Help! 7 Month Old with Seperation Anxiety

I recently found that when my daughter has a behavior i have started referring to maslow hierarchy of needs which can be found on the net. This has been a great tool for me to address the need and not the behavior. I hope that this helps!!!

Hi S.-
Try to get an Ergo, which I love for my "big" girl, who is 13 months and 23 lbs, or another carrier that works for you. It will make a huge difference on your back and how you feel holding him. I can wear the Ergo (unlike the Baby Bjorn) for a long time without my shoulders hurting. He'll love to be next to you and you can go about your day with him attached. Try to make some plans to get out with other moms, go to music class, or hit the museums with him--it will make your days go by "at home" much faster.

PLEASE do not give in and hold him all day long. You can walk away and let him cry (scream). You can look him square in the eyes and very sternly say "I AM HERE, you do not need to act like that" "Can you hold my hand instead" There are lots of things like that that you can do, but whatever you do try it for at least 1 week and BE CONSISTANT. Don't give in because he needs to be able to trust that others care for him and you are not going away. If you had him in daycare and now you are home, holding him all the time, then that is his issue. You won't be able to get any work done, have time to yourself, etc if you keep carrying him around. Get on the floor with him and play with something to show him he can do it on his own. You also need to let him know that behavior like that is not acceptable ever. I hope this helps! K.

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one going through this! My 7 month old is doing the same thing. What's worked for us so far to calm her down is for me to play Peek-a-boo with her. First, start with normal Peek-a-boo by hiding your face with your hands. Then, start playing it around a corner. Once my little girl started to understand that just because she can't see me, it doesn't mean I won't be back, she started to calm down considerably! She still gets Mommy moments where she just needs me, but it's not nearly as bad.

He may be scared that you'll soon be going back to work and leaving him. Just a thought.

Unfortunately to fix this behavior you'll probably have to endure a few crying fits. My daughter also went through some separation anxiety, but it passed. Some kids suffer worse than others. I found that letting others (friends and family) hold my daughter, helped her not feel so anxious to be near me all the time. If you continue to pick him up, he will continue this behavior. Whats worse is I've read that if you let them cry and then give in, they learn they have to cry & scream that amount to get what they want. Of course every child is different, and as the mother, you know them best. Its hard to hear them cry sometimes, but I would be willing to bet he'd get over it quick if you stick to your guns. Good Luck:)

Hi S.,

I had this problem with all of my children! I think most babies go through seperation anxiety around this same age. It could be worse for your baby because he has become used to you being around all the time for the last 7 weeks. At any rate, have you tried playing peek-a-boo with him. My pediatrician told me that this game assures the baby that you can be out of sight but you will return. I started with peek-a-boo and then moved onto hiding behind a chair or something before peeking around the corner. It worked! My babies eventually realized that mom could be out of sight but that doesn't mean she is gone. So, try this game with your little guy, he'll think it's fun & will help alleviate his seperation anxiety at the same time. Good Luck! K. N

Your baby is right on schedule! All my babies have been big and I'm smaller so I know what you mean...ugh! I swear my left arm is just magnificently strong. Anyway, the phase will pass. Definitely play peek-a-boo and things that let your baby know that just because he can't see you doesn't mean you've totally dissappeared. In normal daily life keeping along with normal daily life things, I'd just call out saying, "You're alright! Mama's still here!" But I would hold my children...just not if I couldn't and not if my arm got too tired. I think by sort of just following a line of not too much thinking, you know...not overly thinking how you should or shouldn't be, the phase just passes...no big deal!

S.,
I am a mother of 4 children (2girls and 2boys) they are older now. I say from experience you need to start him out playing on the floor and if he starts crying let him cry until he has all his frustrations out. When he is done he will see that you are still setting there and realize you are not going to leave him. Trust me babies and small children are very intelligent and can figure out fast how to work your emotions. Also he needs to be down so he can work on his motor skills(crawling, walking ect...). You sound like a very caring mother and you will see that he is just testing you for his limitations right now and trust me as they get older they get more creative.

i have been told that's normal. try wearing a back brace.

It is normal, but also don't pick him up and carry him every time either. Comfort him with hugs and reassure him with your voice if you leave the room. It will pass it is a phase almost all kids go through. Tell your hubby not to take it personally it usually lasts a month at the most and it will go back to normal.

I'd check for teething - my babies wanted to be held more when they were hurting. My oldest child liked to be held all the time, but the other babies were happy sitting in the middle of everything that was going on.

Totally normal, and in his best interest to have you as much as you can stand. Some people say don't coddle him, but he is too young to understand that. His brain has not matured enough to be manipulative, he just wants his Mommy. I suggest looking into an Ergo carrier--I love mine. I, too, am petite, and it is a great way to carry the little one without killing your back. And remember, this too shall pass. There will come a time when your little one won't give you the time of day. Enjoy this while it lasts--it goes really fast :-)

Yes it is Seperation Anxiety. This is the exact age for it. On the bright side, at least he's developing on schedule :) Iknow it's hard, the seem to need to have you by their side at all times. My little boy is 10 months old. Been there. i can imagine with you being petit it will be challanging, but hang in there it will pass. Let him know your there for him so he will feel secure. Just keep trying to find things to distract him, snacks, toys. The weathers been nice so outside may help, I know taking mine outdoors even to just sit in the yard is my saving grace. Good luck, keep up the good work. It'll be over before you know it. However, be prepared to have it happen all over again while cutting teeth. :)

At first when I read your request I thought, maybe it's just a thing he's going through like teething or something that would make your son want to be comforted, but then I read your "a little about me" section. I really think that it has do do with the fact that you WERE a working mom, and now you are home. For babies, it really is a big deal. He may be feeling like "WOW, my mommy is here a whole lot more and I don't want to lose that." So, when you walk out of the room, he freaks thinking you are going to be gone for a long time, like when you were at work. Mind you, this is just a theory, and may sound a bit silly, but I think I'm on to something. Before, when you worked, your son was conditioned or "trained" to go with the flow, and deal with you leaving him at daycare, grandma's house, wherever you had him in childcare, but now his world is changing, and for the better I might add. So, in my opinion, he likes that you are there more. Why wouldn't he? You are his mommy. So, in a way you are right, it sort of is separation anxiety, but I think it is more that your son is trying to tell you, in the only way a 7 month old can, that he is happy you are there more, and is a little afraid of it ending. So, I suggest you and your husband use this time you are not working to keep yourselves in a budget that you can live on so you can continue staying home to raise your son. I think if you do that, after a little time your son will see that you aren't going anywhere, and will chill out. When I had my first child, I was terrified that my husband may not be able to support us with the cost of diapers, groceries, the mortgage and everything else that goes along with being a family, but I decided that I couldn't worry about it anymore. We had both agreed that I should be home with our son, and I knew I had picked a man that would not let his family down. Here we are 6 years later with our son and a 3 year old daughter, and we are doing great. I have a feeling that if you go back to work, your son will have a harder time adjusting to being left without you all day again, and that isn't good for him, and it will be very stressful for you to try and make him "ok" with it. You said that you are loving being a SAHM, so what is stopping you from staying in love with it? Just a thought.