My SAHM Days Are Coming to an End :(

Is another baby in the cards? ;-)

Just today I was thinking that my 2 yr old will probably be ready to start pre-school next year (2012-13 school year), and then it'll just be me and the baby at home. Suddenly having a 4th kid doesn't seem so out of the question for me.

I was thinking the same thing as Bug below. Sounds like it would be a perfect job for you and you would provide perfect care for them.

I think it's great you loved being a sahm/homemaker and got to do so for 8 years. But I think you'd benefit from going out and being with other people, adults, rather than counting down the time till your children come home. Even if you're cleaning houses for extra income, you're still isolating yourself.

Instead of focusing on what you're losing, think about what you're gaining - time for yourself and your interests. You can do things for yourself without guilt, without taking time away from your children. I'm not saying it's party time, but it can be YOU time (at least while the kids are in school).

Just don't end up like some moms I know: they spent their whole lives dedicated to their children, and now that their children are grown, those moms don't even know *who* they are! They have no friends, no interests, and just sit around waiting for their kids to call.

You deserve to spend a little time on yourself, for yourself.

You'll still be a Stay At Home Mom. You'll just have an 8 -10 hour day instead of a 14-16 hour day.

Have you thought of watching (and charging money, of course!) some children in your home? Even if it's just one or two. That's what my sister is doing, now that her kiddos are starting school this year. (She is equally sad about not being a SAHM, but is really excited about this new challenge!) You would be helping children learn and grow and you still get to watch your kids grow up, too!! Sounds like you're a great mom and caregiver, and someone who would be great at watching other kids!!

No offense -- but what fantasy world are you living in that you think your mothering is done now that your youngest will be in Kindergarten? Let me tell you . . . if you don't have any pre-teens or teens yet . . . the hardest part of parenting is yet to come! I work full time and have three children, ages, 16, 12 and 4. The 4 year old is the easy one! Her wants and needs are really so basic. It becomes so much more complicated when they are teens. If you haven't hit that stage of the game yet, then use your "free" time by getting involved at your childrens' school(s), that is always fun to do. Even though I work full-time, I made sure to find ways to volunteer, especially at the elementary school level (was even the head of the yearbook committee for 2 years!). I helped with copying, volunteered for class parties and to help out a school events, etc. Once they hit middle and high school it has become more about staying involved in their lives and activities since as they get older they are less inclined to share with you (yet at the same time they are pushing you away, they really do want you there). This has been a particular struggle with my 16 year old. I wish nothing more than to toss aside my full-time job and be a SAHM mom and fully focus on what I consider to be the hardest job in all the world (although certainly the most rewarding).

Assuming money is not too big of an issue, you can also take this time to focus on yourself a little (book club? fitness? pedicure?), but do not for one minute think your days as a SAHM are over . . . far from it . . . I wish I had your opportunities . . . I truly envy you.

Don't be sad. It's not OVER, just shorter days... :) Give it some time, and develop a plan. No need to hurry. Just think it through. Your days will be fuller than you think. By the time you drop them off, you do laundry, clean up, grocery shop, plan dinner, do errands etc., it's time to pick them up! You sound like a very loving, sweet woman. Wishing you the best!!

Looks like we are wearing the same shoes at this point in life. Our baby is heading off to join his 2 older siblings in the the adventurous school years.

I understand how you are feeling but I am not feeling so much sadness about it. I think you need to change how you are looking at it. First of all, it doesn't mean you are no longer a SAHM. That is like saying that when your kids are grown and gone you are no longer a mom. Just cuz they are not with you 24/7 anymore doesn't mean you are not a SAHM. Your time will still be available when they need you during the school hours if they get sick or need something brought to them. You will have so much more time to get the "chores" of the house done so that when they are home you can give more undivided attention to them.

Don't cry your eyes out the first week she is going to school. Put on a happy face and schedule some fun things to do that you rarely did cuz kids were with you. Make some morning dates to go walking with friends, go to a park and read a book, go on a lunch date, decide on a hobby or skill you would like to learn and then go investigate some classes on- line that week. Make it a week where "you" move on in this new phase of life. Embrace it and have some fun!!! Your kids still have many loooong summers that they will be home all day...and school vacations...etc.

I am gonna go see a movie the first week of school...all by myself with a biggie popcorn!!

