Motivation!! - Chicago,IL

Hi R.,

Here's my 2 bit psychological advice. Give it some thought and see if it rings true or opens up any new ideas for you.

I think your extra 30 pounds is completely related to your parent's deaths. Such a tragic and horrible thing to have happened. It's perfectly natural that you would have a rocky grief response and gain some weight. Not out of the ordinary and quite frankly I'm impressed you kept it to 30 pounds!

Here's where shedding it comes in. Do you think because you gained weight in response to their deaths - honoring them in a sense - that losing that grief weight feels emotionally like letting them go. And letting your sadness go? You probably grieved professionally for a while, carrying around a literal burden of the impact that had on your life. And I'm sure it was considerable. I don't mean to suggest that was the wrong thing to do necessarily. But since that was the impetus to the weight coming on, I think the answer lies there in taking it off.

Shedding your grief weight does not at all mean you don't love your parents. Being ready to live your life and shed the sadness does not in any way mean you don't love your parents. You honor them in the way you live your life every day. You honor them in the choices you make as a parent. They will always love you and you will always love them. You can be happy and move on. It doesn't mean you forget them or that their deaths were not meaningful. But it's just time to reclaim the part of you that died with them.

Outside of that. You just have to do it. I joined a gym and was intimidated and so I told myself to just show up, walk on the treadmill or the eliptical for 20 minutes. I ended up spending more time in the locker room and steam room but I had to earn it with my 20 minutes. Soon after that I was no longer satisfied with 20 minutes and the gym and exercise became the thing that brought me peace. It's fear that is holding you back and you just do need to decide to go. Have a bag that is all packed and ready to go. Decide that right after your baby's nap (or whatever works) you'll go to the gym. And then just go. Just go once this week and congratulate yourself for that. Then schedule the two times you'll go next week. The following week make it three. It just needs to become easier for you and it will only get easier if you confront the fear by going. It's not going to happen without action and work on your part. Worrying and fretting will not help in any way.

As for food. Eat what gives you life. Pay attention to the foods that make you fel great when you eat them. And the ones that make you feel gross avoid. Go for as many whole foods as possible, anything processed has lots of chemicals and preservatives that wreak havoc on the body. Fresh fruits and vegetables, lean proteins. Make sure you have a nice breakfast with a mix of carbs and proteins (cereal with nuts and or seeds, eggs and whole wheat toast, etc.). Eat fruit and protein for snacks in the day (grapes & cheese, berries & yogurt, fruit and nut butter). For lunch I like lettuce wraps with organic lunch meat and cheese. Dinner a lean protein and 2 vegetables. Drink lots of water and limit your other beverages to 1 cup of coffee if needed.

This is not new information. You know what to do. You just need to dig deep and confront why you're not doing it. Once you pass through that emotional block, it will all get easier.

You can do this! But you have to decide it's time and you're really ready. Meaning, you are ready to take action for yourself. To stand up for yourself and get your life back. You deserve it and it really is OK.

Good luck!
E.
Evanston

What gym did you join? Maybe you need a workout partner - someone to meet you there?

K.

Hi R.,
Sometimes when you have this big goal in front of you it becomes so intimidating that it keeps you from getting started. First, get a personal trainer 3 times a week for a month. This way you set up a schedule & it forces you to go work out. Once the month is up you can continue the schedule without the expense of a trainer. Second, buy the book Skinny Bitch & read it. It's not a big book so it won't take long to read. It was an eye opener for me & I have totally changed my eating habits. I lost weight & so did my husband. The best part is that it is not a diet; it's a change in your eating behavior. The Skinny Bitch authors have also created a cook book to help you with menu ideas.

Hi R.,
I have had that 30lb problem before. I tried the gym, worked out consistently for a month. Lost nothing...then got to lazy to continue. Here's what did work for me. I finally just joined weight watchers. I couldn't believe how fast the weight came off. Within 3 months I had lost it all. That was two years ago. Now I gain back about 5-8 lbs every winter and go back on the weight watchers diet and lose in about two- weeks. I alway use the point system when I go on and write down everything I eat. The first few days are hard and it takes a bit a time to figure out how many points your favorite foods are--but it really works! My whole family went on and it worked for all of them.
Good luck.
J.

I totally understand what you are going through witht the weight issue. I ended up joining Weight Watchers online it has really helped me, I can eat what I want and not go over my points and feel full plus you get extra points for working out ect.. I have lost 22lb in 3 months and I have to be honest I don't work out like I should maybe 40min two times a week.

I would recommend Weight Watchers with the gym, also I have heard a buddy system is another great way to get your self motivated do you have a friend that can go to the gym with you this might help get you going. Good luck

A.
29 year old full time working mom of 3 year old daughter, with a great PhD husband who is now also in his 3rd year of medical school.

