My Girl Does Not Love Me Any More.................

Updated on September 02, 2011
S.F. asks from New York, NY
12 answers

My daughter is 2 years and 3 months, I am the one who took care of her till today, as I'm working on-line, some times I'm kind of attached to the computer, but she all day long expecting me to play with her as she doesn't play with any toys, also I am a depression patient, sometimes I feel so bored to play with her and I all day long do my work, when I'm stressed that is what I do. . Yesterday after one year my parents came to visit us for one and half months, and her grandpa is whole day played with her, now just after one day she is totally attached to him and still she didn't look where her mother is, to sleep also, she went near him? In one hand I'm so scared, that she will get separation anxiety when they leave, in other hand I am so sad, she is all I have, now she doest care about my existence.Please mum...got any idea? experience? What can I do? Will she get separation anxiety?

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So What Happened?

Thanks mums, I was little bit depressed, but now I'm getting better. As she was totally attached with me, I felt strange to see the difference, but I'm truly happy about her outgoing behaviour and she always a very friendly girl. Although the first few days she spent all day playing with her grandpa, little by little she came to me too. I'm sure that she will get back to normal soon, that was only the experiment. I also want her to be independent, but as you told, I think I better schedule my work properly to allocate a considerable time to play with her. I also think that if you keep a fixed and enough time playing, she will not be so overwhelmed when she gets an opportunity to play all day long. But I'm happy that she loves her grandpa this much, I only little worry about their leaving, I'm sure she will be ok after few days

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K.L.

answers from Savannah on

Don't stress! Her actions are totally normal and in no way are reflections of her love for you! I read an article a few months back in a magazine about how baby's favorite is first the primary caregiver (usually Mama), and at a certain age, they flip and favor someone else for a while. It does not mean that she doesn't love you, she is just not used to seeing her grandparents. It's new and exciting for her, and she will come back around eventually!

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J.R.

answers from Glens Falls on

Try not to be concerned or envious of the time a little one spends with grandparents. Grandparents can dote on them, because the child is not part of their daily routine. No one can keep it up 24/7 and it wouldn't be in the child's best interests to keep it up 24/7. Grandparents normally have a much shorter time to build and hold a relationship with kids, too, because once she is a teenager, grandparents don't hold the same fascination for them. You will be in her life forever. In the meantime, make sure you are building memories with her even though you have all the obligations of parenting and providing. Make special traditions and put joy in your life together in little ways. Serve meals with toothpicks. Have a bedtime story and a song and a cuddle every night. Decorate for every holiday. Make a handprint project every year. Have annual field trips. Make up silly days like Inside Out Day and special color days when you wear clothes, eat food, play toys and read books that are all one color (like Red Day). Try a new type of fruit every week. Weave the little things into your life so obligations don't overwhelm you and you will hold her love forever.

6 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Redding on

Kids love undivided attention and thrive on it for about the first 5 years. You realize in your heart of hearts that you arent spending enough time with your daughter and you are seeing how fixated she is on her Gramps. Do your best to balance out some one on one time with her during the day. If she knows that Mommy has "work time" and "playtime" is just around the corner she wont be begging you to play so much. Structure your day, get a routine. It's a good thing that she's taken to her Grandpa rather than being shy and skiddish, she's probably a joy otherwise Grandpa wouldnt have played with her all day. She might cry when he leaves, but that's pretty normal, don't fret on it. Even as adults we still shed a tear when someone we love drives out of the driveway :)

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K.F.

answers from New York on

I know that feeling of intense love and protection for your first and only child but I also know your child should never be your everything. We have them, we raise them and then they must go out and be productive, healthy, and whole members of society. We teach them how to do that. When I suffered from depression what really helped me even more than meds was exercise. When I did as little as 10-15 minutes of aerobic exercise in the morning and in the evenings. I would feel increasingly better. The other thing that was intensely and equally beneficial was watching over how I thought. Some of the ways I thought would just leave me deeper into depression. I had to find new things to repeat to myself over the old things. As I changed my thought life and worked out I got so much better. I no longer suffer from depression.

It is wonderful your child is so incredibly friendly and warm. I wasn't like that at her age. She will be fine and so will you. Mother's and daughter's relationships can be difficult but not when she is so young. Relax and enjoy these years they pass by quickly.

