Need a Little More Strength from Others for This Please....

Hi G.,
I know that it is devastating to think that something could possibly be wrong with the person that we have always looked for for strength...the person that has just always been there. Take the time to say, yes, this is tough situation and it is ok to be sad ,mad, frustrated, scared..whatever it is you need to feel. Breathe and realize that your mom needs you as much as you have needed her your whole life. I know you know this yet the overwhelming feeling will lesson as nothing is as raw as a little time passes with news like this. You said you have lived your whole life knowing that your mom was in remission so this must have been hanging over your head in some way all along...well now it is out of remission and the great news is that treatments have come such a long way since your mom was diagnosed...which I assume was several years ago. Mom's are strong and you are one of them. I am not sure we realize how strong we are until something that pulls all of our strength presents itself.
Also, please do not ever think about how you reacted to the news...there is no right way and I am sure you were numb. Your mom is obviously a fighter as she has lived with this disease for some time and so are you and together you will work through this.
Best of luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I think the real problem you are having is that you are now dealing with your mom's mortality. Since she was the only parent you had, of course you are emotionally shell shocked.
One of the first things to do is to find out everything you can about Lukemia - specifically your mom's kind. Since she never set down and talked with you and you are now an adult, there is information that you can find on the internet that will explain everything. Second, you can support her.
You really knew what she meant when she said she was out of remission - it means the disease is once more rampant in her body. But, remember, Your Mom beat this once & there have been advances in medicine and she could beat it again.
I don't know how old your Mom is but it might be time to sit down with her and discuss ALL the possibilities. What happens if she gets worse? What does SHE want to have happen? What are your fears? Lay it all out and discuss it. No one likes to think that their Mom might not make it - but it is better to talk about it than just shove it under the rug and not think about it.
Do YOU have a network of friends, church members or others that you can call upon for support? If you do, do that.
If you are religious, pray for strength & guidance for yourself and for His healing power for your mom. Know that whatever happens, you will be able to handle it. I wish you blessings and I wish you hope.

2 moms found this helpful

As a cancer suvivor, I understand this is very painful--this is an opportunity for you to grow close to your mom--one thing that cancer taught me was that we don't have forever here. We can look for opportunities to love and support one another unconditionally-- or left life's difficult circumstances beat us down.

I hope that this is a blessing for you as you love your mom through this--Trust in God to make this bearable and to give you the right words and attitude.

As a Christian, I know I have a lot to look forward to. Even as my life ends one day, it will be with joy that I meet my Savior.

Today, ask for God's strength so you can be full of courage and hope.

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i am so sorry this challenge is facing you. let your husband know that your going to need his support. its going to get rocky. if your depressed for more than a year i ask you to get counciling and perhaps antidepression medication. if your depression/morning does decrease after a year its still going to be hard but i just hate to see you become overwhelmed with it. my best friend lost her mom a month later my husband did too and a couple of months after that a co workers mom died...all from cancer. my best friend was in the same boat as you her mom was her only parent ( her dad passed at a young age) while she is much better now it took her a couple of years. and its still hard on her some days. hang in there...i am sure many of our hearts are with you.

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Just don't miss a moment of this time. We never know how long we will be given on this earth and you don't want to look back and regret lost time. My advice to you is to sit down with someone else that you are close to and talk it out, cry it out, whatever you need. Then ask God to help you find the great strength that he created you with and embrace this opportunity and time that you have with her. It may be years, months, who knows. She must be feeling very worried, sad, lonely, anxious. I assume that since she is your mom, she has been the strong one for you all of these years. Now it's your turn. You reach down and find that strength and spend every moment with her that you can. Help her through all of it. Talk with her about her fears, her hopes, your fears, your hopes. If you guys are close, this should only bring you closer. These will be the moments that you will cherish long after she is gone. It sounded to me from your post like you are frozen by this news. No time to waste.....go now and offer your heart, time, love, help and frienship to her. She needs you more than ever and you need her. Don't leave anything unspoken. Trust me, from experience, it is much more assuring to talk with them about everything before they are gone. It will be the best gift you have ever given her or yourself. You are both in my prayers.

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I'm so sorry about your mom. It is really hard to think about your mom having something so serious to deal with. Be sure to allow yourself time to cry when you are by yourself so that it doesn't build up and come out at the wrong times.

Then arrange a lot of fun times with you, your mom and your kids. I'm sure your kids bring much joy to your mom and she will need her spirits lifted as much as possible. Be sure to be positive around your kids and give them something they can do. They often feel helpless when there is serious illness to deal with. Tell them to call regularly with what is going on in their lives. Have them make pictures or things with their picture on it. For example, you can have them decorate frames to put their pictures in.

Be sure to enjoy this time that you have with her.

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HI G., I seem to be dealing with several good friends and relatives who have cancer. Your Mom needs your support and love at this time. Just call her up and tell her that you love her and want to do anything she needs you to do right now. I know you are used to getting the love and attention from your Mom, but right now, she needs you to give her a little extra support. This is never easy, but it is a wonderful way to live.See if your Mom wants you to visit with her, cook for her, etc. If you need counseling to help get yourself together, do get some counseling. Good luck. Keep God in your heart. Yours, J.

