My Twins Cry Very Little with My Husband but for Me It Seems Anytime They See Me

I don't have any suggestions for you but wanted you to know that you have another friend in the same boat! :-) My twin boys are 16 months and have been going through the same thing for a few months now. There is a special connection between boys and their mommy's. This crying season will pass before we know it (hopefully!). Good luck to ya!

My daughter used to do that with me. The babysitter said she'd been great all day, but as soon as I came through the door, the whining and crying would start. The babysitter was a good friend, but she didn't want me "hanging out" when I picked up the child, because she couldn't stand the constant whining! The only thing I have figured out over the years is that babies, like everyone else, save their worst for the person they're closest too. Think about it, when you've had a bad day, you suck it up, grin and bear it until your hubby comes home and then you let go and tell all, even if it makes you cry. Babies are the same - they see their mommy, the person who they are the most comfortable with, and they let go of all the anxiety of the day!

Hi Sherry... I'm a twin mom too. The thing I noticed is that the kids definitely act differently with each parent. They like being held, and they do probably know by now that if they start screaming you will come and get them.

The thing I'd be curious about. What is your DH doing with the kids while they are quiet. I wonder if they are just waiting for you to pick them up and cuddle. Daddy should be doing that too (and maybe is), but if he's not, they might be a little desperate for cuddles. Also, does he feed them first thing? Or are they starving by the time you get up?

I really dislike it when people say things like "they've got you're number..." It's rude. I think it's perfectly natural for a mother to attend to her children. But they are old enough to figure out that crying gets mommy running. So, it may be time to slow your response time down. (you probably know the difference between a serious cry that needs help NOW, and the one that wants attn), and perhaps try going to them BEFORE the crying starts. Kind of a preemptive attack on your part. You might also try (on a weekend when DH is home.) Whenever the babies cry it's DADDY that responds. Not mommy... leave the room/house if you have to.

Hope you get lots of ideas to try. Because the one thing I know for sure, is that my twins are NOTHING a like and what worked for one did not always work for the other.

You are doing nothing wrong. =) Part of it is the age! Your babies are in the "mommy mode". They know you will tend to their needs and they will ask for it by whining. Try to find some way of entertaining one twin and giving one on one attention to the other. If you had just one baby it would be easier but you have 3! Realize that this won't go one forever and do your best to rest when you can, play with them, love on them individually and as a group. See if you can get a friend to come over for an hour and watch them (once or twice a week would be awesome) and go do something for YOU. If you don't have a friend, ask your husband to watch them so you can have some "me" time. It is hard to be on demand 24 hours a day. But believe me, they will all be teens soon enough and they won't WANT you around! LOL! Try and find a sitter at least once a month and go out with your husband. You need to feel like Sherry the individual and Sherry the wife/girlfriend once in a while. =) Don't let that slide.
The old saying, "if mama ain't happy, nobody is happy" is a true statement! But only you can take create peace and stability....make the time. =)
Deeeeepppp Breaths!

I have two sets of twins (5 children total). I KNOW how stressful two babies at a time can be. And, when we are stressed out, the kids know it. If you're not calm, they can feel it. For the next few weeks, lighten up on the housework, bugetting (ask hubby to fill in) and laundry. Spend a little extra time just sitting and playing with the kids(even if your house is a little disorderly) and it will make a huge difference.

Our house is never dirty, but once in a while I realize I get wrapped up in housework, and it causes me to be stressed and my kids pick up on it and they act up or cry a lot. The days I spend sitting on the floor and playing with them are wonderful and they behave much better.

It's okay to let the house stuff go a little bit. It will always be there. Your babies will not be.

I have found ways to make my life easier. I discoverd the flylady. www.Flylady.net it totally cuts down time spent on housework, to only about 15-20mins a day. Also, I plan meal menus and this also takes a lot of stress out of my day. Doing as much as you can as early in the day as possible will make your day much smoother. In fact, get right up and shower and get dressed before you do anything else, and you will soon see the stress going away. Message me if you would like some moral support. I love other twin mommies.

Isn't it funny how they save their finest mayhem for us mommies? =) That's just how it is, nothing you can do. The thing is, they are so secure in knowing how much you love them that they feel comfortable being "less than their best" in front of you. Now that my kids are getting older I still see this. I'll pick them up from school and they'll be holding their behavior reports showing that they had excellent behavior at school. But the minute I show up, they fall apart! Crying, fighting with each other, whining. It doesn't last long, but it's almost like they have this pent-up negative energy that they've been suppressing all day long, and when they see me, it all comes flying out. It seems unfair that they save all their rotten behavior for the people who love them best, but that's exactly what they do!

