Moving Out of State_problems with in Laws

My husband & I lived out of state when our children were little, as he was in the military, and except for visits, we were gone for about 6 1/2 years. The time and the distance were very difficult on some members of the extended family, but there are lots of ways to stay in touch between visits, such as sending emails, letters, little packages, using a PC webcam/phone type service like Skype, and making dates for visiting on the PC. What's most important is for you to hold true to what you need and want, no matter what someone else's reaction is. Their reaction is theirs, and has nothing to do with you, it has to do with them and their feelings around the move. I personally believe that a person needs a space or distance move away from extended family in order to grow into a person that isn't tied to the patterns of the family, a person that is an individual. Space away allows you to be yourself, truly, and not be in a constant subconscious battle of trying to fit yourself into the mold they think you belong in. It will be scary, big change always is, but if you allow it, it will also be adventurous and exciting and FREEING like nothing you've ever known. True growth can be found this way, and it's invaluable for your children, as well - a healthier mommy means a healthier & happier child. When confronted by your in-laws again, I suggest you listen to all their negatives, and while they're talking, try to hear the feelings behind the words, the fear and sadness they're not expressing clearly. When they have said what they need to say, explain that you hear that they are scared and sad around the move, and give them assurances of the things you will do to keep in touch. Then explain to them that this is something you need, as well as their support. (Truly supporting someone doesn't mean that you support their decisions all of the time, it means you support them, as a person, and that you are there for them and what they are going thru, even when you disagree with what they choose to do.) Maybe come prepared with materials on the area you'd like to move to, sharing with them some of your plans. If they are not receptive, perhaps cut the visit short and give them a little more time to digest it. If they continue to try and sway your decision, restate that this is what you need, whether they understand it or not, and that you need their support, as well - but whether they give it or not, you are leaving. Perhaps they will come around, perhaps they will fight you until you leave - but remember that part of the subconscious stuff that's going on for them is recognizing that you will all be growing without them, growing independently away from the family unit, and some people see this as a threat to the family structure, any growth away from family, and it brings up fear of losing you for them. But you do need this, and I implore you to take the space away, whatever their responses. It will do wonders for your soul.

Good Morning
It's always nice to have the support of your family however, if you and your husband have discussed the move and made the decision to do so then it is your sister-in-laws problem to adjust to the decision. Never let anyone take away your positive spirit. Never ever function in fear.

I can totally feel for you! A few years ago, I took a job in South Carolina. We moved from Warren, MI to Greenville SC. My family was supportive, yet quietly very sad as we live on 5 miles from them. My in-laws on the other hand were upset, brodering on mad that we were moving 12 hours away from them when they didn't visit very often when only 1 &1/2 hrs away.
We ended up only staying in SC for 6 months, the job was good & steady but lost a deal on our house here 2 times, so we came back with no jobs, and had to start over... we still had the house though. Still only see the in-laws every 3-4 months. My family has withdrawl if they don't see my kids (2 now) everyday or every other day.

Recently we are now planning to move to Ohio for , job/financial reasons, and are getting a little greif from the in-laws again. Although my husband has reassured them that they will still only be 1 & 1/2 hrs away from us just in a different direction.

We also had the only grandchild on both sides of the family.

I say, do what is best for your family, because in the end it will all work out.

If you are happy & positive about it along with your husband, it will work and it may be the very best thing for you.
Good Luck!

If you are leaving the state due to financial/ economical reasons; then this is strictly up to you and your husband. The rest of your family should understand your reasons and accept them so that you and your family can thrive in a better economy.

If you are leaving for other reasons, I still feel the same... they should support it and not hinder you as they will obviously miss you and they are seeing this as a negative experience for them and not a new adventure for you and your family.

If you feel there must be a change in your life - go with your initial instinct. If you and your husband are ready to make that change and support each other, you should embrace this. (and yes, family will always be missed... That's why we have email, webcams and the ever-important vacations!) :)

Good Luck!

It is so h*** o* a family when one part moves far away, taking the children everyone loves. The thought of having grandchildren move away strikes fear in the hearts of us doting grandparents! You'll have to weigh things out to see if losing frequent contact with family is going to be worth it. It means a lot to the children too to have their grandparents and other extended family involved in their lives.

You really have to stick to your guns about this but you need to get the help of your husband. Your husband needs to tell his parents and his sister that this is the decision that you have made together and that it is the best for your family and that's that. Empathize with your in-laws that they will miss you and your family and encourage them to spend as much time as they can while you are here. Maybe the kids can even spend a weekend with them. Dealing with in-laws is sometimes the hardest thing in a marriage but you and your husband have to show a united front on this. As for your sister-in-law, don't give her negativity any attention....she's just hurting that you are leaving and encourage her to express her hurt in a positive way. God Bless.