My 4 Years Old Daughter Is Out of Control

Try reading this book: Raising your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It may help. It also sounds like she really really needs consistency more than the other children. It is difficult on you and the child when you "try everything" because the limits of acceptable behavior may seem like they are moving around, resulting in more testing behavior. You really need to decide on what behavior is acceptable/unacceptable, communicate that behavior to her, along with consequences for each action. Then FOLLOW THROUGH ABSOLUTELY with consequences immediately, even if it messes up your schedule, she is late for school, or whatever. And it will get worse before it gets better - she will test you. It is so important that she knows where the limits are and what happens when the limits are tested. You may want to look into parenting classes in your area. I live in Hawaii and DOE offers FREE parenting classes that are excellent (and you bring your child, too). There are also classes offered by The Institute for Family Enrichment. My children and I have greatly benefitted from these resources. Good Luck.

Hi M. (what a pretty name!)
There could be any number of reasons why your daughter is "out of control". I would take her to a child psychiatrist to get evaluated - not just your pediatrician. They are the only people who are truly supposed to diagnose things like ADD/ADHD and other behavioral problems. It's likely that they will recommend counseling - for your daughter alone or for the whole family. There are probably some things that you and your husband can do to help control her behavior but it's hard for you to know what when you're in the middle of it with a new baby. Get help now, while she's young, before things get worse. I hope things get easier soon.

Hi, my 4 yr old son is much the same way as well. He has cerebral palsy and has very limited use of his left hand, so he does have frustration coming from that. I did see a "mental health consultant" and she recommended showing him there are consequences to his actions and most importantly to follow through and be consitent. It gets difficult because sometimes I feel like I'm constantly scolding him, at times I feel like he's too much to handle. Just know that you're not the only one out there with this problem. Patience is key, a lot of love and communication. Good luck!

sports!! my 4 year old was the same--thought she was headed for reform school. started competitive sports at age 5 & complete turnaround in personality! now she's a star, BUT if she takes a couple days off, it's back to the same old violent kid. sports just knock out all her frustration, anger, & extra energy. She can BEAT other kids, not BEAT them UP. She can have fun & get praise & attention while showing her "superiority" (very important to her). She can bring herself up, not only bring others down. This attitude crosses over to schoolwork, too. She can beat her sister & get praised while doing it. never ceases to amaze her that she doesn't get scolded for this. loves it!

Dear M.,

First you need to take her to the doctor and make the doctor realize that you need for him, or her to take you seriously - it is important for your whole family that you and your husband understand your four year old daughter. If the doctor lets you down, do not be afraid, there is another doctor around the corner that will listen to you. Maybe you two parents need to take 'lessons' about how to handle her so that you can be very sure to back each other up EVERY SINGLE TIME THERE IS A NEED . So, if you both know the technique, then you both can do it the same way. Maybe your daughter has some sort of disability. Remember, you and Dad are a team, and teams have to work together to win the game.

Sincerely, C. N.