My 2 1/2 Year Old Will NOT Sleep in Her Own Bed!

Hi J.,
I have done this with all my babies who are now 13, 11 and 5.
I lay down with them or dad in their bed until they are asleep. It was a routine that lasted until the boys were between 4 and 5. My daughter, who is 5, still likes to have someone lay down with her before she falls asleep but she falls asleep most of the time now before I am even ready for bed. My daughter would do the same thing. For some reason even when they are asleep they know when their head is 2 inches from their bed and they open their eyes and see you. Game over! Got to start over. If it makes you feel better this was happening when my daughter when she was only 3-6 months old. It got better but it took patience. Give her some time and eventually you will be ready to put her to bed and she will already be there, fast asleep. =) Hope this helps.

I think it really is not too big of a deal to still sleep with them at this age. I do not believe it is manipulation, she just wants to be with you. Can you get a twin bed with a rail and go to sleep with her in her room, and then get up when she is asleep. A soothing noisemaker is really helpful, waves, rain, whale songs or a humidifier which makes a humming sound are good. I would try to wean her after age 3 from falling to sleep with you but why not till then? I think my sister has a boy who did the same thing, but she just let him cry, I could not do that, hence my advice. But everyone is different!

yes, this is normal. my daughter went through the same thing.I'm not sure if it's for the same reasons - your daughter has just gotten her world rocked by getting a new baby. is the baby sleeping with you or in your room? I think it can feel weird for the older sib if everyone is in one room but them. also, it is normal for them to regress.

in my daugter's case, she had a really scary dream in her bed, which is at the foot of our bed in our room. i was there so i saw/heard how scared she was, and then she did not want to sleep in her bed for a while. she didn't even want to sleep in the room. she wanted to sleep in a different room with one of us. i think their imaginations are starting to kick in, and to them everything is real. they can't distinquish between real and not real. also, this is a big time of individuating from mom, so they can feel very vulnerable and threatened now that she is just starting to realize that you and she are not a package deal. sometimes she's just a little old me. that can be scary, especially alone at night. it is a phase (i have a five year old too).

you can try putting her bed at the foot of your bed on the floor for a while. when she seems steadier, you can move it back into her room eventually. you may all get more sleep that way. when you put her to bed, you can say things like, you're in your safe house, in your cozy bed, mommy, daddy, baby's name, pets names, are all right here with you, etc. mommy and daddy are right up in the big bed, and when she wakes up in the night, just say, i'm here, shhh shhh back to sleep now. and then eventually, you can move her in her room and say, mommy and daddy are right in the next room. if that doesn't work, i would let her come into your bed for a while, then to the mattress on the floor, then back to her room. you'll know when she's ready.

the nay sayers will say, don't let her in your bed, she'll never leave, etc. that's just not true in my experience. my son slept with us since birth and now sleeps like a rock in his own bed all night. i saw a post that said something about not letting her in your bed because you are creating a dependence. news flash: BABIES/TODDLERS ARE DEPENDENT on their parents, that's the way it is. some babies sleep independently with little or no crying. some babies/toddlers/preschoolers have a strong need to sleep with someone else. every dynamic is different. each family has to figure out what works for them. one of my favorite sayings is, a need that is filled will go away, a need that isn't won't. So many of my sleep training family and friends have kids in bed with them, as soon as they can get out of that crib! i digress....

if she is verbal, you could try asking her why she doesn't want to sleep in her bed, did she have a scary dream?, etc. is there something that would make it more comfortable for her, a night light, etc. try to get her to talk about it. my daughter had a scary dream about a horse, and still sometimes confirms with me, "horsie all gone" before bed.

anyway, my two cents is, comfort her through it, support her in this, she will get through it. if it is due to fear, you can come up with some comforting story to tell her in the night when she's scared. my daughter likes to hear about her grandmother's bedtime routine, she puts on her nightgown, gets a drink of water and a snack, she gets in her cozy bed, reads her book, takes a drink, etc. i use a lot of details and it bores/comforts her right to sleep. remember to her her fears are real. this sleep thing is not linear with kids. they go through all kinds of stages. this too shall pass.... good luck!

Hi J.,
Sooo been there. I have an 8, 5, and 3 year old. Here's the solution: Start reading to your little girl on her bed 45 minutes (30 minutes later on when she's used to this routine) before lights-out time. Pick her favorite books, and make this a loving time for the two of you, or for her and Daddy. If you don't have a lot of books, go to the library on Mondays, and pick some out for the week. I make my little ones a warm milk with a little bit of sugar in it sometimes, so that they can drink it while they listen. This will make her associate bedtime with a loving and positive ramp-up instead of a scary, upsetting time. You might see her resist the "ending" of the reading time at first when you turn out the lights. This is where you tell her that you can do the reading again tomorrow night, but only if she stays in her bed. This should work. Remember that this "recipe" won't be perfect, but I almost guarentee that after a night or two, you'll be all set.
Then, as soon as you've got this figured out, something else will come up!!
Good Luck!!

