Music for 12Yr Old Boy and Other Gift Suggestions

A comment about music:

Can you ask your son what he likes, and why? Green Day, as well as a lot of rap/hip hop music are considered to be excellent musically intelligent productions. It may not be what you are used to, but, there is value to be seen in the music construction, innovation, and even social messages included in that music. Some rap may contain offensive language or messages (to you), but some will not.

Perhaps teaming up with your son to find good music, or at least being open minded about what he is listening to and trying to find the value in it, will turn music from a battle ground to more common ground. You could try asking a music store clerk for recommendations, or see about getting your son pertinent music lessons (drums,bass?).

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My kids are younger.. but I was thining what if you bought an i pod shuffle.. the real little ones.. if you go to apple.com you can pick out the color and engrave the back for free.. i can't remember how much they are i think around 50 dollars.. then at target or any electronic store buy a 10 apple music gift card and the both of you can go on apple i tunes on line and down load music together that you approve of.. maybe he will treasure the shuffle b/c you put so much thought in it engraved it and pick a color that fits his personality. I bet he wouldn't loose this one.. I know I am way older but my husband got me one for christmas bright red last year with an engraved message and it meant the world to me. I use my shuffle everyday wheter walking or trying to fall asleep at night.. There is a lot worse music out there than Greenday.. my parents always hated the music I listened to b/c it gave them a headache :)
Best of luck,
L.

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I have a GREAT idea. Give money to a VERY worthy cause in his name. My dad did that one Christmas for the kids - GREAT IDEA! I read to my kids all about the Heifer project and what it does for the family. It was great! They enjoyed it. Kids have too much stuff nowadays anyway, and what you can do is donate money then your child gets a card describing where his gift money went, and how it benefited the people. (See http://www.heifer.org/) - by the way I'm NOT Methodist, however, I found out about it from my boss when I worked at the Methodist Headquarters in Arkansas.)

The project my dad gave to was Heifer Project International. I think (if I remember correctly $50 bought a goat to feed a family!!! It's one of the best charities around, because it contributes an animal to a poor family, and they are able to live better on that one contribution. They use its milk, and when they have two they breed the animals. It's been around a LONG time, and I think EVERY DIME goes to the project, none of it to Administration. If you explain how these people live and show how he contributed, that will benefit him MUCH more in the long run than an MP3 player full of more bad music.

Since your child is very spoiled (Sorry I'm assuming that since he doesn't like any of his gifts), and his music is bad choices, I would NOT give him an MP3 player. The music itself causes bad attitudes and bad moods. It sends the wrong message to teens such as killing people, robbing stores, swear words and general bad and rude behaviour. I myself am a piano teacher and am keenly aware of how music can affect the mood of people. DO NOT allow him any of the bad music. He is not too old to control his choices.

Maybe also, take your children and contribute your time to a worthy project helping others. This really helps bad attitudes as well.

A few years back I sent my son to Project Mexico with my church (he was 15 i think) and he saw how very poor people lived and helped our Monastery down there build homes for people who die due to lack of housing. He is a very compassionate person as a result. In that monastery as you are helping you are eating the same poor diet the Mexicans eat, and living under similar conditions.

This kind of thing kindles compassion and kindness in children and often kills self-centeredness.

Another idea is have him pick out things he owns to give to charity to give them Christmas presents - The Catholic Diocese has wonderful charities (no, I'm not Catholic either). The reason I mention these, again, is because they have minimum overhead. (I'm actually an Antiochian (Syria) Orthodox Christian).

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I would go to target, best buy, and maybe circuit city and price them. I have a 14 year old son. I don't much care for his music either. But my parents didn't like mine either. I think it is the way it will always be. He probably wants a mp3 player so he can download certain songs on it. You can tell him all the songs he puts on it have to be approved by you, and you listen to his player every week to make sure he has on it what he is suppose to. If you want to buy the cd's with the music on it, you can get a personal cd player.

