Looking for Good Advice Books

I think only you know if you should have another baby, this is not something a book or anyone else can tell you. Only the 2 of you truly know the dynamics of your relationship. I would suggest a book called "the Love Dare". You did not mention if you were religious or which religion you were involved with. But this is a Christian book that was used or referred to in the Christian movie called Fireproof. I have not seen the movie, only cause I have heard mixed reviews. But I have heard great things about the book. Currently my husband and I are doing the book together and have found it is really helpful. We can not afford counseling and are trying to work on things on our own. They biggest thing is you have to want to do the book! I got a copy of the paperback for like $10. I think that if you are not really religious it is still really helpful. There are readings everyday and "dares" you must complete. they aren't religious dares (not yet) just simple things like "do not say anything negative for the whole day" then you have journal activities. We journal for the day separately, then share our thought and feelings. For $10 it may be worth a try. Remember marriage is not easy, its like a garden.... what time and effort you put into it is what you will get out of it.
Best.

Hi M.:
I'm sorry I don't have any references for you,however I'd like to offer some words of wisdom. Having A child is intended to complete A relationship. Don't be under the misconception or delusion that having another child will help mend,or save yours. Because you recently were separated for two years,and you obviously have concerns,regarding your future together,I would take the time to work on your relationship,before bringing another child into the picture.I wish you both the very best. J. M

Hi, M.,

I like John Gottman's book, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." Dr. Gottman is highly respected in the mental health field and writes for both practitioners and the general public.

I think that siblings of any age difference can get along well. My sons are only 14 months apart in age and seem to get along well, but I think that siblings who are farther apart in age can get along well, too.

You mentioned that "we just can't get it together." I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that. Does that mean that you feel physically disorganized, short of time, short of money, or something else? It is important to explore what that means to you. For me, a second child made parenting much more challenging. My husband also seems more physically and emotionally worn out. I think that we are both glad we had a second, but we would have been happy with just one, also.

Good luck,
Lynne E

My oldest was 6 when we had #3. They do do things together. But, I don't lmow what the future holds...

Hi M.,

I understand your situation. I felt the same way a couple of years ago. I didn't feel like I had the communication that I wanted from my husband. For example, we would disagree on something and he would shut down and refuse to talk to me. Meanwhile, I was furious that he wouldn't talk and it would make everything worse. It got to the point where I wouldn't try to bring up issues and then I was resentful because I had a problem with him but knew we couldn't resolve it. Anyway, I ended up taking the advice of a friend and took a communication class at the Church of Scientology. It's a really cool place where every faith is welcome. The whole purpose of the classes they offer is to help give you tools to help you when you have difficulties in communication or your marriage. The communication classes are also available for kids and I would highly recommend them. Let me know if you have any questions.

what does your daughter thinks of the prospect of being a big sister? i'd go by her wishes.
Good Luck
V.

I would definitely suggest getting your marriage together before trying for another child. The age difference between the kids should be a distant second on the priority list.

Read "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. This book is phenomenal. It will give you both crystal clear insight into each other's issues and "buttons" so that you can interact in a more productive and loving way. It will also make it incredibly clear WHY you chose each other in the first place. I can't recommend it highly enough. (It also happens to be Oprah's favorite relationship book)

Best of luck to you and your family!!

The bible has all the information you need

Hey M.,
There are several good books out there that deal with family togetherness and communication.
A few books that deal with effective communication and family are: Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids; Home Improvement-Eight Tools for Effective Parenting. Both books are by Scott Turanksy and do come from Christian perspective, but the principles are easily applied to anyone. Another Good book is Stupid Things Parents do to Mess Up Their Kids by Dr. Laura. This book mostly deals with parental behaviors that affect their children. Another book, that I don't have, but it looked interesting is How to Behave so Your Children Will Too.
As for marriage health etc. May I recommend: The Five Love Languages and Love and Respect. Both books give helpful insights in understanding your spouse and how to effectively communicate and know one another's needs. Again, both are from a Christian perspective, but the basic premises of both books could be applied to anyone.
Hope this helps.
Hope this helps

Not sure about the book & marriage issue, but I did want to say having a child 6 and 8 years younger than her brothers has been wonderful. There are no "competitive issues" and the older ones just adore her and have taught her everything. It's also a great advantage to the younger one to get a birds eye view of how the world is from an older perspective. What a great advantage! I have loved the spacing.
M.

Check out the Being Dad DVDs (www.beingdadusa.com) they deal with pregnancy and early fatherhood, but more importantly, provide a great catalyst for discussion between couples.

My company is the North American distributor for these and other parenting titles, and we get tons of letters and great reviews regarding similar concerns from both men and women. The guys like it because they see that they're not alone in dealing with family transition topics guys don't often talk openly about - money, sex, hanging out with their friends, wife's discomfort or illness, etc.

Women usually comment that while they initially thought "he just DOESN'T GET IT!" after watching the films, they realized thay maybe he does get it after all, but doesn't communicate in the same language. After watching you'll both have laughed a bit, maybe a tear or two, and both be on the same page in terms of discussing parenthood. It may just reveal some buried concerns.

You can check out the reviews on the site. Even though not pregnant now, it will bring back memories and open the door to great discussions.

If you decide to purchase, plug in the code thanks20 in the coupon box in the shopping cart and it will take 20% off the total.

Hi M.,

I wanted to comment more about having a second baby when your marriage is rocky. My mom tried to "save" her marraige to my dad by having my sister. They divorced when my sister was 1 (I was 3) and, to this day, my dad and sister don't really click very well. I watched one of my best friends do this as well.

My auntie, my dad's sister, knew her marriage was rocky, and deliberately chose not to have a second child. She believed she could manage as a single parent much better with one child than with two. She was right. That marriage didn't last and she was on her own with my cousin.

So, if you have any doubts about the future of your marriage, I would not have another child. If things are tough now, they're harder the more children you have.

Good luck.