Need Advice on How to Get My Daughter to Sleep Somewhere Other than My Bed :(

A.,

I had a similar situation with my daughter. I went against all the books and my pediatrician and let her sleep with me. My husband spent the first year of her life on the couch for the same reason your's is on the floor. I also nursed her until she was 3 which is clearly not part of the norm. I'm sure most who read this will think it was a terrible choice. Think about it though. In many other societies in the world, a baby is held much more than in ours. As a working society, we've concluded that children must sleep alone because working parents have to get up in the morning. It is interesting to me that our society has developed an attitude about this topic soley based on what parents want vs. what a child needs. I think, especially at 9 weeeks, you can afford to cater to her needs just a bit. You might put an air mattress somewhere for you or your hubby if the bed is too small so that you can all sleep...that is, in fact, what is most important. Some children need more touch than others. If your child is high need on the touch front, would you really deny that to her at 9 weeks? Sometimes you gotta go with your gut about what she needs...it'll be fine regardless what the "experts" say and I believe she is more likely to grow up well-ajusted if you give her what she needs than if you withhold it from her. What I can tell you is that my daughter, now 11, is a well-adjusted, sel-controlled, polite, independent, and very self-confident child...against the experts advice...she's turning out just fine. Good luck!

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Have you checked with the doctor? Some babies just have a greater need for that comfort of the mother's warmth..put the baby in the bed with you and your husband..people have done it for ages

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Congratulations on the birth of your daughter Ava. There is something special about the first child and you want to have everything just right. People will suggest many different things for you to try. Ultimately you will have to choose what works best for you, your husband and Ava. I was a first time mother at 23. When my daughter came home from the hospital, she came home to her crib. The same was true for my other 2 children. Even though we don't like to hear them cry, sometimes we have to. I suggest an old school method which I used on my 3 children. When she cries, check to make sure she is dry, fed, and not in pain. If she is alright, let her cry it out.(She has to sleep sometime.) It will probably be harder on you than it is on her. Remember who your bed is intended for...and that you provided one for her to sleep in. Hope this helps.

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In reading the responses I have very mixed emotions... I will tell you why... I am a nurse at a local hospital and 2 weeks ago we did CPR on a infant that co-slept with mom.... that baby is no longer with us....

I don't say this to scare you or make you feel bad, etc...but the truth is IT HAPPENS..... You are exhausted, you admit that, and who can blame you?! I have a 3 week old, I know you exhaustion, but would I EVER be able to sleep again if I were to allow her to sleep with me and roll on her? Shew, I KNOW I would be as good as dead myself....

I don't know the research on co-sleeping, I am going to look it up after this, but I do know that watching a mother stand at the end of the bed and cry as we do CPR on her infant is enough for me to know I can't do it.... I would love to, but I just can't... The benefit simply isn't worth the risk...

Hope this helps? Sorry I don't have more encouraging words...

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Have you thought about seeing a chiropractor? Many of them work on newborns as the birthing process can be a little hard on their bodies. It could be just a matter of an adjustment & she'll be better on her back. Also, do you wrap her tightly in a blanket like they did at the hospital? Babies want/need that wrapped up feel as if they are just lying there with a blanket on top of them they may get overstimulated. My babies slept so much better when I wrapped them up like they did in the hospital with their little arms all tucked inside. Give it a try & see if that helps her. And again, the chiropractor can work wonders on little ones. I have a sister-in-law that took her babies within the 1st week of birth & they still go monthly and her daughters are 12 and 17.

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A., congrats on your new little one!! babies are awesome. i bet you are overwhelmed!

that said, i'm appalled at all the responses that say to leave your little baby to cry by herself. one thing i've heard around here is "9 months in, 9 months out" which means you wear the baby for her first 9 months (or more, if you like!) so she's attached. it really does make life a TON easier to wear the baby! that way you both get your needs met. she gets to be on mom, and you get two hands free to do housework, shop, whatever. plus it's way more convenient (and less heavy!) than carrying a car carrier around PLUS a baby! then when she gets a bit older you can switch to carrying her in a backpack. the Kelty is awesome; it puts all the weight on your hips and not shoulders and back. i used an Over-the-shoulder-Baby-holder sling, but they have many more choices now! (my ds is 7yo now).
i had a husband who slept like yours, and i was the one worried that he would roll onto the baby! i had an Arms Reach Co-Sleeper, but it was never more than a glorified clothes hanger LOL and a way to keep my son from rolling out of our bed, cause i slept him in the bed but on my side. eventually DH moved into another bedroom so we all could get some sleep. that's not to say we stopped...um...you know ;-) we just got more creative about it. bedrooms are for sleeping, really, you can get creative about the horizontal bop and do that anywhere!
if you do a bit of research, people the world over sleep with their children, in all sorts of arrangements. the parents don't always sleep together. sometimes it's mom/baby, dad alone; mom alone, dad/baby; mom and a few kids, dad and a few kids; mom/dad alone, kids together (when they get older).
it's only in our so-called "developed" countries that we do such unnatural things as making our newborn infants sleep alone in another room, and not nurse them past a few weeks old.
i'd say go with your gut and not with popular opinion. if baby cries without you, it's for good reason. she's only 9 weeks old. she's really going to be a baby till she's well past two. it's all good. enjoy her while she's little, cause she's only little once. you aren't going to go to your deathbed wishing you had spent *more* time away from her, kwim? she needs you now. you are her whole world. she doesn't differentiate between her self and your self. to her, mom and baby are one. and it will be that way till she's probably two-ish.
you may not want to hear this-- but i'm going to say it anyway. practice acceptance. breathe. sleep when the baby sleeps. WITH the baby; you will both sleep better. my ds had severe colic for 3 months and i spent many nights propped upright against the head of the bed, with him on my chest (oh gods i don't want to do that again!) but we survived! he's just weaning to his own bed now (age 7) but that's fine. we are a close and intact family and he's very independent.
don't worry about spoiling your daughter. this country has it all wrong. you don't spoil children by attending to their needs when they are little. they get spoiled by fulfilling every *want*, but that doesn't happen till they are *way, way* older.

hang in there, mama. oh-- i have found www.mothering.com discussion boards to be super helpful.

HTH! hugs,
P.

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9 weeks old is not too young to let her cry for at least a little bit at a time. But I had the same problem with my second child and couldn't figure out why every time I would lay him down on his back in his crib he would wake right up. I soon realized that if I let him sleep on his stomach he would stay asleep. This made me very nervous at first since I know they always say not to let them sleep on their stomachs, but I talked to my pediatrician about it and he said this was more common than you think and that he should be fine. Get some advice from your doctor on what to watch for if you think your baby is a tummy-sleeper but I was putting my infant to sleep that way from about 5 or 6 weeks old and he slept great from that day on!

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With both of my children, I had actually given in and put them to sleep on their stomachs at 3 weeks. I know that is not correct as far as the doctors say for SIDS. But both have slept better since. My first child slept all night at 5 weeks, and the second one slept all night at 7 weeks.
I put nothing in their cribs, no bumpers, blankets, nothing but them are in the bed.
Another thing I would do, is for about 2 weeks after they came home, I wouldn't let them sleep in bed with me. Occasionally I would let them sleep on me on the couch. But everytime they fell asleep I would put them in bed. I would just keep doing the same thing, and I think eventually they learn that is what is going to happen, and there is nothing they can do about it. I would pick them up and talk soothing then when they fell asleep again, I would put them back down in bed. I takes for a long and tiring few weeks until they learn the process or routine. But worth it in the end. Of course at 2 weeks I was up with them every few hours to nurse, but in between they would sleep in bed.
Hope that helps, and good luck!

A little about me:
I am 34 years old and a stay at home mother of two children. Abby (3) and Connor (6 months).

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My first baby slept in the bouncy chair and or swing until he was about 3 maybe even 4 months old. Then we moved him to the crib and used the "cry it out method" He cried for about three nights and then started going to bed with no problems. My second baby is just 4 weeks old and we are going through the same problems....she won't sleep anywhere except in my arms or in my bed. I am going to try and not stress about it until she is a little older. 9 weeks does seem a little early to let your baby cry I would just give it some time.

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Maybe it's just your scent that she's used to being next to...maybe take one of your t-shirts that you've worn for the day,pop it into the dryer for a minute or two to simulate the warmth she feels when you're holding her? I don't know if it would work, but here's hoping!

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Have you tried the car seat in the crib? I will probably get called a "bad mom" by this statement and I want you to make your own decision and do your own research, but I let my son sleep on his stomach. He was in Special Care nursery for the first few days and the had him on his stomach to build his lung strenght and he got used to it. Good Luck.

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No, 9 weeks is not too early to start the Ferber method. But if you feel it's too soon try letting her sleep on her stomach. I know all about the hype about SIDS and the doc saying "back to sleep", but both of my boys slept on their tummies and they are now 5 and 3. The secret is to put NOTHING, AND I MEAN NOTHING in the crib, no blankets, stuffed animals, pillows, crib bumpers.....NOTHING. Just the baby and very snug tight fitting crib sheet. Buy a halo sleep sack if her room is cold so she doesn't get cold. Or dress her warmly in snug clothes, just make sure you don't overdress her b/c she can still overheat.
If you want to try the Ferber method, try it this way. Lie her down while she's still awake but sleepy. Turn on a mobile with music or play a cd with light music or turn a fan on (babies love the sound of a fan [white noise]). If she starts to cry, wait 5 minutes, then go in and rock her to sleep. Lay her down and quietly walk out of the room; if she starts crying again, wait 10 minutes, then go back and repeat. Add 5 minutes every time she starts to cry. Don't wait more than 20 minutes each time... just repeat until she sleeps. Try this starting with the first nap of the day, instead of at nite when you're more likely to be exhausted. Babies love to be cuddled; and when they fall asleep in your arms, they get confused when they suddenly wake up somewhere else, and that can be scary for them. You have to get her accustomed to her crib if you want her to sleep in it. You can even try letting her play in her crib while she's fully awake with a crib mirror tied tightly to the side of the crib, she will be fascinated with the "other baby".
My boys didn't like the bassinett either, but I think it was b/c it was not comfortable at all! The thin mattress that came with it was no more than 2 inches thick and there were 2 steel bars under it. I wouldn't want to sleep on that either!!!
Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS on the new arrival! Motherhood is a joy, and shouldn't be so hard, but it can be!

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Try the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child or Babywise. It worked great for us! I know where you are at and will try anything or buy anything to get them to sleep-IT WILL PASS. Just hang in there!! If you have a swing, SWADDLE him up tight and put him in the swing. At about 3 months you will be able to take a sigh of relief. good luck!! Start early with the sleep training-it pays off in the end!!!

