Myspace Question Regarding My Teenager

Hi T.-

I'm on facebook, but not myspace so I don't have any advice about the site in particular. But one thing I would suggest is for you to go out there and set up an account for yourself. You'll learn about the site (what your daughter will be able to do and how people can contact her) so that you are aware of what the possible uses of the site are. When used appropriately it's so much fun to use. I've made contact with old friends and coworkers that I haven't talked to in ages and it's so easy to drop quick notes and keep in touch.

Good luck,
K.

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I am at that awesome in-between stage where I can be of help to you =) I'm 26 and HAVE a myspace, facebook, etc. accounts, I'm still young enough to remember being 15, but I'm also old enough to have 2 little girls and know what it is to want to protect them!
Anyway, #1, this is going to be about trust. Your daughter can EASILY set up her own e-mail address, set up a 2nd myspace account that you have no clue about, and do risque things on there. There's no getting around that. You are just going to have to openly and honestly talk to her about internet safety and hope she "gets" it.
I would say #1, ask for her sign-in information (e-mail address and password she uses to sign onto the account). Tell her that you will be signing into her account on random days JUST to see if the log-in information is valid. At first, I would tell her you will be monitoring what photos, blogs, bulletins, etc. that she posts to ensure she is being safe. If she proves herself trustworthy, you will stop doing this and give her some privacy. She needs to set the account to be "private", which means it can be viewed ONLY by her "friends" that she adds. She should ONLY add people to her "friends" that she actually knows in real life. Stress to her that she does not "know" ANYONE online who she has not met face-to-face! She should set her photos to "friends only", so that only her added friends can see the photos. She should be fully aware of Myspace's photo policies regarding photos (NO nudity, NO pictures of illegal activities like underage drinking or drug use, etc.) She should NOT use her real name as any part of her username on Myspace. She should choose NOT to display her full name underneath her profile picture (used when a person on Myspace is searching for someone). If one of her friends wants to be her "friend", she should search for them on Myspace, not the other way around (so the person can't just pass out her username to everyone at school or something). She should set all her blogs to "friends only". She should never post personal information, including full name, house number, street name, phone/cell number, class schedule, landmarks near her home, parents/siblings names, parents place of work, etc. And remember, pictures tell stories, too! I've seen so many adults with pictures of the front of their house where their house number can be easily seen! Stress to her that she would not only be putting herself in danger, but her family as well! Find news stories about kids who were raped or assaulted or whatever because of Myspace. Show her that the dangers ARE real and not just parents being paranoid!
But like I said, there is nothing preventing her from setting up another e-mail address with another Myspace account that you would never know about. (Unless you lock her in the house and through all your technology out the window LOL) You can give her all the facts, give her all the tools, show her all the evidence...but in the end, she's going to do whatever she wants, and hopefully she has a good head on her shoulders and will listen to your advice =)

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You cannot communicate between the different type of pages but she can have a myspace account and a Facebook account. A lot of kids have both these days! They have all the same friends on both pages, but you can dress up a myspace page but facebook looks the same for everyone. You can ask her to set her page to private view only. If your husband is helping her, he can easily make it where only people she approves as friends can view her page. That will help with any wierdos you don't want viewing it young or old;) You can check that her page is set to private view only by logging out of her site and then searching for her and trying to view her page, if you have done it correctly a flag will come up saying she has set her page to be viewed by friends only and that the person has to submit a friend request for her approval. It really is easy, I am not computer savvy either and I did it:) As far as the safety of a myspace or facebook page for a teen, I guess it is right up there with driving a car or going to a big school. There is some risk no doubt but if you have raised her well and just keep in good communication and don't let her sit for hours on end alone on the computer, I think she will do just great. Most of my friends with teens allow them this level of social networking and they do really well. Best wishes!!

1 mom found this helpful

One thing that you can do is to impress upon her the fact that whatever she puts out there that many more people besides her friends will have access to.

Dr. Phil just did a show the other day where he showed 2 young people (one was still in high school and the other was going to graduate from college). One had posted many pictures of parties she had been to where she was drinking or had a drink in front of her. I can't remember what the other one had; but he pointed out that when you go to apply for a job - the employers can now look at your MySpace & Facebook pages. One wanted to go into criminal justice and Dr. Phil pointed out that the pictures of the drinking - even though she was of age - would count against her.