First of all, just because your kids will all be in school doesn't mean you can't be a SAHM still. I'm not at that stage just yet, but will be in a couple of years. I really don't anticipate having a lot of free time. I'll be able to volunteer more time at the kids' school, attend all the day-time activities (plays, field trips, book fairs, etc), and take care of cleaning house, exercising, and projects I've been putting off. Then I can enjoy the after-school hours with my kids, instead of catching up on my own home after working. Not everyone's the same though, so if you really think you'll need something more, I'd start examining what my interests are and seeing what that leads to. Maybe you can start a home business...daycare, Etsy shop, etc. Or maybe there's a community organization you'd like to support. Most non-profits really depend on volunteers, especially with the current economy. There are many other options besides cleaning houses. Best wishes!

Do you have to go back to work? I went back after 4 years for several reasons, but I can tell you, if I was at home with both in school, I would still have plenty to do! I was between jobs for three months this spring amd both of my kids were still in full time care, and I was BUSY! Volunteer at your kids' schools and elsewhere. Just keeping a home clean and organized, bills paid, kids' appointments met and meals cooked takes a lot of time! Good luck with whayever you choose!

I did the same thing bug suggested. It was the best thing I ever did. I did it for 15 years. I had 1 child and she is now 22 and we are so close. I accredit it to being around a lot. You should check it out. Contact me if you would like help getting started. There are many benefits of having a home daycare.
Lonie

My kids are 18, 15 and 12 and I'm still a SAHM. Nothing really changes, other than you are actually getting things done around the house without kids underfoot!
Trust me, you will be plenty busy in the morning, and in the after school hours, driving kids to lessons, practices, play dates, etc.
And with the state of the schools, you will also find yourself volunteering a LOT.
If you don't need the extra money, just give it some time and see how you feel. You may be surprised by how busy you are and how quickly the school day goes by!

Get involved at your children's school! There is plenty to do there, and trust me, the school days may seem long right now but by the time you drop them off, maybe have have lunch with them from time-to-time, get YOUR stuff done around the house and then pick them up it is a SHORT day. I know it's sad but you'll be fine!! Good luck mama!

Hi J.,
I have always wanted to be a SAHM also. My mother worked outside of the home and I vowed to myself that I would never go through route if I had any say in it. It was an important issue that I discussed with my husband before we married. He feels the same way about moms staying home, too. Thankfully! Eventually, every SAHM comes to a point in her life where her mommyhood is done. She's still a mother, but her role changes slightly. However, I think there is still a huge need for mothers in the home taking care of the household needs, tending to the needs of the people outside of her home (new mothers, elderly, infirm). Because so few women are available these days, these basic needs are no longer being met by society and people are having to hire out people for pay to do them. We miss out on so many blessings by reaching our hands out to the needy. I think of the Proverbs 31 woman. She was incredibly busy! Her domain wasn't merely taking care of the toddler/preschool set. She was buying fields, helping the needy, selling wool and flax (home industry). So much to do! I think it is great that you are going to be doing homemaking for other women in that you are using your skills to increase the economics in your own home. But, don't think your job is done! You're only just beginning! BTW, have you considered homeschooling? It is an incredible blessing to the whole family! ;)

I believe that if you are home when the kids go to school and home when they get home, then you are still a SAHM. But I know others may not feel that way. Would it be possible to homeschool so you can continue your dream?

Don't be sad about "not being an SAHM." As others note, you ARE still an SAHM but now the really good stuff begins!

Volunteer! Get into your kids' schools. You have an older child, I take it, but maybe having the younger one at home has prevented you from doing much at school--?? Now you can really help out. Kindergarten teachers usually need a lot of parental help -- cutting out a lot of cutely shaped covers for little books, or assembling those books, or helping the kids make Pilgrim hats at Thanksgiving, or shepherding a field trip. In the early school years, about grades K-2, the teachers will be craving parent volunteers. And look beyond your own child's classroom to volunteering elsewhere in the school: The school office may have a system where parents can come in to do photocopying and collating for many teachers. Or the art teacher may need help with organizing supplies, especially early in the year. Or the cafeteria may need volunteer parents to help out at lunchtimes (our old school had a roster where certain parents helped just one or two days a week, not serving food but in the cafeteria itself, helping kids open packages, handing out spoons, etc.). Join the PTA and get involved in the bigger issues of budget and programs if that's your thing -- you may be great at it. In other words, school is now a huge part of your "SAHM" life.