Every child would much rather sleep with their parents.
However, it is creating a dependency as you have found is a lot harder to break and nobody get the real sleep they need.
She found out what works with you, screaming like she is terrified. Now she is heading towards three do a reward chart for staying in her own bed. Having a child sleep in your bed if they are sick or have a nightmare or a special treat is great, however it just isn't good for a marriage, or anyone having the child attached to having to sleep with you.
Do the reward chart, keep focusing on her being a big girl, have her get a new stuffed buddy to take care of and take to bed. Let her cry, she will try every trick to get you to cave and at this age consistency is VERY IMPORTANT. It may take three hours, so start earlier then usual but it will happen and you have to be patient, consistent and let her know when it is bedtime it is bedtime and she has to sleep in her own bed. Make sure she isn't overly tired at bedtime, have a bedtime routine, lay in bed with her to read a few books, then time to leave her room. Do not go in if she cries, just wait it out. If she gets up, gently guide her back to her bed and tell her it is time for bed.
Just stay consistent! She knows you will give in at a certain point so she will pitch a huge fit and try everything...Try and avoid a TV, nightlight or anything that will create another bad habit to break down the road. Falling asleep with the TV will make it very hard later if she goes to a sleepover or you travel and she doesn't have that. A portable music box worked wonders for my kids. Children do not need TV's in their room!
Good luck.

Hi J.,

Sounds a lot like what we went through with our little boy. I found that if I turned on some soothing music and lay down with him on his bed until he fell asleep seemed to help. I also found that a lot of his fears were due to a tv program I was letting him watch. The program was innocent enough for me but clearly he saw something in it that scared him. The problem went away once I figured it out. Hope that this helps.

K.

Have you heard of Love and Logic? They have great books and seminars as well. Do you want her out of your bed? If so, let her scream and cry, she is fine. I know it seems harsh but it will not stop if you don't set some boundaries, you are the parent, you are the boss! I can imagine you must be exausted with the new baby s well! At this age(2), she is fine, not hungry or hurt etc. ( and this is normal, kids want power!) Good luck to you!

When my daughter was little I found a quiet radio station and I put a fish tank in her room with gold fish in it. Every night we would turn on the light in the fish tank and turn on the radio. The fish tank took the place of a night light and there was movement for her to watch. Get the different colored gold fish, not just all the orange ones.

the first thought that comes to mind for me is that something might have happened that scared her about her bed. maybe she fell out of it or got hurt some how at night.maybe there is a scary noise in there or maybe some thing else happened that was scary while she was in bed. if i were in your shoes i would try and figure out what is so scary about her bed or her room. you say she used to sleep in there just fine and that her crying sounds like she is scared you may just need to adjust a few things and then she will go back to her happy own bed sleeping self. maybe you two could sleep in her room together for a few nights just as an expereiment to see what seems to be so scary for her in there. that way you would have some info on what you may need to do to make it a place she feelssafe sleeping in. hope this is helpful, N.

Have you tried making her bed new and special..new sheets ext. or something special and new with her room. Then the harder for both of you thing, not let her stay when she comes to your room. Maybe a new sleeping buddy ~ stuffed animal, dim night light (too much light hurts the eyes), or maybe one of those recordable stuffed animals so you can record something for her each night she can listen to as she falls asleep and when she gets scared. Since it wasnt always an issue try and get her to fill in the blanks for you about why she feels this way ~ could be important.

It sounds like this might have something to do with your new marriage. Is that about when it started? Maybe it is her reaction to having to share you with someone else. My suggestion is the same as a couple other people: lay down in her bed with her (unless it's a crib--that would be kind of hard, lol) and when she is asleep then you won't have to worry about waking her up when you move her. That's the best I've got! Good luck!

im afriad i cant really help you...i have the same problem with my 3 yr old. she slept in her own bed with no problem until my husband came home for good from Iraq. i got pregnant on mid tour and was about 5 months when he came home for good. i tried everything...from reading, rocking her, got new a whole new bed set that she picked out, anything to make her excited about her bed. when we pcs'ed out here it was a hard transition. we lived with my MIL for 2 months while my husband went to JRTC and we sold our house, i had the baby, we moved in with my parents here while my husband was in BNOC and then we got housing...the whole time we were living with other people she had to sleep in bed with us, there was no where else to put her, so she has gotten quite used to it. I recently put a TV in their room cause i was tired of fighting with them at bedtime,and turning it off after an hour, but now its a HUGE fight if i turn it off, so i conceded and keep it on till they fall asleep. but she is now staying up really late and fights her sleep like nothing else! I am planning on seperating the kids so that i can be stricker with the tv and start turning it off, and the fights wont keep my 1 yr old awake. if you figure out any suggestions you would like to share, please met me know! i am at my wits end with this!!! thanks.

Sounds like her reaction is kind of unusual. Does she tell you she's scared of something?

