Need Advice from Mom's with Midde Schoolers

My son had episodes of crying once into middle school, it did subside after a few days. I do think that the counselors at the schools are wonderful and would really be able to help in this situation, they have always been there for situations like this with all my children. They will find someone who can buddy up with him and help him to look forward to the day. And, maybe that person that he is buddied up with can introduce him to some new friends- and maybe they can even let the teachers know what is going on and they can keep an eye out and pair him up with other boys during classroom activities. Also, with the help of a counselor, they may be able to make sure he is not sitting my himself at lunch and help him find someone to sit with. Hope this helps- it did for my son!

It sounds like he doesn't have a problem with school, per se, but with being dropped off at the neighbor's house. Would he have the same reaction if the mom dropped him off directly at school? It could be something about the neighbor's house. But it could also be that he is feeling "abandoned" by going to the neighbor's first. My parents divorced when I was two and for a few years in elementary school I went to a neighbor's house before going to school. This was hard for me because I could see their mom doing things for them (breakfast, lunches, etc.) and I was just there (ready to go) because my mom couldn't be there. It highlighted the fact that my mom wasn't there but other kids moms were. Being at school, no one's moms are there so it wasn't an issue. If he were dropped off at school, he would be just like the other kids. I know this may not be possible, but it may help him to be able to understand what is bothering him.
As far as the crying and being labeled... My son is very sensitive and would cry in middle school. Luckily, his teachers handled things well and the other kids didn't tease him for this. He is now in High School and hasn't cried, even when bullied at school. He would tell me and/or tell a teacher/counselor who would handle it. Mostly I think the crying comes from keeping emotions in and not knowing how to release them or solve the problem. Talk to him about coping strategies, but being sensitive is not a bad thing in itself.

6th grade is a big change! I remember growing up, that at the beginning of each new school year, I was full of nervousness. There is plenty of reason for it, as we are/were each put into a new class, with new teachers, with new students, to learn new things, and have new (more responsible) expectations. It can be overwhelming. Even though he is in 6th grade, maybe he just needs a bit more time to get comfortable with it. Talk with him and see if there is something that would help this transition. I know this is definitely not appropriate for your son, but my daughter who is younger, when she was very upset for weeks we made matching necklesses, I put a locket on her with mom and dad's picture in it...she wore it every day. That comforts her. See if your fiancee and his son can come up with something (that maybe can be concealed in his pocket) that might help him to feel comforted? Or a thought that can be encouraged when he is feeling like this, or give him some sort of an outlet (such as drawing in a drawing pad before school starts, writing in a journel).
I too, would second the bullying. I known of similar cases with a child not wanting to go to school, and was being bullied. It may not be something so aweful, but asking him lots of specific questions might help figure out the reason, even if he really doesn't know the reason himself...help him pinpoint it, then help him figure out how to control these emotions. Good luck!
K.

Hi L., I agree with Dana. It doesn't sound like the problem is school. If that were the case, the crying would probably continue while at school. Talk with him and find out what the real issue is. Dana gave some very good suggestions as to why he may not like to be dropped off at the neighbors house. If at all possible could his mom take time with him in the mornings before dropping him off and fix breakfast with him or fix his lunch with him. Make sure that he is getting quality time with all of you and not feeling as though he is being pushed off on another family. Be blessed!!

I have 3 children, 17, 13 and 5. All of them cried when being dropped off occasionally when they were little. But all of them out grow it by the time they started school. Is your step son a very emotional child ? If you answer is not really. I would find out why he doesn't like being dropped off at this neighbors. Just because he is familiar with the family does not mean there isn't something going on inside the house. Maybe the mom is a screamer and in the midst of getting everyone ready she scares him ? I just find it very unusual for a 6th grader to cry for his mommy unless something is wrong. This doesn't sound like separation anxiety.

I dont' have a middle schooler yet but several close friends have middle schoolers. All of them said that when their kids--confident, smart, well-adjusted kids--started middle school, they were stressed out in the early weeks by all the change: New location. First time having to be totally responsible for getting themselves to all classes on time and in the right location (in elementary, teachers led them everywhere, pretty much). Different cafeteria line to confuse them. More responsibility for lots of books and supplies. Bigger classes with unfamiliar kids. More demanding teachers. More homework. New students, new cliques, lots more social pressure than elementary school.

Your fiance's son might have some larger issue like bullying, and you need to uncover it if that's the case, but don't discount the idea that he may be reluctant to say he's just super-stressed by all the sudden change. That might be why he can't pinpoint his fears exactly. Be sure he feels secure at the school, familiar with his daily route from class to class, confident about how to use the cafeteria (is there a system new to him for paying? Does he have only a few minutes to get and eat his food, like one friend's child of mine who now has to gulp lunch after long waits in line to buy it?)

You and your fiance need to be careful that you don't let him see you fear "he will be tagged a cry baby and keep that forever" -- if he realizes you and his dad feel that way he is likely to clam up and not discuss his concerns because, well, he'll think you might consider him a bigger crybaby for being worried about "stupid stuff" like how to find his classrooms and which table to sit at during lunch. If his issues are this kind of middle-school stress and not bullying etc., he needs to be able to talk to you about it and feel his worries are legitimate. Try taking him somewhere that's quiet and he feels comfortable but is away from home -- his favorite diner or a park he really likes -- and quiz him gently about these kinds of questions. I do know one friend's daughter solved her own stress by making a map of the school that showed her classes and drawing her route on it, as well as writing out her schedule in detail and what she had to carry to each class, etc. Good luck.

I haven't had a similar issue but I'd be concerned about it.
My first guess is there's something going on at the house or on the bus that's got him upset. Especially if he's fine at school. Is there an alternate means of getting him to school that could be used for a few days to see how he does? If you can't uncover any reasons and his teachers say all is fine (call them and ask, they won't call you) then the mother needs to not give in.

My younger sister was being bullied by a 'teacher' in 3rd grade and reacted this way. My mother took a forgotten lunch to the classroom and witnessed it ---lets just say the problem ended!