My 10 Year Old

My 9 year old informed me that she hated me due to the fact she had to work on her spelling words. I informed her that she would have to move in with her father because I can not live with someone who hates me. I also informed her that her dad and aunt are only fun on the weekends. During the week the two of them are just like me or worse. She did think on it,while I acted like I was going to pack her bags. She soon had a change of heart.

Your son is testing you and finding out he can say things to hurt you. Let him know if he keeps it up there will be a price to pay. Take away a game for awhile. (Really take it away.) Or keep him from doing what he really loves until he sees that the hurtful words hurt him more then you.

Kids, and adults for that matter, sometimes use anger to mask a low self esteem. He is at the age where he might not be feeling very confident with girls, sports, friends, school, etc. He might feel like you dont understand him and so now he has no one that does. It happens to lots of kids his age. I would calmly punish him for his rude behavior, but when he is not in trouble spend a lot of time complimenting him, including him in things, asking and being interested in his life, helping him find things and areas of his life that give him pride. One thing I will be doing with my daughter soon is giving her more responsibility. Not to catch her not being responsible, but to give her pride in her accomplishments. So instead of me telling her to shower before bed, it is written down on her list of things she needs to do and it is her responsibility to do it. If she does everything for the week, she gets a reward, like dinner out with me. Which is a reward for everyone really.
Actually, I think I will write out her responsibilties right now. :)
Good luck!
K.

Dear B. M,

Have you taken him to the dr to see what is wrong . sometimes a child would be hurting and does not understand how to explain it to you . if there was something bad has happen or something that might have scared him. he only knows what he thinks is right and that is to yell at you hopeing that you would help him out . i woulod take them to the dr and see what they say if they say he needs to go talk to someone that would total understand him.

You are doing the right thing, but it is so hard, but we as Moms have to be the boss and not let our kids be the bosses

b,
been there and done that. i have come to the conclusion that the best way to survive is to outlast them. the more you response to the outbursts the more they can escalate. the rules are homework and a shower before bed. mom has rules she has to follow and so do children. the oldest person in the house is the one to set the rules. like it, great, don't like it, so sorry, that's how it is. or it can really get rough when he gets to count the ceiling tiles in his room for a few days. mom's a saint for a while after that. just assure him that you love him, want the best for him and right now that best is to do what mom says. from there, the roller coaster begins, so hang on and try to enjoy the ride. when they get older (twenties) you can remind them how unpleasant they were and everyone will laugh about it. friends, sk

Children test parents all the time and this one sounds like yours. He's pushing your buttons to see how far he can get. I have the same problem with my daughter. She whines when we tell her to bathe, clean her room, do homework, etc. Whine, Whine, Whine!! I had a teacher conference with all her teachers today and my daughter also attended. Her grades are low and all of us know that she can do better. Having her in the meeting was a realy awakening for her, because the advice to her came from all of us and not just from MOM! Best of luck.

You are not doing anything wrong-don't second guess yourself. Kids are VERY preseptive and maniputalive- your son can and will pick up on your feelings of confusion. He is coming into an age of independance and testing. If he see's you're second guessing yourself and vounerable he will take every chance he can to use that to his advantage. Hold stong and firm. Let him know firmly that you make him do these things because you love him and it's your job as a parent but it's unacceptable for him to scream at you.

Good luck. Stay stong- this too shall pass :)

First, you're doing the right thing by getting ideas in the area of how to help your child be a better person and be more respectful.
I have a son that at times, likes to try to be the boss. I have to regain control and enforce a punishment for his choice to be rude or disrespectful. I've removed toys, tv priveledges, computer time, play time, and everything else that he enjoys. The only thing he could do is read and he had to eat in his room and not be allowed to be around other members of our family. I know it sounds harsh, but it gets his attention. SO, in order for him to get his priveledges back, he has to first show me that he can be respectful by appologizing properly. Not just the "i'm sorry", but the whole three step appology. "I was wrong to be rude to you because it was disrespectful, I'll do my best not to do that again, and I'm really sorry for what I did/said"
Then, he can have dinner with us. And each day he can get back one little priveledge given that he does chores or other helpful things around the house without being told. Such as taking out the trash, picking up the baby's toys, feeding the dog, scooping the kitty litter, putting away the dishes, etc.
I award them at the end of the day for the following day because he has to prove that he's worthy of having such a luxury such as tv.
Oh my, I sound like boot camp mom. But, IT WORKS for me.
I wish you all the luck. This is a very hard age and I'm sure that you're going to do fine.
If there are three things I can tell you, it is be consistent, do what you say you'll do and follow through with what you said.
Loads of luck for you.

Lo

The problem here seems like a lack of disipline. I wish my 8yr would raise his voice to me, he would be picking his teeth up off the floor and his lips. There has been times where he would test the waters but i give him that crazy mom look and he get some act right. You just have to be stricter, dont ask him to do his homework you tell him to do. Kids are not suppose to have options, i know i didnt when i was young, my mom said do something i did it no if an's or but's....Your son is still young so you can still control this issue, but dont let this continue b/c once hes a teen you will really have problems.

Stay strong and hold your ground. I see so many (even some of my friends) wanting their children to like them instead of respect and love them. You set the rules and the concequences. He gets to learn to abide them and become a good person. He dosent have to understand why at this age. He'll get it when he has kids.

Hello B.,
I have an 11 yr old son. and I want to do all the things right with him as well. Your doing nothing wrong !!! Unfortunantly that's the age where they are really starting to test and see how far they can go.
I want my children to be able to say anything to me but they must do it in a respectful way. When my son starts yelling at me I firmly remind him that I do not speak to him that way and he will not speak to me that way. Respect for respect. If he say's I hate you or I am the meanest mom because I won't allow it, I allow him to get it out as long as he is respectful in doing so. After he has calmed down. I go to him and say "You said----and I felt this way about it." or I say "You said this to me and it hurt my feelings. How would you feel if I said it to you?" HE needs to know that his words can hurt and when he realizes that he usually apologizes. When he apologizes I reinforce that I want him to be able to speak to me but with respect. I want to hear his side or his argument and if he presents it in the right way I might listen and realize that I could try something different for one night.
His temper tantrums and yelling has decreased alot and he tend to talk to me more.
Best wishes in finding out what works for you and your son.

V.