My 3 Yr Old Is a Clean Freak!

Updated on December 11, 2009
A.M. asks from Clio, MI
13 answers

My 3 yr old daughter can't stand getting messy. She even stopped eating her favorite foods (pasta) because she was afraid she would get sauce or cheese on her clothes. Only way she will eat it now is if I put a large bib or towel on her. She is very proud of her appearance. Bit of a fashionista. She can't stand being sticky or have anything on her face or hands, and if anything gets on her clothes she changes immediately. Sounds great right, to have a super clean toddler? Well the other day I tried to finger paint with her and she freaked out! I like the idea that she wants to stay clean, however I don't want her to be traumatized by finger paint! Anyone else have similar experience? Is there a way to help her relax a bit and not be so afraid of getting dirty?

I don't think its a sensory or developmental issue. I think it is because she is too girly and concerned with her looks. She loves to shop and loves new clothes, and hates getting anything on them. She wants me to blow dry her hair and put make up on her (which I don't, well once in a great while I will blow dry her hair, and sometimes let her play around with the blush brush and pretend to put on make up) I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else had kids like her. Its not really a pain, except that I do a lot of laundry! I just want her to know that its fun to get dirty too! I was always a tom boy, getting filthy, bringing home snakes and toads, so this super girly clean thing is kind of different to me. I don't think there is anything wrong with her, I just wish she would relax a bit about looking perfect. Thanks though for the input!

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Detroit on

My daughter will be 3 in feb and is very similar about her clothes. If she gets a drop of water on her clothes she HAS to change them immediately. On the other hand she LOVES to paint and do messy things. Maybe if you designated a "paint" or "craft" shirt for her that will fit over the top of her clothes and let her know that it is to keep her clean and it is okay to get the craft shirt dirty.

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.C.

answers from Detroit on

I agree with Kim M. She's only 3, and as long as it does not begin to interfere with normal behavior and activities then she will get over it.

When my son was a toddler, he was not fond of getting anything on his face and hands either. If he felt like anything was on them, he wanted to wash them. He's 7 now, and still prefers to eat most foods with utensils and plenty of napkins. (I had to cut up a banana and he ate it with a fork this weekend.) He's no longer an extremist about it and his favorite food is shrimp alfredo.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.B.

answers from Detroit on

Go to a rummage sale and get some clothes that are designated 'okay to get dirty' clothes. Get yucked up yourself. Purposely put sauce or paint on your clothes and OOPS! your face and show it's totally okay.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.R.

answers from Detroit on

My mom said that when I was in Kindergarten, the teacher called her in because she was worried because I wouldn't get dirty. "It's just not natural". In the 1st grade, my teacher told my mom "I don't know how you do it. L. comes to school so clean and nice and by the time she leaves, I wonder how you will ever get her clean before the next day comes along!"

So, maybe like me it is just a phase!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Detroit on

WOW! I had a similar experience with one of my grand daughters. We were finger painting and she kept asking me for a napkin...she didn't freak out but she didn't like to be messy either. It's nice she pays attention to those things to a point. My guess is she will get over it. Maybe if you don't make a big deal about it, neither will she. Next activity....make mud pies! :)

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.M.

answers from Detroit on

If she doesn't liek to get messy don't push it or don' have her get messy. Let her be her. If it gets to be too much i would talk to her dr. She also needs to know by you telling her that it is good to have certain things on her like mud is a good treatment for skin and softness and that certain germs are needed to help fight certain sicknesses. If she is too clean she can make herself sick. That it is good to get a little messy. Now her appearance and stuff like finger paint you know she doesn't like it don't push it but the clothes getting dirty you cant chan that. But if shes like a freak on hand sanitising and all that. than I would let her know theres good and bad germs and talk to her pediatrician. Good luck man I wish my oldest was like her lol.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.S.

answers from Detroit on

A.; hmmm youve got a blessing in desguise, ahahah to have to not clean up after a child, they do it themselves, and dont want to be messy, its ok to have nice stuff and want stuff to stay nice, this is a good quality, she maybe needs to keep the towell on her while eating, thats not a big deal, she may also need to have a set of clothes, called play clothes, and school clothes, keep some clothes that she can maybe pick out at second hand store, and use these to get dirty, she also may enjoy learning how things get clean, like by doing laundry, and show her how that even if her good clothes get dirty how she can help wash them and get the stains out, learn how to enhance her quality and make it balanced, also for fingerpainting give her a smock and or rubber gloves, maybe go for the playdough instead of finger paints, the fun of finger paints is for us parents to keep their little drawings and their imprints of their little hands, make games out of such things, like with play dough , can you make a cat? or a dish of spaghetti? or whatever, and you play too with her, and do it also, you also play fingerpainting too, if she dont want to do it, then you do it and hang it up in her room, make something for her to enjoy looking at, instead of her making it for you and you hanging it where you can see it, work with her and not against it, enjoy life, and enjoy these clean times, it may change when she grows up, hahaha D. s

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.H.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Your daughter may be experiencing sensory intragration difficulties. Does she have problems with tags? socks? certain clothing? Food textures? Loud noices? Crave or resist touch? You may want to do some research on sensory disorders and talk to your pediatrician. There are many great programs and techniques to help desensitize the body. My son years ago went through an occupational therapy program at Mary Free Bed combined with home techniques. The early you intervene the better. He still has dislikes but they are very managable for him at 13.