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Look at it this way--she's had 9 months of being used to you, and being cuddled by you, and knowing only you, and always having your movements. Nine weeks is not a long time for adjustment! :-)

I understand your fears about co-sleeping, with your husband being such a deep sleeper. With my younger son, I just cuddled him up next to me with my arm around him, and usually with him on the "outside" of the bed, so if my husband rolled over or moved his pillow or something, it would have gotten on me and not on the baby.

Have you tried a sling or some other kind of baby carrier/wearer? That was, maybe not a life-saver, but certainly a sanity-saver at times! Because the baby was being held, had my soothing movements, and my close contact, while I was still able to get things done. It took a little bit to learn how to make it work best for me, but like everything else, the time certainly paid off!

Different babies have different personalities, and it sounds like your little one needs you more than some babies need their moms, or need to be cuddled. Some babies are just very independent from birth, but I think that most are very dependent and want their mommies, just like yours. :-)

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I had the same problem with my 2 1/2 yr. old. I had her sleep with me on my chest until she was a few months old. Then after awhile she just slept in her own crib. I think they sometimes need to get a little older and more on a schedule to sleep on their own.

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Hey A., I did 2 different ways with my girls. The first one stayed in my bed til she was 3. :( So I knew with number 2 it would be different. Try putting her down when it is time for bed while she is awake. She does have an approximate time frame right now that you may already be aware of. The thought is she is being added to the family schedule and not her changing your schedule. She will be awake, playing with a toy and before she knows it she will sleep. In addition, you want to make sure you keep this up... the first week may be a little 'difficult' say the least but it will subside. At 9 weeks is a perfect time to allow her to transition from womb to outside. The part that got me was when my husband went out of town I had to make sure she stayed in her bed. It is not fair to her to confuse her like that. Well it worked and she is 2 now and still on a 7:00 schedule in her bed.

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The best place for baby to sleep is where EVERYONE gets the best sleep. So if having her in your bed works, why change that. We happen to be a cosleeping family and have since DS was born 2 years ago. I know this is not a popular option on this particular mama board, and it's not even well accepted where I live (in the south). But you'd be surprised how many other families do this. There are entire countries that do this. The U.S. has the highest rate of crib use. We seem to have this urgency to push our children into independence when, hello, they are supposed to be dependent on us. This is a hot topic for me because I find myself having to defend our sleeping arrangements often. And I feel firm that not only is it OK but it's the MORE accepted way of family life for most of the world's population. It's natural and been done for CENTURIES before cribs and multibedroom homes came around. My mother didn't sleep in a crib and her parents never did. It's really just something that became the "thing" to do in 50's and started with weathier families. Anyway. I'm hopping off my soapbox now. If you decide to continue cosleeping, check out this link from my favorite website, kellymom.com, on how to do it safely.
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/familybed.html
There's also info there on the "side car arrangement" which we used. It's where you hook up the crib to the bed (remove the front part of the crib) so it kinda becomes an extension of your bed. Baby can be close to you yet still have her own space when needed.
I wish you the best, no matter what you decide. Good luck!

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Ava, I know I am going to get some real negative comments about this, but I was in the same boat as you. I would put a heating pad in the crib and get the sheet warm (It only takes a minute, then remove it and turn it off). Then, I laid my son......on his stomach! Guess what, it didn't hurt him or the other two children I had that screamed everytime I laid them on their side or back. I had actually spoken to the doctor before I did it and told him I hadn't slept in days and I was crying all the time because I was so tired. He said try putting him on his stomach. I did and he slept! For 6-8 hours during the night. It may not work for you, but it sure did for us and our 3. If it doesn't work, then I would call the Ped doc and yell HELP!

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If you let her run you life now.......just WAIT! You are the mom - you make the rules. You need your rest. You are obviously worn-out and need some relaxation time. Do you have a good friend or family member who could watch the baby while you get some rest? Rest is soooo important.

Also, I know it's very frustrating now but enjoy Ava now - she will never be this young again! She needs you (rested) and your love.

Good luck. (This, too, shall pass.) I'll say a prayer for you, your husband, and Ava. THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!!!!!!

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Hi, my son slept with us until he was 3 months old, then we put him in a co-sleeper. Have you tried a co-sleeper? You can get real close to her and sooth her, but she develops the ability to sleep by herself. We kept our son in there until he was just over 6 months (able to roll over and possibly crawl out). You could try it, that way you can tend to her and your husband can sleep in the bed too. I didn't let him 'cry' until he was over 6 months, I really wanted to nuture him

There are some good books out there too. 'Good night, Sleep tight' by K. West is a good one.

Good luck

I would suggest 2 books - Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp and Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mendell. They helped us tremendously!!

First of all - congratulations on your first daughter! Also - you said it yourself - she is only 9 weeks old which is too young for crying it out. IF she cries, she needs you. Infants need to feel close and snuggled and often near familiar sounds (your heartbeat)and smells - she spent 9 months inside your body and has only been out a couple months - you'll likely have to give her time. My son was a 20 minute power napper for the same reason. THe minute you lay him down - swaddled or not, he woke up. He would/could only sleep if laying on me or being held. Do you have a sling or front carrier? That will help her feel secure and close to you at times you need your hands for other things. Hang in there - she'll become more independant and sleep longer periods on her own. A swing or a vibrating seat may help too!!

Wow, your story sounds just like mine! My second child was born in December and from the beginning he wanted nothing to do with sleeping in his bassinet and I resorted to letting him sleep with me in bed. The closer it came to me going back to work, the more I knew this sleeping arrangement would not work for us since I was not getting a good night sleep due to worrying about rolling over on him. My pedi told me to do the cry it out method as well and it still did not work.

Finally I read somewhere about an Amby sleeper and when I researched it, the bed sounded like something my son would like. However, my husband did not want to spend almost $300 on something he would quickly outgrow. I did more research and settled on a cradle swing (I specifically bought the Fisher Price Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing). Let me tell you - I LOVE THIS SWING!!! I got it home and assembled it right away. I nursed my son (then 9 weeks old) and set him down in it and turned on the swing, music and lights and I walked away to give my daughter her bath. He sat their happily watching the lights and by the time I finished giving her a bath, he had drited off to sleep (I normally could barely put him down for 10 minutes)! He woke about a half hour later mad as hell that I put him down, but I promptly picked him up and let him know I was there for him. That night I put him to sleep in it and he slept for 5 hours! This was a miracle for a baby who would not sleep more than 2 1/2 hours before. He is now 14 weeks old and has slept in his swing everynight since for an average of 5 hours before needing to be nursed, but then goes right back to sleep. My husband also has no problems putting him down for his naps during the day in the swing. I honestly think he just needed to feel secure and cuddled and missed the rocking. The swing was the trick for us.

I hope this helps you. I know what you are going through and it is not easy. Good Luck!

A.,
I had a very similar situation with my daughter when she was first born. I know the experts would never encourage this but, it worked for my family. One day during nap time I decided to lay my daughter on her tummy while I was watching her to assure nothing could happen. And sure enough, she slept like a rock! I think some babies just prefer to sleep on their stomach, back, or sides just like us. And just a side note my mother said when my brothers and I were little that's how the doctors encouraged you to lay your child down. I'm fortunate bacause my daughter was always really strong and could pick her head up easily so I didn't worry. Otherwise, I probaly couldn't have done it. She slept with my husband and I (we have king size bed)until she was old enough to really move around. This has just been my experience you can take it or leave it. Once they are a little older they really do sleep more sound and it's a lot easier. Good luck!

a lot of people have said this already, but try the car seat or a swing. My son slept in these for at least 3 months. He went through phases of not sleeping in his crib and it was usually before he got a cold. Good luck and remember, this to shall pass. :)

My daughter gave birth to her first son on Jan. 9,08 and has had similar situation. She has read that they are just missing you when they realize they are alone in bed. She lays him on his side with arms in front of him for circulation and bunches blanket rolls and wedges around him so he won't roll, being careful to or "neurotic" as she puts it, about making sure nothing will get near his face. He is sleeping better and better and sh says that shes knows he will eventually sleep in his crib. Definetly too young for "cry it out method".
If that is ever even a good method, usually and with my now three year old, that only makes things worse. My sister babysat her @ 8 mos. and did the supernanny method of ignoring her cries while sitting near bed, no eye contact etc. It completely freaked her out and that was the beginning of her not wanting to sleep in her crib. She's fine now, after going thru the 3 yr mark of negotiating manipulating at bed time. Just know that things will improve, this is major bonding time and you are doing right by your baby. My daughter is not against co-sleeping. Also has a heavy sleeping husband. The first 6 mos or so are generally all about the baby and as a single mom this last time for me , Iwas lucky to get a shower every 4 days or so. Very hard to do but so worth the sacrifice. Ask for a break when you can take one. Love,love love that precious baby. you'll evntually get some time for yourself and the house. Right now just keep trying and tweeking methods but most of all, Let the baby know you are right there for her. this a critical time for bonding. God Bless you , You'll be in my prayers.
My daughter either held him or layed with him on bed while he slept for the first 8 weeks or so and is now able to put him in bassinet a little bit more but she is still sleeping with or holding him while he sleeps Quite a bit. Just keep trying to fool her into feeling you are still holding her.
Also try lullaby cds, the weather channel on tv,or hearing household activity,if she fell asleep with noise she'll sleep thru and be comforted by noise and the same with quiet.

Yes, I would think of nine as being a little young for the cry it out method. I know how you feel about not wanting to have the hard time of breaking the wee one from your bed. My first slept in his crib from the time he came home. My second, however, slept with us a good bit for the first little while after he was home from the hospital. Then we moved him to a bassinet in our room, then he was in a bassinet in the living room, and now he is in the crib in the same room with his brother. It wasn't a difficult transition for us at all.

I would suggest that you keep trying to get her to sleep in her bassinet and maybe on weekend nights (or whenever no one has to work) you lay her in her bassinet for her final bottle of the night. Stand there and hold her bottle for her and sing to her and talk to her, but before the bottle is gone stop making noise. Make sure it is dark. Stay there and sing and comfort her if she needs it after the bottle is gone until she goes to sleep. On nights when that is just too much to ask, just take her to bed with you. She is still so little it is ok. As long as you can get her to sleep out of your bed every so often then gradually increase the time very early, it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

I moved my youngest out of her bed at about three or four months old. I would do just what I said, give him his final bottle of the night in his bassinet and sing and rock etc, but not pick him up, until he fell asleep at first. Then eventually just the final bottle of the night. And then I would just lay him down after he was asleep. He sleeps on his tummy, too. So by the time he could roll over and lay on his tummy on his own he was in his own bed and everything was fine. Good luck!