As an aside, it might not be a bad idea to do a little part time or volunteer work - just to get out of the house and do something with other adults. It's not that I love working, but it does save my sanity and makes me appreciate the time I have with my kids (even if they are acting like monsters =).

I agree with Catherine and Claudia. My now 3 and a half year old did this all the time. My mom and MIL each watched her 2 days a week while I was in nursing school from when DD was 14 months to almost 3, and they'd tell me how fabulous and wonderfully behaved she was all day. I'd be home five minutes and the crying and clinging would start. Both grandmothers would tsk-tsk me and say DD really had my number and roll their eyes when I would comfort her or (gasp!) pick her up. A good friend told me what these other women have said: a child acts the worst for the person she trusts the most. So, I'd give DD extra hugs and kisses, my DH would step in as much as possible, and we both just waited for this phase to pass. And it did, for the most part. DD still behaves better for babysitters and grandparents than she does me and DH, but she is at a more independent stage now, so she doesn't react the same when she has to go without me. She may regress when I find a job because she has had me to herself since graduation, but I know it'll pass. Although it might rear its head again later: I had a patient once, a young first-time mother, who was having a difficult time in labor. With each contraction, her mother would rush to her, wipe her brow and try to hold her hand--only to get yelled and screamed at by my patient. On the other hand, she was very polite to me, a total stranger. After several hours of this, the soon-to-be-grandmother still rushing to her daughter and still getting screamed at, the patient looked at her mom and said, "I only act like this with you because I know you love me no matter what, Mom..." And her mom said, "I know, Sweetie. I know..."
Hang in there. Remind yourself that your twins are displaying a wonderful attachment to you! It might help keep you sane! lol!

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one who is facing this problem. I totally relate to you and everyone around you telling you "they got your number" and stuff like that! Sometimes I get the feeling that people think I just let my kids run all over and that I don't discipline them or some nonsense. But if that was the case, they would be monsters for everyone, right?! One thing I have found that helps a little is if I make sure to make time for each kid each day. That seems to diffuse some of it (but as you know, being a housewife requires a lot of other tasks and I don't always get that one on one time). We just need to remember to take deep breaths and know that we are doing a great job!

I was exactly where you were at for the past 2 months. It started when my son was 10 months old and he just turned a year old a couple of days ago. All the moms on here told me how normal it was (you're their whole world and you represent love, safety and comfort.) and that they will outgrow it. Some things I have done to TRY and combat it are: I go to the gym 2 nights a week, I try to go out with a friend for lunch or dinner twice a month and when I come home I don't let him see me come in. I go to the back of the house and get some things done that I need to get done like checking my email, shaving for heaven's sake, wrapping gifts, writing a thank you note, organizing something etc. I'm in the back of the house for about half an hour or so. It works for me and allows me to get some things done. Also, leaving them in the care of their father helps me get a break. I, too, was frazzled. He is home with me all day long 24/7 so while it is natural for your twins to be attached to their loved one of comfort(YOU), little things can be done to give you some peace. Also, let someone else pick them up when at all possible and I have my husband be "the good guy" by going in to get my son when he wakes from a nap instead of it ALWAYS being me. And you're right....you can't spoil a child of this age. So try some minor changes and hang in there!!!

Sherry -

Catherine hit the nail on the head. I have 5 and all have done this or do it currently. I have 2 year old twins and they are fine for the sitter, or daddy, but when they see me the crying begins. I slow my response time, figure out when they last ate, usually, they are a little hungry and need a snack and some cuddles to cheer them up. My other 3 grew out of it so I'm hopeful! Don't allow it to stress you out. I know it is hard because mom is central to everything that happens in the house and everyone depends on you for everything. You are only one person, get DH to help where he can with household stuff so you are not so frazzled. My DH figured out that when he helps get the room cleaned up or plays a game with the kids, takes them outside, I can get dinner going or whatever and it helps everyone be happier!

Take care & know you are not doing something wrong, you are right on target and the kids are normal!

D.

Sounds so familar to me...I have twins too...they are almost 6 so this is getting better. Whenever I come home from being away from the kids and my husband has been in charge, everyone seems to fall apart as soon as I walk in the door. My husband will tell me everyone was fine until you got home. Thanks!! As I said, it is getting better as they get older. I think it is a comfort/security thing. Something about mom...they can keep it together for everyone else. Same goes for school. Often in preschool and kinder, the kids will be fine at school and then as soon as mom picks them up they fall apart. NOt sure it I have any suggestions for you, except that it isn't abnormal and it will get better as they get older.

Enjoy the time with all those little ones...I too had 3, 3 and under at one time. It is a lot of work, but so worth it in the end (I too have had my moments of wishing I could go back to work). Mine are now almost 6 and almost 3 and they play so well together. It goes by so fast...so enjoy even the moments that are not so enjoyable!!