Good luck on your journey.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.H.

answers from Detroit on

I feel our kids learn their behavior from us and from what they see (on tv, school, etc.). But mostly if they are around us the most - we truly impact them, so could be something to keep in mind as this could be a trait she is learning from somewhere.

As is stands - until it becomes overly obsessive... I would give the large bib (I hate to clean messes off my son or the floor with certain foods as he goes nuts with pasta!) and offer her a old large shirt to cover herself in for painting. Explain that her hands will be dirty, but they will become very clean - or give her a brush. It is never to early to learn how to paint using paint brushes and how to come up with techniques. You can also use plastic spoons with finger paints and I had my son use the blunt knives under my direct supervision. You get some great artwork.

Show her support, but make sure that there is nothing drastic in the home in this behavior, as well as monitoring shows. Perhaps check into a few books about the joys of getting dirty and then getting into the tub.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.J.

answers from Detroit on

as a retired preschool teacher when i had children who had sensory issues i would start them finger painting first with a tray to contain the area and paint and we would put thin plastic clear gloves on there hands after they were confortable with that we would cut just a little bit of the fingers off when they were confortable with that we would cut the whole finres off then we would remove the glove. we also would show her how when we finger paint we just wash our hands and how eeasy they came clean. we had one child that i actually painted my shirt told her i was going home to wash it and i would bring it back tommorrow alkl clean.in some but not all cases the issue of sensory touch is a signal of under lining learning problems so you may whant to talk to your pediatrician

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.O.

answers from Detroit on

many many kids do this it is a stage and it will pass.

my daughter did not like things like play doh and paint until she was 3 1/2 we went to a playgroup where playdoh ws always available and she would nto have anything to do with it..

Can you find a playgroup at a school.. they often have messy crafts.. and it gives kids an opportunity to do these things... sometimes they are more willing to try the activity in a differnt environment

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.D.

answers from Saginaw on

I was the same way when I was a little girl. i would get up from a meal, if my hands were sticky or dirty, and I would go wash and then come back and finish my dinner. this drove my mother nuts, mainly because she had 5 kids and this was just inconvenient for her. I was a very girly girl and liked being clean. I still don't like to have sticky hands or dirt anywhere. My best advice is to let her have a washcloth or wet wipe while doing any painting or anything messy that way she has the option of cleaning herself right off any time she feels sticky or messy. My only regret is that I didnt' take this to heart with my house cleaning, but enjoy her just the same I think it's sweet and innocent. good Luck and God Bless.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.K.

answers from Detroit on

Your daughter may have an issue with "tactile" or touch things - it is common among children. Some kids have an issue with touching different textures, other kids have an issue with sounds, and other kids have an issue with movement or whatever. A good book is The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz. Most all of us are "out of sync" in one way or another - as adults we learn to compensate - sometimes well and sometimes not so well. The libraries often have a copy of this book. Carol writes in a very easy to understand way and as you read through it, you will probably see places you can identify with your daughter(and maybe yourself) as well as ideas of what to do. Carol also has another book called "The Out of Sync Child Has Fun" with loads of ideas.
I encourage you to encourage, not force your daughter to begin to engage in "messy" projects, starting small. I agree with the mom who wrote about having "messy clothes" and putting some on yourself. One example might be to pick up a $10 gingergread house kit at a craft store. It is a fun activity - I suggest you use hot glue to glue the house together to avoid the frustration of having it collapse; but after that you and your daughter can work together on the frosting and the decorations. Perhaps this year, she will choose to use a spatula or popsicle stick for her frosting, or maybe not. But perhaps she will be willing to use her fingers to plop the decorations on where she may still get some frosting on her fingers. I would make light of her reaction.
Another thing is to play with play doh.
Or knead bread together, with each of you having your own wad of bread dough.
Bake roll out cookies - maybe she can use the brush to spread the egg white on and then add the sprinkles with her fingers.
Playing in a tub of sand with sand toys. Mud in the summer. Shaving cream in the tub to write/draw on the tile walls. Finger paints in the bathtub are a great place.

Remember SMALL STEPS! Right now, I encourage you to keep exposing her to touch type activities. They can be pleasant - go to JoAnn Fabrics and touch all the different fabrics - silk, satin, burlap, felt, flannel, velvet, vinyl. Point out the differences, talk about how it feels and the colors and designs.

Good Luck.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions