My Son Hates Everything!

My son was doing this for a while...I think he picked it up at his child care center. I sat down with him and explained what "hate" means. We then when through and explained the difference between dislike and hate. I then asked if he really hated eggplant or did he perhaps dislike it? We when through a few other examples and I think he understands that hate is a very strong emotion that should be reserved for things that truly deserved it. Every now and then he forgets, but he usually corrects himself now.

Good luck!

He probably wants more love and attention. Answer every I hate with something you love. Especially him.

i would try to ignore it or not respond when he talks like this. reward for positive behavior..dont make him separate dinners (or maybe only p/j sandwich). make him take a break in his room when he talks bad to you and explain that it is not tolerated in this house. if he doesnt like whats on tv, turn it off (hide the remote)and force him to find another activity.

some of this behavior may be being picked up from friends at school/daycare...do not tolerate it and be consistent. set up a reward chart for good behavior...focus mostly on this and try not to get worked up over the bad stuff...he is testing your limits and boundaries....(we have a 5 1/2 yr old, so I know exactly what you are going through)

Have you tried asking him what he's angry about? Ask the simple question: "Wow honey, it sounds like you're angry! Can you tell me what is making you feel so angry? I'd like to help."

Kids like to have their feelings validated and their anger and sadness probed. He is probably mad about something that, to you may seem trivial. but to him is his whole world.

Five years old is a difficult age for kids. The world is getting harder, they have to go to school, and their siblings are always in their way. This child may need a feelings check-in every day, several times a day in order for him to feel happy and loved.

Ask questions, validate answers: "Wow, that sounds really frustrating! I wonder how we can solve this problem..."

Children only act out when they are feeling badly about themselves or their worlds. Asking questions and offering validation for their feelings is the answer.

I have a trick that I did not believe would work until I tried it myself. Dr Kevin Lehman ( How to Get Your Children to Mind Without Losing Yours) says to just not play the game. He used the example of a picky eater who 'hates' all the foods mom makes. Just dont set a place for them.... when they show up they wonder why they werent called to the table and why there isnt a place for them. In a 'no big deal' tone, say, "oh, well we are having spaghetti and since you dont like spaghetti we didnt think you needed a place or to be called. See you at breakfast." True to his word, a child will look at you like you have sprouted extra eyeballs... and will reconsider thier position about the situation. It worked! It was amazing. I did it for our daughter in a situation that called for her to interact with us. Chose not to invite her or push. Next thing I know... she is there. Amazing. It is worth a shot.
The point is that when we play the game by getting upset or cajoling or wheedling them into things, they realize we are hooked and that they are in control, not us parents.
It is tough... but you can do it!
Good luck with your "Strong- Willed Child" (Dr. James Dobson)!

Dear S., I am a 67 year old grandmother of 11. We have 4 grown children. Our youngest son went through a period of saying I hate you to us. Everytime he said that I would hug him and say but I love you. He then would look a little sad and nod his head. After a while the "I hate you" stuff stopped. I'm thinking that once you stop the I hate you, the rest of the "I hates" will also disappear. Good luck. Karen

I have 7 yr old twin boys, and had heard this phrase quite often. I tell them I am glad they hate the t.v. show because then I can turn it off, I am glad they hate what's for dinner then that's more for me, I am glad they hate me because I don't have to worry about doing things for them anymore or buying them any toys, plus it wont be the last time they will hate you. Usually they change their attitude pretty quick when you put it in those terms and don't let it bother you. Good luck.

Well when my kids are mad and tell me they have me I tell them well I love you. As for him saying her hates everything it is just him learning to express himself and trying to see how far he can push the boundries. Ido not make my kids a separate meal of things they do not like (or Hate) But the only thing i can really suggest is ignore the neg behavoir and when he does do something goos or positive then reward and encourage. When I say reward i am meaning maybe extra 15 mins before bed reading a book with you or playing an age appropiate game with him. Something like that. Maybe get hime involved with the dinner making process (my kidslike to stir the food, pour ingredients into the pan)

I have not personally dealt with this since my only daughter is not yet two. I would just say that it is probably just a phase where he is learning a new emotion. I suggest that you do everything you can to be positive around him. Try not to use negative words or reactions yourself. Don't respond badly when he "hates" everything, instead just ignore it and try to let it pass. You may have tried all of this already, but if not it definitely won't hurt. Good luck!

S., at times my son has told me the same things and he's 10 yrs old now. It happens sporadically, and the best way to deal with it is by 1)ignoring the fact that he truly hates you, 2)not giving in to this behavior, and 3)love.
Crysta B, Julie K, and Thecs C really gave you some good advice. Your stubborn child will eventually turn around when he says that you are not catering to the "hate"stigma. JulieK also gave you two great sources of books that you should check out as well. Either invest some money and buy them, a good place is www.christianbook.com or check them out at your local library. As he grows older, believe me, you'll hear it as well. At this age its good to start small by saying that hate is an awful word you don't tolerate in your house. Then as he gets older, start explaining what "hate" really means, and talking to him why he feels that way. When he merely hates foods and material things, not giving them to him, and not expecting him to participate is a ggod way to address the problem, but when he directs it to you personally, then you need to start addressing him personally. Even at 5 years old, a child can be taught to use different words and ways to express themselves, and they can learn that certain words are not said. Pray to God for patience through this stage, and stick to your guns; you're the parent!!
Hope this helps
Melissa

Well S., Is there time for the family since you are a working mother and in school? I must say that my 7 year old daughter has never stated she hates us or things but since my husband and I are continuously on the go, we set aside Fridays and Saturdays for the children. We have a 2 month old as well and he does take up time but we make sure that we balance out our time as well as love! Try doing more with the kids (on their level), get to know what they are doing in the community and at school. If this doesn't work try sitting down with your son asking him what may be bothering him, seems like a bit of anger or since of belonging. Always remember to PRAY for your children because they may go through things that we are not able to understand. Take Care & GOOD LUCK

Tell him that's so sad for you and go on. Dinner is what it is if he doesn't like it the next meal is breakfast (or bread and water if you are worried about calories). It sounds like it's for attention. Play it down and give the message he should get over it.

I used to be one of "I hate everything" kids myself. I just didn't get enough attention from my folks. I was fifth in line and had to wait my turn and my folks also worked and took on other tasks too. At one point they gave me money to buy what I wanted it wasn't much but I then didn't know what I wanted. I was not given a plate at the table, and no gifts for my birthday and christmas. I learned that I'd better change my ways. It didn't happen over night but I really appreciate my folks alot more now being a mom and have a 3yr that is like I was. Tough love can really pay off even when it sounds soooooo cruel!!!!!!
Good luck
K. P.

I have an almost 5 yo daughter that is doing the same things. Hers is the worst after I have worked 4 or more days in a row (12 hour days). I usually just say "I know" but you ate it the other day and loved it or we can watch it together like we did the other day. I just try to remind her that yes she does like it. When she is to the point of I hate you I just say that I love her and I know she loves me too! It makes her stop and think and seems to work. Good Luck!

I have said this to another mother on her that had the problem of her son saying "I hate you". "Hate" is the word they use for the lack of a better word. Teach him to say "dislike", it is better then hearing the word "hate". I also had a picky eater that didn't like anything. Her first sentence was "I don't like it" I always offered a varity of foods at the table (one meat, one vegetable, pototoes or rice and a salad of some kind). When I heard "I don't like it" I would just say "ok, hope you like breakfast better" and not push it. They don't like going hungry more then they don't like the food, so they always ate something at the table. I never made a seperate meal for them. As for the what's on TV, turn it off, unless someone else is watching it. Then tell him he may go play in his room where he can find something he does like. The gifts, I would take them and say "oh, we will give it back then." He probably will stop if he knew it was having a negitive reaction. As far as the hating you, I use to tell my youngest "I know you don't hate me, you are angry at me and that is ok, you still don't get your own way but anger is a natural feeling" Wasn't long before he would say "I hate you but not really, I am just mad at you" and not long it was "I am mad!" It is just giving them the right word for how they are feeling.

As always, model the behavior you would like to see.

It sounds as though you are gone quite a bit. How do the other resposible adults and children act in front of your child?

My son's second grade teacher had a negative attitude that poisoned the entire class. His behavior at home was appalling. You might want to visit the classroom; you'd be surprised by the lack of appropriate behavior by both students and teachers. After witnessing such a visit I insisted on a classroom change. It took a month, but my son calmed down.

Through it all, keep reminding him how much you love him!

Good luck!