You do need to sit down some guidelines. If she goes over the guidelines; her MySpace is frozen. Period. End of Discussion. Remind her that words hurt and that just because she is behind a computer and people might not realize who she is, it does not give her license to do things she would not ordinarily do or say.

Most of all, keep the lines of communication open. She will listen. Lord, you can't watch them all the time; sometimes you just have to let go and trust that you have done what you can. Just let her know that no matter what, you will always love her.

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Hi T.,

I just wanted to add my two cents to the previous posts. They all say pretty much the same things I wanted to tell you. I have accounts on both myspace and facebook. Like one of the other posters, I have gotten into contact with old friends from high school, and even a cousin I had lost touch with almost 20 yrs ago, thanks to myspace. I only recently signed up for facebook, so it's still a little new to me. Both my kids have myspace accounts. My oldest lives about 9 hrs from me, with his dad, so I don't have much control over him, but my daughter is a different story. Her myspace account was set up using MY email account, so any changes she makes come to me, like changing her password. I know her password, so there isn't any thing she can do on there that I don't/won't know about. That may sound like a bit much, but I know my daughter, she's way too trusting. Someone could talk her into something horrible. It's not the she doesn't know the dangers, but she trusts people too easily. She has the myspace account so that I can actually use my own cell phone occasionally!!! (She tries every day to take over that cell phone so she can text her friends all day long! LOL) She also uses myspace to keep in contact with her brother, who's 9 hrs away, and her dad, who is about 7hrs away. Both her stepdad, her aunts, uncle, NaNa, Granny, and a couple of my friends are on her friends list. We ALL do what we can to make sure that her experience with myspace and the internet are good ones! And she never uses the computer if I'm not VERY near by!! (Not sitting in her lap, but still in the room! lol)

Anyways, I guess my point is to trust your daughter, do what you can to respect her privacy, but maintain a vigilant watch over what she does & who she contacts on the internet, whether it's myspace, facebook, whatever!!!

HTH!!
J.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree that your daughter should set up her account so it is private. Only the people she approves can look at her page.

The biggest responsibility is to remind your daughter. Once it is online... It can NEVER be erased. This can effect all types of things.. Her Scholarships, Her college acceptance, Jobs, Resumes..... Future relationships.

It is good that she is learning this at this age, while at home and not later with no guidance.

In our family we have family members on our children's pages.. Yes, even Great Grandparents, grandparents and Aunts, Uncles, cousins..

We do not pry into their messages. We do not judge what they say, but we are there and we do see what is going on.

What ends up happening is the kids end up telling us, yes that person is doing that, but I am not. (lots of language) The proof is right there. If there is danger, we of course would intervene, but it has not gotten to anything like that. Our daughter and her friends are very open to us. They even "friended" me. Sometimes they send me private messages asking questions or seeking advice.

Some of the other parents think it is odd, that we are on there, but they are the exact parents, that their kids seem to be pushing the limits.... We do not judge, we just are aware.

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T., I am on myspace and have explained to my 10 year old that when she is 13, she too can have a myspace page. What I would suggest is that you make her passwords public to you and your husband. That way, you can always check what she ses and doesn't. Make sure that she makes her page private, so that only her friends and family can get to it. Also, when my daughter uses her laptop, she has to use it in a central location, so that ANYONE in the family can see what she's doing. That's what works for our family.

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Hi,

Quickest advice I have is that YOU (and Dad) keep a constant watch on her MySpace content. Check it everyday. They can't communicate back and forth per se between Facebook and MySpace, but can post comments on each to refer back to the other. Personally, I think Facebook is a little safer than MySpace, but that's because it's the older crowd. Teens like MySpace. As long as you CLOSELY monitor her page, she should be fine. Let her know if she screws up, you'll take it down and it will be no more. You will be able to click on her "friends" to see their profiles. And be prepared for some "shady" language....lots use it on there, guess it makes them feel older. She does need a way to communicate with her friends and with my 14 y/o, it's either cell calls, texting or online. But we watch her closely and she knows it. They don't seem to use a regular phone much anymore.

I have 3 sons and they each have their Myspace accounts. When the oldest first got his account we had an agreement. I can walk up and see what they are doing at any time. The moment they hide a screen on me, they lose the Myspace privilege. My oldest is 21 and I can still walk up and make comments on his page and friends. Yes their are some kids out there that aren't monitored, but make sure yours knows your rules and what is allowed. She will do fine. My boys really enjoy keeping up with their friends and sharing pics. BTW the pics are monitored so they aren't/shouldn't be too explicit. Good luck and best wishes!