The No Cry Sleep Solution - amazon.com probably has some good used ones...it will help you and her both learn that baby sleep is not as sound as grown up sleep, it's a gentle approach to having the baby learn to be happy in their own bed... WITHOUT the cry it out method.

another idea... Swaddle Me infant wraps by Kiddopotemous(sp?)

good luck!

Hu A.. I had the same problem for a while with my 12 month old. I was also a nervous mess. I tried putting a shirt that I wore all day in his bassinet so he could smell me and it worked. Just remember to start slowly, with naps in the day then switch to everytime she goes to sleep. Also, yo could try putting her sown while awake, but sleepy. If she learns to self soothe, it will make your life so much easier. I let my older son sleep in bed with us when he was a baby and now 3 years later, I still regret that. He won't stay in his bed all night. Just be patient and keep trying, it will work out for you. Good luck with your wonderful new baby. It will work out.
Natalie
mother of 3
Ambria-7
Dalton-3
Jonathon-12 months

One of my daughters did the same thing as an infant. Try letting her sleep in her carseat and then place the carseat in her bed. That way she gets used to her bed, and hopefully you can gradually start putting her in the bed. Another thing to remember is that she is your first baby, and your natural reaction is to pick her up as soon as she starts to cry. It is not a bad thing to let her cry at times as long as you know that you have done everything that you can for her. Tell your Doctor about it as well. They may have other suggetions that would be helpful. I understand I have been in your shoes. I have 3 daughters and they each are very different. God Bless.

I am pregnant with my third, and I do empathize with you. There is a part of me that dreads those times and trying to decide what I'm comfy doing and when to start.

I do believe that even a 9 week old can manipulate a situation. It's more making an association than true manipulation but the result can be the same. First, you have to do what you are going to be comfortable with. If you think it's too early to let a little crying happen don't worry. You have some time to figure that part out. I think it's easiest to "sleep train" babies before they can stand up (this gives you until about nine months-though doesn't sound like you want to share a bed until then). If you know she is full and dry/clean then a little crying probably wouldn't hurt.

From my own experience, I use one particular swaddle blanket. You can find it on miracleblanket.com - it was worth the higher cost. With my first, I didn't discover it until SEVERAL weeks after he was born. He was used to busting out of one quickly so he would fuss when I swaddled him with the new blanket and I would hold him, rock him until he went to sleep and then put him down in his crib. It was like, substituting the me for the blanket but he had to get used to it first. For me, I got longer stretches of sleep from both kids with this. No other blanket I've found is as big, thin, or has the "stretch" it has. Both my boys used it until 6 months or so. Personally, I think all babies would prefer belly or mommy sleeping - it's what they've been doing for 9 months :)

As for the crying thing - I can't speak to it personally at this age. I did so at around 3-4 months for the initial bedtime and didn't ignore middle of the night awakenings until 6 months or so. Basically, once my kids have done a long stretch of sleep they have essentially proven they can last that long without eating so, I go from there.

I wish I had known about this resource with my first two. Looking forward to getting help with this one.

A friend (multiple children) once told me that nothing is a pattern, good or bad, until you've consistently given it a try for 3-4 days. Provided, of course, it's what you really want to stick with.

Best of luck to you!

Do not let get start sleeping in your bed!!! You will have here there for years!!!
I used to be an infant teacher and I used to have babies that slept with their parents and sometimes the only way to get them to nap was put a pallet on the floor and lay down beside them. I also used to have babies that hated to sleep on their back (mine included) and we used the wedge. Keep trying it.
I think the biggest part of your problem is you are young and your baby is young. Your nerves and anxiety are adding to the problem. It is good you are looking for help. You probably need some help in the home. Is your or your husband's mom available? It is easy to get irritable when you are tired yourself. You need someone that can take the baby when you just need some sleep. A tired mom is not always the best mom and can make decisions that a rested mom would not make.
Ask for help from someone that can give you a physical hand. Also, check with the pediatrician. As an infant, I couldn't sleep on my back and would scream bloody murder if my mom put me down. I had been born with a congenital heart defect and in essence, I was drowning when I was laid on my back. I had been born with symptoms (blue, low APGAR) no one had put together with my sleep issues. So don't panic and think something is physically wrong with the baby. It is probably just being normal, but you are so tired, you are not able to see the forest for the trees.
I'll say a little prayer for you,
Kim
www.kimberlyhelms.com

Just want to echo everything Ellen M. said.

Being a new mother is very trying and nerve-wracking, trying not to make any mistakes and being so sleep deprived. But YOU are the expert on your baby, not all the people who have never so much as laid eyes on her, much less held and loved her. Do what your mommy instinct says to do. If that a cosleeper attachment, fine. If that's in your arms, fine. Whatever feels right to you. If she too young to cry it out in your estimate, then guess what? She is. YOU'RE the mommy. It's your call. No guilt required or desired.

My first born was a real snuggler. We cosleep with him between us. He's now an affectionate, independent little boy. Our new one sleeps next to me and a crib attachment. He's a little lover, too. I was crazy with angst the first time, just sure I was intrinsicly ruining him somehow. It was not the case and a lot of tears for nothing.

Just love that baby. You can't go wrong.

I understand what you are going through. My oldest child did the same thing, I thought that i would never sleep good again. Thats when we learned that the sence of smell is one of the most developed sences in a baby. So I would ware a T-Shurt durring the day and then when my daughter went to sleep I would take it off and give it to her as a blanket, It had my sent on it which made her feel like i was still with her. The same shurt would work for napes the next day, and at night she would get a new shurt. This also worked great for when I had to leave her with a sitter (Grandparents). Hope this helps you i know it saved my sanity.

Sorry to hear about your problem A.. Being a new mother is very difficult and tiring. I'm the mother of 3 and grandmother of 1. What I did when my firstborn wouldn't sleep alone was to lay him on his side after he was asleep and put a rolled up blanket beside him with his back to the baby bumper in the crib. I thought the feeling of having something next to him and being warm would help and it did. I hope that it will work for you.

I HATE the cry it out method--this tiny creature, who was completely dependent on you for nine months, who heard your heartbeat 24-7, has been dragged out into the cold world and we want her to sleep all by herself and learn that if she cries, no one will come to help her, so she'll just have to depend on herself? Sorry for the rant, but I just think this is so cold.

For nap time, try putting her in a sling and letting her sleep while you do your normal activities. She'll learn to sleep with noise and bumping, and you'll get something done. I used a baby sling, but a front pack would work as well. With mine, eventually I got to where they'd go to sleep in the sling, then I could bend over, lay them in the bed and slip out of the sling, so they were still wrapped in the warm cloth, and they'd stay asleep. But even if she doesn't, remember that this won't last long, and soon you'll wish she was still small enough to nap.

For bedtime, we used Family Bed, and my husband recommended it to all his friends. I never slept with the baby if I took cold medicine or had a drink, and I slept on my side with my arm out above the baby's head, so that if I turned over, I had to move my arm and would touch the baby and wake up. But if your husband is worried, put the bassinet right next to your bed, take the mattress out and lay it on your bed and let her go to sleep lying next to you ON THE MATTRESS, with you touching her or rubbing her head so that she knows you're there, and then carefully move the mattress back to the bassinet while still rubbing her head for a while. Then if she whimpers, you can lay your hand on her so she knows you're still there.
Another trick is to put your shirt in with her when you put her to bed so that she still smells you.

Even if she's in your bed for a while, it's not forever. Even though we allowed all our children into our bed, by the time they were five they moved out on their own. On occasion they'd get scared and come in, but we let them bring a blanket and pillow and sleep on the floor next to the bed and they soon got uncomfortable and went back to their own bed.

And if the baby in the bed is impeding your sex life, try doing it some time other than bedtime (your husband will like that) or getting a sitter, or try putting her in a swing for half an hour.

Hope this helps!

Sorry I don't have any good advice for you. But know your not alone. I have 4 children and all our children slept with us at sometime or another. They all out grew out of it in their own time. Our 3 year old still wakes in the night and gets in bed with us but she will sleep by herself for a while. Also she has to be really tired to fall asleep on her own, other wise she has to be held till she falls asleep. It's up to you to stop your baby now or live with her there in bed with you. I couldn't stand to hear my babies cry. So I know how you feel there. I Love having my babies close by so I never stoped it and the 3 boys weaned themselves out of our bed early all before age 3yrs. I would say leave her in there if your Husband & you don't mind. They are only babies onced and they grow up so fast.

I have found a particular book extremely helpful with my daughter's sleep habits. It's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He encourages parents to help their children establish a sleep routine at around 4 months, but suggests that before that they just do whatever they need to do to comfort their child and help them sleep. Another note: our daughter napped very well in her rolling stroller system (one where the car carrier sits on top of the stroller). We would line it with a baby blanket and close the top; I could still see in the sides or the little "window" to check on her periodically to make sure she hadn't buried her face in the blanket. (I'm sure some experts would oppose that idea, but it worked for us.) I would sometimes roll that into the bathroom, and the sound of the shower would put her off to sleep. I don't know if that helps any, but I would strongly encourage you to at least check out the book I mentioned; perhaps it would give you some ideas. I found mine at a used bookstore. God bless you, and good luck.

You can try sleeping with her blanket one night so she still smells you and so the blanket you wrap her in carries your scent... also try like the microfiber blankets... my son still only sleeps on anything super soft like that!!!

My son was exactly like this too - but it gets so much easier, I promise! Now is probably too young for crying it out. If you can, wait until 16 weeks, and then you'll have some success with that. Are you breastfeeding? If so, what I ended up doing was nursing my son to sleep and then just sleeping with him in our bed...I worried about this so much at the time because I didn't want to be a co-sleeper or start bad habits, but it ended up being the most practical thing and he just sort of grew out of it a little bit later. Also, once he started using a pacifier it became easier to get him to fall asleep. The other thing we would do is take him for a car ride because he would fall asleep in the car seat easily, and then just bring the car seat in the house and let him sleep in the seat for as long as possible.
Now when I look back at that time think the worst part was just not knowing how long it would go on for. But don't worry, 9 weeks is still very little and things will change quickly. Enjoy the snuggling in the meantime.

A., I know exactly how you feel and what you meant. My husband and I went through the same thing until she was over one year old but we never let her co-sleep with us. That is a habit that you will have a much more difficult time to break later.

Have you consider trying Soothing Motions™ Glider by Fisher Price, http://www.fisher-price.com/fp.aspx?st=2002&e=product.... I was living abroad at the time and spend a couple hundreds $ to purchased something similar to this (a plateform glider)to place her car seat or bassinet on, it worked very well. Before that, we put her in her car seat and rocked until she fell asleep. A completely darken room was also a must for my daughter. I wish you the best luck. The good thing is she will eventually grow out of it (although it took us almost 1 1/2 years to dealt with her sleeping issue).