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G.--Just love her, spend as much time with you as you can and make those personal memories that only you will carry in your heart when she is no longer with you. We sometimes loose site of our Moms mortallity say she will pull thru--or she will bounce back "I'v seen her do it" or we have a bit of denial. Now that you know the truth of her situation do not let one moment pass you will regreat.

Have loving talks and sweet huggs.

May God bless you and her as you walk thru this transition with her hand and hand.

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The next time she goes to the doctor ask to go with her and tell the doctor just what you've told here and ask for a complete explaination of what's going on, what can/will happen and if possible when. Ask what you can do to make her life a little easier. Stop thinking about yourself and think about her. With proper treatment she can live a long time. Just learn all you can so you can be prepared for what happens.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband has AML. I am his caregiver. You emotions are all over the place--right. I was told at MD Anderson that you will accually grieve for the person while they are still alive but you will go through all the emotions as if they already died. Your mom has NO control over what happened to her. Leukemia is not something they can tell you what to expect. It is a horrible cancer to have. My suggestion to you is to love your mom as it is her last day cause it could be. She will get very sick and have to be on chemo again. It is now more than just blood and platelets. Your mom did not mean to blind-side you. You go in, have your blood tested, then they tell you "it's back" This--try to think of--she is the one with the leukemia not you. Do not take this personal--she did not give herslef this cancer. It's ugly, horrid and a TRUE nightmare. LOVE HER NOW not TOMORROW for you may not have it--It is that serious. Let me know if I can help you further--just email me. You are not alone. Where is she being treated? Go with her to her treatments EVERY TIME! Also go to www.lls.org and find your information there. Find out from your mom what leukemia she has there are several and do not read about any of the others, just read about hers. Help her get her house in order!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi G., you have been given great advice. I would say the same things. Only thing I can think of is when my SIL had ovarian cancer years ago there was a hotline to call anytime for support. I want to say it was open to family members too. I think it was provided by the American Cancer Society. They may very well be online now.
Also, if she is getting blood transfusions may I credit her when I donate blood? I am eligible in November. PM me if you like.
Today is a gift, treasure it in your heart and it will always be there when you need it.

1 mom found this helpful

I have no idea what to really tell you, except that your mother probably is just wanting an ear and a hug. Just be there for her, like she's been there for you. Maybe write her a letter about why you reacted the way you did at first--if you really think it was weird for her. Remember, she's probably still thinking about protecting you, as she is your mom. Let her know that you are there for her and will help in any way you can. Just be there. Maybe check out the Leukemia and Lymphoma site for some advice, or ways you can help.. Perhaps launch a fundraising campaign for research--lots of options there. If she knows that you are fighting for her, that may help! Good luck, take pictures and hug your mama as much as you can.

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I'm not really sure what you're asking. However, I do know this: You need to let your Mom know what you told us--that you love her and that she's been the most important person in your life. Ask her what you can do for her to help her through this. Does she need help getting to and from the doctor's appointments? Does she need anyone to come clean her house so she doesn't have to do it? Whatever. Just ask her and see what she says.

This is an awful thing happening in her life--and yours, too. But it is also a golden opportunity to do for your Mom what she has done for you all your life. Support her and be there for her. You may not understand all the medical terminology or procedures, but you DO understand that she's sick and probably afraid. I would just try to reassure her and hold her up in prayer every day. And tell her you're doing this. It will mean a lot to her.

I hope this helps a bit.

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Take some time for yourself - all by yourself - to grieve and pray and get some thoughts organized in your head. Take some time to research some things. Get your head clear - your heart will take longer. But, once you get your head clear, then focus on what she needs. She will probably mostly need you to be around more - getting her to laugh and be distracted often. But, always remember to take time out for yourself to go scream or cry or whatever. Just try not to do it too much in front of her - a little is ok. Your mom has faced this before and will seem much stronger than you most likely. That is ok. Don't be upset with her for reacting in whatever way she does, whether too strong or too weak. You on the other hand, have to deal with this basically for the first time. So, you will be going through a lot more emotions than she will. That's ok. Go and make some wonderful memories together even though she's sick. She's come out of it before, she may come out of it again; but either way, you will have had a good time in spite of the pain.

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My mother had CLL, so I understand somewhat what you are going through. I found that by learning as much as possible about the illness, it helped me cope with the situtation and feel less "out of control". There is a great series of mailing lists for cancer patients and their families http://www.acor.org/
They have a number of lists specifically for the different leukemias and was one of my best sources for information on doctors, treatments, trials and things to help my mother be more comfortable.

I did not read through all the responses so I'm sorry if I'm repeating anything. I think that a neat name would be Gigi. I don't personally call my grandmothers that but I have heard of it. I think it's cute but also "hip". It said more with an e then an I. Geegee, and don't say the G sound it out. Hope this helps!