Hi T., I haven't read all the responses yet but sure there are some very good suggestions. I just wanted to share my personal experience with myspace and facebook. I had 2 people want to be my "friend", I did not know them but thinking they may be someone from extended family I clicked. Woooo ... turned out to be young women posting tacky photos of themselves and their friends; I can't help but wonder where they are headed if they start out so young and more than naughty. I delete any request now that i do not recognize. Just be careful - the new "everyone else does it" is a minefield. Good luck

You have every right to be worried about Myspace and connection sites. There are people that are members that should not be, but there isn't much that can be done about that. However, it is best to explain the risks to your daughter. There are stories or reports of cases involving myspace, try researching them. Show your daughter any evidence you find, explain the risks to her, so she can make her own choice.

For your peace of mind, there is a setting on myspace that allows for you to make the profile private. Only people that are her friends will be able to see the information in the profile or pictures. It might be a good idea to get a myspace yourself, that way you can become friends with your daughter. This will allow you to see what is being put on the site without being a snoop. Plus it gives the two of you a common interest. I have a myspace (4 years now), a facebook (near 1 year), and a twitter account. I have not had any problems, but you will get request for friends from people you do not know. It is hard to say don't accept them, but I never accpet friends that I don't previously know and I 25. I worry about my privacy, so I am very careful about what I say and put on my page. You can find me on myspace and facebook under S. England. You are welcome to add me and ask any questions that may have. I hope this helped.

With text messaging, you have to acquire the phone and read every text to know what your kids are saying. And take it from someone who had a snoop for a mom, that is a bad idea. Text messaging may protect her a little bit more, but in the end she will still beg for a myspace or facebook. It is what is in right now, and we all want to fit in at some point.

The best way to regulate who is talking to your kid and what she is putting on the internet is to have the computer out in plain view. Don't let her take it into her room or in an office. Put it in the living room or the kitchen where plenty of people will be passing by. This also doesn't intrude on her privacy or force you to snoop around her site. I'm sure your daughter is a great kid and won't intentionally do anything to get herself in trouble. But "watching" her will help keep others online from taking advantage of her. This way you also don't have to be a computer wiz to keep track of what she's doing. Good luck with it!

Wow! How did she get all the way to 15 without texting?! Most kids these days only talk on txt (OMG, LOL, ROTFL)! Anyway, great job on raising a great girl that can write and speak English!!! ;-)
The best way to keep up with her myspace is to get one and add her as your friend. The news feed will tell you any time she post new pics and you can check her page to see comments left by her friends. It really is just a social network where friends meet online to share pics, thoughts, comments, blogs... You can also check her friends list and go to her friends' myspace pages.
Also, you should trust that you did a great job with her and allow her just a little room to grow as the wonderful young woman you raised her to be. There are weirdos everywhere including her school and she really has to learn to deal with them. But just to be sure that things don't get out of hand, I would ask questions about the people that she communicates with on there. If there's nothing to hide then it shouldn't be a problem.
I really hope this helps! I'm praying for wisdom in this situation. Be blessed!

Hi T.,

I am a technology consultant and have accounts with twitter, facebook, myspace, etc. In my humble opinion, I would say that facebook tends to be a little more "classy", but then again it all depends on the user and who they are "friends" with. To answer your question, no facebook and myspace do not interface with one another. My suggestion to you would be to do the following:

1. Make sure her site is set to private, meaning only her "friends" can see her information
2. Set up an account yourselves and make sure she makes you and your husband "friends" so that you can see the activity on the site.
3. Set some ground rules on what is/is not acceptable; talk to her about the importance of not be-friending people she doesn't know.

I think someone else posted this, but I can tell you from experience that employers do look at people's pages before hiring someone. They do it all the time. When we were kids, our parents had the "don't put anything in writing that you would not want the whole world to read" talk with us in regards to note-writing. It's the same thing with these sites! You just need to have that same talk with your daughter. If she is honest and trustworthy, then you won't have any problems.