Hi A.,

I feel your pain! : ) My daughters both had this same behavior when they were that young. They would be sound asleep, and I would go lay them down and they would wake up. This is so frustrating, as a new Mom, you need a little break while the baby sleeps. My theory is, after being held so tight in the womb for months, the newborn just wants to feel close to you, warm and comfy with her Mom. And as soon as she feels "alone" she isn't comfy and wakes up. I could sometimes get them to sleep a little while by themselves if they were swaddled up firmly, first in a thin blanket and then in a thicker blanket, so once you lay them down they still feel supported in the blankets. But this problem went on until they grew out of it. The best thing is to probably just accept it how it is, tell yourself the time goes by quick, soon your newborn will be much bigger and you will have other issues to deal with : ) I know it doesn't really solve your problem, but many of the issues we have don't have good solutions, and we just have to get through it. Good luck, I wish you the best.
K. E.

No advice you asked for, sorry! I'm of the never let them cry when they are tiny philosophy. Your daughter is clearly communicating to you her need for your closeness at night. And you get it! You've recognized and acknowledged it. So the question is- do you ignore what your daughter is telling you? Do you take the prevailing point of view- babies are manipulative and must be trained to be independent, your sleep is too important, family bed is dangerousm psychologically scarring- or do you examine the evidence (evidence besides what your heart is telling you,) and start over, earning labels like permissive parent, bad parent, etc?

All my kids have slept with us, I have no doubt my eldest daughter, who would never let me put her down for naps (she slept in the sling till she was highly mobile) would not have tolerated any arrangement other than mama's arms and daddy's back.

When researching your decision, if you aren't familiar with Dr. James McKenna and his sleep lab at Notre Dame, check it out via Google.

In the press? The scientific aspect of cosleeping is never talked about, it's global prominence, nor it's history of safety when done responsibly. No, almost all the press you will find is from Crib manufacturers, lobbyists of crib manufacturers, and traditional pediatricians.

It sounds like your biggest physical problem with cosleeping is the size of your bed- you'll need to upgrade soon so your hubby can be happy and feel safe. My dh is over 6 feet and around 300 lbs. A queen is adequate for me and him plus a newborn, a full is not. But king sized beds are really ideal! If your bed is already a queen or better, is he at high risk in a cosleeping situation- a smoker or drinker, heavy sleeper?

There are tricks you can use- putting something spiky between him and the baby, or putting her on one of those baby play mats that has raised edges in the bed, or securing the bed against a wall with no crack for baby to wedge into, (following a checklist from a safe cosleeping source like Dr Sears or kellymom is a good idea, google either plus cosleeping) and placing yourself between him and the baby.

Nicole below had a very good point. Just because *I* am happy cosleeping with my 3 year old, doesn't mean everyone wants to take it that far. But you don't have to make that decision NOW. 9 weeks is so young, you are still in your "fourth trimester!!" There is plenty of time to wean her, train her, if you so desire.

I hope you'll find a good solution that works for your family.

Edited to add:
One last thing, I am a Christian and I have serious problems with Babywise. I feel called to speak out against it as one of the worst perversions of God's word ever. To treat vulnerable infants who have not reached the age of accountability as sinners. I have not seen healthy children come out of their teachings. Their teachings go against *science as well.

I don't know if you are Christian (if not you probably don't care) but please, if you choose to read anything by the Ezzos (or the Pearls,) do it with prayer and forethought, remembering that these spirits come to us as fruits of marriage, not from Satan, who had no power over their conception. Children are gifts from God, we are to strive to become as innocent, pure, trusting and loving as they are. Suffer them to come unto you and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

*Science has shown, babies have no time sense yet, a second can be an eternity- no mammals naturally separate from their newborn infants at night- prolonged crying (10+ minutes) can cause brain damage, cortisol (stress hormone) retards growth and development, undermines the immune system. Compare to the oxytocin and prolactin released by a cosleeping and/or breastfeeding mom, no contest which baby and momma is happier in my book. Anytime you aren't happy- if you choose you can train a child to their own bed. There is no study no science to prove that children sleep trained from birth or 9 weeks are healthier happier adults and better sleepers than children allowed a family bed for part or all of their upbringing! Google this stuff, don't just take my word for it. good luck with your decision!

absolutely 9 weeks is too early to start letting your baby cry it out. my daughter also refused to sleep in her own bed until i started letting her sleep on her bellies. i know that a lot of moms are going to respond negatively to me saying this, but i think that the back to sleep thing is a crock. let your baby sleep the way she is comfortable. just as many babies die of sids now as they did in the 80s when babies were supposed to sleep on their bellies. put her in your room in a pack and play say that you can keep her close and feel confident about her on her belly.

Please, please rescue yourself now before it gets worse. :) You are right, you are on track to become one of the desperate moms who writes in when their child is 3 years old - "I can't get my child out of my bed!" In the meantime, your marriage will suffer. My heart aches for you.

The BEST baby advice I ever got was to read the book "On Becoming Babywise." Look for it on Amazon or your local big bookstore, they will have it. It was my "bible" the first few weeks and let me tell you, it WORKS. It is all about having a flexible schedule with your baby and teaching it to sleep on his (her?) own, in the crib. You can do it! No, I don't think it is too young for your baby to "cry it out." Use your judgement as mom but don't be afraid! :) I let mine cry herself to sleep beginning around 7-9 weeks or so and yes, it is BRUTALLY hard on you, but not on your baby. :) He will scream like you are killing him but he will feel SO much better after a good rest, and will not remmeber a thing. You have to think long-term and know that it is best for both of you for him to learn to sleep by himself.

When I started to let her cry, I put my baby upstairs in her crib and had to turn on music downstairs because I couldn't sit there and listen to it, it breaks your heart. I checked every 2-3 minutes (NOT going in the room) to see if she was still crying. It felt like 45 minutes to me, but it was only 10-12 minutes and she fell asleep. It became her pattern. Put her down, let her cry about 10 minutes, she'd fall asleep. My child is now 4 and is loved, well-adjusted, happy, sleeps well and doesn't remember any of that. Don't think you are going to hurt your baby or it will somehow feel unloved. Your baby feels loved every time you hold it and cuddle it and feed it. You ARE loving your baby by helping to teach him how to soothe himself. You are not doing him any favors by making him reliant on you for rest -- or yourself. He deserves to have a mommy who is well-rested and able to give herself lovingly to him, not who is exhausted, worn out and unable to function.

Good luck. Sorry I was so long-winded. Get the book! I promise it will help you!!

i think 9 weeks is too young for CIO also, have you tried putting her in a swing or bouncy? my son had a vibrating bouncy that he would sleep in. being on thier backs flat can make painful gas so that may have something to do with it, or possibly acid reflux, if she seems to be in any pain. good luck, it can be very hard at times with a baby!!

Good Morning,
You have one smart little one one your hands. She has already realized that she can control you by crying. My advise to you would be to consult your Peditrition to make sure there are no health issues. You know if a child cries, they are trying to tell you they hurt somewhere or maybe you have spoiled her by holding her and she feels confort by your doing so.
After checking with the Doctor, if nothing is wrong with her, I would put her in her bed, close the door and let her cry it out. After a time or two of doing this (if it is just being that she is spoiled) she will get the message and will go to sleep.
Good Luck.

Hi A.. No 9 months is NOT too old to cry it out. Infact in "Baby Wise" it says to start at 2 weeks old. THe longer you wait the better she will be able to talk and stay in the bed and shout your name or your husbands (btw I think it's sweet he sleeps in the floor to protect her, but he needs his bed). Our kids will challenge us from day ONE! This is just a lesson she needs to learn. You are Mommy. You make the rules and if the rule is to sleep in her own bed then that's what it is. (not to sound militant. but it's the truth). She needs to learn how to self sooth or she will never learn how and she will only grow up needing you to help her sleep/fall asleep. SO, what's the solution? Crying to sleep back in the day meant putting them in their bed and letting them cry and cry until they went to sleep...this is NOT how to do this. You should of course make sure she is fed and full and then had play time...eat, wake, sleep. Do NOT put a baby to bed with a bottle. Of course they want to, but don't do that. Do you want to go to bed with the fork in your mouth? THen why do it to them? Then establish a bed time routine of reading or a few minutes of rocking and singing or whatever it is you do now. Then place her in her bed (u might even put somehting from your bed in there for the familiar smells like a small pillow or your shirt. Somethine safe just to help. THen lay her down speak softly and calmly telling her goodnight, time to go to sleep, etc. and leave. Of course she is going to cry. She WILL cry. Give her about 3-5 minutes (it'll go by fast) and check on her. DO NOT GET HER UP AND HOLD HER! Just go in and sooth her by talking to her to calm her down, tell her it's alright, mommy's here and pat her softly. Then out the door. Keep her calm so that she's not crying "out of countrol" (i'm sure u know what that sounds like). Once she has calmed back down (she may still be crying some) leave again and keep doing this every five or so minutes. It will be hard at first...stick it out. There is a magical 3 day learning pattern for this to tak place so don't think just because she doesnt do it the first time that she won't. You need to be CONSISTANT and stick with it. Day AND night. Will you want to go nuts and give up with the crying...probably but you are doing this for her. She has to learn to go to sleep. It make take a little longer than 3 days to get her going but stay with it. You can go to the "Baby Wise" website (google it for the web address) and get a hotline number to talk to a certified mommy and she can help you through the tough times and help you get started! I'd buy the baby wise book too. IT"S AWESOME! I started it early and by 5 months old I could just lay them in the bed, in fact my son used to cry for his bed and not for me to hold him when he got tired. He would just melt when I'd lay him down he was so comfortable. Make sure to rule out gas too. I know if there is colic present they feel they have to be held for various reasons i wont go into since this is already a long response. GOOD LUCK!!! You can do it, just stick it out. OH! Make sure your caregiver for her does the same thing as far as routines go!! It's pretty crucial at first especially if anyone helps you with the baby. You need to dedicate I'd say 5 days to this routine being established so make sure you can set that time aside. Inconsistancy is the worst thing anyone can do to their baby or child. They never know what to expect and stay confused and as babies that means they are going to cry a lot since they can't speak at that age. Good luck again.

WRap her up in a blanket tightly. When you put her in the bassinet, pull the blanket under the mattress to keep it tight. She is too young to cry it out. and this methd did not work at all with me. I also suggest you get a lullaby CD (Fisher Price Rainforest Music Nature's Lullabies-Walmart $9) and play it throughout the night. It will set a tone to go to sleep for years to come! Worked with all 3 of my kids from infancy on!

But your baby needs you right now so keep her close. YOu will one day cherish the midnight cuddle sessions With your husband,gently nudge him and say the baby is in the bed. As long as no one has been drinking alcohol and/or using drugs everything should be ok YOu will wake up if her moves with the baby in the bed!