And here's the best part: If you volunteer at school and become known to teachers and office staff there, it is good for you and for your child. Your child knows that school is a safe place because mom is there; your child learns that it's important for adults to participate at school, not just drop kids there and walk away; and you will be plugged in to what's really going on at school. You'll learn whether the budget really is enough or where there are holes; you'll learn sooner than other parents which programs are under threat in the next budget year and can write letters or mobilize others to save art or music or whatever may be under threat; you can see teachers at least a bit in action, and get a feel for whether Mrs. X or Mr. Y really would be the better fit for your child year after next. Best of all you can get to know their classmates and classmates' parents.

And don't forget, as your kids get older, "SAHM" will include chauffeuring them to their activities -- art class, dance class, sports, whatever. And you can get involved with those too. I volunteer for things at my daughter's dance school, where parents are needed to help with lots of things in order for shows to happen.

You're feeling those lovely but sad feelings of the kids going off to school. But you are moving on now, too. Don't miss the terrific opportunity to use your new free time to get involved in school and activities. You will be glad you did.

I'll join you in spirit and cry the first day school starts! It's hard to have your baby gone and realize those mommy-baby days are at an end. Complete sympathy with you on that!

I have 6 children, the oldest 25, the youngest 7 and the hardest time I had was when the youngest starting Kindergarten. I cried all that first day - couldn't stay home and see his toys left unplayed with - couldn't run errands without crying when I drove by the park or saw other moms pushing their toddlers in shopping carts!

I think it's a grieving process you need to go through and just acknowledge that, yes, those days are over and your child is out in the world, so to speak.

Many new parenting challenges lay ahead and it's important to take the time to acknowledge the major change in your life and be ready to move on.
One thing I found helpful was that I realized that my day had "shifted". Instead of spreading housework throughout the day, I concentrated it into school hours and then spent the afternoons/evening just with the kids and husband.

You sound ready for it all, just wanted to add another sympathetic voice!

I feel the same way. My oldest will be starting kindergarten and my second will be starting pre-k,which leaves the baby(2 years old) at home.It makes me feel sad b/c I never picture them this age and now in school. But since me and my husband be taking we both agree on another baby soon. That way 2 will be in school and 2 at home. And beginning of 2012 I been thinking about taking online college courses that way I can knock out a degree in those 2 years and still be home with my babies. Good luck!

I can TOTALLY relate! My children are 2 and 3.5 but I feel the years slipping away so fast that before I know it, I am going to be right where you are! I was a teacher before and intended to go back to teaching full-time if needed. However, in recent years I think I would like to sub a couple days a week so I can be room mother, help with PTA, go on field trips, etc. I think being involved with my children's education would still make me feel like a SAHM, but just in a different chapter of that role. I am also quite involved with my church with MOPS and women's bible study. They are always looking for volunteers in their childcare rooms, so I thought I could look for opportunities there. I have also always wanted to volunteer in a hospital NICU or nursery and hold all of those babies. Rocking with a newborn sounds like my kind of peace and tranquility! Any of those type of things appeal to you? I say clean houses a couple days a week and volunteer your time in other places that will make you feel useful. I think it should be very fulfilling for you! Good luck and God Bless!
A.

No answer for you but I can sympathize. I have been a sahm for just over 10 years and this will be my last year home. My youngest son is about to turn 5 and so he will start next year. I am already sad that that part of my life is over. Although it brings a whole new joy in the school age years and those are fun too, it just takes adjusting I guess. Good luck.

I would still consider yourself a stay at home mom if you're still going to be there for your kids after school! You may work a "part time" job to keep busy, but you'll always be there for your kids first I'm sure. I work one day a week, which I like to call, my "me" day. I still consider myself a SAHM. It is sad to think about your youngest starting kindergarten and how things change once they're in school. My youngest will go to kindergarten next year, and I'm already contemplating what I'll do all day! Keep your spirits up and look forward to all the fun you'll have toting your kids to after school activities and programs and enjoying your time with them during those things. I tell my little one all the time I'm going to give him a "stay little" pill so he can't get any older. Good luck!

i didn't have time to read other responses, so sorry if this was already suggested. But have you considered starting a home daycare? Since you love children so much that might help fulfill your loss of your own children being gone during the day. I know I am looking for a good home daycare at the moment. But its hard finding one where the caregiver truely "loves" what they do. Many that I have met always leave me w/the impression they are overworked, stressed, and not truely happy doing what they are doing. Most seem like they "have" to do it for extra income. So if this is your calling and you absolutley love it, maybe u could give it a try!