Looking for the Best Way to Handle a Picky Eater?

Hi A.-

I have a boatload of kids...and made a decision EARLY on that I was not a short order cook. Peanut butter sammies were always an option...and in fact I was convinced my second eldest son would NEVER eat anything but PB sandwiches...lol. BUT, every meal I would present him with a plate of dinner, and the rule was he had to 'touch it with his tongue'...It was not a battle I was willing to fight...

Fast forward...he is now soon to be 21...eats (and cooks) a variety of foods...and a junior in college!

Also, as a side note, I have a daughter (now 14) who was on a feeding tube from birth due to some severe cardiac/respiratory issues. Over the years I was able to juggle tube feeds to strictly over night. I did the same with her (presented same food as her sibs at meal time...kept her at table with us for 'socialization' more than the food...had her touch it with her tongue)...and LO and BEHOLD...slowly...over YEARS...she now eats only by mouth (something docs said would never happen)...

So...my advice is patience...perserverance...routine... love...and focus on social aspects...worked for me even with a 'hopeless' case!

Hang In!
Michele/cat

Nope, Do the opposite. He can eat or not. Glass of milk will do. No snacks if he does not eat his meal.

He will learn you make 1 meal and that is it. I promise, he will not starve to death. Just make sure there is at least one thing for dinner he will eat. No comments or pressure from you,ignore any of his behaviors.

Speak with him earlier in the day to let him know the new rules, so he will have a heads up.. Do not make it sound like punishment, just let him know as a family, this is how dinner works.

I am not a short order cook. That said, I do try to make something that my kids have liked at past meals. So if I'm making chicken in a way I think they won't like, I'll make pasta as a side dish. If they really try something new (3 big bites) and don't like it, they can have a stick of cheese and a tortilla. But generally, dinner is what's on the table, that's it.

Your son won't starve. I wouldn't make eating a fight at all, because you won't win. He can eat it or not. You won't cajole him to eat, nor should you reward him excessively for taking a bite or two. My guess is that a big part of this is attention-seeking, since he eats the other two meals. If you don't give the attention, it should pass.

Good luck!

Some kids just like to eat earlier in the day. My youngest eats his biggest meals earlier but I tell him that he needs to eat a small amount of dinner or start getting ready for bed. He comes in and says that he is really hungry but I just tell him to get ready for bed. He tried to manipulate me a couple of times but it did not work so he gave up and eats a little dinner. I tell him that is the rules and he cooperates most of the time. I realize he is a small boy with a tiny stomach so I just give him little amounts.

A. at this point he may not be eating because he knows you will give him something else. 3 1/2 is way old enough to understand this is what were having for dinner, if he does not eat, make him sit at the table until the family is done. if he does not eat his dinner you should not be giving him a snack before bed time, he may be hungry but it;s his doing and he's not going to die, if he goes to bed hungry, that's not on you, YOU are not sending him to be hungry you offered him food. My husband taught our children (Now grown) that pickyness was being ungratful, yes there will be things they don't like, our rule was 3 bites if you don't like it then you did not have to eat it, I made 4 course meals so there was always something they liked, spitting out food is very bad manners and you should not allow that. Do give him time outs about eating, after he goes to bed hungry a couple nights I have a feeling he start eating like he is supposed to, you can't force feed kids. Just be firm. J.

My experience was different. It wasn't "picky" eating, it was more llike not wanting to take the time to eat. Honestly, this is a battle I chose NOT to fight. Make sure there is "something" he likes on the meal plan and I always allowed cereal before bedtime.

As kids grow their appetites and tastes vary and change. All three of my kids (now 17, 15 and 11) went through periods of eating too little, too much and not much variety.
Did it stress me out? No, and I'll tell you why: they were always very healthy and strong, growing and developing normally so I just didn't worry about it. I was NOT a short order cook, I just tried to keep the meals simple and make sure the choices were healthy.
I know moms are concerned about nutrition but it dismays me to see so many disciplining their kids when it comes to food. They will get what they need over time. I like the idea of having him sit at the table until everyone is finished though, because meal time is family time. And if it's a healthy snack before bed, why is that a problem?
If I make something for dinner that the kids don't like they are welcome to make themselves a sandwich or have a bowl of cereal (low or no sugar) and milk instead. They started doing that early on, around age 3. Also, you can keep a colorful basket of snacks on hand either in the fridge or cabinet: cheese sticks, hard boiled eggs, fresh fruit, nuts, cereal, fruit leather, yogurt, etc. That way, if he doesn't like what's being served he has options. Relax and have FUN with it! Good luck :)

I suggest you read a book called 'Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense' by Ellyn Slater. The author provides sound nutritional and developmental advice while encouraging parents to respect their child's individual needs and tastes.

We have been having similar issues in our house with my 3.5 yo....we have talked about how we don't want to waste food since there are others that have nothing to eat. If she throws food or a tantrum then she gets a time out and then we talk again. She usually goes back to eating and finishes her food, but sometimes just says she is done and then there will be no snack before bed since it was her choice. She does generally wake up a little earlier the next day but eats a good breakfast.
Praying you find something that works for your family!

I strongly recommend buying both of Jessica Seinfeld's cookbooks: Deceptively Delicious and Double Delicious. My 4 y/o is also a very picky eater and Jessica's cookbooks (where you sneak veggies into their foods) has helped a lot! Also, do not get into a power struggle over food w/ your son. It will just make things worse and will give him food issues as he gets older. Also, don't starve him - he needs to eat dinner, even if he won't eat your food. Then offer him something else. I could never put my kids to bed (no matter how picky they are) without dinner. Buy her cookbooks!

I would let him eat what he didn't at dinner for his snack. If he won't at least try it then he can have it for breakfast too. BUT... If he at least tries it, and genuinely doesn't like it, I would give him an alternate choice. Something really boring, like a peanut butter sandwich, so he doesn't always choose that instead... I remember my mom used to try to make me eat au gratin (sp?) potatoes... I still can't stand them! (that and creamed spinache... who creams spinach? blegh...)

Most moms who claim to not accomodate they kids will later explain that they have the option of something else every night or they make the dinner little different to accomodate their children. I guess if you have lots of kids its hard to make something special but you have to decide if its important to you and your family. Young children change all the time. Sometimes I worry because my son will eat so little during the day and then eat 1/2 a large pizza for dinner. Part of the reason we have so many eating issues in this country (mostly obesity) is because people don't listen to their bodies. As long as the snack is healthy, what is the big deal? My friend's son (who is 3 1/2) eats as much volume and variety as an adult. Possibly even better than most adults. Guess what? He was born that way! His parents don't act superior about how well their son eats. Same thing is true of a lot of "picky" eaters. Also, this is probably a phase. Encourage him to stay at the table but I wouldn't use punishment and don't send him to bed hungry. What is this, 1800?