them and the temptations of their youth get the better of them? She's 16 and you've given her the okay to date. She's getting to know this boy as he is getting to know her. Talking is good. Be glad she is not sneaking around and doing things behind your back.

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H.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I think you may be experiencing sadness over your daughter growing up and not taking much time for you anymore. I imagine that is pretty hard. Be thankful that she's respectful to you and obeys your rules. Would you rather her sit in the school parking lot with her BF for 30 minutes and kiss on each other? She's choosing to do that in your presence. I'd take that as a compliment that I have a pretty darn good relationship with my daughter!

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R.C.

answers from Lakeland on

Hi,
I have 4 kids and I remember that age and thought I would add my opinion. When I was 16, I would do the same thing. I would sit in the driveway with my bf and we would just talk. It was a time when we could talk about anything we wanted to and there were no "adult" ears listening. Not that we were planning things, just to not be interrupted. You said this was right after school. Well, school being what it is, they don't get much socialization time. This is making up for that. Also, they are in the driveway, you can see them. Be happy she is there and not out somewhere where you have no clue where she is, who she is with and what she is doing. My opinion is, back off a little or she may go the opposite way. Also, if your text was of utmost importance, I can understand getting mad, but it sounds like, and I know voice tone and inflection will change how things come across, but it sounds a little like jealousy on your side that she is spending time with her bf and not you... just my opinion. It is hard watching them grow up and leave the nest and spread their wings, I have an 18 year old, and he certainly needs me for nothing..... :-) Keep a good head on your shoulders and maybe even talk to her about it. Tell her your concerns and feelings about it. That might go a lot further than you think. :-) Good luck!

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N.S.

answers from Glens Falls on

All I can say is be glad that she isnt seeing a 32year old or isnt lying and sneaking around with someone you dont approve of. be glad that she isnt out in your driveway doing drugs or something horrid like that. sounds like you are a great mom and have a great daughter. keep up the good work. not everyone is that lucky. i was a horrible 16 year old hence my mom kicking me out to go live with my dad at 16. i was horrible before 16 really cause once i moved in with my dad i behaved and straightened out weirdly because my dad was nicer and easier than my mom so i kinda did it for myself but whatever. just wanted to show you that you dont have it bad. she is a good girl by the sounds of things. good work hun and you are a great mom.

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S.G.

answers from Tampa on

hey there! i can see this in my future already and mine are only 1 and 3! :) i do think you are overreacting but it is normal to overreact when your teenage daughter starts dating! i think it's probably just some underlying stress about the fact that she's growing up, got a boyfriend and things are starting to go in the direction of "i don't have as much control as i used to." and that is normal. try to think but to the time when you were a teen, or when you first started dating. they probably don't want to part ways because they like each other. and they have some alone time together in the car, it's probably a cute little ritual to them. just take a deep breath :) it's nothing to worry about, try to let go of the control a bit and you will feel better about it.

good luck, it sounds like you are a wonderful and caring mom.

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