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Go to Fred Meyers or Safeway and get one of those gift cards. That way they can buy their own music. Good luck. I made it through with two. Don't ask me how. I don't remember.

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What about a gift card? Let him make the choices and maybe he will be more responsible. (let him know ahead of time, music choices are subject to approval)! Hope this helps, S.

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I have no advice on the parenting aspect but if you have a Costco nearby and are a member, they have an excellent coupon deal on the SanDisk Sansa Fuze during Thanksgiving weekend (11/28-11/30). The regular price is 99.99 and it will be 59.99 during those three days. I have this MP3 player and love it! Easy to use and best of all, it's not an iPod! Good luck!

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I'm not sure if you can find an mp3 player that he will like for under $20. My son had one too and it was broken and lost within a couple months. He may be measuring his love by the size/price of your gift. I know it's not fair, but some kids think that getting what they want for a hefty price is better than a cheap one. He probably sees kids with those fancy touch-screen mp3's at school and he is feeling left out by not having anything that nice for himself. I'd hate to condone this behavior...but I figure Christmas is a time to give your kids what they need. Maybe this is what he needs to be more comfortable in his life. I remember being 12 and wishing I could be "in" with the crowd and I never could. I would suggest shopping online at reputable stores. Or you could go to an electronics store to ask what they have. I went shopping to get an mp4 for my brother and got it for under $100 at Circuit City. Just a few suggestions. I hope things work out.

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How can you not like Green Day? Poor kid, no wonder the relationship is strained ;-) Green Day is smart stuff... Maybe some Rage Against the Machine would be good, too.

Take care,
S

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Hey there! I know this is a far out idea, but especially if he does not value the gifts you get him (loses them etc.), then maybe consider giving to others less fortunate this Christmas. You can go through Volunteers of America..or there are many other organizations. Or you can give the money you would have spent on gifts to families in third world countries....or to a charity of your choice. I am thinking I want to do this with my kiddos now while they are still toddlers, so that it won't make them angry when they get older. But really by giving gifts every Christmas and birthday, I think our children start to feel entitled to getting what they want, and it promotes selfishness. I am not pointing fingers..just thinking this through for myself right now, and I thought I would share my thoughts. Have a blessed Christmas, whatever you decide to do! God Bless!

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Since your son lost the MP3 player you gave him, I suggest you give him chores to earn money to buy another one. If he has to work for it, he will appreciate it more. Also refuse to buy rap for him. If he wants to listen to it, he will have to earn the money to pay for it himself.

As long as you are the parent, your rules override anything your son may demand. If you need guidelines for keeping parameters for your children, I would suggest you get help from a notable source called "Total Transformation". They have a proven technique that will turn your son around in as little as 24 hours. Their number is 1-800-259-1840.

When my son was the same age as yours, I went to Tough Love classes and immediatlely got results as I became stronger and set the ground rules. The first week of Tough Love I took the door off his bedroom because he continued to back talk me. When he sassed me I took away other priveledges until he got the point and it was no use to argue. You must stand strong so your son will respect you! Another good person to get council from is Dr. Laura on 1190am radio at 1pm-4pm. She has you write down all the childrens favorite things to do. When they don't behave, you cross one off. Soon they'll get the picture that there is a reaction for every action. Children need discipline.....they want it! Soon they'll learn to respect you because you respect yourself.

Hope that helps.

V. J.

I wouldn't worry about his music choices as long as they don't have explisit lyrics. Green Day is actually a very socially concious band.
On that note, it sounds like your son will never be satisfied with what you get him. Why buy him anything. He obviously doesn't know how hard it is to earn that mp3 player if he lost it or broke it. I would give him $12 a dollar for each year and tell him he can ask for money from the rest of his relatives and earn the rest of the money himself so he may choose and buy his own MP3 player.
If he has more control over the choices he might not loose it so quickly. If he has to earn some of the money to pay for it, he might care more about it. Kind of like buying your first car, with money you earned, it's not perfect but it's yours.