Try the advice given by the mom's here and you won't go wrong. I really hope this helps.

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J.L.

answers from Chicago on

It's a phase. My son is 20 months and absoutely adores my DH and Grandma. He cries when they leave...What am I chopped liver? LOL. Relax and go with the flow. Are you being treated for your depression? If not, I would get some help so you can find joy again. Keep working on connecting with her for some time here and there. Kids at that age run hot and cold with people. She'll be fine :)

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A.B.

answers from Naples on

Oh honey, it's OK. It's normal. Toddlers love the excitement of someone new. It does NOT mean she loves you any less, I promise!
I work full time, but I went through the same thing recently. My husband's whole family was visiting us and he took the day off work and kept our son home from daycare so his family could spend time with him. When i came home from work, my son was having so much fun playing with DH's fam he barely noticed me! i was crushed, not to mention a little embarassed, I mean I didn't want his family to think my son is not bonded to me.
I called my mom and guess what she said. She stayed home FT and did not work at all, and any time her best friend was around, all I wanted to do was be with her friend! I would leave my mom's lap to sit with her friend, and so on. This was when i was a toddler like you and I's children. It made me feel much better. (Mind you, my mom remembers this 25+ years later, so we are ALL a little hurt by it - and that is normal too.)
So anyway it's just the "novelty factor" of someone new who loves her and no doubt is fawning all over her. But YOU are still her number one. In fact, the fact that she can easily attach to new people means YOU have done a great job making her feel secure and trusting. Good job mom!

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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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C.L.

answers from Knoxville on

it is a good thing she is becoming more independent I also have a 2 year old daughter and she used to be attached to my hip constantly my daughter has grown out of it though I can now tell her ok Mommy has some work or house cleaning to do why dont you go into the playroom and put in a dvd and play with your toys for a little while and when mommys done we can play together she is perfectly content to play by herself now I am also 30 weeks pregnant with my 2nd daughter and sometimes im exhauseted so she will say mommy tired and go into her playroom kids need time to themselves just as much as anybody does its good for them my daughter also adores her grandparents and loves spending whole days with them and even spends the night every so often and she comes back just fine and dandy and does not have seperation anxiety I think your daughter is just fine and her behavior is completley normal for a toddler

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B.K.

answers from Chicago on

Your daughter is totally normal. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you really need to be in counseling if you are prone to depression and you are so dependent on your child. She will not be able to handle that as she gets older. Kids change so much over the years, and you are just beginning your wild roller coaster ride. The teen years are especially difficult. Please do yourself a favor and talk to someone who can help you through this.

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S.S.

answers from Binghamton on

Separation anxiety is not proof of love. It is a developmental stage some kids go through and some don't. Take care of yourself, make sure your depression is under control as best as it can be. I think your fear that your daughter does not love you anymore is just the depression talking.

Make an appointment with your therapist ASAP so she can help you work through this. Your daughter loves you unconditionally and a healthy mom is the best way to ensure a healthy relationship.

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

More than likely she will have separation anxiety when he leaves. IF you start to play with her while they are still there and re-learn how to have fun, it will lessen her anxiety (and yours) later. She does care about you, she just has someone else to occupy her time. Make your presence known and get back into being part of her world.

I know it's hard. I attend online schooling and have bouts of depression. My daughter talks 24/7 and is constantly wanting to play. I make a play schedule between homework to keep her happy and get my stuff done to get both our needs met. I had to put her in daycare 3 days a week over the Summer to get homework done. She got to play with others and I got my stuff done. Worked out good. Try looking for a daycare center that charges by the hour.

Good luck..you just need to change your routine.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

I'm sorry but you are the one with the anxiety, not your child. You should not wish for her to get separation anxiety. It does not mean that your child doesn't love you simply because they don't throw a howling fit when you are not in the room. It is good for children to have independence and to be comfortable with other people, have other close relationships. If you think your child doesn't love you anymore because she spent an enjoyable day with her grandpa, and are putting such expectations on your child caring about your existence, you really do need more help/treatment. You should not be so dependent on your child, that is a terrible burden for her. I am sorry if that sounds unkind.

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