I think it is also important to stress that you should do this with her. Kids these days are using social networking and incorporating technology in their lives at a rapid pace. Whether we like it or not, it has become wildly popular as a means of communication for this generation. By the time your daughter reaches college, she needs to have experience using social networking, IM, texting, email, etc. because many of her college professors use these means of communication with their students nowadays. Also, if you allow her to set up accounts, but you don't, you are missing out on a very valuable way of staying in communication with her. I think if you learn alongside her, you will find that you like it. Hope this helps you!

My niece has a myspace and facebook. My sister set it up for her under my sisters e-mail address and also made her profile private so that when some one request to be a friend or even sends messages my sister could be aware of things that she doing on myspace and facebook. A.

Congrats....we are on your page.
We invested in "parent root" from best buy. It is a security program which we put on her laptop. It lets us password her entrance (so we know when she wants on the computer) and we lock her out at 10:30pm at night. Therefore, she cannot jump on while we sleep. I have heard most kids do this. We did not give her access to internet on her cell phone, but she can text and we do random check ups on cell phone......she has done very well.
I recomment the parental control investment...I have an 8 yr. old who loves the computer and it keeps me at bay too!
Yes, way TOOOOOOO MANY WEIRDO'S OUT THEIR YOUNG AND OLD!
Being "paranoid"..as the JoBros. state.....is a GOOD thing for our childrens safety! Good Luck!

Both myspace and facebook require email addresses so kids can communicate that way, but you don't access a myspace page from facebook, or vice versa. What I did when in your position (my daughter has both) was set up pages for myself so I could audit, had the long talk about personal info, and I keep the computer in the family room. Sometimes I just go sit next to her and watch (and she knows I'm going to do this). One huge advantage to being on facebook, you'll reconnect with family and friends you may have lost touch with. Good luck!

Hi T.,

Does your husband understand social networking at all? If neither of you has much information or comfort-level with it, I'd back up and unsign your daughter until you've had a chance to noodle around and get familiar with how some of these sites work. You're busy, I can see, with five kids, and you're not going to have time to get comfortable with how to monitor your daughter's Internet use after the fact.
So, once you've both tried MySpace and Facebook, etc., yourselves and have a basic understanding of how they work, how to set controls that limit what the public can see, etc., then I'd decide where to sign her up. My 14-year-old stepson has a Facebook account, as does his 19-year-old sister, their mom and me. The kids' accounts are set on high privacy settings, so that you see virtually nothing but their names and the thumbnail photo they've posted if you should happen to trip over their sites (by typing in their names and/or email addresses to search for them, for instance).
Whatever you choose, PLEASE, don't rush into this because your daughter is nagging if neither you nor your husband can adequately oversee how she's using either site. Also, be sure your family computer is in a main, public room in your home - NOT her bedroom.
Facebook is a lot of fun and it's true that this is, increasingly, how kids and even adults communicate, but you are right to be cautious as she enters the online social networking world.

Take care and good luck,
J.
Austin

Myspace and Facebook are 2 separate entities, they cannot cross communicate. She would have to have separate accounts for each. My step-daughter (20 now) had a myspace account. After seeing a report on TV about them, I decided to pull her up, she was 17 at the time. Well, she had all of her personal information on there, full name, dob, etc., plus she had rather risque photos of herself that I didn't think were appropriate. I had a talk with her dad, then we with her. We explained to her the importance of some anonymity on these sites and how perverts could be looking at those pictures and others could steel her identity just on the amount of personal info she had listed.

My suggestion for you would be to sign yourself up and friend her. You could also require her to give you her password and you check periodically yourself. Question her about any suspicious activity. Then after a while if it seems she understands how dangerous these sites can be, begin to give her some freedom.

Wow, you have a lot of advice already! Sorry I didn't have time to read it all, but I wanted to share what I know about these social networking sites and teens. I have an 18 year old niece and a 14 year old niece. Their parents know their child's login and password for any social networking site they are on, and they check it regularly. It seems like an invasion of privacy but it is to keep their children safe. Their children know and they are okay with it. Anytime the parents see anything of concern they speak to their teens about it. I also see my sister-in-law pick up my 14-year-olds phone and read her texts regularly. She has a boyfriend already so my SIL wants to make sure there is nothing inappropriate going on there. I guess the bottom line is that you can't be too careful and the kids need to know you are still in charge. Good luck!

