My 5 Month Old Screams When I Give Her to Someone Else. Help!

My daughter (who is now almost three) went through this stage. Between 5-8 months, babies start realizing that they are separate from their moms and basically they freak out. :)Fortunately, the stage only lasted a month for us. It was a long month, but it did subside. Good luck. E.

sounds like classic stranger/separation anxiety to me. congratulations on a healthy little girl.

i've found that there is little you can do for that. but when practicing attachment parenting, it seems to help in providing her a more secure bond with you that she'll begin to feel comfortable enough to leave your side.

you might need to find a caregiver she's more comfortable with in order to continue teaching. or someone that's able to give her 1:1 time until you're able to get back to her.

here's a link on attachment parenting. but there's lots more info out there. askdrsears.com has lots of good info too.

http://drjaygordon.com/development/ap/index.asp

M.,
Your precious baby is doing what babies do. She doesn't understand being seperated from you & therefore it is traumatizing her. You'll get all sorts of advice, but consider that she is such a young baby & maybe you shouldn't be leaving her. You are her mommy & she needs you. I have three children & I managed to do everything with them. It isn't natural for mommy & baby to be seperated. Your baby is letting you know! She'll be grown up before you know it!

Dear M.,

Maybe her cerebral cortex is maturing a bit early and she likes to keep tabs on her favorite person. No kidding. I know that this is not much help, but just be confident and continue teaching and taking her to the gym she will get used to it. Don't act insecure around her when she is crying, just be quiet and confident, she will catch on, babies are very smart and plugged into mom's feelings. C. N.

Celebrate!!! Your baby is totally normal and is attaching to you!!! Good job mom!

Have you began using a "transitional object" yet? If not sounds like it may be a good idea. This is something that is not attached to her body like a thumb etc. but something like a silkie lovie (I got mine from the pump station in SM but you can order them online). We began just tucking it under his arm or in his hand when we held him, then in the crib (not big or heavy at all..very safe to be in the crib) and in the car seat etc. Now when he wakes up in his sleep he reaches for it. The idea is to giveyour child something other then you or something attached to their body to find attachment to. It will help. ALSO, play games like peek-a-boo ALOT and appear and then reaapear in room in your house. This all just reenforces the fact that when you go you come back. It is a very good tool at this age to work on the seperation anxiety issue.

Ahh classic seperation anxiety! And she sounds like she is right where she should be developmentally with the correct type of attachment! You are doing good! This will pass. It will be hard for you and others to deal with the crying but it is all normal. Try to leave as quickly as possible, don't linger this makes it worse. As a former nanny I discovered the quicker the exit the easier it is to distract baby. The caregiver needs to have distractions for baby as well and tell baby repeatedly that mom will be back, mom loves her, mom would never leave her for too long, etc. Then when you return tell her you love her and what a good girl she was, etc. Good luck.

hi M., the only way to get her through this is to keep handing her to people, withing reason of course. And while you teach can your husband take care of her? she will get better use to people as she gets older. J.

At this age some children start to develop "stranger anxiety", they can have this reaction even with people that they see once in a while like grandparents and aunts (their memory is still very short). To help minimize the problem spend some time with your daughter at the childcare so at least the environment is not so new to her and ask the person there to play with the two of you for awhile. If possible do this two or three consecutive days, on the second and third day encourage your daughter to walk away from you (if she hasn't done yet) and play with toys or others while you just watch from a distance, but do not sneak away. She needs to be comfortable knowing that you are still around. The last visit hand her to the same person, kiss her goodbye and say "Mom will be back". Never sneak out! She might still cry, but at least now you know that you have given her a chance to get acostumed to the new environment and people and she might be able to find a distraction shortly after you leave.

Holy Cow! It is the most crushing feeling to hear your little one cry when you leave the room, but it happens right around this age. According to my son's doc, at this age babies start to associate things that they've heard, seen and smelled with the important people that are always there, like Mommy and Daddy. With limited ability to see everything around (head/shoulder control) them because they don't know that if something is out of sight it still exists, there natural fear of being seperated from the ever important Mommy can be scary. My son would cry and cry and fuss if I even left his sight for a second...it got better when we kept one consistent person watching him whenever I had to do something and we started small. Like 30 minutes to take a shower and wash my hair and having Grandma as the constant caregiver. Then, we moved up to leaving for an hour to get a hair cut. Pretty soon, it subsided, but we still now at age 2 have some issues occasinally with him fussing if I leave and he's not ready for me to go to work.

I think the important thing is to explain things to your little girl, she may be young but they comprehend so much at any stage. I agree, make it quick and don't hesitate. Talk to your caregiver about working on a routine to get her distracted when you leave, toys or books or something that can always be her comforting object when you aren't around. For my son, it was a dinosaur my sister bought for him...he out grew it by age one.

Good luck!

Deanna

Hi M.,
It sounds like classic stranger and/or separation anxiety to me. Good job... your baby is bonded to you and doesn't want anyone else. There are tons of articles out there about this topic. Most seem to say that you should try to ease your daughter into relationships with others; give her a chance to get used to them before handing her over or disappearing. Don't be anxious about leaving her with the "stranger" as she'll pick up on your feelings. As far as the separation part goes, you should keep the goodbyes short and sweet, telling her briefy that you will return and when (not time-wise, since she doesn't understand that, but more like "after lunch" or whatever) and not to return if she starts screaming as that just teaches her how to get what she wants. If she has something that she's attached to, keep that handy too. These articles also stress not sneaking out on her, because that just increases the fear thinking that you've disappeared into thin air. They also suggest playing separation games like peek-a-boo which helps teach her that even though you leave, you will be back. Hope this helps and good luck. This too will pass.

Babies go through phases where they don't want to leave mommy. I seem to remember my boys did this at about 6 mos. Don't stress about it---she'll outgrow it pretty quickly.

Hello,

Have you tried to bring something with your scent on it? Something like a blanket you have. And a toy that she likes to play with at home. Sometimes that will help. You may want to look into a small in-home day care. They tend to be able to spend more time with the babies and they are other children about the same age to keep your babies attention. The good news is once your baby knows you are coming back things should get better.

K.