Getting Our Bed Back

My second son was like this, I was able to get hime to sleep in his bed, but like clock work he woke up at 2am and crawled right in with me. I don't know of much advice, because I just let him do it.

Once he hit three years old, he just stopped coming to the bed, since he was a big boy now.

I'd try to stop the rocking to go to sleep, and maybe if it seems so hard to do, try getting her to bed about 15 minutes earlier then the original bedtime, to start the not rocking to sleep bit, but then still allow her to sleep with you at 2am.

Once this is established, then start putting her back in her bed at 2am when she wakes up. I think this is small approaches for her too much at one time, she will have more seperation anxiety. So my advice, find a way to get her to just go to sleep without rocking, maybe rubbing her back at first, then slowly just putting her down, playing some music. This might not be easy, but easier to break now then if she gets way too old....then slowly go to getting her not to sleep with you after 2am...

C.

Sounds like your little one needs some nighttime parenting :) I don;t think there is anything wrong with rocking her (I still rock my 3 year old, it's the only real physical connection we have anymore. I know I've spent hours in the rocking chair resenting that I was missing out on housework or tv, but now that he's older and needs me less in other ways, I cherish the bedtime rocking).

As for her coming to your bed, maybe she's not ready to sleep alone yet? If you're totally against her being in your bed, can you scoot a little bed up next to yours for her?

There's nothing wrong with rocking her to sleep or her sleeping with you. I would let it run its course until she is ready to stay in her bed. She must need comfort from you or she wouldn't come to you at night. Eventually she wil sleep in her own bed, I mean how many 18 year olds do you know still sleep with their parents? :)

My feeling is that at 19 months there is so much going on developementally that what ever you choose to do has got to be gentle and really specific to your little girl. My sugjestion would be to lay down in her bed with her, for just ten or fifteen minutes. Let her snuggle up what even way she wants and talk calmly and in a soothing tone. Make sure she has want ever security items she wants. When she is calm and at ease, give her one last kiss on the forehead and get up. If she wakes up in the middle on the night, take her back to her bed with a kiss on the forehead. You be calm and at ease and it will happen very naturally. Lots of hugs and I live yous will help.
Good Luck.

It is going to be hard to change things now that she is 19 months, but it can be done if you can handle her crying or being upset about it. You will probably have to just let her cry for a few nights. I would still rock her and continue her regular routine, except change the rocking to a short time and lay her down before she falls asleep. That way you are still comforting her and loving her, but letting her fall asleep on her own also. She won't like it at first, but will get used to it after a few nights.
As far as her coming into your room, I would suggest putting up a baby gate in front of her door. I would just put her back to bed if she cryed enough to wake you. The one thing that that might be a good idea to keep in mind is not to talk to much, just put her in bed, give her a kiss, and say goodnight. Remember that all children will want to sleep with you if given the chance, but you are the parent. You have to also realize that your daughter will sleep much better if you are strong and put your foot down. It's not good for her or you to have interupted sleep. Remember that the longer you wait to wean her, the harder it will be. Hope this helps, I know it's hard to let them cry, but they adapt well and know you love them.

Ok. She is playing her cards well with you. She knows that you are into the routine, and simply putting her in her own bed and letting her cry would be horrible...right? No. If you want your bed back you have to set boundaries. Begin a new routine by letting her know that it is time to go to bed. Try this: Give her a bath about 20 minutes before you plan to put her in bed. Afterwards, sing as you dry her off and read a book to her. She will get up and you will get tired, but you must be strong and continue to put her in her own bed. Otherwise, she will be sleeping with you until college. Not really. Let me know how it works. Have a great evening and it will be ok. You are not being a bad mom, but simply gaining control of the situation.

Well, there are a couple of parenting philosophies out there about nighttime parenting and this is mine. Every child is different with different social and emotional development needs... and if she needs rocking to settle her down enough to help her sleep, then you really should continue. My oldest (now 21) needed this until she was about 3, with her just asking to be rocked occassionally until she was 5.

As for her coming to your bed in the middle of the night there are many approaches you can take. If you allow her to continue to sleep with you, she WILL eventually outgrow it. If that is not an option, you can take her back to her bed after she falls back to sleep (what I did with mine). OR, you can repeat the whole nightime routine, re-emphasizing her sleeping in her own bed. Also, you could go and lay down with her in her own bed, until she fell asleep. That way you are sharing her "scary" experience with her and she sees by your reaction that its not really scary and no big deal.

