My Mom Is an Addict....

A.,

Living a life that contains someone with addiction can be a very tough road to travel. My mother passed in 2004 (at only 56 years old) she had cirrhosis of the liver due to alcohol.

I am 38 now and have struggled to understand my childhood and the situations that which we lived. I understand now why some things are the way they are and strive everyday to be a role model for my children.

I had to turn to my Christian beliefs to make this change in my life. I tried many other ways to understand but nothing worked.

I certainly am not trying to push my beliefs on you. But, I suggest that you take a look at yourself first for your children and your family and work rebuilding yourself.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

T.

Hi A.,
Even though I haven't been thru this, I agree with Melissa and her response. Also, when it comes to telling family about how your mom is doing, tell them the truth. May be they can be supportive for you in the matter of dealing with this. Is there a chance that you all can put her into rehab? Or does she have to want to? I would definitely tell your mom how you feel about her addiction and how it affects you and your family. Don't hold back anger either. Be mad, be sad and let her know. Once you get that all out, you might be surprised on how relieved you feel of your own feelings towards her addiction. I believe there are groups out there for kids with parents who are addicts. I would try googling it and see what comes up. I wish you all the best A.. Take care, G.

I would suggest going to an Al-Anon or ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) meeting soon. These people deal with similar issues all the time and will be able to help you. You can go online to find a meeting. I know the Scottsdale Fellowship has a great Al-Anon meeting on Monday and Tuesday mornings at 10:00. Good luck.

hi A.,

I'm sorry to hear about all that your going through. I think it is best to just keep all this stuff in the family though and just vent to close friends who are non-judgemental. Your mom is avoiding the issue obviously by talking about your sister in front of everyone.

I had a friend (she passed away in a car accident 3 years ago) and her mother is also an addict (homeless and crazy). One time she called her at work and told her that her sister and nephew died in a car accident. They didn't, it was just to get attention. She always took care of her though, no matter how horrible her mother was to her. She amazed me, but the fact is that she's the only mother you have. You are not like your mother but you should be there for her always. Your baby is a different story and you should do what you and Emily feel comfortable with. Embrace your relationship with your mother-in-law, mine is one of my best friends. It's so hard not to be angry, and you have every right to be. Just know that you are an AMAZING and STRONG person to choose the hard road and not make the same mistakes your mom has.

M.

About me:
35-year-old married mother of a beautiful 3-year-old girl.

Hi, my mom was an addict when i was growing up and i never lied for her. It is hard but we have to show tough love and pray and put our love ones in high prayer, but you must go on w/ your life and be strong and take care of your self and your fam. Everything will be just fine....... Where was this retreat you went too? I am bipolar behind my mom's addiction and i am battling w/ things everyday also but i feel that i need help. A retreat would propably do me some good. Anyway good luck w/ your mom don't give up and don't give in... but continue to love. When we know better we do better. keep smiling....

I am so sorry to hear of what you had to go through. And I know where your comming from. One of my family members is an alchoholic and has finally started to get help after many years.
Someone mentioned that it is lack of discipline that causes someone to become an addict. And as much as I thought that for a long time...I think that it is the persons way of coping. As crazy as that sounds....And alchoholism and drug addiction are sicknesses and trigger things in the brain that are difficult to "discipline" once someone begins using. My advice is to look up more informaion. Try and be there for your family and if it comes to it confront your mother (as a group).
I hope the best for your whole family and will send up a prayer for you. It is a difficult struggle... And if you need to talk to people, I think it is the best thing for your sanity.

I can understand about not wanting to be around your mom. I have an uncle who is an alcoholic and druggie. When he is passed out on whatever and people ask how he is I just say now so good right. I don't specifically say what is wrong. If they know my Uncle they know what is wrong if not they think what they want to think. At least I have not belittled him. When people ask how your mom is be honest and say not so good right now. If they ask for an explanation you don't have to give one unless you want to. If your mother-in-law is the kind of person who loves you as much as her own son, you may try talking to her. It may help you. It may let you work past some of the pain your own mother has given you. It my even help you feel better about your mother-in-law.

HI my name is S. and I know what you are going through with living with a addict in your family. I have one family member that is struggling right now with the whole drug seen and honestly there is no relationship that you can have with them other than love them regardless as they will need all the love and prayers they can get to stay alive.

Think of it this way, if your child had a discipline problem would you help them correct it and teach them how to act by being the model example or will you just turn and walk away.

Basically all the drug addiction is a discipline problem that they lack the will power to say no in exchange for that high feeling they get.

Now don't get me wrong because I have made it very clear to my family member that my children nor I condone what they are doing and that it is wrong, as well as set guidlines and rules that they must follow when we are present or they are present.

Also this is an excellent chance to show and explain to your child why we should say no to drugs and the effects that it could have on them as well as their family. You have no choice as to who your biological parents are, but God doesn't make no mistakes. You may not have been given to your mother for her to help you or build your self esteem or be there for you, but you may have been given to your mother to save her life, to be there for her and build her self esteem.

I know through personal experiance with my own mother as she wasn't always there for me nor did we have a smooth releationship when I was a child or growing up. But you know what she is my strongest ally now, dispite what she has done or hasn't done. She was an alcoholic when I was a child and I was put in the situation that your in right now only it's a different type of drug. Do not destroy your relationship with her by walking away completely, tough love is needed in these situations that's where your boundaries for your mother will come in. It's a long road ahead but keep your focus on the goal and the outcome, that deep down inside your mother has some issues going on and she loves you and your chidlren/sister/dad. She is just showing it in a negative way. She needs you and your sister's help as well as your dad.

Your dad can only do so much, the biggest impact on your mother is going to come from you and your sister and mostly your children. When a child comes to their parent and expresses concern or a problem, a mother responds to meet that need of a child, it's in our make-up.

Know this that when you have reached the bottom there is no other way but to go up.

I hope my words bring encouragement and hope with what ever your decision is. God Bless

I have a dad who is very similar. The one rule I had & stick to is around my child he must be clean if not I would leave. The problem is my father is all his grandchildren's favorite so I could never take her away from him even if I wanted (believe me I have.) My husband is like yours his mom & step dad are wonderful people. It was hard looking at his family & hearing his childhood not to be a little jealous. The one thing though is I take all the bad from my childhood as lessons what not to do with my daughter. I think because of having crappy parenteral figures has made me a better & stronger mom due to I know what it feels like to be the least important thing to your parents. Just remember the problems are your moms only she can change not matter how bad you wanna help. I have tried talking to both my parents about the bitterness of my childhood to no end. I have just recently come to realize holding it in does no good for me & they don't care so I am working on getting over it (verry verry slowly.) Hope this is some help. As far as people asking about your parents I just tell them they are the same as always and move to a new topic.

My mom is an alcoholic.... I never lie for her. We all have choices to make in life, and when my mom, or yours, is ready, they'll make the right choice to get help for their addictions. I don;t keep my son away from her, but I am very cautious about the state of mind she is when visiting him. you have to decide what is right for you and your situation. good luck = )

Whoever she is, shes your mom and if you let this anger take hold of you, it will make you sick. Talk to her, if you can, if not, write her a letter and with love, explain how you feel. You don't need any more guilt. You also deserve better. Maybe when she dries out she'll be the person you were meant to have for a mother. If not, at least you'll know that you tried...you only get one mom. Take it from someone whose been on both sides of the the fence. Miracles can happen and sometimes they do.