A typical day for my family...... My husband gets up at around 7:00 am changes our 14 month old son and gives him a bottle before work. I'm 6 months pregnant so him doing that helps out since its hard for me to pick him up in the mornings. Every morning before work he jumps on the computer and plays his Mafia War game online.
This is not just a normal game. He spends hundreds of dollars on it a month for more turns and stuff. I dont really understand it and I really dont care to know. He is late to work almost everyday because he is on this game.He works really hard and he is a good daddy so its hard for me to get mad at him for doing something he likes to do but it getting carried away now. I dont see him all day and I really miss him. when he comes home he play with our son for like 15 to 20 mins then gets on the computer again and stays on it all night until we go to sleep.
When he is on that game its like im not even there. I feel lonely and disconnected from him. I used to love watching movies with him at night after our son goes to sleep but now he plays his game at the same time. he does not even pay any attention to the movie. This is putting a big damper on out sex life as well.
In the last four days he spent $500 on the game, With a new baby on the way and nothing in savings im getting really concerned. Please help me. tell me if im over thinking this or what.
sincerely,
A Mom in Need
No, you're not overthinking and no matter how harmless it started - it's called addiction.
Have you spoken to him about it?
Wow. No- you are not over-thinking this. Your husband has an addiction - not to drugs or alcohol - but to that game, which is just as damaging to your relationship and just as expensive. Do everything you can to get him into counseling - your relationship is suffering, and his relationship with your son is suffering. With a new baby on the way, you are going to need him "back". Gather up the credit card statements, highlight the game spending. Write down the hours per day over the last (week? month?) that he has been absent from you - maybe not counting the movie night playing b/c he thinks he's spending quality time with you then. Set it down in front of him, and tell him you feel lonely and disconnected from him. Hopefully, all he'll need is a reality check.
Hi S., I hear you - my husband is addicted to "Black Ops" although it does not cost him any money, it costs him time... like yours, my husband can spend hours on end in front of the tv playing this thing.
I have come to realize that it is an addiction ... read this link, maybe it will help: http://listen.family.org/askdrbill/A000000615.cfm
Best of luck to you.
No, you are NOT "over thinking" this - that is absurd behavior by a married man & father.
Tell him that you'd like to go out tonight and spend hours, and $500, on your favorite past-time: shopping! After all, you've earned it after a tough day!
If he can't see this for himself you guys may need some counseling.
JMO.
He is obsessed with the game and it has taken over his life. It is an addiction like alcohol or drugs and from what you say it is as expensive as drugs.
Tell him what you wrote to us. Tell him he's not there for you and you are lonely without him.
Join Birth to Three it's a parents club where parents discuss their childrearing needs and ideas. The children go with you.
There you will meet other people. You and your husband can make friends. It does not sound as if you have any friends.
And, you need to leave the house to have dinner out (no computer). Your husband could lose his job because of his obsession with this game. He needs some rules of the road like not playing until he gets home. If he ate breakfast with you and you talked or shared the reading of a book together that could help you to feel you still had a husband.
I wonder if he is playing mine :) mine says he has probably robbed him :)
S., the previous answers are right, but I think it sounds a bit scary to hear "addiction" and "counselor". I think all he needs is a wake up call and things put into perspective. When I first joined Facebook I was also online at other sites and e-mailing a lot. I was on the computer for (aggregated) hours a day. My husband walks across the property to his office and when I heard his footsteps coming and he opened the door I would fly from my seat and pretend I was doing something useful. I knew that if I had to hide my behavior from him it was time for a change.
I think that if you come to him with a total of the amount he has spent on the game and find the closest comparison in your budget (i.e. groceries for a month or mortgage payment), the extreme necessity of connecting with his baby at this age, your feelings of a computer game being more engaging and worth his time and attention than his best friend and lover, etc., and your request for him to change (i.e. after spending time with your baby and having dinner with me you can set the kitchen timer for one hour each evening on your game, and spend $X each week) he will see the light. If you need to write it because you can't get it all out without crying too much, then do that. But be sure to ask him in advance to hear you out without interrupting.
If that doesn't work, then you should look into counseling. Blessings.
I've been in the same boat for almost 2 years now. My husband of almost 16 years has been playing Mafia Wars and has spent several thousands of dollars. He wakes up in the morning and starts playing, as soon as he gets home from work at 5 he starts playing and stays on it till 2 or 3 am wakes up at 6:30 and starts again, plays from the time he wakes up in the morning on the weekend plays till 4 or 5 am all weekend. I've talked to him numerous times and fought with him many times. Our marriage is in ruins and I've tried to kick him out and he won't leave.
We have a 13 year old son and all he does is plays Xbox constantly and I can't even get my husband’s support on trying to get him to stop playing Xbox so much. He's following in his Dad's footsteps.
I spend most of my time alone and catering food and drinks into the game room for the guys. The only time they spend any time with me is if they need me for something.
It's a never ending battle and a very difficult to keep my sanity, I'm at my wits end. I hope it gets better for you, my marriage is practically over and I can't keep going on with his life style.
Hi, S.-
I can definitely relate! My hubby discovered Eve Online several months ago and quickly became obsessed with it! He's also a great daddy and hard worker, so I gave him some space and waited for the newness to wear off. When it didn't, we had to sit down and talk. I think it's important to reach a compromise. They work hard all day and there's nothing wrong with them having some unwind time to look forward to, so long as some boundaries are set. For us that was no game time until the kids were in bed, than we each do our own thing for an hour or so, and get together again to watch a movie and have some time together before we go to bed. This has worked out wonderfully and I'm so proud of my hubby for keeping his "dates" with me! I think that by having a gentle approach with him, he was more open to being flexible. Course, the cost is something we haven’t had to deal with, and is definitely something that should be brought to your husband’s attention. Maybe you can come to an agreement on how much is reasonable to spend in a given month. I wouldn’t insist on the game being completely off limits for him, though, as they don’t seem to respond well when we take the “motherly” approach. Our husbands are grown men capable of making the right decisions themselves. He’s probably just not aware of how much time and money the game is starting to consume.
Good luck! It’s hard sometimes not feeling like you’re married to a over-grown boy! :P
It maybe tough, but maybe you should think about canceling your internet connection. I think it is an addiction and needs to be treated as such. If it was alcohol would you keep beer in the house? Counseling is definitely needed for the both of you. Diana P. has some really great suggestions about gathering information to talk to your husband about, but I think you may need a neutral location like a counselor so that he doesn't feel attacked and nothing gets solved.
I agree with the other moms this is definitely an issue for concern. Have you talked to him about it? Sorry I didn't see you mention that in the post... Have you told him all the things you shared with us in this post? I'm not saying that would make a miraculous difference but it sure wouldn't hurt to try. Definitely address the issue, do not let it continue, he is setting an example for your children and it isn't a good one. Not to mention the financial selfishness aspect.
I've played Mafia Wars and can see how people could get addicted. If you get really into it, there is no limit to the amount of money you can spend or the amount of time you can spend playing it. But there isn't any winning. There is constantly more stuff added to the game that you can spend your money on.
I don't think you are over thinking this. Your husband's behavior is irresponsible. But he probably isn't thinking about that. The problem with the game is that all of your purchases are made using points. There are no dollar signs attached to any of it, so you don't really see how much you are spending. I don't know how to get him to snap out of it, but if I were you, I would work on setting limits. If he limits the time he spends, it will also cut back on the money he spends. If he waits for his stats to refill on their own, he won't have to spend money to refill them.