Hey A.,
The book which I use in my practice and highly recommend is: "Solve your Child's Sleep Problems" by Dr. Farber.
It is great and should give you some very practical and sound advice.
Good Luck.
T. H.
Child Psychologist

I know exactly how you feel. I just had my forth child in December. I never let any of the other children in the bed with me. But my husband talked me out of that policy with this one. Now he complains (a little) about us not being "Close" in bed, if you know what I mean. But he won't admit he was wrong.
I don't like the idea of letting a child that small cry it out. At this small of an age they need the comfort of a parent, not a feeling of abandonment. The babies this small can't see well enough to know what it going on. Now at around three months, that is when I feel a baby should start to learn to cry a little.
This is how my nights go...I take Makala into the bedroom between 7:30 and 8:00. Her bassinet is next to our bed. Sometimes we play and sometimes she goes right to sleep. But either way, I have to rock her or be feeding her to get her to sleep. Sometimes I can lay her down and she will sleep until it's time for her to eat, other times she will only sleep for a short while, and then there's most of the time that she wakes right up after I lay her down. Just like your daughter, mine will not lay on her back. She will sleep on her side if she is in bed with me and my arm is wrapped around her.
Here are some of the things I do to get some sleep. For one, babies this small can't see really well, so they depend on smell. Keep something with your "scent" on it close to Ava (a "clean" but dirty shirt that you wore that day). Another thing to try is lay Ava down on the couch during the day while you are close by. She's not going to roll anywhere and you are close if she wakes up. Put one of her soft blankets under her. The last thing that I do is something doctors can't make their minds up on. I lay Makala on her stomache. That is the only way she will sleep. My other three slept on their stomaches and actually they all slept through the night at early ages. I know doctors tell a mother not to lay the baby on their stomache, but sometimes a mother has to do what is best not what is recommended. If you don't want to do that, let me tell you how I lay Makala in our bed so that all three of us fit in a full size bed. I put Makala on the outside of my side, take the top blanket(s) and tuck them in under her and then I put my arm around her that way if she tries to roll my arm and the blanket are both there and she can't move. That way daddy can sleep on his side without any worries. This method has been working since December.
GOOD LUCK.

She's still too little to let her cry it out. Mine was like yours and there were many night we fell asleep in the lazy boy chair. Do you have a vibrating bouncy chair? They work wonders and mine slept in either that or the swing until she was around 4 months old. At that point, she was put in her own room and I began to let her nap and cry it out. It only took a few times till she calmed down and I started in the daytime so my hubby wouldn't freak. I hope this helps. You may just have to hang in there for a couple more month. If you don't have a bouncy chair...GET ONE! Good luck, it'll get better! Trust me!

I'm surprised no one mentioned this but try swaddling her in a shirt you've worn that day *clean of course* ...
Though I agree with some of the comments on here, my 2 daughters sleep better on their bellies...my 4 month old sleeps 10hrs! shes in a crib in my room so I check on her often . the doctor said it was ok long as I elevated the mattress a bit so that there isn't so much pressure on her chest... I love cuddling with her in bed but its scary when your bed isn't big enough ya know...

I couldn't let mine cry either, not at this age. Unfortunately, I didn't really sleep for six months. That's the age doctors say for certain that they are able to fall asleep on their own and when I used the Ferber method. I wished he would sleep beside me in the bed, but he would only sleep on top of me. Just hang in there and do what you feels best. A couple of books that helped me where The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Didn't work, but gave me a goal. Then, Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber. He's been sleeping through the night in his crib since seven months and he is now 16 months. At the time of no sleeping I thought I would die, but now looking back, I'm glad I gave him the comfort of sleeping on me.

My daughter is 1 day younger than your's. We couldn't get her to sleep in her bassinet very well either. She's been sleeping in her swing for about the last 7 weeks or so. We have the Fisher Price Papasan Cradle swing ( http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=4241567 ). She sleeps wonderfully in it. It's a bit pricey ($109.96 online at Wal-Mart), but it has been well worth the money. She sleeps anywhere from 5-7 hours at night in it. We're hoping to transition her back to her bassinet & then into her crib.

Hi...have you tried the miricle blanket?? This blanket worked wonders for me...it's a type of swaddling blanket but it really works...it's about $30. check out the website it also has a video of someone wrapping the baby...my daughter used this everytime she slept for 5 months...until she outgrew it...good luck...the website is www.miricleblanket.com

Does Ava sleep well when she is in her carseat. This is going to sound crazy but my son slept in his carseat for a few months. I noticed that he always fell asleep in it so during the nights I would put him in the carseat. Also if the only way you and your baby is going to get sleep is in your bed then by all means let her sleep in your bed. This is just a phase and it will pass. One last thing...maybe she has acid reflux. Ask your doctor. Good luck.

Hello A....wow, the challenges do start from day one and they never stop. The key is to make sure you stay on top of things. The second you give in they start to get a routine and they are hard to break. I am a FIRM beliver that my husband and I need our bed and our room so my son has been in his crib in his room from night ONE!! I can think of one night he was in my bed and that was last week (he is 14mo) because we were away from home and he was very sick. It was a TERRIBLE night!! Yes, they grow up fast but they really need to learn to sleep on their own.

I agree with those who say 9 weeks is not too young for them to cry, they are exercising their lungs, really and they need that. As long as you know she is feed, dry, and to your knowledge not sick (spitting up all the time for example) then I would put her in the crib/bass. to sleep let her cry for about 5-10 minutes to start then check on her..don't pick her up then do the same again if she is still crying. I know a person who was a nanny for many many years and she told me it takes 3 days to break a routine and I really believe her. That is how long it takes my son to get back to his schedule any time we get off. The next few days are hard, then we are back on track!!

I would continue to use the wedge..inclined one if you have it and swaddle as well as the idea of putting noise in the room and something that smells like you. They are little and their world has been rocked, but it is also time to get them on a routine for not only your sake, but theirs also!!

I hope things get better soon!! It is hard, but I am sure you are a great mom or you would not be concerned!!

Is she gassy, sounds like early signs of Colic to me. If so, try gas drops and maybe switching to soy formula. Either way, Colic or not I would try letting her sleep in her car seat. I had twins with Colic. They both slept in their car seats in the living room with the t.v. on for about 4 months. Worked miracles!! We went from sleeping 30 min. at a time to sleeping through the night and getting up one time to eat-in only one night!
Good luck.

Oh my gosh - she is only 9 weeks old and already you are letting her rule the both of you!! I know its hard and nerve racking with your first baby, but come on. If you don't deal with the problem or find a way to make your baby comfortable to sleep it will escalate into bigger problems. Looks like it already has with you two sleeping on the floor. You do have to go through some sort of process that can be stressful and tiresome when you are trying to get a baby to sleep - it just doesn't happen over night! A baby has a very good sense of smell especially at this age so try putting a t-shirt you have been wearing down in her crib and lay her on it to go to sleep. That way she can still smell you at night when you leave her in crib. Don't be too fussy with her if she cries,
stay with her for a while - talk or sing to her or simply just lay a hand on her while she drifts of to sleep. The best way to get a baby to sleep is to hold them - remember they were so
used to having you there all the time when they were in the womb - so holding them reminds them of that situation again.
Whilst trying these different methods try and establish a routine that your baby will become familiar with and stick to it - and make sure that the routine works for you as well!
Good luck to you and your precious Ava!

It may just be that she is comforted by the sound of your heartbeat and your scent. I wish I could remember where it came from...when my oldest was born, we were given this little music box that could clip to the legs of the bassinette or the bottom rail of the crib. Not only did it play nursery rhymes, it had a vibrate setting on it too. It would gently vibrate the bassinette or crib. For the first 8 months or so, he would only go to sleep in his crib if the vibrator was on. Other than that, he wanted only to sleep in our arms. I'll try to look around later and see if I can find out where it came from. Another thing to look into would be the heartbeat bears. They mimic the sounds of a mothers heartbeat through the womb. I never used one so I'm not sure how effective they are. But the crib vibrator lasted through a total of 5 kids in the family before it was lost!

Hi A.,
Reading all the advice you received I agree with most mom's recomendations. Way back when I too was a new mother, at 21, the ONLY way to put a baby was on their tummy for sleep. The theory was, if they threw up they wouldn't asperate it into their lungs. Since then, it's been proven that sid's has a significant connection to tummy sleeping! My grandchildren slept so much better on their tummy against our chests, and I knew if they had the chance to sleep on their tummy they would have been better sleepers. But, the threat of sid's put the prority of comfort away. I don't know what to tell because we all know the sleep deprivation connected with infants wanting to be held. She's too young to cry it out. Perhaps swaddle her with one of your t-shirts, maybe that would be of comfort. But, unfortunately tummy sleeping is a giant no-no...even if you're watching her. I worked in an E.R. in the late 60's and saw sids up close..there is basically nothing you can do, they just drift off. Hang in there, this will pass and another little thing will take it's place. The joys of motherhood are more than rewarding as you know. For you, right now, those miracles only occure during the daylight hours, just for now! :) Good luck.

Hi there new mommy. When I had my first, I still lived at home and my mom gave me 1 piece of advice that turned out to be great. When Lauren was happy and in the mood to play, look around, explore, she told me to go put her in her crib for a while. I was kinda ticked because I really wanted to make my own decisions, but I went ahead and followed her advice. My daughter loved her bed quickly. I just put her in there while she was awake, wound up her mobile and let her play for awhile. Not too long after that, i was able to put her down for naps while she was still awake and she played herself to sleep, then I could also do it at bedtime. I had to go back to work when she was 11 weeks old and my mom managed to teach me to teach her how to go to sleep on her own by then. Not every night was perfect, but most nights were good. I got married and moved out when she was a year old and I have had 2 boys since then. They were horrible to get to go to sleep, but I have to say that I did not do it "mom's way"! I have done weeks of recliner sleeping with those two. I wouldn't trade any of it. My daughter is still my best sleeper of the bunch...good luck...it won't last forever...it just seems like it...and remember that when you are losing sleep there are so many mothers around the world doing the same thing at the same time...you are not alone.

No help here. Wish I could. Three out of 4 of my kids slept with us. They wouldn't sleep in a crib. The only reason the other one didn't is because she was medically fragile and was hooked up to monitors. I would never say cry it out especially at this age. Babies have a need. I have actually found it easier and get more sleep like this because if they won't sleep in a crib you will be getting up all night long tending to their crys. When my first one was born we wanted to get her out of our bed. We just gave up and have adopted a family bed since then and actually now don't mind it.

A WONDERFUL and easy to read book is called Secrets of the Baby whisperer. By tracy hogg. (Look at abebooks.com, they sell it for about a $1!)

