Ladies, I need some advice. But before I tell you my problem let me give you some insight to my past so you can better understand my problem. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and the only thing I remember about him is being drunk and mean. He would hit me and my sister and was very verbally abusive, too. I hate him and I know I shouldn't but I do. Here is my Problem:
My husband has a drinking problem and is a borderline alcoholic. He drinks a lot on weekends and usually 3-4 weekdays he drinks. He won't just have one while he is grilling dinner, he will drink whatever he has then go or beg me to go get him another 6 pack and then he will drink all or most of those, leaving only 1 for the next night and then we start the process all over again. When he drinks, he doesn't get mean but he gets easily ticked off. He will be fine one minute and mad the next and he seems to get depressed a lot when he drinks. He starts talking about how he can't seem to do the things he should be doing and then starts talking about how i am not happy and i don't love him. I am just at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do, every time i try to talk to him about it he just blows me off or gets mad. He says he isn't beating me and I should just keep my mouth shut but I am not going to raise my kids around a drunk. I can't do anything by myself since i worry about him being alone with the kids and drunk and if I go out to the store or something I am afraid he will have lost one of the kids when I get back b/c he was drunk and not paying attention. What should I do? I don't know where to go for help and I don't want him to think I don't love him but I am just tired of battling this. Please help me...
Hello!!!
your situacion its very delicate. My dad used to drink a lot when i was a kid so i know how you feel. Did you try to talk with your husband when he is not drinking? Talk with him about how you feel and try to show him some love while you are talking. Tell him about your feelings about your dad and that you dont want that your kids have the same feelings for him. Talk its always the best choice.
I think you need to seriously consider some type of counseling for him (AAA type, I think they hold anonymous meetings all over the area). His excessive drinking is not healthy for you, your children, or him.
I feel that if you just leave it as it is, it will just get worse over time,so the sooner you can stop it, the better. Be strong!
Many people turn to alcohol, tv, video game etc. to escape. Some people feel trapped by their situation. The though "this isn't what I signed up for" goes through a lot of peoples minds. In addition to AA other options include finding out what is truly the reason for him drinking. Is he drinking because he is unhappy with his job, his home etc.. There are other options. Many people lack a hobby or something that gives them a bit of inner peace and because of that they drink. I am only relaying my experiences, I am in no way an expert on any of this. When my Husband hit the point of walking in the door and having a drink and then more and more, I started trying to push a hobby of some kind. It turned out he was very unhappy with not me but our situation. The house we lived in, the job he hated, he just felt trapped. We ended up starting a business out of our house. It was something to focus on to keep us busy improving not only ourselves but our situation. We both quit drinking on a daily basis and have found a focus on improvement instead of an escape that was actually making our situation worse. I hope this helps, feel free to email me off site if you would like any additional information on at home business. I have a large network of different business owners and may be able to connect you with a good match for you and your husband.
As a child of an alcoholic I feel for you. You need to find forgiveness for your father and his disease. That does not mean you have to love him or even like him. But once you forgive him you can do the healing you need to do. You need to accept that your husband is not a borderline alcoholic HE IS AN ALCOHOLIC! It sounds like you are being an enabler. An intervention needs to happen and you both need to get help. He sounds depressed and insecure and alcohol may be his coping mechanism. Just because he doesn't hit you doesn't mean he isn't abusing you. The emotional games are just as damaging if not more so. Your children and you deserve a better situation. So either get help or get out. Good luck!
Your husband is not a borderline alcoholic - HE IS AN ALOCOHOLIC. If his drinking is impacting on your family it is a BIG problem. It would be helpful for you to go to AlAnon or to a private counselor. You can not change him, you can only change how you react. You are smart not to leave him alone with the kids if he is not responsible. He can be replaced, they can not. I understand your stress about the housework and working long hours. I hope you are able to find a job that fits your needs and schedule better. You mention that if you leave a detailed list for him he does them. THEN leave the list! Some men, okay most men have little clue about doing household chores on their own. My husband is !great! about leaving dishes piled high, laundry on the couch or in the dryer .......... Please find an outlet for your venting. Don't let his shortcomings drag you under.
PS I have a great friend that I trade kids off with once or twice a week. It really helps when I am able to have me time - even if it is to go grocery shopping only. Maybe you have someone that can help you out at least with the baby.
