Help! 3.5 Year Old Wont Eat!!

A.,

I have the exact same problem with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. We tried all the things that you tried (promising dessert, time outs, etc.), and it's only dinner we have trouble with (seems like it's a common problem). What we decided to do just this past week was not try to force the food down her throat. She has to eat what we eat and she does - for the most part. But rather than forcing her to eat and having it be a constant struggle, we just let her be excused from the table when she asks and when she says she's done. She's not going to starve and if she asks for a snack after she hasn't eaten what we think is enough... she can only have fruit or veggies; if anything at all. So, she will choose to eat dinner when it's in front of her, or she has the choice of less appealing things (at least to her) and they're healthy choices. Just a suggestion... hope it works as well for you as it has been for us.
Best of luck!
K.
Just a suggestion.

Ok this is the best advice that I can give you. And it's not the easiest. Don't do anything when she doesn't want to eat. Put the food in front of her and if she says that she doesn't like it say that's ok just sit up here with us. The more you make an issue out of it the bigger the problem's going to get for you. Trust me I know what I am talking about. I have a 3.5 myself and he doesn't eat anything but peanut butter/jelly sandwiches and pizza! You can use Carnation breakfast powder in milk and make a shake. It really adds the calories.If she doesn't like it you can try Pedisure. I've read that some doctors recommend a real milkshakes to add up the calories as well.
I feel for you and share your frustrations and concerns.
It's a age thing and should pass. If you are really concerned keep up on her weight and height at the doctors and let them tell you whether you should be concerned or not. :)
C.

I agree with a lot of the other posters and it sounds like the Pedi's know what they're talking about. My Pedi said that kids won't starve themselves. Put the food in front of them and if they don't eat, keep it until later. If they say they're hungry, they get dinner reheated. If they still don't want to eat it, then you can try again the next meal. There shouldn't be any arguing about it...that's just the way it is. When they're hungry enough, they will eat. I had this problem with my daughter for awhile, but she finally figured out that she wasn't going to get anything else.

Making it a battle is futile. This is the one area of their lives they can control (you can't force feed them)! They have their choice of whether they want to eat or not. One other poster mentioned giving choices for food. This is okay as long as it doesn't get out of hand. I usually give breakfast and lunch choices, but she eats what the rest of the family eats for dinner. Her Pedi also said that too many choices for food can create a picky eater (they will always pick mac and cheese or a hot dog and won't eat anything else).

Good luck. I know it can be super frustrating to deal with, but just stick to your guns and they learn pretty quickly.

Calm down mom! As a mom of 4 (9,7,4,2) I can tell you that I've seen this behavior at least 4 times. LOL! This phase is just as common as boys not wanting a bath! They go through this phase, they only want what they want. My kids went throught that phase. Most of the time they wanted something plain and simple, like PB&J and fruit. If she likes peanut butter, let her eat it. It's a great source of protein. Make sure she has vitamins, she'll be OK. Trust me mine are all healthy. Now, I almost have to lock down the frig. b/c they eat alot! It's just a phase!

Give her the food, but it's her choice if she doesn't eat. Tell her the consequences (she'll be hungry until breakfast), but it's her choice to eat or not.

My son (almost 4) does the same thing. One week he'll barely eat anything...the next weekend he'll eat everything. It's hard to watch them not eat, but we can't force them. Don't fix another meal for her other than what you serve for dinner. You'll open up another can of worms if you do that. Good luck!!

Hi A.-
You might try taking a short walk around the block, or racing up and down the drive way a few times before she eats. Maybe even pushing dinner back a half hour or so. I try and get my picky eater involved in the preparation of the meal, and that helps (sometimes!). All three of mine have gone through this and still are (7, 6, 3). We have also found that a booster with a seat belt helped my 3 year old (he just didn't want to stop playing). Now that he can't go anywhere, he is happy to stay and eat with us. Good Luck!

I also have a little boy in my day care that starves himself. I just can not imagine. I believe that grandma and parents spoil him and he gets anything he wants or does not want. But last night she said he even got a spanking for not eating and nothing. He will not eat veggies,fruit, candy, milk, most of the time even bread. All he will eat is a few ( like two bites) of hamburger meat.He eats speghetti, or chicken. No rice or potatoes. I am so mad and irritated at him. Last night I had beef stroganoff and he looked at he and left the table. I even try to tell him you stay at the table until we are all done eating hoping that if he looks at it long enough. I suspect chips and stuff at home. I get mad at the mom as she brings coke or tang or lemonade. I throw it out when he is not looking. I believe she will also give him speghetti for breakfast or after he leaves here. I have been putting peas and mixed veggies in his speghetti sauce and trying to hide foods in foods. Funny thing is we all got runny noses and he had it about a day. Others went a couple of weeks. I worry about him getting sick and real sick but all I can do it keep putting it in front of him and not budge. It is a pain to fix and expensive to fix food then toss it. I guess give them vitamins I heard of veggie ones. G. W

A.,

I know this isn't what you want to hear - but don't make her eat, and don't make this a big deal. Just try again at normal mealtime. Also, don't supplement with snacks either. It will make her think that she can just eat snacks.

This is one battle you DON'T want to lose, or it will only get worse. Believe me, I have seen kids 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 years old getting their own "special" meals, seperate from the rest of the family's because "it's the only thing they will eat..." This has happened because the parent gave in at some point while the child was younger.

My kids always eat what I make for supper. There are times (like with stir fry) that I let them pick out one veggie. That is giving them some control. But, I would NEVER allow them to just eat something else because they didn't like what I cooked.

I know with your little one being only 3.5 years old, it is hard to know that she is not eating. Really, it is not a big deal. When she gets hungry enough, she will eat what you have made for her.

