8 Month Old Daughter Crying When People Walk Away

My son went through major attachment issues but it was only to me, occasionally to my husband. The only way we got through it was to have a routine every time we put him down or left, we'd say something like now you're going to play and i'll be right back, or you're going to play with "blank" and I'll see you later, bye bye. And then just let him cry. We would try for a moment to distract him (change setting, go outside, give snack, etc) but if it didn't work we put him down and went on with what we were doing, he didn't like that we ignored him so he stopped and then he would get attention again. One thing that really helped was I talked to him non stop, he'd be in the living room and I'd carry on a conversation with him while I cleaned up the kitchen or went to the bathroom, etc. Good luck and trust its only a phase.

If your baby has a regular nap schedule, mabe work with grandpa to spend time with her just before nap time. Ask him to stay with her til she falls asleep. It won't work everytime, but its worth a try if he's willing.

My daughter started this too around 8 or 9 months. We have played peek-a-boo, and mostly did a lot of talking to her from the other room or around the corner. In time (she is now 13 months old), she has gotten a lot better with us leaving the room, but she still gets upset when we leave her with a babysitter or drop her off at daycare. However, I have noticed that she does better on days when I can spend a lot of time with her before we go to daycare (by a lot, I mean about an hour of getting up, breakfast and getting ready). It's all about her feeling secure that you will return. I try not to get upset along with her. Just keep it matter-of-fact, and make sure that when you do have the time to be with her that it is quality time.

This is prime time for toddlers to start experiencing separation anxiety. She will soon learn about "object permanance," which means just because she can't see things, doesn't mean they're not still there. A couple of things to try might be variations of peek-a-boo, that graduate to actually leaving the room. So for example, by playing the "hide-behind-your-hands" version, she can obviously see that you haven't gone anywhere. Then try it with a blanket. Then behind furniture (we used to do it around the side of the couch), then eventually the next room altogether. Basically what you're trying to teach her is that Mom (or Gandpa) always comes back. It's great that she's making connections, though. Hang in there...it will get better as she gets it.

There is really no other way to "mediate" attachment issues with a baby...all you can do is give them what they want, which is--as far as attachment goes--what they need. Your daughter is letting you know she is having separation anxiety issues. This is normal and it is an important step in her development. Indulging her needs at this crucial time in her development ensures four very important things: 1. so this will not go on forever; 2. so you will not someday have a clingy and whining toddler and ultimately--adult; 3. so she will be able to attach with other loved ones throughout her lifetime because you will have set a strong foundation for attachment with her to begin with; & 4. she won't regress in order to get what she needed attention-wise (but apparently didn't get!) from you and Grandpa when she was asking for it the only way she knew how at 8 months old.

That is AWESOME of you to be still nursing her exclusively. It probably has a large part to do with why she's feeling free enough to have her strong emotions about security.

You can indulge her and make sure she is held whenever she wants to be held by her current favorite person (seems to be Grandpa lately). It is a good sign that she has developed a strong attachment to someone besides you because this means she has been surrounded by people and experiences which make her feel secure enough to attach. By responding to her this way whenever she needs/wants (same thing for a baby), she will develop a healthy sense of security and she will be able to enjoy healthy attachments.

I do suggest that Grandpa spend more than only 30 minutes daily playing with her though. Why, just a couple days ago I spent well over 30 minutes having a lovely gibberish-filled conversation with an 8 month-old baby while we played and she had quite a bit to say I might add. 30 minutes is hardly enough time in the course of a day for play with a baby this age. They need much more than that.

Don't worry too much. It is really common for babies at 8 - 10 months old to develop this crying/screaming when you move away from them. They are trying to cognitively understand that you will come back.

My daughter did this at about 9 months old. She did it when I left her with the sitter and she did it when I was doing chores around the house. As much as possible I took her from room to room with me in a bouncy seat so she knew I was there. But, when I couldn't be with her, I just talked to her from the next room. I kept my voice low/moderate and cheerful. When I came back into the room in which she was in, I said, "See, here I am, Mommy's right here, be happy." I gave her tummy a tickle and continued to do whatever I was doing. That helped her realize that I hadn't vanished forever.

It was a phase that passed relatively quickly -- 3 months maybe. Hang in there mom . . . you'll be fine and so will your baby girl.

this is normal, and totally a good thing. she is attached! thats what you want.

the only thing you can do is to help her along while this time passes. shes learning object permenance, and that things still exist when they arent seen.... however, she would much rather see them! lol. anyway, you can get toys and things that help understand this permenance, and you can play peek a boo with her - this is a great time for that cuz she will start learning that even when you disappear from view, you do reappear!

mostly, just talking to her from wherever you disappear to, tell her shes alright, and you are going to be right back. she will be inconsolable for a while, but she will get used to it, and especially once shes moving around a lot, she will probably just follow you around.

you could carry her in a sling or sorts and see if that helps any. she will get through it though!

I can only tell you that if you don't make a big deal about it, it will go away with time. It's classic separation anxiety, and completely normal. The more times your baby is faced with the separation from the person she cries about, the more times she is given the opportunity to work through her anxiety.

My son did the same thing, only it was with me. I couldn't hand him over to anyone else without a major fit. But we just kept on doing it, and I always said something loving to him and kissed him as I handed him over, or stopped to kiss him and talk to him for a second if I was passing through (whether he screamed or not). Keeping it consistent seemed to help.

I commiserate with you, because it is really hard to deal with this as a parent, but it really does get better. My son is 2 1/2 now and calls out "see you later!" when I tell him I am going out somewhere. I can hardly believe this is the same kid who I practically had to have surgically removed from my leg all those times before.

Hang in there. Be loving and consistent (and ask your dad to do the same thing you do, whatever the routine you come up with.) When your baby learns she can expect the exact same thing from the same person every time, she will stop feeling the anxiety and exhibiting the behaviors stemming from it. The only way to speed that up that I know of is to do the same calm thing every single time.

Best luck :)

"And, this too, shall pass."

Just remember that. 8 months is separation anxiety phase. And she has 4 "parent" figures around her all the time. So she is going to be attached to all of you.
Love her through it. It will pass.

It might help to get a baby wrap or carrier and just wear her when you are with her. She'll feel more secure and you can do what you need to do. Since it is a phase and not her being controlling, I don't suggest just letting her cry it out.

A.,
I have my son and his fiance and their baby girl living with us. She is also very happy but went thru a period like this also when she was about 7-8 months old, mostly with her mom. But I am happy to say that she is now 11 months and hasn't done that in over 2 months. I would say it lasted maybe a month at the most 2 months. So as they say this too shall pass.

S.

That was my daughter completely! She would turn BLUE in the face screaming and crying if I walked away to use the bathroom, or even pick up the phone when it was ringing. It was awful. She was worse in a new environment - I had to be within arms reach or she would go ballistic. We saw a child psychiatrist/specialist through the clinic and she couldn't find anything wrong with my daughter. I began to do house work with her in my lap - folding laundry or whatever. (because I couldn't stand the screaming!) After a while I was able to put her next to me, and then after a while I could move around the room with her, etc. It did eventually get better. The only suggestion that helped us was to play hide and seek. My DH would hold our girl (yes, that young) and count to 5 while I would 'hide' then he'd talk about going to find mommy and help her to look for me. The psychiatrist said perhaps she had trouble grasping that I was still there even when she couldn't see me. I think that helped a bit. It also helped when she learned to move on her own and could follow me when i left the room. It WILL get better, just be patient! Good luck!

How lucky! Both your dad and baby are getting such a wonderful opportunity to spend time together! Your daughter is the textbook age to experience abandonment issues. It will go away especially as the pattern continues to repeat....He plays, he leaves, he comes back.