This morning I was listening to the radio 93.9 and Richard Simmons was on the air. He said "love your body" and excerise everyday and eat small portions. Forget those diets that everyone talks about. I hope this helps you! Happy Mother's Day!!

Forget about the weight; your issues are bigger and more important than that. It sounds as if you are dealing with loss and some depression, which is why you are not motivated.

Instead of thinking about weight, just focus on a healthy lifestyle. Look on exercising not as a chore or something you must do to get to a certain size or weight, but as something you should do to take care of yourself, because you're worth it. Same thing with diet. You deserve good food and you and your family deserve for you to be healthy, so eat a healthy diet - there are plenty of plans out there, but really it's just lean meats and fish, fruit in the morning with whole-grain cereal or bread, and a salad at night with a dinner that's not too heavy and not too late. The rest will fall into place - or not - but either way you'll feel so much better and your mind will be in a better place to deal with your life. The weight is external; the "you" is internal and that's the part you need to take care of.

Some of us do gain weight and look different after we've had kids. In my case, I had two babies after 40 and of course I don't look like I did when I was 20. So what? DON'T stress about the wedding or the reunion - start treating yourself right and get something to wear to them that makes you feel wonderful. That will go a long way toward making you feel better. Why should you look the same as you used to? - you aren't the same person, you're better, and if you felt it, you would look it!!

I found an extremely great book 'You, on a Diet'. They have a website too, www.realage.com It's not just recipes, it's a change of eating habits and a small exercise schedule. It's very informative about how your body digests and uses certain foods. That was motivation for me. And once my eating habits started to change I felt like exercising. And once you get past that first couple of days, you almost look forward to it. The recipes in the book are really good and it's not a diet, it's just healthy eating. So, the whole family starts to eat better and there's nothing better then a baby learning to eat healthy from the start. Good Luck!

You might consider consulting a ceritified hypnotherapist. You very clearly make the connection with the weight gain to your grief & depression. A good hypnotist can help you clear your emotional obstruction to increase your motivation. Most hypnotists will offer a complimentary phone preconsultation.
Wishing you wellness.

I had gained about 15 pounds after having my daughter. I had joined www.sparkpeople.com and it is a GREAT FREE website, and helps you track your food, gives you great advice what to eat, etc.
What motivates me is seeing results. The first 1-2 weeks of exercise was the hardest, because I felt so tired and disgusted how I looked. But once you start seeing results, you want to continue. The key to weight loss is consistency consistency consistency. Make it a habit to work out, like brushing your teeth. Life is about priorities and taking care of your health is one of them. As soon as my tot goes to bed, I go in 'auto-pilot' mode and put on my workout clothes and head to our basement (I do Turbo jam dvd's and elliptical). Good luck.

Hi! First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. I cannot even imagine what that must have been like. You certainly deserve to feel healthy and good about yourself, so it is great that you are taking these steps toward exercise and nutrition.

As far as losing the weight, I went through something similar in the past - I needed to get motivated to lose about 20 lbs. So I understand the frustration at getting started! The first step is always the hardest. The whole process is in front of you and it seems like a lot to tackle, especially with our other responsibilities of being mothers, wives and business owners (I own one as well).

So, how to take that first step?? This may sound really lame or a little elementary, but honestly what got me to get off my butt were cute work-out outfits! Ok, so that sounds reeeeallly superficial and vain, but it is so true! Seriously - buy yourself a couple of cute exercise outfits that make you want to get dressed for the gym. Two of my favorite websites for this are www.athleta.com and www.titlenine.com. And get yourself a great pair of cross-trainers. Honestly, getting dressed for the gym was the hardest part. I found that once I did that much, the motivation started coming to me. I was in my gym clothes - so it was time to go to the gym! The cute clothes also made me feel good about myself - and this is really the key to successfully losing weight. You may think that you need to lose the weight in order to raise your self-esteem, but actually it is the opposite. You need to start raising your self-esteem first, then the rest will come. When you feel good about yourself, you want to keep doing more for yourself. Seeing that cute image in the mirror before heading to the gym will help. I swear!

As for food, ugh, this is always the hardest part for me because I love to eat! So I googled things like "how to lose 10 lbs" or "eating healthy" and I got meal plans along with oodles and oodles of great easy recipes. My husband lost weight in the process too and he wasn't even trying! I kept things simple for breakfast (a whole grain frozen waffle or cottage cheese & fruit) and lunch (one of my new faves is Boca Burgers - 1 minute in the micro and they're not half bad!), and then I'd use my arsenal of recipes for dinner. On the weekends, I treated myself with nice meals and wine - life is short!