My daughter had me wrapped around her little finger for the first year of her life. I read this book for my second and my third WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!!! She talks about how to get your child to sleep at night, routines, what different cries means, and accidental parenting and how to fix it! (when your child develops a habit that you did not what them to have!)

Listen to advice of seasoned moms, They have a lot to share. I know that after three kids I do things totally different (and easier!!!) Somethings may seem hard in the beginning like letting her cry it out, but I am telling you that it is SO MUCH EASIER to do it when they are younger than then they are older and have their own opinion!

~H., Mother of three, military wife and birth doula (labor coach)

I hate to tell you this- but I put mine to sleep on their stomachs. It was the only way for both of my children. I know the research warns against this, but it worked.

dear A.,
have you tried putting her in a swing or one of those bouncing things .. it might help if shes not exactly laying flat.... thats what we di with our kids

love her while you can she will grow up fast and quit having things to do with you I have 2 grandsons one 13 sleep with me till he was about 5 my daugther did the same my new one is 3 sleeps with his mommy weekly and me on weekends the will grow out of it K.

Dear A.,

Congratulations on the birth of your little one. It is ok at this stage to let her sleep with you. I recall that they sell an attachment for the side of your bed to keep an infant on so they are next to you but wont get rolled over onto. Go to a babystore and see what you find. In the meantime, hang in there. it will all work out. Pray for guidance.

D.

We had a similar problem with our daughter. This worked for us-we used a heating pad to warm the crib. Our daughter liked the warmth of our bodies and always slept better in our arms, but would wake up when we put her in the cold crib. We would turn on the heating pad to warm the crib. We would then swaddle her and put her in the warmed spot (make sure you remove the heating pad). It seemed to make the transition easier.

I understand where you coming from. My little girl is 4 1/2 mths old and loves to lay on my chest. I put her in a swing and let it rock her to sleep at night and held her hand until she fell asleep. This lasted for about 2wks and now she is sleeping in a co sleeper by my bed. Most nights are good but she still wants to sleep on me. I just have to remind myself that i could roll over and smother her so i make myself put her in the co sleeper. You may have some sleepless nights but it will be worth it. The co sleeper i have is from walmart it was $90.00 and has a mobile. You can put your hand on her chest as she sleeps. I really hope this helps. Please contact me if you want more info on the co sleeper

warning-- this is really long-winded! i feel compelled to respond to you because this was me 2 years ago! when my daughter was born we couldn't get enough of her, and didn't want to put her down... so that the day we got home from the hospital, we ate lunch and laid her down for a nap, which she slept peacefully for 2 1/2 hours in her bassinet while we slept as well... that would be the last time she would sleep on her own anywhere other than in someone's (namely mine) arms for a while. i had to go back to work when she was 10 weeks old, and at the time i was working days and my husband was working nights, so she would be alone in the bed while i was in the shower getting ready, and i didn't like that idea. it sort of forced my hand to deal with the issue. we, too, had bought every sort of positioner, a snuggle nest to go in the bed, a moses basket, she had a great bassinet and a crib... none of them worked. i had done so much research on baby sleep habits, asked friends for advice, prayed... finally, because of neccesity, i swaddled her up, read her a book, turned on some soft lullabies (in our room), and put her in her bassinet. i decided no matter how much she cried, i wouldn't get her up. i stayed with her and shushed her and patted her and tried to make her comfortable... finally after like 30+ minutes of it, i had to leave the room for a minute (i was so upset!), and to my surprise, when i did, she fell right asleep. from that night on, she never cried more than 30 mins, and most nights not that much... it took maybe a week and a half to get absolutely no tears and no whining at bedtime. i hated that i, in essence, let her cry it out... i didn't really consider it crying it out, though, because i attended to her needs, and made sure she was fine, and believe me, i was crying with her (just not in front of her). but she had gotten comfortable in the situation that i was NOT comfortable in, and i had to get her comfortable with the new arrangement. you can't reason with a 9 week old, so the best i could come up with was just jumping in... i had already been using the music at night, so she was used to that. another thing that helped us was swaddling, which i didn't do when she was in bed with me, but did when i moved her. i got her the "miracle swaddler" (google it) because she was a big girl and kicked out of everything else... by the time she was 12 or 13 weeks old, she would smile when she saw it and heard her music, and happily sleep in her bassinet! she's 2 now, and still LOVES to go to sleep :) so, i guess my advice is to just make the decision and stick to it. i reasoned that if i let her cry for 10 minutes and then picked her up and went right back to co-sleeping, that was 10 minutes of crying that i inflicted on her for nothing- or worse, if you give up after 2 or 3 nights, you have to start all over. but if she cried for even 30 minutes or more but we made progress, then it was worth it-- hard work but it got us somewhere other than in my bed! start a good bedtime routine that you stick to. swaddle snugly! don't put her to sleep, but put her down drowsy so she learns how to put herself to sleep-- that is an invaluable gift! if you rock her to sleep and then lay her down, she'll be confused when she wakes up and will NEED you to rock her back to sleep, as that is all she knows. and last, get one last good night of cuddling in, because i'm still trying to convince my little one to take just one nap with me so we can snuggle, and she won't :( it worked too well, i guess! good luck and let us know how it turns out!
J.

9 wks old is way to young to be "spoiled" (want). If she is crying there is a reason (need). She may need to feel the security of knowing you are near. She does this by hearing your heartbeat and smelling your smell. Knowing you are near, means (literally) the whole world to her at this point. There are cradles abeit expensive ones, that actually vibrate like a heartbeat. there are also cd's that play womb sounds, but then, you'd have to listen to it too, unless you moved her clear into another room. You could also buy one of those baby extensions for your bed. She could still be next to you, while not near your dh and not in danger of falling out of bed. One trick that worked for me was to swaddle the baby with a garment I had worn resently. I had one son that would actually get my nightgown out from under my pillow whenever he got sleepy and wanted a nap. Often I would find him sound asleep, cuddled up with it on my bed.
Some of the others here have told of the trick of putting her in a car seat or swing to sleep, although this may help soothe the baby to sleep, it is not good for their spine, flat on a firm mattress is ergonomically better. having the mattress on an incline does help babies with reflux, if this seems to be her problem.
Many babies do not like sleeping on their backs, they tend to sleep much better on their tummies. Unfortunately, the babies have not read the studies that show a 30% drop in SIDS since the "Back to sleep" campaign started. But there is another way to prevent SIDS, while letting your baby sleep on her tummy. That is to wrap the crib (or bassinette) mattress in a rubberized (not plastic) pad. There was a very intersting study come out of Australia about ten yrs ago on preventing cot death that explains this in much greater detail. Their mattress wrapping campaign virtually eliminated SIDS in their country, as opposed to the 30% drop we got in this country, I don't know why our docs ignore it and stick with the back to sleep idea... what kid does go to sleep on their back!!! None of mine that's for sure!

Dear A., My little boy cried alot as a baby. The only advice I can give you is that if you don't break her now from sleeping with you you will have huge problems later. When we took the pacifier and bottle from my little boy. The next three days were the most miserable day of my life. I think I slept 3 hours during those 3 days. However on the 4 day it was amazing and he no longer asked for a pacifier and he began drinking out of a cup but be prepared. You will think that your life is coming to an end. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
M.

I have been there right with you. My son had colic and was an all-day screamer. He refused to sleep anywhere but my arms for 16 weeks. I developed bursitis in my shoulder as a result. I thought this period of my life would never end, but it did - and rather quickly. Hang in there...
As for the sleeping situation- I couldn't sleep with my son- I was too much a nervous wreck with him in the bed. We just had to rock him until he was sleep then ease him into his crib. He would fuss and cry at first, but would soon go to sleep. We bought a white noise machine for his room which I think helped a lot and provided comfort. Also try putting a breast pad that you have worn in the crib with her. The smell of you in the crib would be of much comfort to her as well. Hope this helps!

A.,
Babies aren't dumb, are they? Of course it's much nicer sleeping with warm, familiar, soothing mommy. Well, 9 weeks old may be a LITTLE early for the "letting her cry it out" bit, but not by too much. Can you hang in there for a few more weeks?

We had the same problem and started letting our daughter cry at about 12 weeks (as we were going INSANE with lack of sleep). It was horrible - our baby cried/screamed each night for about 3 hours nonstop (and I'm not exaggerating) for about 3-4 days, then gradually the length of crying time shortened, and after about a week, she slept on her own in her crib, and slept through the night as well. Listening to her in there crying was terrible - we felt like we were traumatizing her - but once she learned that we weren't going to come in to "rescue" her, she went to sleep and was much happier during the day as she'd gotten much better sleep during the night. (It also helped that we turned off her nightlight so that when she woke during the night she wouldn't look around for something to stimulate her.) At 15 months old, she's a very happy, secure baby and a champion nighttime sleeper (about 13 hours). Hang in there; it may seem hopeless now, but it'll get MUCH better as she gets a bit older if you are very consistent with whatever you decide to do.

Also, keep in mind that your daughter will cry like she's brokenhearted for even the most minor of discomforts. Her reactions are not what your's would be, and her cries don't mean what your's would. She's crying to get a response to whatever she wants changed in her world. She's NOT in her crib crying because she thinks that she's been abandoned or that mommy and daddy don't love her. She's just not anywhere near capable of those thoughts or emotions yet. Good luck!

My son was the same way. From day one, he hated his bassinet and crib. I had a c-section so I just let him sleep with me most of the time until I recovered. I started using the mobile on the bassinett (it came with it) and he finally started sleeping in it. I had to feed him, swaddle him and quietly put him in there and turn the mobile on and he would sleep there for a few hours at a time. You could also try putting something in there with her that has your scent on it so that she will think you are close to her.
Hope this helps.

get a cd with the sound of nature such as ocean/sea sounds bird chirpings etc it sure works for my grandsons and they love it !

A., I co-slept until my DD was 3 but that worked for our family. It seems that is NOT working for your family. Your DD might need to have your scent in order to sleep. Maybe you could sleep with one of her sheets so that your scent gets on it and then put it on her bed. I didn't want to let my DD cry it out. After all she only wanted to be with me.

I also wanted to point out that at this age.
They are growing a mile a minute, and eating which can
be demanding.

Being a new mom can be demanding plus you are young, and possibly a new wife so there is a lot on your plate. It will get better ((HUGS))

Negotiable
She's young, she just came from a warm place, and want to stay warm. Have you tried swaddling her? Please get the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" it helped us.

Good luck and God bless

I used my daughter's bouncer chair when she was a newborn. I swaddled her and then rolled up receiving blankets and tucked them around her on each side so she felt very secure and tight....maybe that will work?

