Marriage & Relationships

Dear K. W.
Of course you're having difficulty balancing your time!!! What time!!!!

You and your husband had 10 years together without the baby. Things have changed. The two year old is a full time job. You may be looking for "time" that literally doesn't exist. Fortunately, as a teacher you have a reasonable schedule.
Unfortunately, that same reasonable schedule might put more of the child rearing responsibilities on you.

If you resign yourself to the fact that there are only so many hours in a week, it may be easier to cope with the loss of free time.

That is not to say that you can't have free time. Try scheduling it. Line up an army of baby-sitters, and open your checkbook to pay for them. Enlist every trust-worthy relative that you can think of. If you need time you can make it happen. How about friends with age similar children??

It'll be easier as your child grows older. They will be able to get out easier, then they're off to kindergarten and the next thing you know you're moving them to college.

Enjoy the experience.

NJF

Dear K.
My husband and I had the same problem. We have two children 5 and 2 and it got to the point that I would feel guilty if we didn't do everything with them. But then my marriage got rocky and I was told that we need to put each other first before the children, because in the end we will be alone again. So we plan a date night 2x a month just for us! And a get away 2x a year for the both of us. When I say get away, I mean a night or two where the girls stay at my parents and we have "alone" time. We just took a nice weekend at a bed and breakfast in CT that was wonderful. We got to reconnect again. It can be done and I believe that it has to be done, for the sake of your relationship....You don't want to wake up one day, the kids are grown, and you and your husband don't know eachother anymore. Goodluck If you want to talk feel free to email me at ____@____.com
D.

My husband and I both work full-time, too (I am a teacher also!) and it's a dilemma for any working parent to balance all the things in our lives we are expected to balance. We trade off watching our almost 2-year old whenever possible; for example, I go to the gym and do errands Sat. mornings and my husband works around the house or does what he needs to do in the afternoons. We just know that we can ask the other to be home with our daughter sometimes, even if it's not ideal. I also take my daughter with me wherever possible. This is harder now that she's older and active all the time, but she has to learn that it's not always about her! Finally, we try to get a babysitter or family member if we both have something to do, or if we go out together. It is a juggling act and some weekends you don't get to everything you wanted to get to, but you have to prioritize time for just you every couple of weeks to stay sane! Hope this helps!

I would not expect to have it every weekend I would say try to do something special 1 or 2 times a month this will be more realistic and would be able to make more consitent, plan a date night, you have to mark in on your calendars and stick to it, that way you have something to look forward to just you and him, I think it is harder to try to do it every week, that would be ideal, but with kids it is hard!! Good luck! ;)

Do either of you have any friends or relatives that could either babysit or take your child overnight for you. My daughter's 15 mths now and even though it kills me because I miss her. It feels so good to just have it me and my Husband alone again.

set some aside for family time and stick to it. see if there is something you can cut down the time you spend doing it and spend time with your family. i myself know its hard to set time aside to spend with family but it's also a very important thing. so i suggest making time and hopefully it will all work out.

my husband and i have been married for 19 years and have two great boys 18/15. We always eat suppers together and sunday dinners. I find this time is a fantastic time to get to know each other. This is something we have been doing since the begeinng and i find it really works. having a 2 yr old is nice because they go to bed early and perhpas that time you can just sit and relax with your husband. you dont have to get into a big discussion or catch up on making love or anything just being together will be nice for you too. of course if it is possible to get away for a weekend, do it. my husband and i also have been going away the same weekend every year and the boys have grown up with that as me and daddy time so there is no guilt there. Being a teacher must be hard because as far as i know you bring alot of work home to correct. perhpas you can chat with a few other teachers with children to see how they do it. this will make you feel less alone in the choices you make. dont worry just knowing you two need time together just being yoursleves is the first step. Best of luck