Loss of My "Mojo" After Two Kids?

This is something I've struggled with also since I was in my first pregnancy 3 yrs ago. Like someone else said, one thing that dampens drive is not being able to shift from being a "mom." One thing I've done is finding a babysitter to have guaranteed kid-free time. (We told the baby sitter we were watching a movie at home together, which we did too.)

I think it's definitely a common issue after having kids. I don't have any of the usual reasons, though. (Like fatigue, poor body image, etc.)

I always found that a glass of red wine did wonders and I usually warn my husband ahead of time to watch out later (or make sure he doesn't have too much so things can actually go somewhere). Not so much right now (pregnant with #3), but I am definitely looking forward to those glasses of wine once in a while. I also think about him a lot during the day which makes me more in the mood by the time we get the kids to bed. Medical? I have no idea. Couldn't hurt to mention it at a regular appointment, but I also am much more interested in sex when I'm working out and eating well, so if you're not in a routine, even if it is just 20-30 minutes a day (all I could manage with kids anyway) then give it a shot. Even if you've lost any baby weight, it helps general mood, blood flow, heart health, and can only make things nicer.

I am like Mitzi R. The red wine does help :) If i make myself feel good, it is easier for me to get turned on. Painting my nails, putting on a little makeup, sexy panties... I know this is too much for some... but have you tried toys? (You don't have to use anything big deal... just something tiny for the outside will help.) This could be TMI, but if you are wearing a skirt, take off the panties and let him know. It turns you both on. There is also a poker game that my husband and i bought. You can bet chips, when you lose you have to do what is on the chip. It is only 1,2, and 3 minute fun things. It warms you up :)

I notice the more we do little things...not just sex...the more we want. It gets too easy to fall into a funk and lose it. Hope you have fun trying to get your mojo back :)

Don't even mention the sex thing. I can't even admit how long it has been. It's way too embarrassing. I will say this, I have a 13 month old, and yes, the thought of being touched? Yuck.

I am going to read your responses and hope someone says something that helps me to get my desire back too!

Have you considered making an appointment with your OB/GYN? They can check your hormone levels, thyroid and run some tests to make sure you are phsically ok. Perhaps you are taking a medication that is doing in your sex drive? If all that pans out, then my next step would be to examine your mental health. Depression is one of the leading causing for loss of sexual interest.
Is your husband patient and romantic? Does he take the time to pleasure you in ways that make you feel special and not make you feel rushed? I would be open with your spouse and communicate your feelings. Perhaps a trip to a local fantasy shop would rev up your engine? What about a romantic getaway for just the two of you?

First of all, talk to your doctor (specifically your Ob/GYN) about this.There may be something hormonally that is affecting you. When I first got married and was on birth-control (which messes with hormones), I didn't even REALIZE that it was reducing my sex drive. It wasn't until I got off it three years later that I noticed the huge difference and lamented over what I had been missing out on, lol.

Secondly, I highly suggest you consider the help of some...er...sexual aids. You don't have to go into some trashy store anymore. Amazon.com sells all kinds of great products (in the health & personal care section) that come in discrete, brown boxes. So get with your hubby one night and see what interests the both of you. I'm not referring to porno here, just some extra toys made especially for two consenting adults. Hey, I'm a good Christian woman all week long, but I find absolutely NOTHING wrong with some good, man-made help in the bedroom, lol. Especially between a loving, MARRIED couple that only has eyes for each other.

So get online and look up a fun little number called "the magic wand"....if that doesn't wake up your mojo (and have it running laps) then NOTHING will. ;-)

Unfortunately it is a VERY common thing for women to have a lower sex drive after having children...check out these stats:

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/low+sex+drive?utm_ca...

Hi R.. I agree with the others to check with your doctor. If you are on birth control that can lower your sex drive. I am a romance enhancement specialist and I have lots of products to help you out. I also educate on how to use them. These are not just toys but also creams and games. Something as simple as putting on lingerie can helps tremendously cause it makes you feel like a woman and not a mom. Please feel free to email me and I can answer any questions and recommended some great things to help you out. You can shop at my website if you like at www.slumberpartiesbymelanie.com and your order is sent in a plain brown box to your door.

You are right to look for answers. It is a big deal. I fight this myself after 4 kids. I had 4 babies in 5 years so my drive used to be MUCH greater. I think some of it is mental in that it's hard to go from being Mom 24/7 to being a sexual being. Even during sex I find it hard to turn off the thoughts in my head of lunches, laundry, schools, etc. It's really hard to just let go and be in the moment selfishly. It seems like you have made a negative association in your head and it's causing a mental block. You have to explore that and get past it.

Hormones do effect this greatly. I completely lost interest after having a Mirena IUD put in. Since having it removed I have begun to get some mojo back, but not all of it.

When I realized that this Mom thing is a permanant gig, I realized the importance of being myself. I have to do things that I used to do before kids in order to not lose myself. For me that means waking at 4am to get a workout in before everyone else is up. I used to meet a friend at the gym at 4:15am to work out and then put in a long day at the office. Now, I work out at home at 4am and then put in a long day with the kids. But working out and eating well is part of my identity. If you keep your identity that you had pre-babies, it will really help.

Good Luck! I look forward to reading more responses because I still need some help with this too.

Fatigue is a big libido killer as is lack of communication in marriage. You didn't mention your method of contraception, but that is also something to consider. Birth control pills, patches, injections are sometimes contributors to lack of desire. If you have had a tubal ligation, you might want to have your hormones checked and make sure they are in balance. What you describe is not normal and should be investigated. R., nurse-midwife mom of 3