My 4 Yr Old Daughter and Crying

Teach her, other ways of coping. Coping skills, are not inherent or instinctual in kids. It is learned. Not even some adults have that 'skill' or ability.

Often also, if you initially validate a kids feelings... then, segue into guiding them onto 'how' to problem solve it... that will help.
But if you immediately tell a kid why they shouldn't feel that way.... or try to convince them why they shouldn't be feeling that way, it makes things worse.

The book "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk" is good.
Even to use with adults.

Also, it may help to keep in mind, that a kid this age, they do NOT have full developed emotions.... much less the understanding of EVERY little emotion they have... nor can they explain it or articulate it. Thus, they cry or tantrum. A young child's repertoire, of skills... is not fully mastered yet. For coping with problems or frustrations. They don't even have fully developed "deductive reasoning" yet either. Their brain development is still developing and their spectrum of emotions. They are not articulate about it yet, nor even about social skills.

Also, if a kid does not nap or is tired/over-tired... they get like this.
Also, if she is like my daughter... my daughter HAS to graze... throughout the day, or she gets Hypoglycemic... low blood sugar. When ANYONE has that, or they are hungry, it affects the physiological functioning of a person. Hence, they get irritable and moody and have nil, patience. So with my daughter, she has to snack throughout the day. If the blood sugar levels plummet... or she has gone too long without something in her, she can really get, fussy. But I know my daughter... thus, I can read her like a book and know, when she must have a snack. We only have healthy stuff, so whatever she eats and no matter how often she eats, it is not a big deal. She eats, when/if her body needs it. I taught her to recognize, her body's cues.

I don't really understand how sending her to time out takes time away from he little brother ho is a "ton of work." Why is he such a "ton of work" and what makes your time working with him more important that time working on her issues. Not really understanding what you're saying here, but I will say that girls do go through periods when they are more emotional. Don't give in; send her to her timeouts and know this is a phase that will pass.

Yup, my 4 year old son does this. He is just trying to take attention away from his little brother. We just ignore him when he is like that and he stops when he realizes it didn't work. We make extra effort to give him attention away from his baby brother. Not sure how old your son is, but your daughter may be doing it for attention just like my oldest. Good luck!

If time outs are not stopping the crying, then they are not effective. I would firm up on her fits to save yourself huge headaches. Sounds like little bro is learning how to be handful too. This book is great. I have 3 under 5 and would be nuts if not for this style: Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Discipline is much less often needed when it's effective. I've literally been able to enjoy my 5 yo daughter's behavior at every age, and nip these phases very quickly and calmly. Even her 2 year old born terror youngest sister is shaping super well, and she was way tougher. Her 3 yo brother is also sweet and excellent.

Hi M., You are a great mom for asking and caring so much...
I think that if your daughter receives love and affection, plus loving discipline (teaching) she will be fine. that is, it is important that our children learn that mommy loves them and wants good things for them, but sometimes they cannot have what they want. They need to learn how to manage their frustrations effectively in a safe, secure, loving environment which will help them manage other challenges later in life. So...if your daughter is crying after not getting something, you can explain to her -- at her level, that you love her, but that you do not want to give her x because...Try to empathize with her feelings: "It sounds like your are upset and I can understand that...." you can even hug her when she cries....She may even surprise you and stop after a few minutes. When I do this with my son...he stops crying. It is like he feels good to be understood.

This is what I am learning and trying to do.
Hope this helps, Jilly

I think she is looking for attention, even if it is negative attention.