Forks up to you!
E.

Hi A.,
My peditrician said the best thing I have ever heard...they will not starve themselves at this age. Since then we put food in front of my almost 4 y/o and if she doesn't eat, that is her choice and she doesn't get anything else until breakfast. I have noticed that sometimes when we don't do alot, get outside and really play hard, both of mine eat less. Also, when they are not growing they eat a lot less. Whatever you do, you just have to stick with it. I continually amazes me how long they will hold out, but if I stick to my decision, they eventually realize they are not going to budge mommy and will do as asked. Good luck...the battle of the wills can be exhausting.
Good luck, A.

I am going through something similar, my 2.5 yr old son does not have any interest in veggies. He use to eat all of them! So, my next line of defense is the new (and GREAT) cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld... It is brilliant! She uses all kinds of purees in her recipes.. and it is all kid tested and nutritionist approved! There is everthing from snacks, meals, sides and desserts... Hope this helps! Good Luck!

Dont stress over it. I use to think the same way - my daughter is 3 1/2 as well and full of energy and on the lower side of her weight for her age. She barely weighs in at 27 pounds and has been the same weight for what seems like forever. I complained to her doctor set up appts and constantly stressed her lack of gaining weight. Aftrt about an hour in the office with her doctor and voicing all of my concerns that I had written down.... his suggestion was to not force it. Fix my plate and if she is hungry she will ask me what I have - it works great with my girl. And on those days when she really does not want anything stick to the no snacks or anything after the dishes are done. However, she does get a meal supplement drink so I atleast know she gets her nutrition. Now, I will not give her the drink for every meal, but if she goes the whole day without WANTING to eat - she gets one for dinner....

Good luck!

I was given the advice of setting a timer. When the timer goes off, then whatever is not eaten either gets thrown away or put up. No ifs ands or buts.

Mine actually took to it very well. He will take an hour and a half if I let him. But now when he hears the timer go off he takes his own dish to the sink, he's almost 3.

Good luck!!

A.,
I agree that mealtimes can sometimes be the most frustrating part of the day. I have also been told by my pedi that kids are not going to starve. I have a 4.5 year old and find that if I give him a choice of dinner items, he does better. His problem is that he sits and plays and will sit at the table for an hour if I let him. I started using a timer, if he doesn't finish by the time it goes off, no dessert or snack before bed, and he gets down from the table whether he is finished eating or not. Sometimes he has a fit and sometimes he will just say he is getting down and doesn't want anymore food. I usually warn him before I set the timer. The timer has helped a lot though. I think the important thing is to be consistent, and try not to make dinnertime a huge battle, because it bothers us more than our children and they are not going to starve!!! If they are truly hungry, they will eat.
Good luck.

and consider eating with your child and do things to make dinner fun. I make faces out of the tomatoes and cucumbers. I talk while they eat. I let them "race" to see who eats something first. I use rewards systems - if you want some juice you have to eat 3 bites of green beans first. The other ideas sound better than mine, but that's what works around here. And we have become short order cooks, but my daughters do eat pretty healthily, albeit it takes a long time. I think it's one of the few times they get undivided attention and they milk it.

We have been through this. We just make dunner and put it in front of them. If they choose not to eat, we cover the plates and put them in the fridge. if they say they are hungry later, we offer to heat up their dinner plate. They get nothing more until breakfast except water if they choose not to eat dinner. My pedi said the same thing in another post. Make a balanced meal and set it before them. They will not starve themselves. they might go to bed hungry a few times, but they will learn. I used to make two meals- one for the kids and one for the parents! What a pain in the rear that was!

Try and let her help with dinner time. Setting the table. Make place markers.I also let my almost 4year old put the food on the plates. We always eat together. She really feels big when I tell her I need her help. Just a suggestion.

J.

I didn't read the other responses so this may be a repeat but just in case it isn't here's what I did with my son. I was a nutrition major in college for a while before I changed my career goals and I really learned alot about diet and nutrition. If you let your child drink too much milk than they will be filling up on milk fats and not feel the need to eat their meal. Don't let them run around with a milk cup anymore like many of us have done with our babies since they started drinking milk. Offer them their milk with their meals and only a little bit of milk so they won't use it to fill up on. For drinks between meal you should limit it to water and occasional juices. Give your child their meal just like everyone else. Don't make them a special plate of food you know they will eat because then they will start playing a game with you that you don't want to play. There is no need for you to be a short order cook. There is a certian amount of time set asside for a meal so when that time is over and your child hasn't eaten then remove the food from the table and go about the daily plan. If they learn that you will give them all the time in the world they will try to take it. Save the food for later if you can and you may offer some of it as a small snack later at snack time. It will take a bit of time but they will not starve! They will eventually come around. This is not just something I learned from nutrition but it is also something I learned from my peditrition as well as a method I had to use for my own son who tried the no eating thing a few years back. Offer healthy choices now so your child will start forming healthy habits right out of the gate. This will work but it may be harder on you than your child because you will feel the urge to want to "save" your baby from starvation. Don't do it because you will only be sabotaging yourself. Do not give your child candy or junk food because at this stage of the game if they start eating that junk food they will then start demanding that type of food and they will know they can get it from you since all you want them to do is to eat. It is important to get them to eat their food when you offer it to them and it is more important to offer them food that is worth eating. I hope this helps.

~L.

By the way giving your child a choice of what to eat when you are preparing a meal at home is a very BAD idea! You will be asking for trouble. When you want your child to have a choice leave the time for choosing for when you are at a restaurant. Your house is not a restaurant and you don't want to give them the idea that it is.