Mind Tricks....

I just zone-out. Serioulsy. My in-laws think that public education... well, let's just say that they forget that I work for the public school system and don't feel a need to "filter" themselves in any way. They also don't believe in daycare or working mothers... you can see where this is headed.

I usually just grab a glass of something (this year it will be cider) and just pretend to listen. If I am asked a direct question, I answer. Otherwise, I just pretend and nod. I also bring something crafty for the kids to do while they are waiting for dinner. I take them all into the other room and we make ornaments or some other decoration. Not only does it make me the "fun aunt", but it gets me out of the middle of the insanity!

My number one coping mechanism in crowds is to listen 90% of the time and speak 10% of the time. Listen way more than you speak.

That said, if you find yourself hearing something or seeing something that would normally make you burst out with an "OMG, really?!" Just get up and go check on something. If you're cooking, you simply HAVE to go check on the bird. If you're visiting, you just HAVE to go see what the kids are doing.

Do whatever it takes to turn your back on the OMG and focus on something else.

And while you're in there, asking God for a little extra grace and patience doesn't hurt.

I am anxiety-ridden so I worry so much about everything.......My worry now is tomorrow we will be starting a 3 day stay at my parents and seeing all kinds of family - I've heard over the years things such as 'you son is out of control', 'grandpa was appalled at your sons behavior", etc. etc. etc. Turns out not only is my son PDD he has also been diagnosed ADHD. I'm sure many of you can relate to the fact that I could use 10 more arms.........Anyway - for weeks before any event, or in this case, holiday I get headaches and stomach aches due to the stress of what 'could be' or how I will be judged. I've decided - it's in the Lords hands.......I can't change anything about what will be but I can do my best to keep my sons 'silliness' out - getting him out to walk/run, etc. So, to turn things around - basically I make myself remember I don't have the power to make anything happen or not happen - what will be will be.............

Wine.
And in extreme cases: Tequila.

Have a great holiday!

There's a process of self-inquiry called The Work that I've been using for over a decade now, and it has really helped round out my picture of how human beings – all of us! – function. At our best and at our worst. My capacity for patience and compassion have grown tremendously, not to mention my sense of humor.

Resources are free here: http://www.thework.com/thework.php

When I'm feeling (or acting) grumpy, I sometimes stop to think "I wonder if she'll remember this?". I know that being 4 years old, she won't remember much from these days, and I don't want her one memory as a 4 year old to be "That time Mom was yelling at me for fingerpainting the bathroom cabinets." Lol.
Or, I act like I have something very private to do and step away. I got so mad at my MIL's house one day that I just left. "Oops, I forgot that I needed tampons, I'll be back soon." I drove around for a while to calm down and then I felt fine and came back and things had settled.

I have to stop my mind from going down dark paths. If allowed to wander, it may go to something bad in my past or it may go to the dreaded "what ifs" or it may land on some recent tragedy in the news.

When I notice this happening I have to stop it in it's tracks. The wierd mind trick I do is to say "I Love You." I don't know why it works, but it does. I say it out loud to myself or I yell it in my head. Shake my head a little to "wipe the etch a sketch clean" and then I change the mental subject.

That's how I control my own mind. When in a stressful family situation, I drown it in alcohol till it's all funny. I have a sil that's my ally. She and I will turn drama into a drinking game. Like - 1st person to roll thier eyes - has to do a shot. 1st time someone storms out of the room, we have to slam our beer. 1st time someone mentions a negtive thing from the past, we toast each other. WHen she isn't around, I do it with my spouse or a brother. It REALLY helps to have that person across the room that you can make eye contact with and laugh.

My extended family has a lot of alcohol related issues and tends to be really dysfunctional. My solution is not spend time with them. I don't go visit aunts, uncles or cousins--ever. The only time I see them is at weddings and funerals. I spend my time with people who nurture me and care about me as a person.

I drink.

I'm just kidding, lol!

I actually pray and meditate when things seem to be going wrong. If I don't have time to meditate, I say a prayer while taking deep breathes, in through my nose and out through my mouth. It's the best.

Breathe.

Focus on the air going in, and down the throat, into the lungs and little oxygen bubbles that look like Scrubby Bubbles going into your bloodstream.

Then you will know the best response to any situation. But you have to give your mind a chance to run some numbers and calculations first - because you have the answer inside you. You are just trying to let the right answer out - instead of blurting the unfiltered "That's so stupid".

Just breathe. It lets that filter work. Because you already know the answer is "That's a good suggestion, I'll consider it." :)