Have you tried lying down with her in her room, maybe next to her bed? I know it may not be ideal to form this habit either, but I wonder if you lay down with her in her room till she falls asleep, if she would get used to sleeping in there. That's what I had to do with our toddler, who is just a few months older. Now she still prefers me to be in there when she goes to sleep, but she will also fall asleep without me there.

Good luck!!

Watch a Super Nanny episode on TV. She has helped several sets of parents deal with this issue. You have to be ready to stick to your guns with it though. It's difficult to hear them cry like that. But, her routine works every time.
My daughter was so sick when she was a baby that I brought her in bed with us for my peace of mind. When she was able to walk she would come into our bed every night. My husband would quietly get up and go out on the couch or in the guest bedroom. He was so patient. She grew out of the need to come into our bed when she was about 7 years-old. She has slept in her own bed since then. If you aren't willing to let her sleep in your bed until she is 6 or 7 you really need to fix it now. But, they are only this age once, so once in a while it's great to have them want their mommy and daddy.

this could be simply manipulation. i have four children 14--10--6--3--and each of them tried this. my solution was to put a tv and vcr in there and they went to bed @7pm to watch a movie and before the movie was over they would be asleep. i allso have used sound machines and motion christmas lights. even the sound of a fam or cd player. a new big girl bed or new bedding that she can pick out

Maybe try laying down with her in her bed for a while. When she is use to that give her some kind of an incentive for staying in her bed all night. We gave my son a matchbox car and it worked! Good Luck!

I also had a problem with my 2 1/2 daughter for a while, but her issue was one of manipulation rather than fear. She's a pro at playing me and it took me a while to figure out that her cries weren't real. If your daughter isn't just playing on your emotions and truly is frightened that badly, there has to be a reason why. Maybe you could try sleeping one night in her room to see if you can figure it out and to see if she's still scared even with you in there with her. I've heard, too, that this is the age they start having nightmares so that could have something to do with it. It's kind of unsettling when your little one has a fear of something and you can't figure out why or what is causing it. Anyway, hope you get to the bottom of it - good luck!

how about trying to lay in her room in her bed or on the ground with her just an idea

Hi. I am in your boat. Our 2.5 year old refuses as well to sleep in his bed. It is causing a rift between my husband and I. He desperately wants him out as do I but I can't stand the crying either. I will anxiously await replies. Maybe we can hit the jackpot together with the right suggestion. GOOD LUCK!

Tiff

Soooo Normal!!!! She understands enough about the world now to know it is a scary place where she has very little control. You are her safety net. Enjoy cuddling your little one while she is still little....it goesawfully fast! and remember always--this to shall pass.
J.

As the other people said you might want to try to find out what she's scared of. I have found 2 things work for me when my kids dont want to sleep in their room. 1. If I'm tired and I dont want to listen to them fight me I barter. I say you can fall asleep in my bed but you need to know that as soon as you're asleep im going to put you in your own bed. If you scream then I wont let u fall asleep in my bed. Or say taht you'll stay in her room while she falls asleep (make sure you have a night light on for her comfort and for ur convience to read a book) the other thing is tough love. Put her in and stick to it..dont cave. If you have a hard time with this you might want to ask a neighbor/relative/friend/babysitter to come over for that time. Explain that they're there becuase its too hard for you, as mommy, to listen to her anguish. YOu'll likely need to offer incentives (like babysitting their kids/money for sitter/etc) for them to do this. Also if you're doing this make sure that your daughter knows that you're home when she goes in her room and doesnt know that you leave. Otherwise when the person that is enforcing this rule stops coming over, she might try to test screaming again.

If it's not ok with you or your husband that she sleeps with you then you need to find out what she is scared of regarding her bed. Maybe spend some time during the day reading books on her bed or talking about it. Don't wait until bedtime to tackle the "why are you afraid of your bed?" talk. If she's like my boy and just says "because I am" (ooooo so frustrating!) then take another tack and ask her what she would need to feel safe in her bed.
If she needs you to lay down or stay with her to go to sleep, make sure you tell her that once she is asleep you will be going to your own bed. We had sleep problems with my now 3 year old and if I forgot to tell him that I'd be leaving when he got to sleep he'd wake up, find me not there, and start crying for me hysterically. Once you get her to calmly sleep with you laying down with her you'll need to wean her off that too. I started by sitting on the bed next to my son while he fell asleep, then sitting on the floor half-way to the door, sitting by the door, etc. (If you do this and you like to read, get a book light so you can read and won't be bored while waiting for her to fall asleep).
I'd advise against putting a TV in her room. Like one of the posters said her daughter fought sleep because she wants to watch -- well if we let my son stay up to watch a special TV program he will fight sleep really hard, and then it's a nightmare getting him to sleep. Plus, if you put them to bed by TV every night are you just going to turn on the TV so they can go back to sleep if they start waking in the night? Whatever you do, you want to build good sleep habits for your kids. It takes time, but the reward is WELL worth it. With our new baby (8 weeks now) it's great that my 3 year old is finally independent in going to sleep.