My 7 Yr Old Son Is Acting Out and I Am at My Wits End

I just recently had a problem like this with my 6 year old daughter. She was caught stealing at school, lying to the teacher and me, cheating on things. I think kids today feel an enormous pressure to perform and be the best. I bought several books on lying, stealing, and cheating and we read them together, and talked about them afterwards. I also tried taking away her privelages, but that didn't work. So I started with a clean slate and gave her all her privelages back. Instead of punishing her for bad behavior I started praising her more for her good behavior. And that seems to do the trick. I also tried to give her more of my time, one on one. Good luck!

I would tag along with him every little step he takes, school, store, whatever. Maybe it would sink in from a little embarassment from you. If he's acting like a baby, make him feel like one till he understands what he's putting you through.

just a thought... my father did that with me

Have you read the book '1-2-3 Magic'? I work at a school for elementary students with behavioral issues and we use the techniques in the book. As long as they're used consistantly they really work. They're also simple and don't require a lot of overhead (no incentive chart, rewards, etc.) You may even be able to find the book at your local library. Good Luck!
E.

I agree with Nicole that maybe you need to start from scratch. Your child is probably just looking for attention. My son is also seven and I work from home. I noticed that when I am busy working he acts up alot. He just wants my attention. I tell him that's it's not acceptable but I also try to praise him when he is being quiet or playing independently so that I can work. Sometimes we ignore our children when they are being good or quiet because we forget they are there. Try to force yourself to take notice when your son does the smallest positive thing. I know it helps when I praise my son. He just beams, that's all they really want, is our attention. And they will do anything to get it whether it's positive or negative. Your son probably can't express his feelings so he acts out instead. Try talking to him and then starting fresh. Good luck.

Hey T.,

My name is M. and I have a soon to be 7 yr old also, that is starting to act just like your son...UGH! it is frustrating because as much as u ground them, they still do not listen! I really do not have an answer for you, but I do feel your aggrevation. Mine has been suspended twice already from the 1st grade!!! For fighting, he likes to fight and he likes to talk alot in class and always gets caught. Where are you from? I live in Northeast Philly, and his father is not around either but worst we are seperated so I am thinking that it has a lot to do with that tooo, the sudden attitude change. Well atleast we can share out experiences and aggrevations together if u would like to chat more let me kno.

for one.. watch Supernanny.. best show on TV.. the show last night would have been perfect. I watch it every week for ideas.
STOP YELLING!! I am a total yeller. it is my first reaction to everything.. but guess what.. it makes kids wacko! so just stop period. you need to write down the RULES and the PUNISHMENTS on a board in the kitchen.
write down what he is NOT allow to do and next to it.. what the punishment is. this is for all your kids. then next to the punishments, put the kids initials. when they do the crime, put a mark and make them dothe punishment (15 minute standing timeout, no tv, whatever) take away the emotion.
1) crime
2) you talked back
3) the punishment is 15 min timeout
4) stand in timeout
no yelling, not mad at him, just "you sped, you got a speeding ticket" PERIODDDD!!!
trouble at school, no recess for 2 days. sorry, you get in trouble, this is the deal... no emotion. get control.. and watch supper nanny.
single mom of 8 and 10 yr old

Hi there, just wondering if you have had him to a doctor and check. For maybe being hyper, or a form of ADHD etc. My son is eight and very very high engery and problems at school and we found out that he has ADHD...unfor. the meds they tried him on didnt work well for him. They made him throw up, but I know several kids that they have worked wonders on. There is testing. I also try to talk to him and ask about where the mommy's good boy is, always re-assure him how much i love him. If he likes to read, I bought my lil boy some books special ones, you find them in th section with bookds on add and adhd, one for instance he reads before going to bed. he had so much energy he couldnt unwind, this book that was on his level he reads it and is out in like 5 mins tops...its called the boy and the bear. It teaches them how to breath to relax and they dont even know it and I use that breathing sometimes when we are out and he is over bouncy..lol good luck to you..Have patients and try not to let him know he is getting to you, that also helps...one more thing, does he have a playstation or anything like that, I notice that when I got my son his it thought him to concentrate and sit still more, augh and the stealing part. I know at that age they should know it is wrong,briggston has done this a time or two but said he was borrowing it, and i tried in a nice was to explain that you have to ask to borrow or it is wrong but through out i didnt let him know it up set me..it does make a difference, trust me I have seven children living in my house I know ...lol I also know how hard it is to be a home mom when the dad travels, my ex travel for almost 4 years...not only was it a strain on the children it was a huge strain on me...keep you head up even though some days I know how hard it is...your welcome to email anytime if you ____@____.com

T.,

Hello, how are you? My husband and I had the same problem with our son, who is now 17. From about the age of 6 or 7, he too, was stealing, fibbing, and being just plain defiant! Believe me, I know how you feel about being pushed to the limit. He, like your son, could have cared less about losing privileges and seemed to blow everything and everyone off. I dreaded when summer break was over because I knew that it meant daily calls and/or meetings with teachers.

Over the years, the teachers asked us to have him tested for ADHD but I honestly didn't think that was the problem. This past year, we finally decided to have him tested and found out that he was indeed ADHD. They started him on a medication and you would not believe the difference. There have been no phone calls from teachers and he went from D's and F's to A's and B's. I only wish I would have agreed sooner to have him tested.

If you haven't had him tested for ADHD, you might want to consider it, even if it is only to eliminate the possibility. If you have any questions please don't hesitate to contact me.

D.

My suggestion is therapy. Often times depression is confused w/ADHD - especially in boys!

I was going through a lot of the same stuff with my daughter (now 10) and getting her into therapy was essential to getting her back on track. We found that when we started, she was actually severly depressed (it's harder to tell in kids than adults - they may still seem happy, etc.) One thing I noticed you said was "grounding". We found, that taking away the few things that mattered was NOT helpful at all - it worked the opposite of what our intent was - and that was confirmed with her therapist. It was better to show tons of love and support, empathy for what she was going through (having seperated parents is hard and we have to acknowledge that). WE are the ones who chose our paths, not our children. Keeping her involved in sporting activites and spending extra time with her doing things that SHE liked (going to the park to shoot hoops, roller skating, day trip to NY, renting a fun movie on Friday nights and eating pizza inthe living room) made her feel important, that her ideas mattered and we did care about her and her feelings.

I have heard a lot of people say they can't afford counseling or therapy - but my response is that my daughter (and her sanity) is worth every penny of it. If finances are an issue, there are a lot of no cost/low cost options available - check out catholic charities (you don't have to be catholic to use their services) or other non-profit organizations too.

I definitely recommend this before you go the ADHD route. Most people see the difference with the med's mainly because they work quite like an antidepressant (which can certainly be avoided with talk therapy and love).

Have you ever considered a character development program? I teach martial arts and now that the things we teach have a profound impact on kids. Mine started at 4 & 8 and wow...what a difference in them. They told us our youngest was ADHD, but we never needed medication because he learned focus, concentration, respect for himself and others, plus so much more. His son is now a student in our school and he loves it.

I have a lot of parents say they use my teachings in how they handle their kids. The kids hear from "someone else" how to behave. Because we all know, "we don't know anything". Our parents say they will even tell their kids, "Mrs. I. said" and the kids will do whatever with less grumbling.

We offer two weeks free to try us out, plus a money back guarantee when you join. Give us a call, ###-###-####.