T.,

Part of your stipulation for her having the MySpace is that YOU are permanently her number 2 contact. Her number one will always be the guy that designed myspace. I think his name is Tom... Just set up your own MySpace, have her accept you as her friend, and are able to see what she's doing. I think this tends to limit the junk others might be tempted to say and send to her...if they know MOM's watching...she can still visit and participate, but there IS a limit.

My daughter has had her MySpace for a while, (she's 18) and I didn't do this because I wasn't really sure how it worked, but recently my students convinced me to join so that they could write to me during the summer... SO, I can tell you it's not that hard, and your MySpace can be as simple or complex as you feel like formatting. There's actually a TON of people on it I didn't expect. I have aunts, cousins, colleagues...etc. Go on, join... and look me up. LOL... As for the Facebook... I don't think they coordinate. They are two brands of the same type of program.

Good Luck!

T. Cobbs

Also, might I encourage you to try a prepaid phone for her. at 15, she's only a year or two from driving... gotta feed slack in increments or they get it all at once and end up tangled. Not just that, but I teach 5th grade, and had almost 70 students. Almost every SINGLE student had a cell phone. I'm NOT kidding. 10-11 year olds. It's VERY important to them, and they do ridicule the ones that do not have a phone.

Perhaps you could get a MySpace page and a Facebook when she gets a Facebook which is actually more popular. then you can follow her on those pages as a "friend" and always know what is being posted in terms of comments and photos etc. It can be fun.

Facebook is better than myspace. It has more security and better privacy settings. Facebook also lets you report lewd and nasty pictures and other content and they are removed based on those reports. I do not know if myspace has that.

One of my friends with teenagers let her girls have a myspace accts and she also got one and made her girls "friend" her so that she could monitor what was going on. Everyone that you are friends with and sometimes others (depending on your privacy settings) can see everything that is on your page. Make sure she has the correct privacy settings so that only people she allows to see her page actually see her page. Those settings are in the account tab.

Make sure you have a good firewall, anti virus, and anti spyware software running at all times. these sites are replete with viral and other attacks. Back up her computer today so that if any attacks occur, you can easily reset everything.

Good luck and just keep an eye on her with your own account...

If I were you I would create a myspace and facebook accunt too. I would also make her your friend so that you can see all that is going on with her. Also let her know that at any time you can log in and read her messages. Let her know that you are watching and keep an eye on her account every day. Email me if you have more questions. I know all the tricks of the trade. :-) My poor kid doesn't have a chance getting away with anything. ____@____.com.

I'm sure you've gotten a lot of great advice. I just want to ad that she might have another page that you don't know about. having a keystroke log is a good idea. You can also do searches on Myspace to try and see if she has other pages under other names. I found my niece had a page her parents didn't know about. It had her little sister's name, her picture (well, she had her face turned from the camera but it was definitely her,) and a false age (she was 12 and it said 16.) I requested to be her friend as I couldn't see her profile other then picture, name, age and city. She never friended me although I requested several times. I told her parents and they took care of it. But, what if I hadn't found it? And what if she came up with another one?

My cousin went through this a few years ago. 14 years old and had sexy pics on her page and her hometown and full name! She was building relationships with ADULT MEN on the site. Her mom didn't believe me....but eventually did and cut her off from the net. She's 18 now, though, and has it back.

Just be very careful.
S., mom to 4 girls on Earth ages 2-6 and our little boy in Heaven, joining four other siblings to play at Jesus feet

Let her set up the page - with the stipulation that you have full access to her page as well. That means you have her user and password and let her know that you can and will log into it at any time.

My girlfriend did the same thing - it keeps appropriate postings in place and you can also monitor her "friends" and what they are posting / saying.

Make sure the computer she is using is either in the family room and if that's not possible, I would load software that tracks all of her movements.

It's not spying and invading her privacy - it's protecting her child from they own naivity.

Hey T.! Wow you got a lot of advice. I read a few but not all. I am on the same band wagon with most of the others. I have 19, 17, and 12. Create your own log-in and become their friend and also become friends with their friends. I always look at the friends pages and point out something that would be seen as inappropriate. Personally I think that Facebook is safer and easier to keep track of.
Good luck and remember as long as they live in YOUR house, they do not have any privacy. You have the right as the parent to read ANYTHING, computer message, written note or text message. They may not like it, but it could save their life!!