I see you already have a ton of responses but I'll throw in my two cents. Your daughter sounds just like my now 13 mo old. She would only take naps on her tummy and not in her crib. She only liked our bed, couch, etc. At night, I would nurse her to sleep and then lay her down beside me. I would sleep in a very uncomfortable position for most of the night. When she was 3 mo., we purchased an Amby bed. It is a motion bed that is rocked by the child's movement or by the parent's hands. It also is inclined so this helps with reflux, etc. It is a bit pricey but worth it if you get some sleep. We used it for about 3 mo. before moving her to a crib. I let her cry it out a little at this point bc she was older. My daughter now sleeps through the night and I have my Amby bed ready for baby #2 (whenever that is?). Go to Ambybaby.com for info. Good luck!!

My daughter would not sleep unless she was held. We finally started putting her in her car seat and sitting that in the cradle next to our bed. She finally slept. We used the car seat for the first 3 months of her life. We thought maybe it made her feel safe and secure because it wrapped around her. Maybe this could work for you too.

hello well i had the same thing going on , i just kept switching him form my bed to his crib and if he wake up ill keep trying finally after two days he went to sleep in his crib.. u just got to keep trying, also i made his bed softer i added a comforter in his bed i would fold a queen side comfort and put it in his crib it worked he sleeping there right now

Hello! I have two children. Our first, our son, was the same way! I felt it was too young to "cry it out" too so it went on and on and on until he was 10 mos old and my husband said it is time to let him cry! So, we did. Horribly for FOUR long days. You let them cry for 10 mins, go in, pat them, rub them, shhh them, but don't pick them up. Leave and come back in 8 mins...so the same. Leave and come back in 6 mins and so on. Now, with our daughter, we did the same thing and she took to it a little better. The main thing you need to know is that there is nothing wrong, they are dry, NOT hungry, no gas, etc. Your child may have gas and our son only could sleep in our bed or on my belly when he had gas. Lastly, if you cannot let your baby cry, try a white noise machine to soothe and get one of those co-sleepers. They attach to your bed and the baby thinks they are in your bed. It is great, they are a type of bassinette that literally pushes up to your side of the bed and blends in...they are in their own space but they think they are in your bed! That may be the best thing for you b/c I could not let my baby cry either! DO NOT get in the habit of your baby in your bed and your husband out of it, save mommy and daddy's bed only if they are sick.

W. M. M'boro

First, if you feel nine weeks is too early for crying it out (as I did) then its too early... DO NOT let anyone ever tell you to NOT give your child attention when you think you need to. That is your right and your duty as a mother - to do what you and your husband agree is right - not what a book or neighbor or grandparent or heaven forbid some stranger online tells you you must do. You are the one who has to sleep at night w/ your choices.
That said...I would suggest you keep trying the swaddling... have you tried one of the swaddleme blankets by Kiddopotamus? They make that process a lot easier. I had a similar problem w/both of mine (now 3 1/2 and 1 1/2) not wanting to be on their backs and instead be in my arms.
We have co-slept w/both. My first in our tiny bed, in my arms b/w me and his co-sleeper and the second in her co-sleeper. By the time my girl came around I had at least learned the trick of waiting until she was "dead asleep" to put her down. Some time when yours is not ry close attention to her breathing and how long she takes to get "floppy" - you know, where you can pick up her arm and let it drop and there is no resistance or awareness that you are there.
Keeping that in mind, the next time you swaddle her and she gets to that point - slowly, carefully put her where you want her to sleep and keep your arms around her. (It helped me to get her asleep close to her sleeping place so I wouldn't wake her walking there) Slowly move out from her so she won't notice the temp change so quickly or that your breath is gone. If she's a short napper try peeping in and if you suspect she's about to wake pick her back up as a pre-emptive (SP?) strike until she's calmed again and start again. We worked our way up from there slowly to having them take decent naps and sleeping better at night.
Plenty of people will say that is all silly to do - just put them down... if you're okay with that, that's fine too, it won't "hurt " your girl or break your bond with her - just be sure your making your choice not someone else. And that goes for every choice you make until she's an adult.
BOOK to check out - Happiest baby on the Block - a must read

We swaddled our son and put my hubby's handheld radio on a static channel near him. We also used these blocks (like two cylindrical cushions joined with velcro) to put on either side of him. He still fussed a little, but the static on the radio worked WONDERFULLY.

I have been where you are! When my daugther was born, it was the same thing. She would only sleep if someone was holding her. At 6 wks old, I was at my witts end, b/c I was going back to work full time and my husband worked as well, so this no sleep was not good. I talked to many moms at the church I was at and decided I needed to let her cry it out. I put her in her crib and I started out at every 5 min, I would go in and rub her belly (NEVER PICK HER UP) and walk out. Then I would go to 10 min, same thing, rub her belly, then 15 min.
Then every 30 minutes...this started about 9pm and by 6:30 am she was fast asleep in her crib and slept for 3 hrs!!!
Of course if she's still eating a few times during the night do that when its time, but then put her right back down. Do not rock her to sleep, put her down while she's awake.
It is a long night and hard to hear her cry, but I shut my door with the fan on and watched the clock and then went in and rubbed her belly.
THe next few nights it got fewer and fewer and within probably 3 nights, I would lay her down at night and she'd maybe cry 5-10 min and then right to sleep! It was wonderful.
So stick out an all nighter once and do it. It isnt hurting her to cry, she is in her crib and she is fine. It will help you and her in the long run to know how to soothe herself to sleep. Even now and my daughter is almost 2, if she wakes up in the middle of the night, I never have to go in there, she puts herself right back to sleep!
I hope this helps!

I know exactly what you are talking about. I have a three year old who did the same thing and now a 16 wk old who does it too. My husband sleeps on a nice air mattress though! Does your daughter like the swing? I also have a 22 month old who slept in her swing until she was 15 months old b/c she too did not like the crib. I know it is hard to deal with trust me but maybe eventually she will sleep better. I know thats not great advice but she loves and feels safe with you so in time you may be able to get her to sleep by her self or at least go to sleep with her and then leave her on a different matress in another room. My kids never slept in their cribs but now both sleep in their own beds. And my 16 wk old goes to sleep nursing or being rocked and then gets set in the bed and I get a few minutes to mtself. Sorry if thats not a lot of help. I just wanted you to know that it happens and it doesn't last forever.

Hey A.,

I know EXACTLY what you mean; we had the same problem with our daughter. The first two months we had no idea, and like you, tried everything. Bought all kinds of expensive gliders, wraps, wedges, etc. and returned most of them. Turns out Ava had acid reflux and was miserable lying flat (of course the wedges didn't help a whole lot). Anyway, she only had a mild case so she didn't meds. She would sleep in the swing some, but slept best of all in her car seat. Some people say you shouldn't do that but my cousin and sister are both pediatric nurses and said it was fine. Sometimes at night we'd let her sleep in the carseat beside us. Hey, you do what you gotta do when you're exhausted! The other thing that worked was a wedge thing we bought that you put under the mattress sheet (in the crib) that props them up a little. In the end, she slept on us a lot. By 3 months, though, we put her in the crib and started a nighttime routine (clean up, read a book, take a bottle and rock to sleep) That worked pretty well. It took several weeks before she stayed in the crib all night, every night, but we could get some sleep. By 5 months she was sleeping through the night from 7:30 p.m-8 a.m. and she still does at 14 months. Good luck!!

When my daughter was a newborn she didn't like sleeping in big places like her crib. I didn't have her bumper bads in because you know the doctors had something to say about not having bumper pads at the time so I finally put those in and she slept fine. When she was two she wouldn't sleep in her toddler bed until I put the bumper pads around the edge of her bed!! A car seat works great too. Especially if they have a cold and are congested. She may just not like big places. Anyway, my second child didn't sleep by himself and actually cried if I left the room. I babied him and now he is 8 and still has problems sleeping on his own. When my 3rd child was born, I promised myself that I would not baby him like the 2nd child and I put him in his crib right away and made him sleep there. One night I had to let him cry and my husband was home so I left the house and went to sit outside and actually took a drive and my husband called me when it was over about 20 minutes. Get another person to come to your house that is not emotionally attached and have them help you let her cry herself to sleep. If you need to leave, leave! I could not stand my children crying but I knew I had to do it. I know you think it sounds cruel (believe me I wish my children were 9 weeks old so I can cuddle them again), but if you don't now you will have this issue when they are older like 8 and your husband will still be sleeping on the floor! And I also saw the advice of letting them sleep on their stomachs. Let them. I actually tried it during the day first just to make sure I was awake to watch over them, but let them sleep the way they are comfortable. Once asleep, they move around anyway and usually wind up in that position. Good luck!

IMO, 9 weeks is too young to deprive a child of the comfort of her mother. I had a non-sleeper too, and what I usually ended up doing was sleeping in the recliner with her on my chest. I did get some sleep that way, at least, and your baby can be on her tummy since she doesn't seem to like being on her back.

I still remember the first time Amber slept for 6 hours straight, and so did I. I felt like I'd been sleeping all day, and actually was AWAKE for a while after that. Too bad it didn't last... LOL

xo,

AJ

I have two suggestions. Keep her up longer than usual before her sleep times so she is good and tired. And, when you lay her down, if she starts to cry don't automatically pick her up. Pat her, rub her, let her know you are there, but don't snatch her up as soon as she cries. Soon she'll figure out that she may as well go to sleep cause you aren't going to pick her up. At 9 weeks old, it won't take her long to adjust as long as you don't give in. I know when my little one was that age, we had the same issue. I think part of it was that she was in the same room with us. When we moved and she had her own room she slept for 12 hours!!! (she was 5 monthes then) Just hang in there and teach her how things are going to be, not the other way around!

My 4 week old son doesn't care for the bassinet either...or his swing or the bouncy seat. My saving grace has been his car seat. It's a Graco Snugride carrier so it kind of cradles him. Maybe it will work for your daughter.