Once I got going, it got easier and easier every day. Before I knew it, my jeans were looser and people were commenting on how good I looked. From that point, the motivation to continue on just got easier and easier. And I added a few more cute outfits to my wardrobe as a reward ; )

Hope this helps! And good luck!

the starting is the hardest. Once you get into an exercise routine you get the happy endorphins that psych you into wanting to do more.
You also may be in a bit of a funk. Have you talked to your doc about whether you might still be suffering depression?
With respect to what to eat, lots of my friends have been really successful with weightwatchers. I think it gives you a little structure to the endeavor.
I suggest that you start out slow. Check out weightwatchers and try to get to the gym for the first time. Then maybe twice next week. Create a list of the "to do for my health" Don't weigh yourself every day. Loosing weight is about eating less and excercising more. It isn't magic and it doesn't need some fad strange diet.
Maybe on sunday - assess your week ahead and mark off where you can fit the exercise in. It can be in small increments eg. 15 min walk to park, 15 mins on eliptical trainer at home, 10 mins of crunchs etc.

Good luck - once you are started you will feel way more energetic.

R.,
Congrats on the baby boy and I'm sorry for the loss of your parents. I think you're stuck. You may still be mourning and subconsciously feel as if your need your parents to help you figure out what to do, completely understandable. I find EFT (emotional freedom technique) to be a great way to overcome emotional blocks and help people move forward. For more info along with great eating advice, visit www.mercola.com and www.emofree.com. Best of health to you.
N.

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a struggle. It is very difficult to make behavior change - you can be a very motivated person, but that does not mean that you are actually ready to make the change.

If you have the resources, I would recommend working with a therapist on this. You might have some grief that you should work through regarding the death of your parents that could potentially help with making other changes that you want to make.

R.-- it's not free, but I just joined Weight Watchers, and I love it. I bought a month's membership online-- I get to use the online tools, which I love. I'm learning how to eat healthily and to have some structure. I think you'd love it, too, if you gave it a try! The meetings are helpful, too-- lots of good tips and advice. Good luck!

Weight watchers is great to get you started, but it can be expensive if you aren't motivated (about $40 per month on their cheapest plan). My girlfriend turned me on to a website www.sparkpeople.com. it's free and has meal plans if you want to use them.

I know for myself that if I am stressed, I can't loose the weight. Don't pressure yourself. You are not the same person you were all those years ago. You'll get there and you'll be suprised that almost no one looks the way they want to at those reunions. Good luck!
C.

This is a repeat recommendation, but I found weight watchers online to be easy to use and effective in helping me lose the "last 10 pounds". I never attended meetings and logged everything I ate and all my exercise online. It probably took about 20 minutes a day to use the website, but the points system worked for me. It was also easier than I thought it would be to figure out the website and make the entries. Good luck!

have you looked into sparkpeople.com? They have a website that's free and gives you meal plans, etc to follow. I personally would recommend weight watchers, but that obviously isn't free. Maybe the money would be motivation though to really get the weight off.

Hi R.,
I found that Weight Watchers really works. You can eat anything; you just have to be aware of how much you eat. It's a plan that you can stay on without feeling like you're on a diet. I've found, personally, it's what I eat that matters more than how much I work out. Try dieting first to get a kick start and then add in the gym workouts. You may feel motivated by losing a few pounds that first week ...and drink water!! It will keep your hands / mouth busy and you will feel full. I hope this helps! Good luck!

A great way to start is maybe to take your baby for a stroll when you have the time to roam your neighbor hood if possible. Or you could always have a bag packed with your gym clothes available. Making the first step is always the hardest. I really loved Weight Watchers, it was so informational and life-oriented versus others programs. If you live int eh Western Suburbs, try a fitness group called Fit Force. The guy who runs the program is awesome. There are different level of groups, walkers, intermediate, and runners. I wish you the best with this and I know you will get when the push to move when you feel it is right. BEst Of LUck.... T.

I think some group support and guidance would be very helpful for you-I would look into weight watchers. They have a proven record and alot of people love them. I also agree with the suggestion for hypno-therapy or some kind of therapy to help you work through your grief. You used food for comfort but haven't cleared the sadness, etc. Good luck to you!

I had great success with Weight Watchers a few years back -- my husband too, inadvertantly, just by changing the ingredients we used and portion sizes. I was very anti-diet and very against calorie counting and unhealthy practices. WW's plans are very flexible, allow you to eat the types of foods you want to eat without a lot of analysis for that structure you need (you'll be surprised what mistakes you're making now that you aren't even aware of!) and also works in physical activities. It involves self-awareness, not offering up pre-packaged non-thought.

It's VERY hard the first week, and slightly less hard the second week, and by the third week seems very easy. I was surprised. A few friends and I did it at the same time and we all were very successful. It's a lifestyle change, but a gradual one, and it gives you the control the whole time!

Good luck!!!

P.S. - One thing to remember: It took a while to get the 30 pounds, and it will take some time to take it back off. Forget "getting motivated" for the upcoming events because you're setting yourself up for failure and you're not going to be able to lose everything in that time. Think about it in the long term; you're going to feel so great after the first 5 or 10 pounds go away that it will be easy to get yourself motivated. :)