You check her myspace occationally and see what she has been doing on there. You can have a change in her password as often as you like. You can report others profile for doing things that they shouldnt be doing when it comes to your daughter. Tom the owner will do something about it. My myspace is www.myspace.com/sheriecefleitman

The only advice I would give you is to know her password and to check it often. Also make sure she always always keeps her profile private. I think as long as you trust your daughter then you will know that she will have enough common sense to not accept friend requests from people she doesn't know and to always use good judgement with anything she does. Also be aware of certain "famous people" who have a myspace page, alot of times fake people will claim they are someone famous and make up a bogus myspace or facebook page just to get people to be their friend. Good luck =]

I had 2 "POLICE" my little cousin's computer and myspace page, their a bit older and not too "computer smart". She's 15 and a PISTOL! Do you know how to search the history, check the pictures that have been downloaded(u[ploaded to the computer)? I created a myspace page to keep up with my nephew when he went off to college. You might have to "create" one just to check out what's on her page. The children(grown folks too) on myspace don't tell the truth about their ages so it's easy to get caught-up talking to someone that's older than they say they are, and they use a lot of PROFANITY when they communicate with their friends on there. So if you just happen to get on there one day, don't be surprised by the language they use. Texting is a WHOLE different story. If you let her have texting, you might have to get printouts of the texts. If you have anymore questions, send me a response.

I have both a Myspace and a Facebook. I at first only did the Myspace to see what it was all about. Plus I made friends with all of my teenage sons friends basically to keep an eye on what they were doing, and talking about. If I thought they were doing something wrong, then I would approach their parents on the issue. As for facebook, I like it much better, but only because I have reconnected with a lot of my friends from high school. If your child is being raised in a good family, you shouldn't have much to worry about, more than likely she just wants to use it as a way to keep up with her friends during the summer time. Not only that kids can put different settings on Myspace that only accepts people who know her last name, etc. I hope this helps.

In order for your daughter to correspond with her friend on MySpace, she will need join that networking site and create a profile.

Regardless of Facebook, she can chat with her friends thru AOL IM. This is a pure chatting software. I like this b/c you can have it log the chats to a text file on the computer. This way you could review the context of her conversations w/o her knowing.

As for the networking sites i.e., Facebook, MySpace, my suggestion would be to create her user name and password for her and help her get started.

This would not only allow you to now know her user name and password so you can monitor what is going on in her profile. I would hope this let you get to see what is all about. I would even suggest you create your own profile and become friends with her on that site. This will allow you to also monitor what is going on.

There are softwares out there that will allow you to monitor what is going on the computer and you could set her security up where she can and cannot get to certain things.

If this is all over your head, I would suggest calling someone like Geek Squad to come out to your house and install and set up everything so you can keep an eye on what is going on. I would have them come when she is not there, so you can tell them exactly what you want and how you want to monitor her activities.

I think it is important to keep an eye on your kids while on the internet. I don't encourage being in their business but I do encourage being proactive and make sure that they are safe.

You can set myspace or facebook so that only friends can look at the entire profile. That way not just anyone can look. My nepehews have both myspace and facebook. I know my brother and his wife have all of their passwords and frequently check the pages and monitor what pictures are posted. These pages can be a lot of fun. Best of luck!!

I too have a teenage daughter, but am very hesitant to let her communicate thru myspace -facebook - computer. Got frightened to death watching an episode of Oprah. So I would say go ahead since it is already promised but set it to private and make sure you know who she is allowing to let in because this is the new way that predators are working and they are professional. Our girls are young and dreaming of romeo and these people know exactly what to say and they will engage in a relationship for months romancing a winning trust. Just be aware of the dangers!!!

My daughter (14) has had texting for a while. This is the way of communication for this age. They would rather text than talk on the phone. There are some things that I did not forsee about texting that we have learned as we went along and set up rules. Texting is very quiet - they can text at night when you think they are asleep - unlike a phone conversation, you can not hear the conversation. While it is a rule that phones are not allowed in school it is not really enforced at her school so it has been nice if I need to ask her a quick question or visa versa then I text her and she texts me right back even while sitting right in class. It is quiet and not disturbing so her teachers do not seem to mind as long as it is not abused. Also there was a bomb threat at her school and she was able to text me right away.