Hello! I would let her sleep with you for the moment. we have an obsession that babies must sleep on their own beds, but I think that is not true. The oriental sleep with their children until they ar 3-4 years old and they think we are crazy to let them sleep by themselves. If she needs to be in contact with you to sleep I think is great and enjoy it. In a
few years she will not want to sleep on your bed and you will be sad. Your husband... a little bit of patience

Hi A. - you'll probably be almost as overwhelmed by the number of responses you've received! Let's you know that you are not alone with this issue, though.
I'm not a big fan of the parenting books (the information books are great) because they all seem to have the opinion that if you're not doing it their way, you're doing it the wrong way. The one book I would HIGHLY recommend about sleep, though, is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. I did not agree with his method for solving sleep problems - he sort of subscribes a bit to the cry it out which I strongly disagree with - but his book is absolutely fantastic for helping you to understand sleep and how it develops in a baby and that it is at around 3 -4 months that morning and afternoon naps start to fall into place and nighttime sleep starts to extend. The best bit of information that I gleaned from that book was that babies cannot tolerate being awake for more than 2 hours at a time when they are infants (obviously this changes as they get older) and if you realize this and stick to a rhythm and routine that has them back asleep at the end of 2 hours of awake time, they will get to sleep pretty easily and you'll both develop a great sleeping rhythm. It sounds crazy that you're infant would awake and need to be back asleep in 2 hours (not starting the sleep routine after two hours, but having it finished and them asleep by the end of 2 hours) but it is absolutely true. As i said, I don't agree with his recommendations regarding crying, etc... but if you just read this book with the idea that you are only using it to understand sleep and how it develops, you will feel so much better when you realize that everything that's going on is normal. And if you're child gets to sleep before she is overtired, sleep will come so much more easily and naps and bedtime will be a pleasure instead of something to dread. Falling asleep easily will become a habit for her. All of this will make any attempt to transition her out of your bed, if that's what you want, so much easier. Think of how much more difficult things are for you as an adult when you're overtired - imagine how it would be for an infant!
Our daughter slept with us for the first 2 months and loved sleeping on us, etc... and we transitioned to the crib with no problem by 3 months. I consistently tried to put her in her crib for her naps - sometimes she would and sometimes she wouldn't ( and I didn't sweat it when she didn't), but I was persistent and consistent in my efforts and it paid off as she was used to her crib by the time we transitioned the nighttime sleep. You could try laying her down in your bed at night by herself and laying next to her until she falls asleep and then once she's been asleep for awhile transition her to the crib (I know everyone says you should never let them fall asleep somewhere and then move them to the crib, but this is how I did it and our daughter had no problems - and if you've made the effort for her to get used to her crib, it won't be an unfamiliar place to her and she may not have a problem with it). After you've done this for awhile, just try putting her to sleep in the crib straight away. It may take a few weeks, but eventually she'll fall asleep in her crib. I would also suggest that once she's awakened in the morning and you've nursed her or given her a bottle - whatever you're doing - and she has a clean diaper on - put her in her crib with a cloth bandana (not silk as infants can swallow and choke on silk whereas cloth bandanas are breathable and they can so easily catch hold of them and move them around) or some other favorite toy and go make yourself some coffee and let her have a minute to herself in her crib - it's another way to get her used to her crib. babies are very capable of entertaining themselves by themselves, contrary to what everyone seems to think...
Our daughter is 27 months old and still loves taking naps and still loves going to bed at night. She always loved her crib and she now loves her bed.

Hey A.,

I don't have much to add except please don't let that 9 week old baby cry it out. My goodness, shes only been in the world for 2 months. Before that she was held tight constantly. That's why she wants to be near you!

My recommendation is getting a book called "The happiest baby on the block" by Dr. Harvey Karp. This book explains a concept called "the fourth trimester". It talks about the needs of a baby for the first 3 months of life out of the womb. I don't agree with everything the book says, but the concepts are priceless. This has also been featured on Oprah, if you like her! :-)

http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

I also had a baby that was a natural cuddler and we had many issues with sleep (to say the least), but this book really helped.

Have you tried the "mommy sounds" teddy? i think you can still get them at toys r us, it records your heart beat, and plays it back - a pacifier there are very many kinds, two of my kids liked them, one didn't and they wanted different ones

R. = sahm of three

Hi A.,

If your baby is over 12 pounds, she is old enough to not have milk during the night. That's when you could start the cry out thing the other ladies are talking about. That is the advice my doctor gave me for both of my kids. He said that my son just sucked down bottles in the middle of the night because it was a habit and made him feel comforted, but he assured me he didn't need it. I did the cold turkey method because I was having to go back to work and I was worn down so much that I was getting sick with every bug that came along. But the Ferber method might be good for you, if you can't stand the idea of the all at once method. Just make sure she is over 12 pounds.

Another thing I wanted to mention was sleeping positions. I put my older son on his side in the bassinet. I was scared to death of him being on his back because one day when he was about 3 weeks old he was laying on his back and started spitting up. He couldn't turn over yet, and if I hadn't been looking at him I don't know what would have happened. He was okay about sleeping on his side. But my youngest son hated sleeping on his side or on his back. He loved being on his stomach. Yes, I've heard all the stories and talk about SIDS. I didn't want him on his stomach. I talked to the doctor about my dilemma, since my son just wasn't getting much sleep. He gave me lots of practical advise, no toys, no pillows, a cool room but warm onesie, not too much blanket, then told me to do what my baby needed and try not to worry too much. He still sleeps on his stomach at age 12. So see what your doctor says about stomach sleeping. Could be you have the same issue I had with my second son.

Good luck!
D.

My daughter loved sleeping in the Rainforest swing (papasan chair) from side to side...she would sleep for hours. Much better than a bassinett. Also, you said you tried swaddling but for us swaddling was almost like a straight jacket. Arms down and wrapped up very tight helped a lot. We never let her cry it out long but did let her cry for periods of 5-10 minutes and she would fall asleep.

A. try laying the baby on her stomach I know the doctor's say not to do that but that was the only way my son would sleep when he was a baby.

Hi there.
I know it is a frustrating situation, but 9 weeks is still very, very, very young, and this little girl needs you more than you know. As far as crying it out, she is still way, way too young to even consider trying that. I'm glad that you feel that way, too.

For now, you really need to just respond to her needs and let her know that she can depend on you. If that means having some strange sleep situations, please be open to doing what she needs right now.

My son was the same way and he ended up having some trouble with gas pains and didn't like to be on his back either. Try the simethicone (sp?) infant gas drops, and try to get her to sleep on her side between some wedges or even by just rolling her over and patting her to sleep. Most times the only way my son could get comfy and be rid of the gas pains was just in my arms. It sounds like that may be a possiblilty of why
your daughter is not happy on her back or out of your arms.

She knows that when you hold her in a certain position she can
get comfortable and when she's put down she's very uncomfortable right away.

This is a fleeting time, and it does not mean that she'll always be in your bed. As frustrating as it is, it'll be over before you know it.

Also, we tried the sleeping wedge in our bed between us, (with a blanket SECURELY over it), and that way he was elevated so that neither of us could roll over on him. That worked for a time.

Then we put his swing in our room by the bed and he spend lots of nights there, too. It kept him elevated enough to get
comfy.

Don't worry about developing any bad sleep habits just yet.

Maybe try to borrow or buy a side sleeper that attaches to your bed. Try everything you can that feels right. Just know that it won't last forever and that your daughter is so young and needs you now more than ever..

Good luck!!

My niece had a baby this past October and was practically having the same problem you are, and he simply did not want to sleep in his crib either. She too was putting him on his back. I told her to put that baby on his stomach. She was hesitant cuz she had always been told babies should sleep on their backs due to choking,etc. Well, in my opinion, I think they'd be more prone to choke on their backs cuz if they spit up, where's it gonna go if they're on their back but back down their throat. So she started putting him on his back was his sleeping changed DRASTICALLY. Not saying this will work for you but still worth a try.

My 3 month old sleeps in his carseat. I placed it in the bassinett when he had congestion at a week old and he has slept there since. My daughter slept in bed with us from 2 weeks old to a year and I didn't want to go through that again so I don't let him sleep in our bed. You said your baby won't sleep on it's back. I hope your not laying her on her stomach because that can cause sids. As long as she is fed and dry and not in pain the cry out method is the only way. I am not saying it is easy because its not but if you want your bed back you will probably have to do it. I would start at nap time.

She feels safest in your arms, dosen't take them long to figure that out. My grandson is the same way. His mother was like that years ago. A baby swing is going to be your next best friend. At first you will need to put baby in swing and sit on floor and literally place your hands on baby while she swings, using more of a partial hold with her resting in the chair portion and it swinging. Then you will be able to slowly back off alittle at a time. Also use blankie on floor and let her stretch with you proving hands on comfort. You might gently rub her hip area, etc and provide her comfort to stretch her joints alittle. It's been awful weather this winter, the change in temperatures is not helping the situation any. As spring comes you will start to see a difference. You might try a comfort blankie that she gets consistantly- keep in mind this may not go away for a long time- so watch wht you attach her too. I have a 15 year old that still has baby blankie under her pillow. No biggie, hey my philosophy is if she still has it at her wedding, then it's not my problem anymore. She's had much trauma in her life, as she grows it takes a lesser place. You're little one might have the same comfort need. You might also have to let her wail for alittle, it won't last long- comfort her when she is done. Watch her gasy level too, if she has alot of gas, laying down flat is going to make it worse. Hence the resolve to not lay by self. Talk to your dr and she can give you a good gas drop over the counter medicine recomendtion, I think the one my daughter uses is just called gas drops and it has done wonders for letting him lay and be comfortable. Best wishes.

When my little boy was a small infant he had a hard time sleeping anywhere else too. What I would do after I fed him I would make sure his swaddling blanket was warm and that it had my smell on it. A little crying is okay at this age just make sure that it doesn't get them too wound up. Also try to have soft music playing in the background. It took a while for him to go to sleep all by himself, but making sure that I had a routine also helped at night. Ours was bath, book and breastfeeding. Hope this helps.

Definitely get her swaddled up first....and try reading the happiest baby on the block.

As well, although it's a huge no-no, I refused to sleep with my child in my bed because I was too scared I'd roll over on him (and we had a soft bed) so I let him sleep on his belly, but only with a motion sensor under him. We have the Angelcare monitor system (WELL worth the price just to have a deeper sleep instead of waking up every 15 minutes wondering if baby's still alive....) We had both babies sleep on it until 4 months when they moved to the crib....even tho my daughter slept peacefully on her back. It really did help ease my anxieties and allow me to sleep much more deeply. The sensor is VERY sensitive and there is NO sleeping through the alarm...trust me.

Btw, the sleep positioners are big no-no's too for SIDS. Try swaddling first (tho not all babies like it....my son loved it and my daughter HATED it...) but i'd take the sleep positioners out of the bassinet.

Good luck!!

you have to be tough and let her cry to sleep, I have 3 kids and 2 of them slept with me until they were 7 years old one and my 8 years old still sleeps with me,why because I made the mistake of been like you.I really think if let her cry a little it wont hurt her.

There is a great book that my pediatrician recomended to me when my daughter was born and I think it has really helped. It's called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. It has some really good advice. Hope it helps.

It seems harsh but you are going to have to let here cry. Occasionally pat her butt or rub her back to let her know she hasn't been abandoned but do not pick her up. Yes new borns can be spoiled and yours is.

L.

My daughter (now 3 1/2) also refused to sleep away from me for her first months of life. In desperate need of sleep, I tried many many things. What worked for us - laying my nightgown from the night before on her crib and laying her