K., My son was doing the same thing but as worn out or as tried as I was I had to get up and put him back to bed. Yes he cried (and I was too) But for the sake of all of us he HAD to be in his own bed! The rockin to go to bed will have to stop to. Replace it with another routine and she will cry but just stick to it. The 3rd will always be the hardest of any change but stay with it!! Remember whos the parent

K.,
This advice may be a little old for your daughter, but our daughter started this after Halloween when she had just turned 3 and seen some scary costumes. This went on for several months. I don't know if this will help, but finally after approximately 9 months of my husband and I alternately sleeping with her, we told her that everytime she came to sleep with us or one of us sleeping with her, she would lose a Barbie or whatever she was into at the moment, including TV and VHS/CD/DVD's. When she was eventually stripped of everything, and I mean everything!, we told her that if she slept in her room all by herself for one night, she would earn something back. It did work, and we were finally able to sleep in our own bed, but it was a lot of work.

Hope it helps even a little bit !

Hi K.

I have been where you are! I never thought we would get my son out of our bed. I have two boys. A one year old and a 2.5 year old. My one year old has always slept by himself and comforted himself with his blanket. My 2.5 year old on the other hand, just quit sleeping with us 3 months ago. He still sleeps in our room, in his bed...next step will be his own room. I believe some children are better at self soothing than others. I read several books and tried most of the methods that I thought would work for my son...he still ended up in bed with us. We finally decided that he just wasn't ready since he was not good at self soothing. We tried to find him a "lovie" to help him, but nothing seemed to work for him. Finally we bought one of those talking bears and it tells him his story at night and falls asleep without being rocked now. I can't tell you how to get her out of your bed, but I can say that when you are truly ready and when she is ready it will happen! Any method you choose will be HARD for both of you and if you aren't 100% ready to be strong and not give in, it won't happen. I just want to say go with your instincts, you know your child. Read others advice and think about your child and figure out which one will work best for both of you. My husband and I decided it was more important to get sleep than to fight him on the issue and so it turns out that when he was ready he moved out of our bed...don't get me wrong, he still wants in our bed, but he understands now and is willing to stay in his bed. 19 months is a hard age, they are just getting language, but not enough to communicate what they really need....once he got enough language things got easier (sleeping, eating, etc.)
Good Luck to you and know that others have been where you are and you will get through it :)
J.

My oldest was almost 4 years old before he got out of our bed. To start the process, we put his toddler bed at the foot of ours. That way he knew that we were still right there beside him. After he got used to that we moved him to his own room. We did start a bad habit though. He went to bed a half hour before his actual bed time and we put in a short movie for him to watch. He was usually asleep by the time the show was over. But he understood that once the show was over, it was time to go to sleep and not get out of his bed. We finally got that stopped but at 6 years old he still needs the radio on to go to sleep! But at least he is in his own bed, in his own room and getting plenty of sleep!!

Good luck with it. I know its hard, but believe me... that won't sleep with you forever!

K.,

Hi there. I don't know much about getting the baby out of your bed but I do know alot about the rocking to sleep. I have a 3 year old and When she was about your daughters age. She got to where she would only sleep in my arms. I went over a week with out sleep. I thought she was sick so I took her to see her Dr. and he told me that if I did not get some sleep that he was going to put me in the hospital till I did. I told him about her not sleeping unless I rocked her. He told me to put her in her bad and set by her bed with my hand on her back and rock her if that did not work to just put her in her bed and let her cry. He said it would not hurt her to cry. That she will cry for a few and then go to sleep. It was very hard to do the first few nights. But I was strong I want you to know that I cried the first night just about as much as she did. But it got better. But he also told me to make a night time routine and stay with it. Now I read her to sleep. She is in her bed and I'm in a rocking chair in her room and I read to her till she is asleep and it does not take long at all. I hope that will help you in some way. Good luck and God Bless.

K. K.

Hi K.!
We used to rock our son to sleep, but when we got his "big boy bed" we told him that we would tuck instead of rock. As far as getting him out of our bed, we had the same problem. What we ended up doing was buying him a sleeping bag and telling him that if he came in our room in the middle of the night, that's where he had to sleep. He did it a couple of times, then stopped. We also bought a fish for his room and he felt like he couldn't leave his fish alone.
Good luck to you!
J.