I would spring for the unlimited text on a cell phone! Everything everyone has written below is true about MySpace and Facebook. I thought I was doing everything right w/ my son when he was 12- computer in the always occupied game room, checked History, etc.... He had an "alternate universe" it seemed on that computer. Hidden accounts. Email set up that I didn't know about. He was banned from the computer for almost two years unless I was sitting looking over his shoulder. (That wasn't his initial punishment- he just kept screwing up-took him that long to grow up and get it...) I told ALL of my friends with kids- check History - you might be surprised what you find. They all said "oh no- we monitor the computers,that computer is in the kitchen" and then I had three or four call me the next day and say "OMG! You won't believe what I found on my computer." Now my older two have Facebook pages and they are "private". I allow them to not be my "friend" BUT they have older cousins who ARE their friends- and they keep an eye on things for me. And I am friends with some of their friends which can get me a lot of information. I have also had occasions where they get up and leave their instant messsaging on and I have talked to their friends- and no one caught on. Then I tell them "SEE?! You never know who is sitting at that computer. You could be talking about someone's boyfriend or whatever- and have her parent reading. You just don't know." My son has code words he asks his friends just to make sure he is really communicating with the person he thinks he is. At some point you just have to trust that you have taught them well- and by 15 you should have an idea if she is going to be responsible- and then you have to let them grow up. They will make mistakes. You pray that they are fixable mistakes. But rather her make mistakes now while she is living at home than later when you aren't around to help her out of a mess.
But back to texting- that is how kids communicate. Hell- I don't even use my home phone anymore. Hate it when people leave me voicemails. If I want my kids, I send them a text. My son's room is upstairs and rather than yell back and forth- or me having to run up there and have him turn the music down so I can ask him a question, I text. They ALWAYS check their texts. (and ignore voicemail) And if your kid is somewhere out with friends that she feels uncomfortable- she can text you and no one would think a thing about it. Her friends might give her a hard time if they caught her calling mom- but if your daughter started texting- wouldn't raise an eyebrow. I think it is a wonderful tool to keep in touch with your kids. You just have to set ground rules like every thing else. And yes- my daughters have picked up their sister's phones and texted their friends, pretending to be each other-another lesson in "you are never 100% sure who you are communicating with".
And texting is a lovely way to say "I'm thinking about you." when they are off with friends. Especially if it is the first time they have gone some place that you are a little nervous about- a text is an easy way to remind them that mom loves them and wants them to be good. All you say is "having a good time?", no lecture or reminder- but it is mom making herself known. And I have received many, many texts from my son when he sleeps over "Good night. Love you. " Don't know that he would have called and said that- but I love getting it in writing. So - ease up- come into the 21st century- you may find it works really well for all of you. Good luck.

Hi T.,

I remember going through this exact same thing when my oldest got her myspace. I felt just as you do. Make sure your daughter's profile is set to PRIVATE! This way the only people that can view her info or see her pics is "Her Friends" -- the people she adds to her profile. I also decided to set up my own Myspace and added my daughter to my profile so that I could view hers and what pics she had on there, friends etc. Don't know if this was the info you were asking for, but I hope it helps.....

K. Broadhead
Internet Ceo Moms
Enhancing Lives...One Family At A Time!
http://www.best4my5kids.com

My suggestion is that you or your husband create a myspace account also and put her on your friends list. Myspace is a great social environment and I have connected with lost family members and old school friends. It is a great place, but you need to monitor her and the best way that I have found is to have your own account where you can logon to her page and see all of her postings, etc.

You can set the space to private so that not just any one can see your page, and I would also keep the computer she uses in a public area. You could always tell her that you are going to make a profile for yourself and that you have to be "friends" on her account so you can see what she's up to. Or you could just say very clearly what is expected of her. Explain that if photos of her find there way in to the wrong hands, it could hurt her so she needs to be careful of what photos she posts. There are people who have been fired from jobs or not accepted in to student organizations because of pictures on social networking sites. They may have seemed funny at the time but ended up blowing up in their faces.

If I were you I would just stick with Facebook. I have heard some nightmare stories about Myspace. Our whole family is on Facebook, it's actually quite fun and a great way to keep in touch.

I would definitely make her profile "private" so the "weirdos" can't look at her picture or get much information about her. If her profile isn't private then you could make her pictures private and only her friends can see them. Thats what i do, i keep my profile private and my pictures. If one of her friends has facebook but she doesnt then no she can't talk to them on myspace, she would also have to have a facebook. I hope this helps and if you have questions about myspace or facebook feel free to ask my email address is ____@____.com. I know a LOT about both.